Dearest Diary….

How strange the last two weeks have been, my mood lurching from exalted highs, to much more grounding lows,. the darker nights draw in, although not effecting me quite so much as many, (well of course not) it is infact throwing me somewhat,.Days seem to be stretching out far longer for some unfathomable reason,..I wake roughly the same time, somewhere between six and seven am, there i begin my morning routine, with the usual three rounds of strong steaming hot coffee,(knowing full well I wouldn’t move without that caffeine kick in the pants😊) Most times I take the first back to bed, sipping it’s warmth, while watching some mindless rubbish on prime, my body warming back up like a basking reptile I need that warmth to move, for as much as I adore this time of year,. nature preparing herself for the long winter shut down, her pause mode, drifting into the oncoming sleep, cometh with winter of course, the not quite so welcome or romantic chill that’s alreasy begun once again to encase the flat, with it of course myself,

Last week I rather perilously clambered up and down my step ladders, half a dozen times, ( heights send my head in a spin, Even if it is just two steps up🙄😊) I was at the time though attempting to cover the bedroom windows with sheets of honeycombed patterned plastic, Because although I’m informed by the Estate agent, that the glazing is in fact suffice, (double glazed), Being No glazier myself of course, instinct tells me it’s far from…Most mornings now I draw back my curtains to see condensation mists fogging half way up each pane, water trails sliding down, leaving puddles of water upon the wood sill.. Taking into further consideration there’s no noise barrier from the outside, then there’s the lovely freezing breeze billowing my curtains, even though they are the heavier lined winter ones I put up mid october.. As I diligently work away at the task at hand, I can’t help but feel an oncoming sadness, Im shutting myself away further still, Away from my beloved outside, where I long to be and love, even though I venture outside less now, upon opening my curtains each morning, light flooded in, with it bringing welcome glimpses of new autumnal colouration, I feel imprisoned further now, another barrier put up in some endeavour to shut out the chill, at the same time closes me in further….but choices are few and I do what I have to, I quickly shut the curtains tightly preventing further sadness building from my new myopic fuzzy view. ….

I’m trying so hard not to use any form of heating, Every now and again bouts of shivering becomes gruesome and tiring, cold eats into my body, I give in finally when my hands are become painful, my nose blue, seems tissues are now a permanent fixture😊, Even though using my dehumidifier doesn’t exactly heat the room of choice, it does knock the temperature up slightly making it almost bearable, also drys the washing,.drying outside the last two weeks has become slowly more impractical..thanks British weather🙄,….When did heating become a luxury here I wonder?, The few times I’ve used it, Guilt washes over me, I watch the smart little blinky monitor that sits upon my chest of drawers, its bright orange pulsing warning light forever informing me I’m going over my electricity budget for that month., Even though I’m increasingly sitting in my dark cold world, the exception being a few cheery strings of flickering battery powered fairy lights, candles with their faint Amber warmth playfully flickering upon the walls….I curl up under my fleece blankets earlier most evenings, Settling down in my cave, like a creature slipping into winter hibernation….

In the week, I ventured out into the small side garden, spending ten minutes clearing small patches of weeds, it’s a brief moment of much needed daylight, I’m only too aware of the benefit of some natural light to ward off depression, doing anything in nature brings about its own reward, as I prepare the ground for the up coming new springs return…it’s like a sacred solemn promise to myself, just as winters approaching fast, with all it the cold onslaught, the darker nights, Spring always always will follow, in other words this too shall pass 😊, … With the soil cold upon my fingers, I shallow dig , clearing weeds and pebbles as I go, I never use gloves to work, it’s just another barrier from myself and mother nature, I love the loamy leafy smell from the patches of earth I work with…it’s smell is cool and delicious, as is the Smokey acrid scent upon the breeze from neighbours log burners, all at once I’m reminded of early morning walks to school, kicking leaves, picking up and inspecting the spent sad firework casings from the night previous, their gunpowdery smell mixing with the bonfire smoke from gardens, grey plumes hanging heavy upon the sharp frosty air…I straighten my aching back, allowing the memory to wash over me, that invisible link from the me of past to the me of today . I’m bought back from time traveling with a bump, as I look about reacquainting myself with my surroundings, out the corner of my eye, I spot a solitary small white pot, filled with early green sprouting daffodil spikes, ….I’m thinking they are from last year’s Paper white Narcissi, …when in flower they are stunning white waxy little multi headed plant, whose sweet perfume fills any room….immediately the compulsion to bring this show of life into my home over takes me…I quickly transfer the many bulbs into an earthen wear pot I had painted a few years back…

They are now sat by the window, their rapidly growing green spires reflect in the warm brown glossy grain of my Cherry wood coffee table, …the blues and sea greens of their hand painted pot adding a much needed splash of colour to the brighten up the otherwise drab livingroom, the life in their pointed leaves brings the outside in, I look forward to them hopefully flowering in the coming weeks,

The mystery of the stinking veggies……

During the last two weeks I’ve had this inexplicable craving for all things veggie, yeah I know I would have to be different🙄, Most folk want sugary carb laden stodge in winter, your cakes, sweets and biscuits….But for me the latest thing is courgettes, leek, Aubergine, carrots, cucumber and onion, all with lashings of garlic ….every night my plate is piled high with steamed crunchy vegetables, the only issue here is, I have to buy ever increasing amounts to top up the sad looking depleted fridge😊, which never bothers me of course, but I do find the increased number of Morrisons deliveries slightly embarrassing, especially living in my ownsome, I often wonder what crosses their mind…id blame Sage but he’s tiny budgie frame would soon give me away….😊.

Take last week for instance, I had my usual Morrisons delivery spot 12:30 on Tuesday, by that Thursday the cupboards or my case fridge was bare, no really it was!!!!!….Only the odd bell pepper and red onion to be seen, that’s not even one meal for moi😊…so I had this brainwave, (no stop it, it’s happens occasionally….tahdahhhhhh! Amazon fresh….remember this name now for future reference please good folksies…..This Zon ordering food malarkey is still fairly new one such as me, but In my opinion im getting the hang of it….I load my interweb virtual basket with Asparagus, Brussels, Green beans, peppers, cougette, tomatoes etc etc😊,. You have to spend over £25 anyway so no problem I think to myself!!!…..it really wasn’t either…I’m lucky enough to secure a 10 o’clock delivery for the very next morning…all good so far, right!!…

Even more impressive is my shopper had managed to find all I had ordered, it’s going to be a good day, I just know it!, . Last Friday In fact dawns one of those rare perfect cloud free Autumn mornings, the skies a glorious periwinkle blue, the sun has that faint surprising warmth attached to it, I’ve woken up in an extraordinary good mood matching the day ahead….I’ve three lines of laundry blowing in breeze…the window in the living room is open, chasing off the frausty too long enclosed air….my coffee is strong and alls right in my tiny corner of the planet….I should have known, this was never going to end well🙄😊😊😊😊😊, .

Just after 10 O’clock there’s the knock on my door, my Amazon delivery has arrived….I have vegetables at last, yay I can eat….Stood at my door is a rather tall gentleman, very friendly, a warm smile greets me, we pass pleasantries as he hands me the two large heavy brown paper bags, I Find I quite enjoy these small exchanges with delivery people, (it keeps me practice for those rare occasions I have to ‘re join the real world). All the while my driver is standing at the door though this horrible stench begins to fill my nose. To be honest I thought the poor guy must have stepped in something….it happens im sure your only to aware!!!, It was eye wateringly pungent, I could feel my nose hairs wither and fall to the floor in neat piles….before long I found myself holding my breath, or putting my hand up to my nose….where’s one of those good old fashioned vinaigrettes when one is required huh?…..Tears begin forming in the corners of my eyes, it’s only politeness preventing me from making my excuses an leaving the conversation early…. After my nose begins dripping in an effort to rid itsself of the stinky onslaught, I beg his pardon, thanking the driver i walk in closing the door on the prevailing pong….ughhhhh!,

I place the bags straight out into the kitchen, Start putting away the items, when I note almost at once, the smell had returned, just like some unwelcome guest,oh goodness its still there…. impossible I think! Surely it’s not me, is it????!!!!!, I turn about in my tiny Galley kitchen knocking into things, in some vain attempt at locating the source of this putrid smell…embarrassment flashing over me, surely I hadn’t just stood at that door chatting, stinking to high heaven….forgetting there’s no curtain at the kitchen window, I lift my top and arms to sniff…..yeah I really did that!!!!!!, I spin about sniffing around me like some amphetamine laced demented blood hound, but try as I might I just could not find the smell…..I checked my shoes, bottom of the bags, items in the blooming bags,,,, nothing…..but there it hung about in the air ….like so many garlands of strung up doggy do,s…. reaching under the sink for a bottle of disinfectant spray, I began dousing everything within reach….my house spiders ran for cover, havnt seen them since, I scrub every inch of myself, change my clothes respray the fetid air, oh help !!!.

That evening I decide to cook myself a chicken breast with green beans,Brussels sprouts, and broccoli…I prepare the veggies as the coated chicken cooks merrily away in the air fryer…I plan to steam them as is my norm….putting them on to cook for just minutes before letting them steam away for a further five in a covered bowl….As the vegetables cook away….this overwhelming smell rises up through the air in a nose abusing steamy stench….only it’s worse than ever….there’s no escape, as the moist air is making it rise up. Permeating every nook and cranny, thinking it has to be my imagination, I drain the veggies and leave them steaming in their bowl….five minutes later however I go back out into the kitchen, lift the lid on the steaming contents, and as I do….it’s like the steam takes on a life of its very own, ramming itself firmly up its nostril and strangling my throat….eyes watering, choking me….I put the lid straight back on before it gets a further strangle hold….When Im recovered enough, I grab out the green beans from my fridge…snapping one, I bravely sniff the offending item…..this it it! Voila!!!!, I’ve located the blooming pong!…..but not only do the beans stink, everything within reach does also, it’s all contaminated….I’m contaminated…my fingers are reeking….there’s no escaping, it evades everything….I scrub my hands numerous times, but I can still smell that lingering stink….ughhhh, I grab out all the vegetables from the fridge, I double bag everything and throw it straight out into the bin…angry at the waste, the cost, I don’t bother with dinner, I seemed to have had a sudden hunger bypass….next day I put in an order from my old favourite Morrisons, then thoroughly clean out the fridge,bleaching the kitchen afterwards …lesson learned the easiest way isn’t always the best….. It was one expensive lesson…I thank goodness for my sense of smell, who knows what damage would have ensued had I eaten any of that……well I hope you all have a good week ahead of you folks…take care of yourself and be careful out there …..💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄😁