Micturation, Midnighthours, And knickers to it all

My names Theresa it’s been four days since my last confession, I think !!!,( Im not sure that I’ve not mixed up the confession box, with too much of the adult juice box, but I believe you get my drift…..I tried really hard( honest) to stay away from the Amazon lure( that’s the Amazon online shop not to be confused Amazon Basin of course) and indeed shopping in general,…But I’m here to confess to my weaknesses,, ( it went all down hill faster than me getting to a bake sale with free cake,s for the first five people). It started with rabbit shopping,, Hair dye and if course a tablet case, so now I’m fighting off badly all their other proffered up products and goodies, they have this magical habit of popping up on my email daily, so you see it’s really not my fault , ( I mean who doesn’t need a clean two speed hand held go faster bidet, A 300 strand of copper wired flashing fairy lights with eight functions, or indeed a life time supply of one’s favourite coffee,

In Theresa land, I see this working out perfectly well for me, to the point I could maybe take my coffee machine into the bathroom, wrap the fairy lights around the non existent bathroom mirror, and Bidet to my little hearts content, (This then could of course also lead to other buying opportunities, .. course I will need a bathroom mirror, an extension cord, few rugs, New blind …….etc etc( oh yes this could be wonderful , I can see it all now…, ..flashing lights, add some music, my neighbour,s will come for miles, calling to join in my rave either that or planes will land in my tiny garden !!!!!..But on a more serious note, I do know I have to get this under control, it’s not easy when your stuck in the house all day every day, Jesse and Cinnamon rabbit try their best to keep me entertained, that not being easy for either , as Jesse works long hours, plus his running out of one liners, his also walked about with one of my bra,s on his head so often now to amuse me, his Neighbour,s think it’s a new Covid protection item, !!, Cinnamon has tried everything from flinging about his cardboard kitchen roll tube, to playing bowls with his poops, ( his getting quite good at it funny enough

Poetry writing being harder to gather inspiration for, I don’t go out to commune with mother nature,Also there’s not much romance to be had in reconciliation of clients books, or who woke feeling less aches and pains that morning as we awoke, (Although there were a few tender moment,s, from our Friday date night Candlelit supper , consisting of an all the meats pizza and tater tots, that was indeed quite touching plus tasty, ….so what to do about my addiction, it has to go , I have to indeed pull up my big girl woman’s boy shorts ( I love those ladies , they are so comfy and the best value at the moment, in such a range of colors arghhhhhhh!!!!) Each day I wake with good intentions, only for them to be scuppered at the last , (new Solar lit fence …..

I swear sometimes the universe is working against me here! , I woke earlyish, while Jesse slumbered on, looking across at my newly purchased box of Auburn glow hair dye, the woman on the box, (grinning at me with that all to knowing secretive sickeningly beautiful smile)( she knows what I’m about to put myself through in the name of vanity and red Auburn glow hair) , her hair is perfect, make up also impeccably applied, And here I’m sat in my almost shell shocked state, looking like the cats rejected catch of the day, that’s how I feel too, .no not quite at deaths door yet, but im knocking at the bloody thresh hold, . I know I should take this opportunity while Jesse sleeps to dye my hair, ( I say I know I should, but my minds doing a marvelous job of talking me out of it as fast as the thought occurred) ” yah know Treez your expecting an Amazon delivery, the minute you put on the stinky hair gunk, they WILL!!!! turn up, ” . I envision now my normal little driver , who already hands me my stuff dubiously, shoving my parcel in my hand and taking off down the path almost wetting himself with laughter. I tell myself that,s ok and I’m not that worried what he thinks really, ( the guy already see,s me most times with my makeup from the night before , gradually sliding down my face, ..I then worry will Jesse wake?, ( I can here his laughter already) , me dying my hair is indeed something to behold, as I manage to get dye everywhere and anywhere , my shirt, face, neck, door frames, shower glass, towel,s, even Murphy our white boxer once, I’m successful at dying my whole house, and yet managing to get my hair Looking like a stray manly tabby cat….

I scold myself into taking the plunge, but before hand, I pour myself a large coffee., coffee is much needed to prime oneself, .then I go sit on my bed and open my box of tricks, there in the box is two tubes, a bottle half filled with white gunk, and a pair of cheap ill fitting plastic gloves, I hate these things, for .1. they always remind me of ermmmmm ( shudders), intimate ladies examination,s, ( And that too cheerful doctor who insists on chatting away , telling you to relax Dear!!!, as his pulling in his gloves with a snap each finger, and staring with a miners lamp attached to his fore head at your Delilah ) 2. I have always had to fight with said gloves, it feels like Ive put them on the wrong hand every time, even if I try them on both, ( shakes head)..conclusion of the day I have mutant hands….( Well I must ) ….. I always put the dreaded gloves to one side, using forefinger and thumb gingerly until I’ve mixed Gunk A tube into Gunk B bottle and shake shake shake !!!! Like some odd alien cocktail ….

This achieved I put on the offensive plastic gloves(ewwwwww), (you have to blow into them first it’s the law) …..I then set about rubbing the alien gunk into my hair , it’s vile, stinks of something, but I’m not game enough to label it, ( And apparently according to the box (this is the new improved pleasant smelling version) I would scowl at the box, but my eyes are watering too, much to focus and my nose hair falling burnt on the bed) …And after much ado, And one ear permanently cocked listening for my love to wake, I managed to have covered my hair, t shirt, bed, coffee cup, tablet and phone,!! ………then the dreaded wait, now this is a conundrum folks, does the allotted time to wait, start as you apply orrrrrr after you finish,? they have never say do they?,

I sit on my bed drinking my fast going cold coffee, cold gunk dripping it’s brown ouse down my back, playing a game on my tablet for distraction, my poor head itching and I long to scratch the tingling mess, and look abiut for something, anything, I hav,nt already covered yet, to scratch that damn infernal itch, I settle for my pink mechanical pencil( as I do I nod profoundly, huh that will teach it for being bloody pink, now it’s pink with lovely Auburn overtones) I complete three levels of my matching coloured shapes game , it,s syrupy friendly voice telling me how , wonderfully , spiffing and Marvelous I am . ( sitting here with plasma, brown ouse making its way dripping down my nose, smelling out my bedroom i,m not in the mood to believe it.

It’s time to wash off the offending mess, ( have you noticed, it’s always harder to get that muck rinsed out than it is to apply, …..it feels like some form of water torture, ( I’m ready to confess to anything ,just get this off me)…And it goes everywhere, in my ears, eyes , mouth and what remains of my t shirt , …..finally i,m rinsed, (now if I could just use the spin cycle too dry off a bit, that would be a help) , I grab anything to hand to wipe my eyes ,( that are by now stinging like I’ve rubbed raw peppers in them vigorously, ….it’s a dry wash cloth, but I’m no longer fussy, it works, ( water drips in fat splodges across my floor, but right now I don’t flipping care, it’s over, the battle of the hair dye and myself commenced, I took it on , not sure who won, but I sigh exhaustedly , wrap my hair in a towel, drink what’s now a freezing quarter cup of coffee , get my breathe back before I begin to go round rescuing objects from brown goo with my lemon fresh wipes.

I wash , do my make up , change fast changing from black to dog poop brown t shirt, spray myself with perfume and ok I don’t look anything like the perfect model on the box, and with my hair drying fast, ( I think I’ve covered about 60% , the rest well with so ingenuity and my bumper cap it will be fine right?????, I check my delivery time, ( to see if I’ve made it in time) to only find, it’s not coming in fact today but tomorrow) ( oh well tomorrow is another day) so for today I’m left with another major decision , a dilemma of world proportions, you see now I have thanks to to joys of comfy Ruxia knickers become collector , they come in different colours which doesn’t help, but at the early days of my collecting , I designated a drawer specifically, ( a drawer,s drawer, bloomer box, shorts section) here the issue , it’s a tiny drawer , and my collection is growing , ladies , gents you have my issue , do I now buy a chest of drawers ? Oh no back to Amazon .

And before you ask? , about Micturation, it’s a word we learnt while watching one of our many programme,s on Britbox , all I will say it’s made saying I’m going to the bathroom different , that’s all I’m going to tell yah !!!!!! There’s your home work for tonight,, go google, take care folks and be careful out there xx