The cold weather snap has finally eased back from its furious roar!!!!!!, To a somewhat dull mew!, …those icy blasts that stole away your very breath, freezing everything with even a degree of moisture in its path, has at least for now returned to the North pole, .it was wonderful today to see the sun bright in its orbit, making my living room, not only cheerful but a degree or so warmer in its wake, I also felt instantly better.

The tiny Gem Christmas tree decorations I had painstakingly made during long wakeful nights Gleemed, sparkled and shimmered delightfully in the Sun’s rays… people outside were once again smiling, as I found myself doing too….So while in a somewhat good mood, I had decided to tackle the present wrapping….must have been a moment’s madness!

I love everything about Christmas, it fills me with a childlike wonder, excitement,. I can barely contain myself until the first of December rolls around, then I can at last decorate the tree, switch on colourful lights that chase away the gloom of long winter nights, Candles flicker in their glass holders sending a warm scent and Amber glow…..I fill my ears with carols, my cupboard with delicious food, I’ve sent out the cards…it’s all a glorious rush of crazed activity and I start weeks before, but there is just one thing that drives me crazy…..it’s wrapping presents!!!!!!!!.

I love buying for people don’t get me wrong, I get the biggest kick from it, even more so than actually getting a present….But You know how some really annoying people can exquisitely gift wrap……not just wrap it up hurridly any old how…..but make it a shining ribbon bedecked work of art…perfect corners, lovely hand written tags, and beautiful big silky colourful bows…..well I’m not one of those…

I start off with such good intentions, buying cheerful wrapping paper, tags, tape…oh yes I can see those perfect presents sat under my tree, waiting proudly to give to them on the big day…I watch you tube videos, read articles in glossy magazine,s…and these grinning little Santa’s helpers make it all look so simple,(bah humbug!)….they chat away so overly cheerful about colourful tapes, adding tissue paper, baubles, bangles and sodding bows, it’s all a ploy I tell yah, they grin with deceit and deception…..it’s there to make us mere mortals feel inadequate, unimaginative, yes I’ve figured them all out, and I’m not fooling for it this year ohhhhh no🤔…..

I manage somewhat stiffly to sit myself on the livingroom floor, there’s a patch of warm sun with my name on it….I had previously placed, two large rolls of wrapping paper there already, three rolls of tape, string, gold tie, gift tags, even the pen….. My coffee is on the table beside me and I’m ready to get all creative and stuff….I unwrap the shrink wrap film of plastic off the first roll of wrapping(ewww it’s going well)….the paper is covered in jolly santas, red nosed reindeer,striped signs showing the way to the north pole…it’s cheerful, colourful but I swear that blooming Santa is already laughing at me..😁,

Guesstimating wildly about the length needed, I unfurl it, it’s right about now as I feel about me for my orange handled scissors, I look up and see them where I had left them just minutes before, on the sofa, the sunlight plays upon their sharp metal blades, I feel mocked, and now I know i have two choices, either get back up off the floor and go and retrieve the little shhhhh dears!😁, or crawl on all fours over there…really theres no choice, I ungainly begin crawling…..

Scissors found, I cut a long length off the first roll, then place the gift in the centre of the paper, now gently pulling over side A to tuck it under side B, I try to cover the article…it starts out ok, I manage these first steps, wisely deciding against doing the complicated fan pattern or the pleated edges, opting instead for just covering the box as best as possible, as I get one side taped up, the other side unfurls, then the tape decides not to co operate, I can no longer find the end,. I try with the other tape, it lets me pull a tiny stamp sized piece before frustratingly ripping…….I then try the third, this begins well enough but decided it too didn’t want to play, twisting and sticking to everything but the paper …..I curse loudly….this issss I realise not the Christmas spirit…

Eventually after several more failed attempts, I have somewhat successfully or is that unsuccessfully wrapped most of the gifts, I’m panting, eyes wide and starring at the pile of ruined failed attempt paper strewn across my carpet, tape balls blew like Tumble weeds, and I’m leaning my aching back against the sofa, looking about me fearfully in case more presents appear from somewhere under the wreckage, I’ve paper cuts across my fingers, bits of left over string everywhere, and not one present wrapped as beautifully as I had imagined just hours previous…..

But they are at least covered, I sigh deeply, somewhat satisfied, it’s over for yet another year…I can rest easy, they may not look like on youtube, the tv or those magazines, but I did upmost best, all wrapped with someone I love kept in mind, and I love seeing them there, reminders of when my children were just that….the days their over excited mother would wake them at 4 am to unwrap the presents, or play out in the first falling of winters snow….as I began this, so shall I end ….I love Christmas, but gift wrapping not so much 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, Merry Christmas to you and yours, may your days all be merry and bright and your present wrapping go unlike mine go right!!!!!!!!!!!!!😁🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Its official, winter is upon us for real, not just here though,oh no, but just as our summer was filled with unrepentant heat….Winter will have her turn, For weeks now we have had thick bone chilling fog, frosts, or rain.. And today was to be no exception to that rule,. I suppose in a way we were somewhat lucky ….it had gone from minus 5 in the night to a balmy minus 2 by day.. …. waking up I looked out onto a very very different world indeed, different in every way, but also breathtakingly beautiful,

The sky cloudless, a brilliant cobalt blue, the sun trying it’s best to convince me it was nowhere near as cold as the overly excited weather man had related just moments previously,. Even though I had spent the night shivering under numerous fleece blankets, dressed up for a polar expedition, (doing the layers we advised to do by so called experts), so it’s not as if the evidence wasnt there in the offing,. I swallowed down my first coffee, it was infact still scalding(but you have to be in love with that very first cup of the day), hugging my mug closely, in my still cold hands to make the most of its warmth,(in these temperature,s though this is but a passing comfort…Dressing isn’t only a routine now, it’s a must……

I immediately go out into the garden to feed the birds, in the full knowledge if I’m cold in here, then logic tells me the birds must be almost frozen to their perchs, poor wee things, little feathers all fluffed up in vain hopes of trapping air close to their bodies….Ive taken to going out with my kettle full of hot water to defrost the solid barrier of ice, preventing them from being able to drink, it’s become an integral part of my morning ritual now and one despite the bitter cold, I’m more than up for this, it not only warms their water just slightly, I also adore the delicious sound of it crackling with the hot waters first impact….

In those few moments out doors, I look about me in a childish wonder, every tree, twig, and blade of grass is covered in a glorious white icy coating….shining beautifully in the watery sunlight, I’m enamoured with this natural wonder at once, ….And before I know it, I’m throwing on my hoodie, trainers and grabbing keys plus phone…..I don’t give myself much time to think this through, or talk myself out of a rather hastily made decision, (which maybe on reflection would have indeed been wise)…before I know it I’m out the door, hardly dressed for the occasion I might add(I don’t as yet own a coat or jacket even, the icy chilling cold air is soon invading my clothes, indeed within minutes my ears hurt, face aching and my lungs are on fire, seems residual scarring from Covid is still making itself boringly known….

Even with all these rather unpleasant sensations, i am I admit freely, still very blindly awestruck by this wintry white new world, unsure where to look first, My phone is out of my pocket and with somewhat shaking hands I’m taking pictures, one after another……trees decorated with sparkling white dust, their normally naked black branches reaching up like they clamour for what little warmth the sun offers. Every grass blade without exception sparkling and crisp under foot, I love the crunch sound as I walk with childish deliberation leaving footprints in my wake..,…I had though only been out some 15 minutes or so when I begin to find the chill intolerably, seems fleece hoodies are little barrier to Jack frosts searching fingers, my face whipped by freezing winds, felt tight and sore, my lips numb ….despite loving my walk, I soon had little choice but to return back home again, as cold as I had felt indoors, it was nothing compared being outside in minus temperatures, my heart goes out to anyone living rough right now, it has to be unbearable and soul destroying, for both humans and pets alike.

Back home….

For some unknown reason this year I’ve struggled with gift choosing for my loved ones,very aware that if they want something they mainly buy it for themselves..but after three weeks of frenzied playing Santa’s big helper, I have finally got to a point that I’m semi happy with…apologies family if it’s not you …

Since late October, I have started doing those Diamond painting pictures…If you’ve seen them and been tempted dont!!!!!!, No really those tiny little glittery Gems that tempt us with their twinkling are devil’s demons…..They break free without a moment’s hesitation…..one night, (well actually in reality it was 3am, I sat in my icy living room, donned in my best Christmas apparel….shorts and t shirt, back bent over my coffee table doing one painstakingly Gem at a time, working on a Christmas card….See let’s go back a bit, so I can fill you in more on this demonic delight of a hobby…

It all looked so restful on youtube…delightful ladies smiling excitedly, such happy voices, making it look oh so easy to not be fooled….I was reeled in hook line and sinker….(sucker!!!!).After watching a few videos I rushed onto Amazon as one does😁, I ordered a diamond picture,diamond Christmas cards, diamond Christmas tree decorations, diamond keyrings, I went demonically diamond crazy….I was excited beyond belief, finally a hobby I could do, not just do though but it would help me relax…..unlike the year we were all talked into colouring those tiny pictures in adult colouring books, it was going to be oh so calming, mindful and I would be filled to the brim with Zenfulness(that an actual word even do we think?), I bought every type of pencil, glitter pen known to mankind….as each new colouring book appeared on the shelf, I grabbed it in desperate search the promised land of calm….ahem! Did they actually try staying in those tiny overly complicated lines…..nooooo!!!!! Well let me tell you I did, if anything I was far from a picture of calmness, the air was blue with a foreign tongue, as pencil after pencil, and books flew lethaly across the room…😃

Any way I digress as usual, I was excited on the expected arrival date of my diamond parcels, I could not wait to get started, …looking forward to relaxing with this new jewel of a hobby….when it did arrive though, it turned up in the most massive box, I was I must say somewhat taken aback…but tore into it excitedly, here i was on day one of my brand new hobby…..

It begins………

So what you get…..a picture, of course 😁, which is covered in a layer of clear protective plastic film, as the entire picture is coated in a layer of adhesive. You get a pink pen like applicator…(This already does not bode well, blooming pink!, It’s a sign)…..Then there’s a tiny green tray like thingy, more pink in the form of an inch square of glue or wax depending where your from, last but by no means least, pack upon tiny pack of coloured gems…..these quickly became my enemy number one…..I peeled back the plastic barrier with a nervous trepidation, opening a first pack of the minute plastic gems then pouring out a tiny amount of the colour I chose (now take into account this things come with absolutely no instructions….ok it’s not rocket science folks….but trying to match up the packet number with the equally tiny numbers on the picture isn’t always easy, some don’t actually have numbers choosing instead to confuse their customers with letters…..but not to be put off, I stayed with it until I figured this out, I was indeed determined…..

Another thing I soon learnt to my cost, is once you open one of these small packet gem prison,s ……these gems are just itching to break free…..And they do so spectacularly….within an hour I had gems everywhere, days after starting, I suddenly sneezed, the green tray in my left hand jumped uncontrollably sending those precious little dears everywhere, over me, over my table, floor and anywhere on the picture but where they are supposed to go, (remember now that adhesive coating, oh how I do) I spent two whole days with teeth gritted painfully picking off each gem with my nails…..this was not quite how I imagined this going, I did not look happy, relaxed and filled with joy like those sweet ladies on youtube……no instead Jesse was faced daily with a head spining, foaming at the mouth, swearing like a Navvy madwoman……(ok hun madder even than usual 😁….

I soon became rapidly aware the art of Diamond painting is not to be sneezed at😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, it’s hard graft, takes unlimited patience, which I’m not sure I posses,….sitting sticking one tiny gem at a time, when there’s thousands…..And those Gems are out to get you!, No they are seriously, ……I’ve got them everywhere, one whole packet of white ones broke free one night spiralling over my green shaggy rug….(you ever tried retrieving tiny plastic particle,s from a long piled rug……I did for seconds, just seconds too…..then opting to leave them instead exactly where they landed, for days even after I had vacuumed my carpet looked like I had the first ever indoors frost.(I mean it is cold enough but this wasn’t funny, the tiny sparkling gems twinkled under the light, almost as if mocking me……I’m now doing my best to ignore them…..it’s not working out well, it’s become a vendetta…..

Battle Glittery gem line drawn in my carpet, I spent a whole week last week doing the last of the diamond cards while listening to Swedish Nordic noirs, odd thing was I had far more of an understanding of what was happening on the programme than I did the card I worked on….😃, But I persevered, and ten cards are winging their way to their recipients…..excuse the mess folks 😁😁, but they were made with love, if not with a touch of madness thrown in…..shopping is finally completed, cards sent, tree is looking resplendent covered in its glass snowflakes and icicles, twinkling LEDs, red berries and baubles……as I pull tightly shut the thick curtain,s, closing off the darkness as well as the freezing chill, candles flicker…I warm, cozy and despite the diamond hell relaxed…..maybe this is what they mean, although I somehow doubt it folks……..stay warm, stay well and most of all look after yourselves…….💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎x

Since 2020 B.C.(Before Covid), I had been on one long up hill battle to improve my health,. Which on the whole I had been Successfully achieving…Over several months, managing to drop not just one but four clothe sizes(won’t say dress sizes, because as we all know, dresses are of course the devils own creation) , I was by then leaner, trimmer and much more active….it had been one hell of a journey, one I had in truth began on half hearted, at the very start…

Throughout adult hood I have made more than one attempt at some diet after another(this is the understatement of all time😁, maybe losing a few lbs here or there, but never anything significant or indeed permanent come to that…unbeknownst to myself each of these new fangled diets came with not only massive lists of do,s and donts, but a high price to my health along with my metabolism….Especially the worst of these, the 500 calories a day diet…(yeah I know🙄

Funnily enough this though was the easiest of diets for me as I rarely ate more than once per day anyhow, and that was on a good day….I ran it past my then Doctor, who actually approved of it, stating he only ate once daily also, plus my weight at the time was spiralling rapidly out of control….I hated even looking at myself, being honest I was disgusted and appalled at what I was fast becoming, turning my head the other way in total denial when I passed by either a Mirror or reflection. Thinking back on this now, I doubt I was in fact actually getting enough food, my body therefore hanging onto anything I did eat…..

But in November of 2018, my transformation began I earnest, I ditched Carbs(pasta,bread,potatoes,even cake😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮), then sugar, just this altered my whole way of eating…no longer craving sugary snacks after dinner, in fact no longer any cravings😮,. Instead opting to eat only lean meats, fish and vegetables…always cooking from scratch, no preservatives or ready made meals, i found this was easy to maintain, even long term….

Then in March 2020, I contracted Covid, like most I actually didn’t feel that bad throughout the virus itself…..but that was just to fool you into a false sense of security., I soon learnt that was a mistake, Soon many symptoms began creeping out of the woodwork…some quite minor and quickly got over, others more serious and indeed long term….one was the sheer and utter exhaustion, most of 20/21 were spent in bed…my body bloated and filled with fluid, I was so breathless that even walking to the post box on the corner of my street, robbed me of all my energy for the next two days…I hated this thing I was reduced too, then I felt ungrateful because ill or not I had been lucky to survive where many hadnt…

Laying in bed day after day, wasn’t only mind numbing, the lbs piled on ever more, I wasn’t eating much again by now and anything I attempted played havoc with my stomach…I became increasingly more isolated and depressed. One day I stood on a new set of digital scales after my shower, I was to be shocked just how much I did weigh though …..17st or 238lb, I curled up in a ball on the sofa and sobbed…it seemed so unfair, I was barely eating, nearly always on the verge of dehydration and little to no energy to take exercise,…….

By the time I had showered daily, made a coffee, I lay back down trying to recover for the next few hours, …I forced myself into this small nonsensical routine, but it’s all I had control of, no matter the cost, the pain and lack of breath I wasn’t going to give it up., some days I had to sit on an icy shower cubical floor, letting the water pour over me, not even the strength to wash…getting dried and dressed depleted me for that day….by then I had learnt all about long hauling….the hair falling out, my lungs burning if I walked anywhere, even just into another room, severe headaches, high temperatures nightly, chills by day, my stomach increasingly rejecting food…I grew weaker by the day, mostly laying upon my side staring at the wall…. I didn’t know how to help myself or if in fact I was beyond it…..that was then…..

From March 2020 my recovery has been slow, the first victory was vacuuming a tiny patch of my livingroom, before sitting on the sofa caked in sweat…..at first I fell into a deep depression, this was stupid!!!!!, I felt useless….but I had one thing going for me….I’m extremely pig headed……(you don’t believe I know😁), But if my minds set i am going to succeed, at any cost….I learnt to vacuum a small patch, sit a while regain my breath, then do a little more, this went on for weeks, I grew angry, frustrated at the futility of it all, but I also became even more determined….imagine the excitement when I managed to vacuum the whole of the livingroom…..I know to you this was boring, a nothing job, to me it was the equivalent of running the London marathon, climbing mount Everest, to me it was a massive victory over an invisible foe…

Still I had to learn more lessons….small victories come at a cost, the next day I would be exhausted again….so stubborn or no I gave in to it, I rested, The next day starting again, it was a new day….I rarely went out, not driving meant I had to walk….there also I had minor victories, some days after many starts and stops I managed the five minute walk to a local shop….I celebrated each small improvement to the utmost, figuring I didn’t believe I would survive, let alone see any recovery…..

It’s now two years on…..

I’m still fighting the good fight, my head falsely believing we are ok now and should be able to live “a relatively normal life” ..on the other hand my bodies just not ready to cooperate in this venture….there is good news though, since March of this year Ive decided to retry the No carb/no sugar diet, And I’m happy to report it’s going slow but it is happening for me…I’ve lost 54lb, as I say it’s slow and of course I always want it to be more, but i,’ll take what I can get, including smaller pants😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, . It’s going to be one heck of a journey, one i know I’m not on alone, I’ve Jesse and my daughter cheering me on, saluting even a small loss, (and this is believe it or not of great importance, you really need that support of loved ones), there’s still a long way to go as yet,And a life of no cake for one such as a me isn’t always easy, but my goal makes it worth the sacrifice….if your on this same journey, I hope you drop by and we share our experiences, pitfalls, and wins….anything except cake……stay well, warm, and enjoy much……just stay away from anything that tastes good😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💜💜💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛x

Now before you all grab your hair and run off screaming no wayyyyyy!, let me explain myself, . Just over a week ago I put an order in for my usual weekly food shop…In amongst the frozen veggies, Chicken breast, Salmon steaks, bottle of milk,. I had asked for Cauldron pre Marinated tofu pieces(toad food as I fondly call it)…these though are surprisingly delicious, no honest, really savoury and better yet salty…(I confess i love salty food way way to much😁) … I was really looking forward to having this for my dinner with a huge plate of vegetables ….

An hour previous to its expected arrival time, I heard that dreaded of sounds,, an email ping on my somewhat ancient Samsung phone…I glare at the offending object sat upon the coffee table, give it “the look”, (ladies you all know the one😠 , . I’m daring it…just no! Don’t you even think it…..too late!…, I pick it up with a look of disdain…And as I already suspected, there in big bold letters….substitutions, …some things I don’t worry about most weeks…but why oh why is it always the one thing you want the most….in this case my weekly bar of dark chocolate and the much longed for Marinated tofu……😩,

If this wasn’t enough, adding insult to injury, they had replaced it with that slab of white gelatinous gloop floating in water ….it feels grosse to touch, I would say it tastes worse, but it is somehow totally devoid of all flavour…impossible right?, If you’ve not had the pleasure …. before tonight I would say keep it thus….you ask what changed?

Well I hate waste, especially food, ..so I decide to try making up my own Marinade…I’ve had some success with fish, Chicken ect…..yeah I know this isn’t either …even looking at this makes me gag…it reminds me of that most dreaded of white fats of yesteryear (lard)…uck…my stomach turns….but once the thought germinates in my grey cells, I’m forced to carry out my plan….so I start with the ok part( making the Marinade itself…

Grabbing a freshly washed out prepared salad pot(salad was delicious by the way…. I glug out(a cooking terminology😁) four large table spoons of dark Soy sauce,, then three tablespoons of honey, a teaspoon of pepper, a teaspoon of onion salt, two heaped tsps of crushed garlic, a tsp of turmeric, a tsp of paprika …have a wee work out…..by whisking the devil out of it…. Finally add a sliced red onion….

Back to the gelatinous gloop stuff(tofu) ……peel back the plastic film….another work out in itself this……all the time making sure the liquid it’s filled with doesn’t get you…(shudders. Take great care here, because this stuff will try to escape it’s confines once opened…. if it makes a break for freedom, hold it down securely with any convenient fork, while you cut it into inch sized cubes, this stuffs very slimey and tricksy…but it will be worth it honest…….

Drown…..I mean marinate the cubes for as long as possible, I left mine for three hours( three days may have been more appropriate though😁….making sure it’s all covered, put a cover over it so it can’t escape…. When content it’s drowned ermmmmm Marinated long enough, cook for 30 minutes in the oven on a shallow dish….I have to say….it tasted really good….I’m going to try the other half of the pack tomorrow or when I’m brave enough …… happy eating folks, 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃.

I’ve not really been inspired to go walking much of late, I’ve been fighting off some dreaded lurgy or another, one that seems to have given me much sleeping sickness,(I’ve taken to drop of at any point during the days of late) some weird sort Ague or another…though today wasn’t to be one of those days…

A high temperature or no I felt this over whelming need to take the air, a constitutional, turn around the park…So without further ado, Putting on my thick black fleece hooded sweat shirt, fluffy socks and sweat pants I set off before doubts or worse, laziness could talk me out of it, . The last two days here and abouts have been shrouded in thick fog, it too inspired me to venture forth, plus the nearer to the park fields I became, the denser it seems it grew….

Some places it swirled about itself, hovering a foot or so just above the ground, others it was just fine whispiness, but still damp non the less….plants leafy edges were coated in a fine almost like white dust, looking for all the world like something or someone had woken early and sprinkled them with a fine shifted icing sugar.. larger shrubs like the BlackBerry have been fooled into flowering once again, pink edged flowers looking strange amongst the blackened curling dying leaves and naked branches,. but more impressive still were the large thick silky woven webs, each white and heavy with the accrued abundance of moisture, droplets formed to make jewel like strings of diamonds, light fragments refracting into myriads of colours and I for one was besotted with the beauty of this new enchanted world.

Trees became pale ghostly shadows in the distance, haunting the dull Autumn grey skyline, only those with some brave remnants of leaves shone out against the dreary sky…they looking stunning and simply by their nature put on a glorious show of their own, Burnished coppers, deepest reds and golden yellows broke up the gloom, their bright coloured leaves lay prone upon dewy spiked grasses beneath their feet, i couldn’t help but playfully kick them into the air, enjoying the crisp crunch and rustling as I walked along….

You could feel the sheer volume of dampness in the air, but not only that you could see it in the smoke like whisps as they shimmered in the soft breeze, . Particules had gathered in the trees, forming big fat droplets that hung precariously on the fingertips of black Hawthorne branches, until weight caused them to finally drop on the already sodden earth with a gentle splat…..my hair became wet the longer I walked, plastering against my skull, yet still despite the greyness, the mists and damp, I didn’t feel cold, there were no breathy trails upon the air like normal November mist filled days, it felt unusually calm and mild….

In the distance I saw a few outlines of intrepid dog walkers, bundled up against the wet….Some I even passed a moment or two with, but I felt the need to hurry along, not wanting to share this mystical of world’s with anyone for any length, instead selfishly wanting to enjoy it for myself…feet caked in great clumps of sticky dark mud, I ploughed on regardless, stopping only to take the odd picture of a bright orange toadstall, clumps of webs decorating red berried Rowan trees, or droplets forming on spiralled tendrils of bright green ferns….

My walk was short but most sweet and filled with nature’s wondrous bounty, feeding my romantic filled mind with such wild fascinations,thoughts….as I headed home I looked up into the deep heavy grey sky to see the shadowy outstretched winged form of floating crows, looking for all the world like they hung there suspended in time and motion….I enjoyed the uneasy quietness of the afternoon, until I saw home before me, part of me wanted to go in and enjoy a large mug of welcome coffee curled up with a book on my sofa, but for the most I wanted to remain outside in the swirling Autumnal mist….stay well and take care of you x 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳

Over the past week or two, myself and sleep have had a rather serious parting of the ways,, it all starts out so very promising too, . Early on in Evenings I begin to unwind, relax, dare I say, even start to feel somewhat tired, if I’m laying on my bed, I get that nice warm fussy melting into the bed sleepy sensation, those series of odd micro dreams, you know the ones right?…..but the minute I get to go to bed for realsy. Pingggggg! My eyes are wide open, I couldn’t be more awake if I snorted a pot of coffee neat, followed by a sugar chaser…I’m so awake that any sleepy sensations have been kept on hold for over a week and out the door, I try to encourage it back but I give up, settling down to binge watch a series on prime …..

Now being a night owl, this really holds no hardship for me, only problem I have is staving off the boredom, there’s really not so much to do at 3am, but eventually sleep does deem for to show itself at around the time the rest of the world is rising, including the sun….I’ve no idea what time I fell asleep last night, never sure wether to describe it as late or early😁, . All I do know though was I woke around 11:50 later that day, my body aching, and feeling like I had run a marathon in my sleep and hasn’t collected one of those aluminium super capes or chocolate medals,,, what do you mean their not chocolate?????😲😁.

I slowly make my way out to the kitchen coffee alter and sacrifice a few heaped spoonfuls of golden honey to the great bean goddess, in the mere far off hopes that I would scrape together a pinch of energy(works normally, but not today, . Today I was on my own, energy wise, if there was any get up and go to be had, it had long since upped and gone back to bed no doubts!!!!….after much strong coffee, a cold shower, and dressing, I could bare this lethargy not a second longer, it’s so tiring😁, so I decide to go for a walk, (on reflection it was sheer lunacy I know, …I hadn’t walked more than a minute, when my heads screaming at me to “turn around fool and go back home!!!!!!”, it screams continually at me the whole time i,m out infact…

Trying to distract myself, I look about myself, The clouds are racing across the sky, pregnant with many threatening little raindrops,but I can’t help but love those deep grey gun metal clouds, there’s something intoxicating about their moodiness, the way they look so deep and heavy, yet float so gracefully across the sky, The trees by now are ever changing this time of year…, this week their colours have deepened, oranges,reds, golden yellows slowly being replaced, by rich ruby purples, crimson, coppers, and dark chocolate browns, ..leaves loosened by a sharp autumnal wind, pirouette somewhat gracefully before softly landing on the ground, joining piles covering the grass blown into tempting heaps.

Flashes of the brilliant red rose hips fattened by the much longed for rain catch the eye as I walk passed, (what is it that folk say about a glut of berries foretell of a harsh winter?,if true then this one’s going to be colder than my flat 😁 .This said after the heat of the long summer I’m all to ready to believe it,. Once again on the start of my walk i am alone, albeit for the company of a bunch of very excitable large black crows, beaks stabbing at the newly cut grass for unsuspecting bugs and grubs, suddenly taking off straight up into air outstretched wings aloft cawing loudly at a neighbour who encroaches on their piece of turf, ….Magpies cackle high up in the trees as if to laugh at the crows antics, all unaware of my presence among them.

Not so much the wasp though,. no the wasps are only too well aware that I’m there, every few minutes one dived at my unsuspecting head, they come at you from all sides buzzing angrily as if I intrude, which for all I know I could be, they are in search of remaining late fruits, there’s not much left on either the elder or BlackBerry but there’s always something to be found though even if it takes the form of a dropped sweet or sugary drinks can….

The longer I walk, I note the sun has managed to part the threatening dark clouds long enough to burst it’s way through, it’s brief appearance still has some warmth to it, and All at once i,m uncomfortably reminded of the long sleeved fleece jacket I put on, thinking I would feel the cold, I hate anything on my arms at the best of times, it feels suffocating, intrusive,, I feel hot and long to divest myself of it, but then I would only have to carry it….

Walking since Covid isn’t so much the pleasurable experience it once had previously been, I have to push myself to the enth degree in order to complete even the smallest distance, aching profusely, my breathing sometimes harsh and ragid, but I’m all too aware I need exercise, plus living alone it’s the only way I know that humanity still exists outside my four walls,that is beside myself and Jesse in cyber chat land ….

Dog walkers appear suddenly as if from nowhere, as I sit on my usual bench,(I say usual,,) there is in fact only the one😲😁, I watch their dogs meet up with others where they frolic as their owners chat,it’s a very social meet up for dog and owner alike . A small fluffy Spaniel rolls, over and over joyfully in some patch of smelly grass, much to his owners annoyance, She bellows hopelessly for him to follow her, but there’s no chance, his scratching up the grass before rolling once more in whatever stink his thinking is glorious,(I swear I see a smile upon his cute face, after a while he realises mum has walked off in disgust, he races after her, ..I hear her tell him to stop being a Dxck head 😁, he doesn’t care by now, his still smiling and smelling absolutely glorious darling😁…..I’m all too aware at that moment i,m feeling envious,. Envious of their walks together, the cute way his tongue lolls out the side of his mouth as he trots at her side, those 4am walks, even the freezing cold winter 10pm walks in the dark…I see other people throwing balls arms open wide as their dog runs back, I feel this huge void, a sadness I can’t begin to describe even if I tried, I miss my dogs, I hate hate hate!!!! these loan walks, I long for their companionship, there’s a hole in my world each day and nothing or no one can fill it…..

I walk back slowly, aware I must cut a strange figure, walking across fields alone, for no other reason than the need to escape the confines of my flat, some ignore me like I’m not there choose to look right through me, others suspicious of my motives avoid eye contact,. I despise the walking stick that’s essential for me, it creates a barrier between me and any dog approaching that may stop for a friendly scratch or cuddly, all the dogs seem to look worried by it, some even barking, this just hurts even more, I often sit for long spells over there just to be in a dogs presence, it’s all I have right now….

I Go home to be greeted by my little she devil of a cat, her strange little mew breaks through to my deep thoughtful fuzzy brain, we share a moment or three, chatting back and forth about goodness only knows, but she’s there, warm and wanting to be with me, I’m home!, and that was ok with me.

But now comes the crunch, later I had arranged with a local vets, to check Freya for a micro chip and do a health check…..Freya had come along in leaps and bounds, from thin, worm infested fearful bedraggled cat,, to shiney, ultra friendly, fat cat…..she had become so out going and a wonderful part of my routine, in truth the best part…I looked forward each morning to freezing my butt off feeding her before I even made coffee!!!!!!😲, I know …

I should have known by the thunderous omen, monsoon rain storm, something was amiss….I spoke to a lovely vet, who checked her over..remarking on her lovely healthy condition, bit over weight maybe😲, oooops😁😁😁😁😁, but she was looking good….then he picks up the micro chip wand…..And I hear at once an almost deafeningly heart stopping beep, she’s chipped, there’s her registered number in black And white upon the computer screen, I feel at a loss of my emotions, .The vet tells me they will be ringing the number…I hold my breathe ……my world slowly spinning out of kilter,, how am I supposed to feel?, For two months now Freya has been my companion, bringing much more than just a friendly greeting, she’s made here a home, our home….

I didn’t even get in the front door on my return, before my mobile phone shrills in the deafening silence, it’s the call I had dreaded, (Freya as I know her), is actually called Marmite, ..And she’s been missing from her home since February of this year…..her very emotional owner was thrilled to find out that she’s ok, And of course I’m so pleased for them both, course I am!, But I can’t help but know I’m going to miss her, each time I go to the door she’s not there sleeping, there’s no greeting, no one to come in and sit on my lap with a raspy purr, or to follow me to hang laundry….she made a big difference in my life, And I hope I have some way in hers, we shared a moment in time,,,, well two months to be precise, two whole months of being needed,. And now!!!well who knows….it is on reflection the best outcome, and I feel really selfish for missing her presence already, but grateful to her owners for sharing her with me however briefly, She’s certainly been an experience! 😁 a most wonderful, enjoyable, loving experience……it’s so quiet now….

In the meantime the rain still falls, pattering loudly against the windows, a sound I normally love, the odd rumble of thunder breaks the unbearable silence, the world goes on around me, invisible me…and wrongly and rightly I miss little Freya, I just know I’m going to miss her terribly…..take care all and be careful out there 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽😽x

Some days I wake feeling half way normal, not quite so sure the other half of me always agrees so much though, it borders on near insanity.My life revolves around bribing my mind and body to cooperate and do what you ” Normal” folks do…like get out of bed in the morning, shower, clean house.

Monday…

I was infact up early for someone who didn’t finally go to sleep until around 3am ish,. When bright sunshine flooded in through my bedroom window, finding its way between any gaps in the two sets of lined thick red curtains . it always manages to claw it’s way through them somewhere. A somewhat dazzling glare prises open my very unwilling eyes, instructing my still sleepy cobwebbed mind, it’s time to get up!!!…zombified I go in hunt of the coffee pot (it’s a true weakness), flicking on the switch, before heading for a shower. I’m not in any way looking forward to it though this morning, I had spent most of Sunday night pushing my shoulder joint back into its Socket, although at the very last attempt it was to my relief finally staying in place, but remaining tender, this meant getting out of the big baggy bedtime t shirt was going to be a fun thing to do….😁, I manage after much deliberation, determination followed by liberal usiage of many curse words,

Showered, dressed and two large coffees inhaled in rapidly succession, I do recall feeling some what human at least, the pain meds from the previous nights fun, by now mixing nicely with my large dose of caffeine,, sloshing through my veins, zinging up into my head which is now not only extremely wide awake,. but I’m thinking more wired in reality…it comes up with crazy supposed fun ideas, like let’s go for a run!!!!, come onnnnn we can do it!, noooo, ok let’s put Spotify on ear blasting mode then we could dance, or work out, yes let’s work out!!!!!, Paint the bathroom purple, 😁😁😁😁😁 My body on the other hand is not so impressed much less quite up for any of this total mayhem…I,m stood looking out of the living room window, it was in fact the most glorious of sunny mornings, So I threw my by now fizzing brain a compromise, let’s get our shoes on and walk, walking is our friend😁….

I really wasn’t up for this much activity in truth, but once I get started, the mild, sunny weather made me glad I had persisted,…walking my usual route just didn’t seem very inspiring, So I walk through a local field that had only recently been cut, it has a well trod pathway leading out onto a main road, I had all intentions of only going up to the end of the track and then turning back, ..I said that was my intention anyway😁

When I did reach the end, I stood a while looking about me, as I caught my breath, its while standing there I notice another pathway bending slightly right, not admittedly as well used as the one I,m infact stood upon, but what it did have were a couple of added attractions, I had only until recently been able to see from a distance. my mind made up, no matter how foolhardy I won’t be swayed, and I wasnt….😁

I was not walking long, when I come across the first of what I had been wanting to see for months now..it was the most glorious tree, covered with Sulphur yellow coloured leaves,it contrasts spectacularly with its sharp yellow colour against the by now deep grey heavy sky, as always it was too late to wish I had bought my camera, I would have dearly loved to capture the tall elegance of the Tulip tree in all its glory…I stand a while beneath it’s spread out branches just looking up into a solid gold canopy of lushness, but before long I know I must make a move or risk getting a soaking from the ever increasing dark sky..it’s still a pretty day but the weather in England is not to be trusted 😁.

I walk along the winding track, the further on I go the more wild and unused it becomes, I am by now relying more and more on my cane, eventually the track runs out altogether and there’s now two choices, do I do the sensible thing and turn back orrrr, yes you’ve guessed it, keep going, the grass is now up around my knees(I didn’t have a handy Machete hidden about me either😲sighs), there’s twigs, nettles, and All manner of things hidden away, plus the grounds very uneven, I’m feeling like Jane of the jungle, just without my Tarzan,(Not sure how my Tarzan (Jesse) feels about swinging from vines in a loin cloth😁) but by now I’m even more determined to get to the end(it’s become a challenge)…It was indeed though worth the effort, Ive come across the second tree I had been wanting to see up close ….it too stands out amid the skyline, equally as beautiful as the first, But this has a deep reddish purple leaf, And has an amazing name, the Royal purple Smoke tree, (isn’t that a cool name), after this I’m soon back on track and it doesn’t take me long, to find a convenient gap between overgrown hedge rows from there into the park…

I slow my pace down as I note, I have for once the place to myself, not a fellow rambler in sight, this is a rare and most welcome treat, I don’t have share salutations with passing strangers, Grin maniacally at dog walkers, or hide behind lampposts from oncoming neighbours😁, No it was indeed safe to enjoy my own company,. And it’s not too long though before I find some mischievousness to get myself into, as I walk on, I see the children’s play area, free little ones….oh dear!😁,

I just can’t help myself, before I can alter my thought pattern the child within is well out and truly making havoc, I’m sat on a swing, swinging like a thing possessed, and I don’t bloody care either!, I’m loving the breeze in my hair, leaning my head dizzyingly back, And looking up into the clouds, in those few minutes I’ve reverted from someone barely able to walk, to child, Weeeeeeee! I say upon each glorious swing, I’m having a ball, so much so, I’m not noticing the nurse riding her bike till too late, or the Grinning dog walker who appears suddenly out of the trees, his amusement obvious….I slowly get off the swing and leave the area😁.

Wednesday …..

Another day begins, on opening the living room curtains, My wild child, delinquent cat, is sat waiting for food,(she’s always waiting for food, four times a daily 😁😲😁…before I do anything I open the door to let her in before she wakes the neighbourhood with her half starved yowling, wild yellow manic eyes stare up into mine…(swear this moggy is using mind control, With any more ado she sat looking expectantly at the draw I keep her food in, never moving just pointing in its General direction accusingly, “Where’s my food?” “your a second later than normal”, I do Madame,s bidding at once, grab the food, we go over to find her food dish, she winds about my legs in some pretence of actually liking me😁, (she doesn’t, the minute I put her food down she hisses loudly and turns her back on me) there’s no love here I’m just grateful she’s outside or I swear she would eat my face off in my sleep, ( I’ve seen the attack of the cat people😁)…..the

I come in grab a coffee and read the paper, but it’s not to long before something moving catches my eye, I feel a sudden stinging sensation, looking across to the site of the pain, having a marvellous free feast was a large cat flea, growing larger by the minute,. Now having been around animals since before I could walk, I know a thing or three about these wee beasties, like they can leap tall buildings 😁, read minds….how do they know when your going to go in for the death pinch?, no I mean how do they do that? . I’m sat still, not moving a blooming muscle, it’s tucking into me with a vengeance, I just begun thinking right move in for the kill Treez, when the bloody thing leaps right up into the air!!!!,

I know I’ve not got a cat in hell chance of relocating the little sucker, I am however itching everywhere, feeling crawling on every section of skin, searching my body every second for the offending runaway critter…I’m just about to go into the bathroom to strip. Bag up my clothes and shower, when strolling nonchalantly along my arm walks said flea, this time I don’t move, don’t think, blink an eyelid, I just move quicker than the speed of light!!!!, I do kung fo proud, I catch that little b in mid leap, ….without checking if it’s there, I hold it firmly between thumb and forefinger, I’m pinching that little dear like grim death, …we go out to the bathroom, I drop it into a watery grave(aka the toilet) and flush, there!!!!!! A nice burial at sea….

This was followed by a crazed day of, stripping off every cover from my bed, washing them in vinegar and lavender, all my clothes, spraying and vacuuming carpets, sofa, …my house was now spotless and smelling lush, the cat on the other hand was not so impressed😁, she’s since had flea drops, bless her hissing little heart, I narrowly missed losing an eye by a flaying claw and she’s giving me the evil eye, most likely plotting a slow and painful death for me, but it’s a small price to pay😁😁😁😁😁😁….take care all and be careful out there 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😽😽😽😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺

It’s Sunday …yeah I know you know this 😁, But in truth though i don’t always, being mainly housebound these days, time drifts by quite un noted, and if I’m honest I really don’t mind. Though as I awoke this morning, shuffling out to the living room, i drew back the curtains to see the most beautiful Autumn morning. Sun already up high in a perfect azure sky,

I didn’t get long to let it permeate though or waken my still sleep clouded brain though, before I hear a muted mewing from outside, my lodger otherwise known as Freya, a somewhat semi feral cat, makes her presence well and truly known, she’s stood on the narrow window ledge, tail pointing directly into the air…soon as she see,s I’ve noted her there, the soft babyish Mews, go by the wayside replaced by an unrelenting full fledged screams of protest…..Food,food foooooood!!!!!!, well least I’m hoping this is what she’s saying, because my dear fluffy black furball, goes from cute kitten, to fur ridged along her spine, hissing she devil within seconds…specially if madame,s food isn’t served quite quick enough or to ones liking, take into account here, I am not even fully awake, plus just dressed in undies and t shirt shivering outside, things I do for this cat….😁

Nothing like the chill of an early October morning to wake up the sleepyist of souls…So chilled to perfection by now, I take my icy cold shower…yes insanity I know, but for those uninformed by my earlier musings, I have over the months grown to really enjoy the clean fresh feel of my cold showers…well after that initial holding of one’s breath. It really sets me up for the day…😁, . Washed, finally fully dressed, a large steaming Mug of nectar(Coffee) hastily gulped, I spend a minute or two just laying back on my bed, sun beaming through the window, letting my body catch up with my brain and the day find it’s own pace….

Not sure if it’s that early shot of caffeine or even just a need to escape the confines of my walls, I feel this sudden urge to go for a walk..needing to walk and doing such are indeed two totally different things, But before I have chance to change my mind, I,m pulling shoes on from under the bed and without undoing them first, I cram my feet in them, (thinking all the while I really should learn to unlace these more often, if my children had done this!😁 (well enough said) . I grab my trusty cane from its hiding place, keys and phone in hand and even as I leave, shutting the front door firmly behind me ,I’m still unsure this walking malarkey is the right thing.

But before I can alter my own thinking any, the lure of such a soft clear morn takes me by the hand and inspires me to those few faltering steps out into the wide blue yonder, … first thing I encounter 😲, there’s people out here!!!!!!!!😁, . well Course there is, if I’m enjoying the day, you bet your bottom dollar others are. It’s nice here though I must admit everyone greets each other with a “morning”!,

Even walking down the alleyway at the back of local houses is a joy on this perfect of mornings, high up in two very over grown fruit trees I hear excited calls from a group of birds, they flit from limb to limb bickering,. As I walk below the over hanging branches, I see flashes of bright red, it’s just momentary because their not hanging about,😁 but it’s long enough for me to pick out that these are gorgeous bullfinches, Cobby rotund little characters so bright and cheerful, .Black and white Magpies cackle as they Chase one another up on the roof tops, flocks of jaunty sparrows land for brief spells on the grass before taking off again in a whirl, spooked by an imaginary something or another.

There’s always the possibility of seeing that brief glimpse of a butterfly or two, upon a fence sunning their delicate gossamer wings were three red Admirals, lazily flapping every few minutes, the sun glistening upon the iridescent colours, they of course are unaware of their beauty, just trying to evade being a hungry birds breakfast.

Before long I’m walking on the now lush and verdant fields, that only just weeks previous had been scorched brown by the unrelenting hot summer sun, now fully recovered, rejuvenated by the few weeks of sparse rain we have had,. In the distance I hear muted calls, I know already there’s a local football match afoot. So avoid going onto the second field which is usually part of my normal route, ..

It’s not only the grass that’s found renewed vim and vigour, I note that the hedge rows are a riot of colour, plump scarlet hips cover where once wild roses bloomed earlier on in May time, Rowan trees sway in the soft breeze bracks of orange red berries decorate the ends of each twig, leaves are changing by the day now, every shade of red, coral, orange, golds and yellow…mother nature is most resplendent this time of year and I would be a fool not to enjoy every moment of her glory, before the long cold snap months of winter set in,

Wanting to take full advantage of the day, I bring home a collection of twigs, berries, two or three different coloured ivys, my favourite being the Bettina bi colour variety, with its pale creamy veins, and edges, .this said I also have a love for the dark green waxy leaves of the English ivy(Hedera Helix) that grows everywhere here. . I once read that ivy was used regularly in ancient Greece to reduce swelling, infections and even as an aesthetic…plants are amazing, …The large plump round scarlet Hips I bought back with me, were infact during the war collected by many to make Rosehip syrup, fruits being so Scarce this was indeed a rich source of vitamin C…And can still be bought to this day.

I placed my finds in a vase when came home, they brighten up my room immeasurably, a splash of rare colour against the white walls, I placed some plum tomatoes ive been ripening indoors around the base, their varying shades of green, orange and reds looked so beautiful I took the time to photograph the scene and capture my walk indefinitely…Thank you for sharing my walk, stay safe, stay well and look after you x💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿

For over a week now I’ve had this deep down dark longing, more than that actually, it’s a craving, a real need, It had Woken me from a deep sleep many times, late into the night Such was the calling, I had fought it off valiantly for well over a week, but now at the weekend I finally caved in, crashed, I’m weak and not ashamed to confess it.. I couldnt ignore the temptation a moment longer, not a millisecond….I slipped quietly from my still warm comfy bed, not even bothering to dress…..

What could be disturbing my nights so your wanting to know?(or there again maybe not)…..It’s that sweet seductive siren call of “The Cake” of course it is!😁, Its always been a weakness of mine, but for months now I fought it off. I’ve ignored its every torment, until 12:30 Saturday night.fatal!!!!!!!!!

I’m not foolish enough to keep cake in the house😁, that’s just asking for trouble, . So what was I going to do? , well like every sensible woman I know, you get up and make one of course right?, …I couldn’t be bothered to hunt down recipes, ingredients and faff about, that takes far too long….So I begin to Hunter gather in the wilds of my cupboards,

There’s very little in the way of Cake baking fixings, there’s actually little of anything but soup, every type of soup, a few tins of tomatoes, kidney beans ect, the basic tinned goods we all have glaring at us from the back of the dark gloomy recesses of our store cupboard, . Not I’m afraid the best cake making goodies….Not one solitary stray chocolate chip I could brush the hair and fluff off. No eggs, or dried fruit…😔🤔, this left me with a dilemma, a puzzle,

I wanted to be strong willed and slink off back to the warmth of my fleece covered bed, I know many of you more sane folks would have,,Again I open each cupboard in turn, with only two small cupboards, this does not!!! Take but a moment, I repeat the pointless exercise over and over, shivering in my shorts and t shirt. But unlike the dreamt of creamy cake batter, I won’t be beaten…..

Then I remember in the living room laying neglected and ripening fast were five bananas, . I know I have self raising flour, two of the main ingredients for Banana bread….but I don’t want bread 😡, I want cake, .no not just any cake but moist, sweet, sickly scrumptious, glorious Cake, i want to cram every last delicious crumb in my mouth and then lick my fingers, rummage down my cleavage for last lost morsels😁…..

So I go on searching for anything to bring about what I would need, or at least stuff I could make a facsimile of cake….the inner cake demons would not be hushed, they too wanted fed, they like me had one thing on their minds….after a more extensive and frustrated search, I found a few more possibilities…..Dates, Grated ginger, cinnamon, a dusty pot of brown sugar, plus lurking under some pitifully wilted salad leaves, lay a secret ingredient, one that may just help me pull this thing off…..Condensed tinned milk,….I shoved those salad leaves aside without a second thought and held aloft triumphantly the precious can.

Smiling now I began putting together the ingredients, squishing three large bananas, adding it to a cup and a half of self raising flour, vanilla extract, cinnamon, ginger, a dozen chopped dates, two spoonfuls of a long ago forgotten packet of banana Angel delight(pudding mix for our friends overseas, Half cup of Brown sugar, finally adding the can of condensed milk, even now the ingredients smelt lush, sweet and tormented my nose with promises to come….after stirring the batter well I looked about for my parchment paper to line my crock pot with. As I found it, I also found the sad remains of a bottle of brandy from Christmas long past…..in for a penny I thought, glugging the last drops in the batter……

I set the Crock pot on for three hours, but it was actually cooked in just over two, ….My tiny flat filled with the most Devine fruit scent, the chilled 3am air ripe with an over powering aroma of cake……I took my oval shaped cake from out of the Crock pot….setting it on the side to cool…I had every intention of leaving it a full 30 minutes, well that was the intention anyhow…😁, the reality was five minutes of pacing in the kitchen, until I could stand the wait not a moment more,

I cut into its warmth without a thought, i didn’t give a damn it was still hot, 3am, or that I should by right be asleep right now, I just carved out a huge slice , plopping it into bowl, topping the warm sponge like cake with a dollop of raspberry jam, this slowly oozed down the side, I crept quietly back to bed so as not to wake Jesse from his slumber, I looked guiltily across at his sleeping face, shrugged my shoulders briskly and put a spoonful of the warm cakey goodness in my mouth, as I shut my eyes the better to savour its longed for taste to perfection…..a voice out of nowhere says “what yah eating hun”?, . My eyes burst open and I look into a smiling face , my own burning at being caught red handed…. ” Nothing I say quietly” ” ok cake, good cake”, actually as I chew , my taste buds indulged and I realise this is indeed cake!, Very good cake 😁.xxx

Recipe……..

3 ripe Bananas……1 1/2 cups of self raising flour……tablespoon of Cinnamon,……..2x tablespoons of banana Angel delight( pudding mix)……tablespoon of ginger chopped…….half a dozen or more if you like of dates chopped or any dried fruit to hand, …..half a cup of sugar brown or white…..can of condensed milk, mix well Brandy optional….Cook on high in slow cooker for two to 21/2 hours…….Cool if you can wait that long unlike me of course……ps if you have Jam this is just glorious….pps, I will not be taking the blame for any weight gained …..but its worth it folks enjoy😁😁😁😁😁😁💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩

Earlier I watched dark clouds gather across the sky, Layer upon layer of thick darkness hung low and foreboding like it knew something I wasn’t yet privy to… I went about my usual business, And i wished I could say that I had felt any sort of premonition, that I known what was about to come amongst us and change our world forever, but though an announcement had been made around lunchtime of our Queens ill health, Still like we all do with a most loved relative,you hope above hope they will pull though, that some miracle takes place.

At around 6ish the sky grew even darker, an unearthly hush fell around us, no birds sang, childrens voices became unnaturally quiet, even local dogs for once lay silent, And as I learnt of our Queens death, the sky opened up, almost as if too wanted to mourn, lightning streaked the sky and thunder growled low and deep,We are Some hours on and still the world holds her breath as England gets to grips with being Orphaned, we have lost not just our Monarch but a much loved Mother, Our Mother…

And it’s as if none of us knows quite what to say or do now, how does one react, make peace with such a loss?, the Guider of our ship has left us adrift, And as England Grieves for its Parent, I hope it unites her people, for at least there something good will be born out of this sad day..there’s few times of late being British makes me proud, but we have had 70 years of one of the longest reigning, hardest working Monarchs of all time, of that I’m deeply proud, today is one sad day for England and moreover the world.. My thoughts go out to the Queens family and loved ones, Long may she rest at the side of her beloved Husband Philip, God bless our Queen, And long live our new King….Much love to you all ❤🌹❤