Tag: writing

How to never stick mirror tiles on yah chest….Dear diary….

I’m still into fully fledged autumnal hibernation mode, readying the flat for anything and everything that the winter months may care to fling at us, An extra blanket upon the bed, two small candle stoves dug out and dusted off, from the deepest darkest depths of the cave cupboard. (The candle stoves are something I had bought last year from Amazon, Genius little things, the appearance of something like a metal police helmet contraption, held aloft upon a long sprew with the aid of nuts😁, this hovers over a waiting dish below, Where upon you put upwards of half a dozen lighted t light candles..(my attempts at explaining are not the best you may have gathered by now😊), but surprisingly it actually does help, knocking up the temperature from somewhere near freezing, to just above…I’m more than happy with anything that prevents me from certain hypothermia or indeed frost bitten extremities, no one wants their extremes freezing😁… I joke ye not…last year my little thermometer, another Amazon special😁, read a balmy 3 degrees most mornings… wahoo!!!!!, My goosebumps had goosebumps, ….even my houseplants thought they were outside in the frosty tundra, dropping all their leaves before eventually dying a death…..😔.

So this year like a good girl guide, I’m preparing in advance, One trick up my sleeve(but Treez you don’t have any sleeves, stop talking to yourself woman😊) So anyhow, I took a pretty pale lemon shower curtain, folded it in half, tack stitched it along the very top, before hanging the now doubled up curtain across the bedroom window, this in the stead of the previous lacy net curtains, which of course are entirely useless at helping preventing force nine gales from blowing through the poorly glazed windows… On the plus side the lemon colour chosen deliberately to match the lined floral draw curtains (looks both pretty and practical… These were the same floral curtains that were up until yesterday in the living room😁,.

I’ve put full length curtains in the living room now, in the somewhat vain hopes of holding the winter weather outdoors where it belongs, this all sounds a faff I know, but needs must and all that, In front of this sits my round glass topped table, complete with two chairs, a pale lemon shawl ensemble, that is currently pretending to be a temporary table cloth ..This is also where I’ve set up my art supplies, Sketch books, water colour palettes, pencils, pens, sat there just waiting for me to locate my inspiration, now where did I last have that?, … But if nothing else it’s a lovely place to sit in the mornings with one of my many coffees to watch the clouds stretch out across the sky(a favourite pastime of mine…

Fiddling with ones Chest….😮😁😮

So way back last year, while browsing an online second hand shop, I happened to come across this pretty little wood effect chest..Now like everything else you impulse buy, mayhaps because of boredom, it’s raining, the coffee hasn’t quite kicked in as of yet or there’s an R in that month, the purchased item never does match up to your idea of it….But having asked someone to pick it up for me and drop it off here, i was now stuck with it, (sat there glaring at me), for here on in I had to make the best of a bad situation, well didn’t i? Sighs…what does one do with a flaking lacquer chest I ask😊?…

Well one thing you never do is add another impulse buy…yeah I did…look I know, maybe if I had just waited a while, that mind blowing idea might of popped into my coffee laced skull, but in my defence i didnt And wouldn’t😁… after wild thoughts of painting it, covering it up with tacky stick on flowers, making it look akin to great Aunt Doreens Sunday best church hat, I came across these rolls of stick on mirror tiles on Amazon…ok I hear yah!, Treez however is sticking on row upon row of tiny glass mirror tiles going to make anything of a bad job?…look I don’t know what I was thinking…I never do, maybe just covering up the worst paint peely bits,? …In my imagination it looked so fabulous and perfect…the tiles either reflecting the yellow from the curtains, or pictures upon the walls…but even as I clicked on the buy it now button, I felt this sinking doom laden feeling…oh Treez what have you done now.?, Oh well, time will indeed tell.

The tiles..

They came late one afternoon a week later, I had eagerly awaited the prime van all that day,…when handed this minute box, I really should of known then….But I opened the tiny box, still with a faint hope it would all be ok😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, yeah gullible or what?..the tiles in themselves were pretty enough, indeed to this self confessed Magpie they were shiny and flipping drop dead gorgeous…but even with two rolls, I doubted there was anywhere near enough ever!!!!!!😁, ….A sensible person would have stopped there and sent for more or even called it quits while ahead…not me!!!!uhuh nope….I was soon sat upon the carpet, elbow deep in razor sharp glass mirror tiles, Sticking them to the chest lid, strays sticking to the carpet, my clothes, and all the while ripping my hands to pieces…

Even the minutes I could tell this was never going to end well, despite the tiny tiles coming on rolls of sticky paper, I could not get them to line up straight on the lid, what’s worse is they seemed to have an almost magnetic attraction to the wood surface…but not in nice straight lines….oh hell no, why would they?, They stuck to each other, my hands, everywhere and to every blooming thing, Before long I expected to hear the ghostly voices of the Bee Gees about the flat, laser lights blinking and flickering, my hair slicked back, as my t shirt was soon resembling a glitter ball…I had to fight the urge to break into night fever….ok I didn’t alright but that goes no further….

I eventually have to admit defeat, my hands by now are covered in every last plaster I possessed, my t shirts blinding me with mirror tile reflections and the box has about a two dozen poorly stuck on tiles…not one in a straight line… Sage my budgie is yelling pretty boy each time he sees me, and this whole thing no longer seems like the wonderful idea it set out to be….I hate mirror tiles uhhhhh!😒.

A week later ….

And guess what?, I’m trying my hardest to remove said tiles from the chest lid…I’ve tried everything from paint scrapers, kitchen knives, screw drivers and even a hammer….no it’s safer not to ask…so far it’s Treez 2, Mirror tiles 22, I’m not so sure I’m winning🙄, I would throw the whole bloody thing in the bin, but that’s not me..I won’t admit defeat…now where did I put that sledge hammer😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, Anyhow folks whatever your up to today make sure no mirror tiles are involved😁, stay safe in storm Amy and take care of you…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Art for Art sake…Dear Diary

Autumn is approaching us fast, with it appears the overwhelming need to enhance my nest(home),. I find myself doing this embellishing thing quite unconsciously😁, adding yet another candle to my shelves, which are in truth already over burdened, a bright coloured Afghan throw, newly laundered lays upon the chair or at the bottom of the bed, also my ever burgeoning house plant collection almost always acquire more planty friends around this time also, these just magically happen,😁, My last accidental plant now stands monster sized, one spectacular vision of Purple inch plant, My friend Debbie swore I didn’t need another plant!!!!…but what does she mean even?, I innocently ask? Who doesn’t need yet another house plant or three?, How can one go into the long cold hard winter months, devoid of green growing things?😮, those little signs of life popping up about you while your attempting a full fledged hibernation…

Then there’s my twig collection..ok not quite a collection as of yet!, but there’s two of em now😊….the first I came across quite by chance, I mean not that you ever set out on a stroll, with the intention of bringing home odd shaped twigs, like some over excited Labrador😁, But as I walked about our local park last year, I came across this wonderful gnarly, cream coloured piece of fallen branch, bleached by that summer sun, flecks of silver rough bark remained on odd sections, but it’s the way it twists in and about itself that caught my eye, before I knew what I was doing, I stooped down all surreptitiously like, looking around to see if I was being watched😁, before grabbing the piece of branch, the rest as they say is history, it now dwells upon my sideboard with an assortment of plants dotted around it, looking most natural there..

Permission to mess up….

For some weeks now I’ve been watching small videos on water colour painting, most of which I squirrel away into the saved section,hoping to attempt at some point in the dim and distant future, that almost never happens though😊 …, I’ve always wanted to learn in fairness, not being at all naturally gifted, like my talented father and Aunt.. I have though somewhat dabbled half heartedly in the past(im a confessed dabbler of old😁) but my sad attempts fail dismally, somewhat like my painting the walls, somehow I end up with more paint upon the table, myself or floor than where it’s intended for…(that paint gets just everywhere…including my underwear….no your best off not asking, because even I’m without a clue….or is that infact clueless? (shakes head)I never know….but it’s a talent in its own self…

This said, recently Ive found myself watching one very talented lady from the United States, who yes still irritatingly enough makes everything look so damned simple😊, but along with this simplicity comes a brand new strategy..one I can get behind 100%,, One that also gives even those under achievers like myself fresh hope… So what’s new?, Well she starts from the very beginning, encouraging not only experimentation with water colours, but to go back to drawing and painting from your early childhood … Remember those quaint Square houses, triangle bodied people and the sun peeping from one corner of your school pictures so cute😊, Painting back then was innocent, creative and from the heart, . Something as an adult we have sadly lost forever…I also fall into this category, I had stopped being happy with my work, creations, mainly because I sought others approval, Needing to conform, Paint like those artist I greatly admire, Produce work like Stubbs, Dali, Constable and Van Gogh, my own excellent father…in my need to reach that pinnacle, I had missed the point…. creation for creations sake.

Not only does she absolutely encourage you to have fun..but there was one sentence she uttered as she worked,it struck home, right to my heart…that is give yourself permission to mess up. In doing this all tension is off…simple isn’t it?😁😁😁, why oh why didn’t I think of this before?, In the giving of this huge gift, permission to well, fail if needs be…and all the while learning from that very failure, there’s no pressure…you don’t have to create an old master..a work of art…just simply enjoy and create…

This is spilling over into all sorts of other parts of my life , I find myself more willing to try those things I would never have dreamed of just weeks previous…Things I thought impossible for me to achieve, yes If I’m going to be entirely honest, i still make those once dreaded mistakes, Oh how I bungle and fluff my way through some projects 😊, but I no longer get frustrated, or call myself stupid…More importantly, is my new unwillingness to just down tools, Saying to myself “I just can’t do this”, this is because I’m finding I actually can…it’s so refreshing to find I had that lacking confidence all along…I just needed permission to do things my own way, and learn it’s ok to mess up also….

Whatever your doing these beautiful autumnal days, give yourself permission to just enjoy the process, you’ve no one more important to impress but yourself..take care of yourself and stay safe…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Dear Autumn diary…

As we headed toward mid August, I decided to try to take the odd walk around the local park once more…Winter is threatening to be long and cold, And I could already sense full hibernation is only a matter of weeks away😁, So it came with no great shock as made my way slowly across the sun scorched dry grass, that not far below the baked dry brittle grasses, mother nature and the soil were already making ready …

I could smell the rich deep, delicious loamy scent permeating the warm humid air, Leaves whether from the continued drought conditions or due infact to that early Autumn, were now dropping, spiralling in the breeze collecting in pools at the trees roots, just maybe they knew something i didnt..

It seemed everywhere I looked, trees were weighted down with fruits, On one walk alone, I spotted, pears, apples, blackberries, and two varieties of plum, I wasn’t adverse to a little foraging in amid the low lying branches, fending off the odd wasp or three to grab my breakfast, somehow always tastes better when it’s free doesn’t it?😁…

Even the local Hawthorne seem to be covered with sparkling scarlet berries, contrasting wonderfully with its leaves ever changing, Rose hips also seem plumper this year, ranging in colour from a deep crimson hue, to a dynamic eye catching orange, . I find myself stopping every few minutes relocating my cane from my hand, to the crook of my arm so I’m free to shoot pictures of any obliging twig, leaf or berry,. A tiny dewdrop of water clinging to rich black Elder berry sparkling in the sunlight enthrals and captures my imagination, these walks rarely fail to amuse me, even though I walk that same path each and every time..neither can I do them in any quicker time😁, there’s always a something to ooooh and arhhhh over…Jesse listens on with some amusement, as I rave over a dandelion clock, Berry or odd shaped twig…

There’s rarely a time, I hav,nt amused local dog walkers, often they come across me sat under a group of trees…No care that the ground may be damp from Dew or fresh rain, You just can’t beat sitting down directly upon the grass, amid fallen colourful leaves, buzzing bees, ants making their way up your legs or like yesterday a cabbage white butterfly coming to rest carefree upon my shoulder, neither of us care for others gaze as the dappled shade falls upon us, leaves rustling over ahead, in a sweet warm August breeze, sounding for all the world like the sea playing amid pebbles upon the beach…if I close my eyes a while, I could almost be anywhere..I’ve often drifted off in nature’s arms,

Rested, fortified, batteries charged once more, I regretfully put back on my shoes before finally making that final journey home, these trips always seem too brief these days, but each as tiring as they can be on the odd occasion do much to stave off boredom and help me sleep that bit easier at night…I’m off now to sort through the many many pictures I’ve collected on my poor phone😁….Whatever your up to this week, look after yourselves and maybe get out there and enjoy a wee walk of your own…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Feeling fruity…Dear diary🌻🐛

Last night went by in such a blur, it had ended almost before it began, I hadn’t eaten that much during the day, contenting myself with an Apple and a few dates..So by 6pm, my belly now full of a rich meaty casserole, that had been slowly cooking for some hours, A good Anne Holt book to read, is it any real wonder, a couple of hours later my eyes drooped, thereafter I really don’t remember much else, that was until some hours later, this is always somewhat disconcerting..I wake up to darkness, silence, trying to get my bearings…it’s just all very strange,

I lay awake for about another hour before sleep caught up with me once more and I drifted in and out until around 4am, I woke with a start not quite sure what the time was, I lay there for about an hour before I could take the lure of a hot cup of coffee no longer, this I took back to bed, where I found Jesse awake in phone land, likewise coffee in hand, we chatted for some time putting the world to rights, before I decided to finally shower and get suitably attired for my day…I already knew before going to the living room window it had been raining much of the previous night…I had listen to it pattering gently against my bedroom window one or two of the many times I awoke…

I pulled the curtains back and was greeted by a deep grey stormy sky, I love these skies they make me want to instantly go outside be amongst nature, I staved off the feeling for at least an hour 😁, before I could honestly bear it no longer, I felt restless and Ill at ease, pacing the room nearly wearing a hole in the carpet by the window, the rain was soft, barely visible, the air thick, damp and claggy…but my feet itched to get outside, I had this insane need to be someplace green, a need I hadn’t the slightest intention of fighting a moment longer…

Before leaving I put my houseplants outside the flat to play, My thoughts here was, if it indeed rained again, they would get a nice soaking by un fluoride tainted water, my softer and better for them….while walking in and out I noted the soft fall of warm summer rain, even knowing this, the call of the wild would brook no refusal, without further ado or a jacket, I grabbed my trusty walking cane, keys and Jesse, closing the door behind me before I could change my mind…

The sky was heavy laden and bruised, steely greys, violets mixed with streaks of blue blending subtly, upon mother nature’s endless pallet…it never fails to grab hold of my imagination, leaving me filled with such deepest admiration and envy for those artists who can capture this very scene before me on canvass… The dense moist air carries sound clearly, it’s was at one point almost as if i could feel the vibration of local church bells, as the Clapper met the side of the hollow bell, ringing across the air….

I wasn’t a bit perturbed as the soft gentle rain began to intensify while I walked, I had by now reached my local park, the wet grass soaking through my trainers and soaks as I scuffed my way cheerfully across its surface, although I could hear the dull roar of traffic off in the distance, the Caw of crows, all around me was hushed, more sane souls shelter at home, apart from the odd brave dog walker I felt totally alone and at peace slowly walking in the by now slanting rain…and I didn’t even have a dog to walk as an excuse😁

The t shirt I wore did little to keep out the rain, like my shoes and trousers, pretty soon my clothes clung to me, from time to time I sheltered from the worse, under the umbrella of an obliging tree, but I really wasn’t bother, I was far more entranced my water droplets tapped upon silky strings of cobweb, like gems, light refracted through them as the sun put in a brief appearance, they sparkled and shimmered ….rain or no rain I stood in soggy clothes capturing endless pictures to bring home ..plump, dove grey wood pigeons sitting in the grass, wings aloft showering in the warm rain, glass like droplets hanging from the heavy bracks of black Elder berries, globules collected upon ruby red rose hips before giving way to gravity, falling with a patter on the sodden ground…

As I went about my walk, I note the leaves are already changing on some of the trees, whether from the recent draught conditions or the early onset of Autumn, I fancy the later though as I can already sense and smell the loamy soil readying itself for the change in weather…it’s at this time of year I feel an excitement grow not only within myself, but local wildlife…the birds flutter in huge flocks circling trees gathering berries, excited calls filling the air…I can help but wonder what winter will bring this year…mother nature has filled her larder readying her wee charges for the chill yet to come,

And not only the birds take advantage of this abundance of goodness, as I walk, I enjoy a free breakfast of tart juicy Greengages, Ripe purple jewel like wild plums, blackberries, and cherries all for the taking, a fitting repast for the hungry walker, nothing like stumbling across nature’s pantry, ….I found as I walked slowly back home, tummy full of beautiful fruit, my shoes squelched rudely, hair plastered to my scalp, I must have looked a rare old sight, but do you know what?, I didn’t care, my appearance could wait, mother nature’s magic on the other hand deserved my full attention and respect…..

whatever your up to in the week stay safe, stay well, and why not try to get out and do your own foraging, in these trying times none of us can afford to turn down free food….look after yourselves 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Washing day blues….Dear diary

Thursday…..

So what’s been happening with everyone out there?, are you all ok, not all gone into survival mode, trying to make it through these heatwaves, once called ermmmm let me see, oh yeah summer😁?, Here has been pretty much uneventful, well as uneventful as life gets while leading the secret life of Calamity Jane, .To the world around me I go about my mousy staid little life. In Boringville,only we know the actuality of living within the madness of Treez world…I can and have out Calamitied, Calamity on a daily basis. No two days are every the alike ever!!!!!!…

Take last Monday for instance….

Here,s where I should really come back with “oh someone take it please” but that’s old hat so I wont, but I did, oh never mindddd! ..Back to the subject woman!!!!, Monday started out calm, (quite pleasant on the whole really), I had had my numerous large mugs of coffee, One of which was partaken while enjoying being outside in the early morning sun,, The cleaning section of the day had well and truly commenced most satisfactory, everything was well under way, After coffee, I finished off cleaning the kitchen, while out there William Mcwasher, (aka the washing machine) conveniently came to a shuddering halt,. time then to hang out the wash …and yes you read that correctly, all my gadgets have names, even surnames 😮😁

This particular morning I had been blasting my out poor lugholes (ears) with sounds from the 80s, Apart from the odd song it was really cringe worthy . More cheese in those there tracks than in a Cathedral City factory…(other brands of Cheese are of course available… But I must confess in a strange sad lonely woman’s way, I was in truth enjoying these here tracks to the past…I belted out numerous numbers in my own unique fashion, …Oh yeah we were talking about the washing…sorry distraction be Thy name Treez,😁

I bellow along with Aha,s take on me, while stooping to gather up various items of freshly washed lavender and chamomile scented laundry, the acoustic,s are really quite remarkable with your head stuck in the drum of a washer yah know… Putting the last bits in my basket, I check Jesse is still sleeping in phoneland, before traipsing out the back to the washing line….(I am almost certain though that my foghorn rendition of Heaven is a place on earth by Belinda Carlisle and myself has acted as a sweet lullabye…😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁…

It’s a beautiful soft breezy morning, perfect for the purpose of laundry hanging out😁….birds are singing…well I think they are,(music is still on full at this point) and white feather (the blackbirds) beak is quite moving fast… Sort of like an ancient episode of Top of the pops(for those of you still under a 100) that my dearies was a long ago music programme, where miming was en vogue, Tvs had only three channels, mostly in black and white….I know shocking 😮😮😮😮, but I digress.. Fluffy white clouds speeding like late 9 to 5 drivers in their cobalt sky distract me, but only for a second, as one of my favourite 80s groups follows Belinda….Hot Chocolate.

Who doesn’t love a bit of Errol? …(him of Hot chocolate fame), especially that time defying classic, You sexy thing… It’s wonderful hearing it again, and whatever came over me, for what ever reason, possibly caffeine over indulgence, joie de vivre, life in general, just in the moment, who knows, but I jiggling about like an over stimulated fruit Jelly, My wobbly bits causing imminent tremors and avalanches in New Zealand or Papua New guinea as they sway in the breeze, confident in alone I sing out …..”I believe in milkos where you from, you sexy thing”, I’m louder than an announcement at Tesco for half price sanitary products “, I’m singing loud, proud and I don’t care…it’s my moment…I’m on the stage of Britain’s got no talent wowing the judges, at the 02 Arena, Glastonbury amidst the crowds going wild….I’m waving a large pair of Maroon womans boyshorts about my head, gyrating with every last thing I’ve got…….it’s then something catches the corner of my eye….

To my horror just a little behind me, where I’m performing my little heart out, is a guy up a ladder loping a neighbours tree, doing he’s utmost to stay secure while wiping the tears from his eyes on the back of his sleeve, now either his feeling very sorry for the tree or something is surely a miss, as I turn slowly to fully face my audience of one, the horror hits me square in the face….shorts still held momentarily aloft, blowing like a wind sock in the breeze, my jiggly bits only now, slowly coming to a halt, moment’s after I have in fact stopped moving…. Mouth ajar the next verse primed to leave my readied larynx, it slams shut immediately catching my tongue….my heated face turning almost Puce, do I smile, do I try to hide belated behind the Hedera helix ivy covered fence……do I heck, I shout ewwww wasp waving my bloomers at the invisible flying insect….the guy now out and out laughing ,wobbles on his ladder only saving himself himself from a certain fall by clutching at the fence, the electric tree lopper device waving menacingly about in the air…

This is a true to life Treezism, and you will be pleased to hear, no gardeners, bloomers, or fake wasps were hurt in the telling of it….whatever your doing out there today folks, stay safe, keep a look out for stray Gardens up ladders and look after yourselves you sexy thangs you 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎙🎙🎙🎙🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎵🎧

The Visit… Dearest Diary.

Back in the now far off chilly dull grey month of February, After a rare and somewhat impromptu visit to my Doctors surgery, Debbie and I sat in our favourite cafe sipping a well earned reviving cup of coffee. Catching up with each other, plus all our news since last meeting up, After which Debbie mentioned maybe we could schedule a wee trip out somewhere soon, Of course this was dependant on the weather improvement,. We really never do set anything in stone, both of us quite comfortable with “the whatever”!, just pencil something in hoping for the best., keep in mind, that we rarely know how i,m going to feel on any particular day, or if indeed something may crop up suddenly for Debbie, (a real social whirl is our Deb, tires me out just listening to her exploits😁…One of these spare of the moment plans included a trip to Mrs Smith’s Cottage… Now I had no idea who this Mrs Smith was, or indeed if she was expecting us, infact even where her cottage could be located, but I leave these things to Debbies more than capable hands, she’s the Navigator, on-board entertainment organiser, dare I say it captain of our ship, in our case her tiny Nissan car😁…

Over the weeks that would follow the weather remained much the same, the sky covered in a thick oppressive slate grey blanket, from early dawn to dusk,. As the days went by, if I’m honest it crossed my sleepy mind, more than once, that maybe Deb had perhaps forgotten about our impending trip out, (Nooooooo chance), Debbie rarely if ever forgets anything 😁,. That following week I received the awaited Text from our entertainment coordinator, informing me Friday morning at 11:30 was D day😁.. that Friday morning After a couple of mugs of extra strong, honey laced inspiration, I decide maybe I should make some sort of concerted effort with my appearance,(goodness knows it takes longer these days😁)for it’s not often i,m allowed to socialise with real live people,. But as tiring and confusing as it can be for moi, it’s equally vexatious for them🙄😁 ,….I didn’t want to let Debbie down though, she had been so excited to show me around the little cottage, it becomes rather infectious you know, So after a long shower, I dug out a still in the packet new t shirt for the special occasion, spritzed with my favourite perfume, ready! Or at least there about😁 …

…. Just a week prior to this i had “the annual” flat inspection🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄, as you may know by now I find this not only somewhat invasive, but it sets my anxiety level running free and rampant, (love that word rampant!!!!!😁…. hereafter begins hours upon hours of totally unnecessary, ney uncalled for deep cleansing, where upon I usually end up creating even more bloody mess than I began with…I do this to myself, every time🙄, it culminates in the inspector being in the flat, less than five minutes, making lots of approval sounds, before telling me how lovely and clean everything is,(you get it is). I feel somewhat like it that proverbial pat on the head, what a good girl Treez!, If I had any real energy remaining after these shenanigans, I would go and fetch them a ball and wag my tail😁, just as well I don’t though or I’m certain sure there would be an earthquake of epic proportions somewhere like Australia,🙄😁, No instead I belly flop upon my bed, not to stir for some hours… Even the lure of strong coffee cannot revive the slumbering blubbering wreck that remains, Jesse yells out cake!!!!!!! every couple of hours, if one of my eyes twitch I’m alive…🙄

So after this abhorrent six monthly invasion, I welcomed any escape,some distraction from a well planned outing, I had already made sure I had some cash in my wallet for said occasion, mostly for those sudden stops off at roadside plant stands, We say every time that we will avoid them at all costs, but we never quite fulfil this promise, Somewhat fortunate enough for the local plant sellers …I swear they hear in advance, (“Ethel Ethel go dig up some plants from the garden, i,’ll get the trestle table from the shed, they’re on the way” 😁, (I don’t know which of us is worse, but hey it’s all good for local economy right?, Just doing my bit.😁

Mrs Smith….

Friday dawned one of those most perfect of days, the sky a pale Periwinkle blue, cloudless, filled with that promise of early spring warmth, floating above in the air,. Showered, my make up done, coffee section of the day complete, I was ready for anything…..ok just a slight exaggeration there, but as ready as I get anyhow., I sat chatting to Jesse as we awaited Debbies imminent arrival, it was going to be fun, oh please let it be ok😁😁😁😁😁😁

…. The drive to the location was absolutely stunning, passing through some very pretty chocolate box picture villages along the way, neat yellow Lancashire stone bungalows, perfectly manicured lawns, bordered with spring flowers. ..Because of our rather late start, the first port of call was lunch, (we like to do things in order of importance) well it’s food, foods vital😁🙄, That was of coursw when we finally located the cafe, I’ve no sense of direction, Debbie knowing little of the villiage, just adds to the adventure though😁😁😁😁😁😁. Thank goodness Debbie had had the forethought to pre booked us a table, after exploring the wilds of Navenby we were both nearly emaciated and on our last legs,🤔, how does one have last legs I wonder? Hmmmm, that implies we have spare legs, neat idea😁… On arrival it was all very pleasant and civilised I must say, The cafe owner very welcoming to her immaculate premises, never batting an eyelid, when I explained my complicated restrictive diet requirements, no carbs, no sugar, or wheat, ..I was however served a lovely crisp fresh green salad with a tangy Balsamic dressing, (thoroughly delicious….it’s so refreshing to find somewhere that can meet my dietary weirdness needs😁😁😁😁, it took all the awkwardness out of what was to be a rare treat…

After lunch, it came about that the tiny stone cottage sat nestled within walking distance from our lunch venue, even for me !, Deb had planned it all to that last minute detail… On arrival, you walk through a tiny walled olde worlde cottage garden, filled to capacity with a vast array of colour and every hue, bright blue forget me nots, competed for space with orange, red, russet coloured sweet scented wall flowers, the tall spires of iridescent purple and blue Delphinium, Silene latifolia,(Campion) both the pink and white variety springing up where they could find a space, lupins,Borage standing shoulder to shoulder, with Lavender,… For a tiny front garden it was awash with colour, a tapestry of delight, wild yet incredibly beautiful, on walking in, I felt an Instant welcome, greeted even, I would be hard put to explain this experience, but I felt a reverence, a pause, hush, as if the garden was expecting us….at any moment it’s owner about to make her appearance….

The cottage itself doesn’t disappoint , A thick solid wood door thrown open wide, straight into a tiny gift shop, filled with any myriad of consumable items, jams, chutney, biscuits, sweets … Selves packed with notebooks, pens, pencils, tea towels, souvenirs, every inch accounted for…the thick walls held the warmth of the day bay, inside the light was dimmed, a stark contrast from the bright sunlight outside, After our eyes adjusted, you find yourself jettisoned into another time, era ………

The first room though somewhat cramped was complete, within it a heavy wooden table, set out for afternoon tea, upon the back wall a black leaded stove, highly polished and clean, you had the feeling this was Mrs Smith’s pride and joy, a kettle sat ready to boil at any given moment’s notice, From behind us one of the wonderful volunteers who cares for the cottage, Voices the patently already obvious, Mrs Smith’s tiny cottage had welcomed many many visitors through her door over the years, She had been the hub of her community…

If time travel existed, the most die-hard amongst believe, .. as you stood within those walls, it’s a strange sensation, kind of like visiting your grand parents house, Open fires, lead light windows, wing backed chairs which you sank into, an exquisite embroidered white table cloth, covered in pansies, silky roses, and tiny sprigs of colourful flowers, beneath the table sat a toy box, complete with spinning top, Kaleidoscope, a puzzle and wood blocks, just awaiting tiny hands to be amused within its contents,

Upon a coffee table, sat before the Marley tile surround fireplace was an open letter, Written to One of Mrs Smith’s many friends, this we were encouraged to pick up and read…it was the genuine article, handled not only by it’s original author but hundreds of curious interested hands, a beautifully descriptive missive relating to her 100th birthday celebrations, the telegram from her Majesty the queen, gifts and visitors….I felt a bit like I was invading her privacy, but not enough to want to sit in one of the comfy but slightly lumpy winged back chairs and read every line…you couldn’t help but not feel that connection with the past….everything was as it had been left, trapped forever in time…I hate to keep using it, but paused …. Only waiting for its owners imminent return.

On the same table, a small brown photo album lay open, filled with black and white pictures, capturing unique images of family, friends, the cottage, it’s garden and trips abroad, for we learned Mrs Smith was very well travelled, even venturing to London, Scotland alone…she was quite the Dame, far braver than i, she had lived in that small home right up until her 102 birthday, where after a fall meant she needed relocation to a care home, this amazing woman had cared for her home up until this point, climbing a steep ladder each night to go to bed, I wouldn’t even attempt the climb, but it left me filled with admiration for the amazing lady that did, we left with booklets, recipes for cookies, souvenirs from the gift shop, and smiles upon our faces, I found myself really liking Mrs Smith as we had learned had everyone who walked through the front door., Well enough from me for the day, have a good week folks and take care of yourselves💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛😊🌻

Slow it down I wanna get off….Dear blooming Diary…

My week has alternated some place between the mixed up, darn right insanity and oh what fresh new hell is this?, More of the last though, if you believe pretext it’s alienated instead of alternated and quite honestly I’m inclined to believe that more… Jesse has been busy with work of late, doing end of the month magical planet aligning figuring bookkeeper stuff, I’m thinking it’s all witchcraft, because it sounds like some ancient language spoken in tongues, only understood by “The ancient guild of wizardry accountants”, I know this!!!!!!

I listen in without minute modicum of comprehension, there’s much talk of spread sheets, graphs, invoices, B52s and real big numbers….adding together anything that takes more than two zero,s almost always brings me out into a cold sweat, (it harks way back to the teacher making us stand up in classs to recite the times tables, I used to try to hide under the tables at this point😁, but maybe my bright red hair gave my location away, I swear to this day though Ive been left traumatised). Plus the only spread sheets I have the remotest knowledge of is upon my bed, Even these take a degree in science to master, each corner on those blooming fitted sheets ping off in gleeful defiance, Just when you think you’ve finally won after doing ten laps about the bed and have all four corners situated firmly… But I digress as per the norm…Without the companionship of my online phone hubby, I slowly but surely go into my head….this folks is not advisable, not at least without a full ruck sack of cake, torch/flashlight, Satnav, map and a rope tied firmly about your waist….You may also want to scatter bread crumbs about, just in case, let’s err on the on the side of caution here,

Silence for me, far from being golden, Only means the mind monkeys chatter more, correction they become more efficient at making themselves heard and understood, their words not only insistent, but like little thorns in the heart, (scoring 180 with their little barbs) it’s why I find it almost impossible to be silent and have this incessant need to talk, it’s how i drown out haunting conversation from long ago that go around endlessly in my mind, Music helps, as does reading….

Anxiety levels spike and I will do almost anything for some form of desensitization, driving myself into a cleaning frenzy of epic proportions often happens, Seriously if you ever need your house cleaning sit me in silence for half an hour and i,’ll have your house sparkling in no time… I’m like one of those old fashioned push back let go toy cars on speed😊,. After just a week of my own company I had become so Anx ridden at times I was peeling myself from the ceiling at the slightest sound, (ewww look thought I had got all those cobwebs😲😁,

Adrenalin now ramped up to max, means sleep is hit and miss at best,…. Wednesday night for example …Jesse being exhausted had fallen into a deep slumber almost immediately, I’m laying there attempting to watch something on prime, My mind still moving at speeds of 0 to 100 in mere seconds, even in neutral (sleep gear, it’s still revving away in the background, My dreams are senseless, disjointed when I’m lucky, Horrific ultra high definition, rehashed horrors of yesteryear if not …The flat is silent except the low thrum of the dehumidifier in the living room, I get up at one when it gets unbearable and re_ clean the clean kitchen,🙄, Move stuff about, sighing i go back to bed as I’m already slowly but surely turning into a treezical from my toes up, it’s freezing here at 3am, I lay trying to quieten my thoughts, breathing trying to slow my anxiety levels down to a dull roar while thawing out at the same time..just as i start to get the feeling back in my feet somewhat….there’s an almighty crash!

It came from somewhere within the livingroom, I’m instantly torn between getting out of bed to take on all intruders, well for a brief instant, My trusty perfume bottle clutched tightly in my fist…don’t ask in fairness it was the first thing to hand🙄… I could of course spray them to death with Eau de youth Dew 😊, or throw if needs be, my aim being what it is though it would like as not land somewhere at my feet😁,… I’m tempted to pull the covers up over my head and fain sleep…but eventually I give in to my first instinct, climb out from between my nice warm covers and go in search of the offender, who in thought now, if I left them there long enough they would have turned into a yeti or frozen to death…….

Walking into the dimly lit living room” there be monsters in all the shadows”😁, it’s as I hesitantly go over to check on the front door, for the tenth time that evening, I note a neat pile of soil on the carpet by the door..Now either the many wood louse families that trek through each night after watching Nordic noir with me are burying bodies about the place or something is surely amiss here somewhere..Doesn’t take long for me to see that the Amaryrllis plant I have nurtured from a mere bulb😐 is now lying on its side amongst the pile of dust and debris…what was worse for me though was I had managed to get the plant to nearly 3ft in length, my all time Amaryllis growing record , it then sadly nose dived from the sideboard broken upon the floor,. Snapping the large buds from its long main stem., thankfully though there was just enough left to put into a glass of water…after picking up the plant I left the rest until morning, I no longer had the heart or energy to clear it up…least the soil was dry, some consolation if any was to be had…

By the end of the week nerves fraught, I knew though that I had put off going out to the post office quite long enough thankyou!, it would be a quick trip anyhow, I would be having the cab wait for me while I shot in, threw the packages at the unsuspecting post office personnel, pay and exit….huh it all looked so straight forward in my minds eye!😔….Friday morning the cab turned up, I was ready, I had my keys, bag, wallet, tissues, packages ready, I was ready…I was organised to the bloody gilt folks!, I dive in the car, a brief pass of pleasantries with Wayne my driver, talk of the weather kind of thing….I nervously ask you know your to wait for me right?, Maybe picking up on the tension Wayne calmly reassured me yes he would remain outside….phew!!!! Ok this is going to be ok, I’m going to be ok!, There’s not going to be a massive traffic jam at the lights, the car is not going to break down, or be a third world war of epic proportion occuring just in the tiny hamlet where I live ….breathe Treez breathe, I can do this😊

We reach our destination in five minutes, disaster averted, Wayne kindly parks as near to the tiny post office as he can…bless… I look back at him as I reluctantly close the car door behind me, once again picking up some stray vibe or look of apprehension, he said quietly i,’ll be right here, like that parent waving off their child at the school gate on their first big day…..I memorize the cabs location in my mind for all time….before giving it one last look and crossing the road…

Luck remained forever at my side, there’s no one else but the post master and assistant in there, I can’t believe it…oh the absolute joy be upon me!!!!! Thank you to all the gods in the universe, I will light a small candle, sacrifice a large sacred slice of cake, and drink coffee upon my knees at your alter for a week maybe more….ok not so much that last bit I would never arise again 😁…I bid them good morrow, smile my best wavering smile…I act far more confident than I will ever feel…..don’t let them pick up on your fear Treez, that’s when they will get yah!!!!, ….my throat parched and scratchy, I utter just two Parcels to send today please…it’s gonna be just fine, I think to myself….oh Treez why did you think that right then and there?…too late it’s out there now floating freely about the cosmos, look there it goes….!!!! Now you’ve done it woman! Ugh..

The assistant steps up to the fake, well smeared plastic glass, looking somewhat worn out already, it’s only just 10 am, but I feel for her at once, weve all been there,…I place the lightest package on the waiting scale….she finally meets my eyes and asks politely “where is this going please”?…..I reply “that ones for the USA thankyou”….she taps away on a small keypad somewhat halfhearted, looks up again, “where please”?, I repeat “the USA” …”oh ok”, taps some more….erm “where is destination”?, “Yeah the USA, United States”, back to tapping now furiously, I’m wondering if maybe in my anxious state im infact mumbling, but I’m fairness it does say USA in big block capitals on the front….but she asks again?….I say it as slowly as I can without grinding to a halt or causing offence, this time though just for good measure I throw in its full glorious title, “The USA”, “United states of America” …. ” Oh America” !!!!! Mmmmhmmmm,..She then preceded to try the flat envelope shaped package through a cardboard letterbox cut out,,,,”oh it’s small”, she goes off somewhere into the wide blue yonder of ‘the back room’, package still in hand,. Only Two seconds later for a man to appear, carrying said item, now unless Ive dozed off with all the excitement, or the world had gone into fast forward, spinning of into a parallel universe, that my friends was the quickest sex change ever recorded, marvellously done too though, even the voice grew deeper, maybe there’s a time machine back there, I try to cran my head around the plastic to have a look?… This new face looks into mine expectantly, “where too please”? Oh please not this again, i,’ll be good, honest….but I repeat and it goes smoothly, he then pretends to poke it through the small cut out letterbox thingy Bob, “ohhhh small”!!!!, I’m by now looking down at my shuffling feet, colour filling my cheeks and apologising most profusely for the size of my package, that’s a new one on me!!!!😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 I can hardly wait now until I have to explain where the next ones going….sighs

Don’t ask how that went, no please dont for my sake!!!, After being asked what was in it, where it’s destination was for, I was then asked whether I wanted first or second class post, three times I replied first please….only for him to say “yes that’s £7 second class please”…. After that I just couldn’t be blooming bothered to explain any further, finally agreeing yes that’s fine, I would have agreed to anything…send it via pony express, pigeon class, or I know I could always walk it the 300 miles it would be quicker…, I paid and without so much of a backward glance, ran before my poor waiting cab driver faded with starvation…when he asked was everything ok….I just smiled and said “oh yes fine fine”! Clicking the seat belt we head off back for the sanctuary of my little home……it’s mad out there…😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, tomorrow children if your all good i tell you the story of the crazy lady who forgot to take her meds over the weekend…..it wasn’t anything pretty lol, anyhow enough from me, take care of you whatever you get into x 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Dear Diary from within the meat locker 😁

Someday _Sundays

Originally I opened my eyes around the 4am mark, Say originally as I drifted someplace between sleep and non committal wakefulness..Being a Sunday though I waited until my body and brain fell into some kind of full cooperation before attempting to leave my nice warm bed, I only have this vague recollection it’s Sunday because I’m staring bleary eyed at the picture on my new calendar ,… Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, promptly smearing any remaining make-up across my cheeks, the call of the kettle finally wins over any fear of stepping out into the icy blast of the apartment, I swear this place has a whole different eco system… I bravely tiptoe across the room trying frantically to keep as much of me actual foot off the floor, fully expecting to see gambling white Artic Hares, or Eskimo,s waving to me as they fish through ice holes, that’s ice holes folks not to be confused with others holes😁….

I impatiently wait for the water to boil, eventually the kettle comes to a shuddering silent halt, I pull my baggy pale blue t shirt down around my legs trying hopelessly to stop them changing from a subtle blue hue to a rather attractive shade of violet…i fail dismally. hands shaking I manage to leave a perfectly round coffee circle upon the steel draining board just attempting to get some coffee into the gaping great mug top…it looked like a crop circle just in coffee form really😊,…I am at this point too cold to argue with myself and clean it up, placing my hands gratefully about the now warm mug, I take it back to bed to thaw out….if you think at this point I embellish for any purposes, I’m kidding ye not…..three mornings, the other week I checked my thermometer to find temperature,s from between 5 to as low as 3c….take into account it’s 1 outside 😲, twice I’ve seen my breathe as I’ve yawned….no that’s not dragon breathe either….well it could well be with the amount of coffee I consume…..

I did have plans for the day ahead, which as the morning wore on, I knew without any shadow of a doubt would have to be firmly posted to the back burner… A pain flare was in full force, whether from the cold, an EDS thing or just because…whichever I’ve little clue, I rarely if ever succumb to these no matter it’s longevity or severity…that day I had not the energy or stubbornness to carry on so I lay reading late into the day, when I finally gave into a restless sleep and pain meds…

Friday night spent with Eowyn….

With storm warnings posted all over, facebook, and the local news for over a week, One could hardly be off knowing about it’s impending visitation, that’s unless of course you live in a two up two down igloo someplace off in the wilds of the Artic….oh hang on I do😁, But seriously that Friday Evening Jesse had fallen asleep early, I left to my own devices had been happily ensconced in bed watching numerous episodes of a new Nordic noir I found, quite oblivious to everything, …As the last episode finished, I realised how quiet it had suddenly become around me…. But quiet isn’t the word im searching for though, silent wouldn’t even begin to describe this…. But have you ever experienced the sensation where you feel isolated completely alone, i can only liken it to Your that last woman standing😊, the very last human survivor…I turned off my tablet, laying back against my numerous pillows, closing my eyes all the better experience the sensation about me…I comprehend fully it was night time, not many people are going to be around ect, but this felt different somehow, I felt suddenly unsettled, skin tinglingly so, …getting up I looked out the living room window, there was as yet no signs of the forecast storm…But then I looked back to another evening, another storm, The infamous 1987 one, it had been somewhere Around midnight, and I was taking my dogs out for their last bathroom break, there also I had been struck by how unusually quiet it was, barely a breathe of breeze, the trees completely still, I stood looking up into the sky, the moon had had a magnificent lilac halo, silvery clouds scudding by it at speed, yet still nothing at ground level…then also I felt that odd sensation, like an electric current passing through the very air…I can remember remarking to a lady walking home that evening how odd it felt out…I wasn’t to know just hours later we were about to experience one of the most destructive storms in our history…that was until the news was full of it the following day….like then also storm eowyn made he’s presence felt…I read we are due another time in the next few days…people are already out emptying the shelves at supermarkets, Anyhow enough from this old windbag, 😁, whatever your upto, stay safe, take care and look after you….💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Diary of a Happy Hooker😁

Just about three weeks ago now, while I was sat indulging in my third Breakfast wine of that morning (Coffee to the uninitiated of us) .. Expending time like it’s limitless or something😊, watching a miniscule patch of cobalt blue sky getting slowly enveloped by the ever thickening dark blanket of charcoal grey cloud, the contrasting colours of rich warm autumn leaves swayed upon the breeze, capturing my attention fully, I know to make the most of mother natures bounty while I can, Because up until now we had been lucky, temperatures holding fast, well into double figures, even night frosts hadn’t quite found us yet, the red Geraniums I planted in the summer months, sheltering from the worst of the wind up against the flat wall, still infact covered in an abundance of scarlet flowers and we were in November, I often take a few moments in my day, for some quiet reflection, staring out the livingroom window, upon a world, i am increasingly retreating from, not consciously you understand, but it’s happening all the same..I lift the comforting warm brew to my lips once more, while at the same time being bought sharply back to the present by the ping, A text on my phone!….it’s a rare sound these days, so requiring some immediate attention😊.

Who or what had fetched me from such deep revelry?, you may thinking, well it was none other than a friend of some longstanding, with a rather different proposition to put before me😊….She needed someone with experience, I am I suppose somewhat experienced in this line, despite coming into the game much later than most of my contemporaries,..it would require me coming out of retirement of course, dusting off those long ago tools of the trade, that’s if I can even locate em in the first place,, having given up just the year previous…But maybe joining forces with this friend and her sister Andrea could in fact just be the answer to my prayers…Winter months here can be very long and drawn out affairs, not to mention tedious, especially when your practically housebound, this little venture could occupy my waking hours, making a real difference between slowly unravelling alone and sanity,(some would say it’s too late for that😊) We all know those early dark winter nights can be somewhat a chore without any viable occupation, much needed enrichment..I made another coffee!, for this would indeed require some amount of forethought….much much coffee! , I needed that buzz of caffeine, a hit around my extremely rapid hibernating brain…I text back at once “can you give me five minutes”..but inside, I already knew deep down my decision….I was In!, While the kettle boiled, I had a good rummage around in my drawers, knocking off the accumulation of dust and cobwebs, but at least now I had found the beginnings of what I needed…..😊

It didn’t take long for my mind to become filled with possibilities, I felt a renewed interest in general, filling that huge void I had not until this point known existed, I was suddenly a buzz with purpose, not only could I be useful once more, but it may well bring about something good…, I could join others to make a difference…Later that same morning I scoured “The Zon” (Amazon) for what!!!!!!? ahhhhh a secret!!!,(For now anyhow). I really don’t need much of an excuse to scroll the endless pages of glittering shiny wonderful products, but if I did, I had found it…clicking copious amounts of items with glee, remorselessly adding them to that imaginary Basket….this was fun!….I couldn’t wait to get started now….inside my stomach a fluttery feeling swirled, no my loves it wasn’t wind😊, it was that long forgotten feeling,, one of excitement!…

Soon as things began arriving I commenced, but first things first, I would need a refresher course, so YouTube it is then!, You can find out how to do just about anything there….and it wasn’t long before it all began to come back to me with a flourish, We all like a good refresher course though don’t we…….it’s like riding that blooming bike everyone’s on about😊….although I was late learning to do this too… As the leaves began to drop from the trees, the first cold weather finally took hold, I threw myself into my project with some abandonment….it wasn’t long before I had involved my daughter in with my exploits, not only her, But Debbie my dear friend, we have become quite a team, our merry band working towards a common purpose….

Since that very first Saturday, I’ve only really taken off one day, and that was to have a blood test, something I must confess I was not in fact looking forward to., Finding veins since chemo some twenty odd years on, has been like mining for silver in a tin mine … It almost always involves Some poor frustrated nurse digging around in my right arm, (this being the only arm available to them, my left arm strickly off limits due to losing lymph nodes from under my arm during a Breast cancer surgery… But alas, unless I booked myself in for my annual six monthly blood letting….(blood test), my meds wouldn’t be issued, which would be fine by me, I hate taking tablets, but for some reason I’m quite fond of living😁, you can see my dilemma here😊, So Debbie my accomplice, (friend) and myself, booked a date to meet up for coffee,(for I take some bribery in these matters, …I can be lured scarily easy just mention of a coffee, ask Jesse he used this method often😊😊😊😊😊, if that doesn’t work rattle a cake wrapper.. Fortified with caffeine once more from our favourite hide away farm cafe, we set out like intrepid explorers😊, turning up our collars against a chilling northern wind, which saw temps now dip well below freezing each night, Patches of snow lay about fields and any low lying ground…the pavements now covered in a glittering dusting of white hoar frost…looks beautiful, but staying upright for me is optimal…just my preference really.,, Debbie not quite trusting me to go into the doctors surgery alone for some reason, followed me in….she knows me oh so well😊, …..We stood in front of the glass encased cubicle waiting to be noticed, I said about dancing, but Deb wasn’t for this 😁,This is where they hold local receptionist,s captive… There they remain, normally in small packs..the wild receptionist being hugely territorial of its habitat….it’s for our protection really im convinced…

After loitering around outside the closed glass window for some time, pretending to be interested in the numerous posters for various ailments, the glass was shoved back with some force….Yes!!!!!! Came the disembodied voice….being already on the back foot, I stammer out in a high pitched squeaky voice my name…all the while looking into those glazed eyes glowering into mine….Debbie by now is stood right behind me in case I Bolt…, I’m already watching the doors, I turn and look pleadingly at her….but there’s to be no escape this time, so finding my voice once more from, it’s hiding place deep in my left sock, whence it’s sunk, I explain why I’m stood quaking there…..I just want to book a blood test honest!!!, Well I don’t want too, but you know how it is…The phone rings , phew saved by the bell….Well!!!!!!! Screams the red receptionist, I swear one word from her and I would never dare be ill again, ….after the whole waiting room and I swear most of the county learns about Mables swollen rumatic knee, the phone is slammed into next July, the beady glittery eyes return to myself…I quake, Debbie shoves a steadying hand upon my back …..Eventually between us a date is arranged for my impending doom, I mean blood test, yes blood test oh my!!!…as I turn slightly away from those wild eyes, like some poor rabbit caught in the headlights im frozen….the glass panel slams shut…narrowly missing my fingers….I run for the door quicker than a grey hound leaving the vets, as I turn to look back for Debbie, I imagine a puff of smoke curling up into the air escaping from between the glass….The receptionist I have since christened Helga, her large red eyes boring deep into my skull as I left, trembling I half joke with Debbie “Please God don’t let her do my bloods next week” well I think I was joking….

There was very little sleep to be had between then and that following Friday, thank goodness for my new project…I worked late into each night, burning the hours….the more my over stimulated mind was kept busy the better for all….trouble being with this is, it seems to make the time speed by….and it did…time to face Helga and her pack once more….I could see the gleaming blood dripping fangs ginning, a spiral of smoke emitting from each nostril….saints preserve me, ………..In preparation I had gulped my way through three coffees, and four 500ml bottles of water..supposed to inflate the veins. mmmmhmmm…. it did however do wonders for my bladder😊, to that end at least distracting me….. Gulping all the same as I faced those glass shutters once more…..facing that smile, the forced grin, showing off all those perfect teeth…pointy pointy teeth, Helgas tongue slowly moved over them, Was it actually forked? or a product of my fevered imagination… and this time I was completely alone…Debbie opting to sit in her warm safe car…I don’t blame her in the slightest… still I can’t help but feel like a fattened lamb fed to the slaughter…..booking in, I sit looking about myself and at the fellow victims…Patients…😊, I chat nervously at anyone who will listen…they smile, heads nodding…knowingly ….all to soon I hear someone call my name in the distance…ugh…I look about me…as though expecting someone to stand up and take my place…they dont, they wont…I stand, head down, eyes looking at my feet….don’t look em in the eyes, folks, never meet the eyes, it’s like your challenging them…I walk in that tiny room almost like Im about to face a firing squad, not just have a blood test…I follow her slowly, feet shuffling…..she tells me to take a seat, asks my name and date of birth….why oh why did she ask that?, For right then and there, I no longer know which day it is let alone when and if I was born…oh hell.!!!!!!…But in a calm soothing voice she chats to me, trying to put me at my ease….that’s never gonna happen, but I appreciate her efforts….she’s by now slowing turning my right arm, searching for the ever illusive veins….knowing where we are, those beggars have long since deserted me….your on your own mate!!!!! Oh and how I was….

Four attempts, numerous lumps of tape, and the words “sharp prick” later….I thought at first she was asking about of my Ex’s , I nervously joke, “they were not all that bad really”,. the nurse needle poised pointing down over the next spot asks what I had just said?, Oh nothing important honestly, the moment for jokes passing rapidly….eventually I hear jackpot!!!!, I dare not look, in case by doing that mere act it, will encourage the one brave vein to dry up, it had after all taking one for the team….soon as I’m taped I make good my escape, not looking back even for a moment, as I race for the door and my freedom….byeeeeeeee…..

Debbie was nowhere to be seen at this point in time, taking to hiding her tiny car behind a massive 4×4, just in case Helga came from behind the cage to get her to hold me down for the nurse 😁, having located her, we shot off as fast as her wee Nissan could take us, both of us too scared to mention the horrors from within…we still havnt….so now would you like to hear about our wee venture, my returning to being a hooker….think most of you have already guessed though….but in case you were worried about my welfare, I’m not standing on some darkened street corner touting my trade 😁😁😁😁, 1: with these legs I don’t look good in skirts, plus I can’t abide em, 2: it’s too damn cold out there….No what I’m actually doing is Far less exciting….I’m crocheting Beany hats for charity…I’ve since learnt new patterns, enjoying being productive and of use once more, I wake each morning, Procrastination chased away with coffee and speeding off my hook,yet another hat to keep another head warm, which in turn leaves me feeling fuzzy and warm inside …..until later folks, keep warm, keep safe and take care of yourself out there…..💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌹🌻🌻🌹.

Dearest Diary….

How strange the last two weeks have been, my mood lurching from exalted highs, to much more grounding lows,. the darker nights draw in, although not effecting me quite so much as many, (well of course not) it is infact throwing me somewhat,.Days seem to be stretching out far longer for some unfathomable reason,..I wake roughly the same time, somewhere between six and seven am, there i begin my morning routine, with the usual three rounds of strong steaming hot coffee,(knowing full well I wouldn’t move without that caffeine kick in the pants😊) Most times I take the first back to bed, sipping it’s warmth, while watching some mindless rubbish on prime, my body warming back up like a basking reptile I need that warmth to move, for as much as I adore this time of year,. nature preparing herself for the long winter shut down, her pause mode, drifting into the oncoming sleep, cometh with winter of course, the not quite so welcome or romantic chill that’s alreasy begun once again to encase the flat, with it of course myself,

Last week I rather perilously clambered up and down my step ladders, half a dozen times, ( heights send my head in a spin, Even if it is just two steps up🙄😊) I was at the time though attempting to cover the bedroom windows with sheets of honeycombed patterned plastic, Because although I’m informed by the Estate agent, that the glazing is in fact suffice, (double glazed), Being No glazier myself of course, instinct tells me it’s far from…Most mornings now I draw back my curtains to see condensation mists fogging half way up each pane, water trails sliding down, leaving puddles of water upon the wood sill.. Taking into further consideration there’s no noise barrier from the outside, then there’s the lovely freezing breeze billowing my curtains, even though they are the heavier lined winter ones I put up mid october.. As I diligently work away at the task at hand, I can’t help but feel an oncoming sadness, Im shutting myself away further still, Away from my beloved outside, where I long to be and love, even though I venture outside less now, upon opening my curtains each morning, light flooded in, with it bringing welcome glimpses of new autumnal colouration, I feel imprisoned further now, another barrier put up in some endeavour to shut out the chill, at the same time closes me in further….but choices are few and I do what I have to, I quickly shut the curtains tightly preventing further sadness building from my new myopic fuzzy view. ….

I’m trying so hard not to use any form of heating, Every now and again bouts of shivering becomes gruesome and tiring, cold eats into my body, I give in finally when my hands are become painful, my nose blue, seems tissues are now a permanent fixture😊, Even though using my dehumidifier doesn’t exactly heat the room of choice, it does knock the temperature up slightly making it almost bearable, also drys the washing,.drying outside the last two weeks has become slowly more impractical..thanks British weather🙄,….When did heating become a luxury here I wonder?, The few times I’ve used it, Guilt washes over me, I watch the smart little blinky monitor that sits upon my chest of drawers, its bright orange pulsing warning light forever informing me I’m going over my electricity budget for that month., Even though I’m increasingly sitting in my dark cold world, the exception being a few cheery strings of flickering battery powered fairy lights, candles with their faint Amber warmth playfully flickering upon the walls….I curl up under my fleece blankets earlier most evenings, Settling down in my cave, like a creature slipping into winter hibernation….

In the week, I ventured out into the small side garden, spending ten minutes clearing small patches of weeds, it’s a brief moment of much needed daylight, I’m only too aware of the benefit of some natural light to ward off depression, doing anything in nature brings about its own reward, as I prepare the ground for the up coming new springs return…it’s like a sacred solemn promise to myself, just as winters approaching fast, with all it the cold onslaught, the darker nights, Spring always always will follow, in other words this too shall pass 😊, … With the soil cold upon my fingers, I shallow dig , clearing weeds and pebbles as I go, I never use gloves to work, it’s just another barrier from myself and mother nature, I love the loamy leafy smell from the patches of earth I work with…it’s smell is cool and delicious, as is the Smokey acrid scent upon the breeze from neighbours log burners, all at once I’m reminded of early morning walks to school, kicking leaves, picking up and inspecting the spent sad firework casings from the night previous, their gunpowdery smell mixing with the bonfire smoke from gardens, grey plumes hanging heavy upon the sharp frosty air…I straighten my aching back, allowing the memory to wash over me, that invisible link from the me of past to the me of today . I’m bought back from time traveling with a bump, as I look about reacquainting myself with my surroundings, out the corner of my eye, I spot a solitary small white pot, filled with early green sprouting daffodil spikes, ….I’m thinking they are from last year’s Paper white Narcissi, …when in flower they are stunning white waxy little multi headed plant, whose sweet perfume fills any room….immediately the compulsion to bring this show of life into my home over takes me…I quickly transfer the many bulbs into an earthen wear pot I had painted a few years back…

They are now sat by the window, their rapidly growing green spires reflect in the warm brown glossy grain of my Cherry wood coffee table, …the blues and sea greens of their hand painted pot adding a much needed splash of colour to the brighten up the otherwise drab livingroom, the life in their pointed leaves brings the outside in, I look forward to them hopefully flowering in the coming weeks,

The mystery of the stinking veggies……

During the last two weeks I’ve had this inexplicable craving for all things veggie, yeah I know I would have to be different🙄, Most folk want sugary carb laden stodge in winter, your cakes, sweets and biscuits….But for me the latest thing is courgettes, leek, Aubergine, carrots, cucumber and onion, all with lashings of garlic ….every night my plate is piled high with steamed crunchy vegetables, the only issue here is, I have to buy ever increasing amounts to top up the sad looking depleted fridge😊, which never bothers me of course, but I do find the increased number of Morrisons deliveries slightly embarrassing, especially living in my ownsome, I often wonder what crosses their mind…id blame Sage but he’s tiny budgie frame would soon give me away….😊.

Take last week for instance, I had my usual Morrisons delivery spot 12:30 on Tuesday, by that Thursday the cupboards or my case fridge was bare, no really it was!!!!!….Only the odd bell pepper and red onion to be seen, that’s not even one meal for moi😊…so I had this brainwave, (no stop it, it’s happens occasionally….tahdahhhhhh! Amazon fresh….remember this name now for future reference please good folksies…..This Zon ordering food malarkey is still fairly new one such as me, but In my opinion im getting the hang of it….I load my interweb virtual basket with Asparagus, Brussels, Green beans, peppers, cougette, tomatoes etc etc😊,. You have to spend over £25 anyway so no problem I think to myself!!!…..it really wasn’t either…I’m lucky enough to secure a 10 o’clock delivery for the very next morning…all good so far, right!!…

Even more impressive is my shopper had managed to find all I had ordered, it’s going to be a good day, I just know it!, . Last Friday In fact dawns one of those rare perfect cloud free Autumn mornings, the skies a glorious periwinkle blue, the sun has that faint surprising warmth attached to it, I’ve woken up in an extraordinary good mood matching the day ahead….I’ve three lines of laundry blowing in breeze…the window in the living room is open, chasing off the frausty too long enclosed air….my coffee is strong and alls right in my tiny corner of the planet….I should have known, this was never going to end well🙄😊😊😊😊😊, .

Just after 10 O’clock there’s the knock on my door, my Amazon delivery has arrived….I have vegetables at last, yay I can eat….Stood at my door is a rather tall gentleman, very friendly, a warm smile greets me, we pass pleasantries as he hands me the two large heavy brown paper bags, I Find I quite enjoy these small exchanges with delivery people, (it keeps me practice for those rare occasions I have to ‘re join the real world). All the while my driver is standing at the door though this horrible stench begins to fill my nose. To be honest I thought the poor guy must have stepped in something….it happens im sure your only to aware!!!, It was eye wateringly pungent, I could feel my nose hairs wither and fall to the floor in neat piles….before long I found myself holding my breath, or putting my hand up to my nose….where’s one of those good old fashioned vinaigrettes when one is required huh?…..Tears begin forming in the corners of my eyes, it’s only politeness preventing me from making my excuses an leaving the conversation early…. After my nose begins dripping in an effort to rid itsself of the stinky onslaught, I beg his pardon, thanking the driver i walk in closing the door on the prevailing pong….ughhhhh!,

I place the bags straight out into the kitchen, Start putting away the items, when I note almost at once, the smell had returned, just like some unwelcome guest,oh goodness its still there…. impossible I think! Surely it’s not me, is it????!!!!!, I turn about in my tiny Galley kitchen knocking into things, in some vain attempt at locating the source of this putrid smell…embarrassment flashing over me, surely I hadn’t just stood at that door chatting, stinking to high heaven….forgetting there’s no curtain at the kitchen window, I lift my top and arms to sniff…..yeah I really did that!!!!!!, I spin about sniffing around me like some amphetamine laced demented blood hound, but try as I might I just could not find the smell…..I checked my shoes, bottom of the bags, items in the blooming bags,,,, nothing…..but there it hung about in the air ….like so many garlands of strung up doggy do,s…. reaching under the sink for a bottle of disinfectant spray, I began dousing everything within reach….my house spiders ran for cover, havnt seen them since, I scrub every inch of myself, change my clothes respray the fetid air, oh help !!!.

That evening I decide to cook myself a chicken breast with green beans,Brussels sprouts, and broccoli…I prepare the veggies as the coated chicken cooks merrily away in the air fryer…I plan to steam them as is my norm….putting them on to cook for just minutes before letting them steam away for a further five in a covered bowl….As the vegetables cook away….this overwhelming smell rises up through the air in a nose abusing steamy stench….only it’s worse than ever….there’s no escape, as the moist air is making it rise up. Permeating every nook and cranny, thinking it has to be my imagination, I drain the veggies and leave them steaming in their bowl….five minutes later however I go back out into the kitchen, lift the lid on the steaming contents, and as I do….it’s like the steam takes on a life of its very own, ramming itself firmly up its nostril and strangling my throat….eyes watering, choking me….I put the lid straight back on before it gets a further strangle hold….When Im recovered enough, I grab out the green beans from my fridge…snapping one, I bravely sniff the offending item…..this it it! Voila!!!!, I’ve located the blooming pong!…..but not only do the beans stink, everything within reach does also, it’s all contaminated….I’m contaminated…my fingers are reeking….there’s no escaping, it evades everything….I scrub my hands numerous times, but I can still smell that lingering stink….ughhhh, I grab out all the vegetables from the fridge, I double bag everything and throw it straight out into the bin…angry at the waste, the cost, I don’t bother with dinner, I seemed to have had a sudden hunger bypass….next day I put in an order from my old favourite Morrisons, then thoroughly clean out the fridge,bleaching the kitchen afterwards …lesson learned the easiest way isn’t always the best….. It was one expensive lesson…I thank goodness for my sense of smell, who knows what damage would have ensued had I eaten any of that……well I hope you all have a good week ahead of you folks…take care of yourself and be careful out there …..💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄😁