Tag: travel

The big Chill…

The weather over the last few weeks has for the most part been a typical British winter, wet, wild, and oh my goodness wheres me bloody fleecy lined drawers?,.But there again as cold as some mornings have been , it’ was only to be somewhat expected,. Back in the far off heady glorious days of last summer, I had mentioned seeing virtually every tree, bush and shrubbery(I so love this word, so will say it again purely for indulgent recreational purposes SHRUBBERY!!!! ewww that felt so goooood,) now where was we again?, Oh yeah! talking about fruity bushes(saucy😁😁😁😁), but indeed everywhere I had looked, the trees and shrubs bowers were heavily weighted down through the long summer days with an abundance of fruit,. I had had a fresh breakfast, thanks to an obliging plum tree more than once 😊

I’m afraid I remain firmly of the old school, if you sit in amongst nature long enough, she will clearly predict the future as far as forecasts goes, (better than any weatherman or Almanac)..last year I known in my heart of hearts, it was without doubt, going to be cold this winter, . That said I don’t quite feel it in my bones😁, as my parents/grandparents generation were only too fond of expounding at anyone who would listen. But if you watch and listen, taking on board the subtle little clues of nature’s intent, you won’t go far wrong. So as harsh as it’s been some days there really was no surprise. Doesn’t make it any easier mind, but expected.

For my part I’ve kind of channelled the whole wintry hibernation Grizzly bear theme, taking to the deepest darkest back of my fairy lit cave, furthest away from humanity, where if stumbled upon, i will be forced growl vociferously at anyone who dares to disturb my solitude or trespassing upon one of my fleece blankets, no matter how momentarily, (hear me roar😁, … But after what felt like weeks of freezing minus minus weather, Wednesday had in fact dawned with some of the brightest blue skies, infact I will go so far as to say somewhat gorgeous even…I had already decided the night previous, if there was even a remote lapse in the freezing rain,hail, snow and blizzards conditions( overly dramatic much😁) then I would infact guzzle down my coffee, scrub up, grit my teeth and leave my lair, why oh why do I do these things honestly?😁

Wednesday

As I left the flat, (Jesse of course by now, already hanging in phone land safely tucked up warm in his woollen pouch around my neck), The first clues of just how bloody cold it actually was became all too apparent…I had hunted out and found my new perfect purply fingerless gloves especially, I so love purple., Even taking the added precaution of plonking a thick cream wool hat, recently crocheted, upon my head…surely now Im indeed ready for the worst kind of polar expedition weather, including the toughest of conditions right?, 😁, Dilly (aka my loyal shopping trolley, not much of a husky sled team, but she would have to do,

I hadn’t really left my street before I began noting the thick white frosting covering the pavement, it sparkled mesmerising before the eyes, Grass had become very brittle and crunchy under foot,.. Previously plain Brown fallen leaves, were now edged in silvery white sharp crystals, the wet dull grey sky of just the day before, now icy blue, clouds completely banished, the sun up high, just a pale insipid glow,. The air felt deliciously fresh, slightly loamy, smokey, with hints of promise of spring, I breathed deeply, childishly leaving misty vapour trails as I exhaled, ” look Jesse look” he laughs indulgently, ” very good hun”, , he knows me so well, by now more than used to his woman child….

The landscape may have taken on the outward appearance of being all very fairy tale and dreamy in appearance, but beyond this disguise it was also extremely lethal under foot, i immediately became conscious of staying upright, uprights always good, a trip to accident and emergency, in the back of a speeding ambulance, never quite appearing upon my new years to do list thankfully😁. But with the best will in the world, my feet are still slipping every now and again, I’m all at once most thankful for Dillys supportive presence, After making it successfully, plus still in one piece to my local supermarket, then pet shop, I set about the slow steady process of walking back home once again, but not before sitting on my bench in the sun, that is by now at least affording some warmth, closing my eyes, I listen intently to the cacophony of different bird song, from the sweet melodic flocks of robust Blue tits swirling from tree to tree, cackling Magpies seemingly laughing at some rude joke only they know the punchline of, to the very vocal caws of playful crows playing pass the stick😊, I spend a most pleasant half hour here, breathing in the cool fresh air, no one to bother myself or my bird friends. It’s with some reluctance I finally resume my journey, only chancing upon a very large frozen puddle could cheer my mood,

I just had to, you know I did, …..Yes I took the liberty of trailing myself and Dilly across the solid frozen surface, It creaked and cracked under foot most deliciously, and I didn’t give a flying fff fruitcake, yes fruitcake about getting my brand new shoes soaked or my socks squelchy in ice water, I just delighted in every bloody second, giggling childishly to myself as I left a trail of broken ice in my wake, one of the highlights of my day…the other being on return of home, I partook of one xxl coffee, liberally laced with coffee liqueur….so shoot me, I needed something to offset the chill, can only think it was a good job I had that after getting home, would have made walking abroad a whole lot more perilous, with good reason 😁.

Well I guess it’s time I went about my day again, can’t sit here all day gassing, I’ve all these wondrous mundane chores to achieve, polishing to polish, laundry to attempt to dry in my damp freezing flat, oh the joys 😁😁😁, anyhoo folks you stay warm, stay well and look after yourself…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

APP Gate…Beam me up dear diary…

For the last two weeks the weather hasn’t exactly been in cooperation mode, now before I’m jumped on from a great height and squished into the carpet ewwww..Yup I get fully winter has a way of being contradictory(not constipated as my lovely spell check so thoughtfully just tried adding,😊 although I was inclined to leave it😏),anyhoo after numerous days of heavy rain,(and me ready to retrieve my best purple power tools out and build an Ark) Tuesday decided to dawn differently… On pulling back the heavy living room curtains, I spied this massive shiny ball up in the sky, firstly i thought suspiciously it had to be a trick😮, So I went out and made a coffee, tippy toed back in to take another look, imagine my shock.. it was still there!!!!, what’s more the sky was a glorious cobalt blue, no hint of a cloud even😮😮😮, I know,!! was it the end of the world?, Aliens landing or just a welcome interlude between deluges?…Whatever it was i for one was going to take full unfettered advantage of the situation…

Showering quickly and throwing on the first clothes available, I had decided that, that day was indeed going to be the day I assisted Santa in his endeavours, Wrapping up some packages, then wing them on their merry way to America, I had up until this moment put it off, not sure why really, just the thought of Taxis, dealing with the post office, people and putting real shoes on my feet, seemed somehow, well just too much of a bother if I’m honest, but I would grab the day by its baubles!!!! who knew By the end id feel the urge to strangle it, but that was of course before I knew better…do I ever know better?😁.

The signs even in the beginning were there for any fool to witness, but hey in my defence I had only imbibed in one coffee that morning… Oh Honey it takes at least three to get me ticking over these days, let alone my motor running…think we will also need industrial size starter leads if honest …but I was willing if my body wasnt🙄, . I found the wrapping tape, one decent sturdy box, Brown paper, sparkly glue…oh boy, this wasn’t going to end well, it never does🙈😄, Previous years had so often proved this totally, It normally takes upwards of six months to lower, this perfect physical specimen upon the floor, where upon a battle royal does commence between me and said packages, (imagine package Sumo if you will 😁) it’s gonna be a thing one day, I’m convinced…but excuse if I don’t Don one of those over sized dypers, I’m really not quite there yet😊…I’ve depends on speed dial, though for such an occasion😁😁😁😁. But I really should have known better, the packages were in full fledged cooperative mode…staying wrapped😲, the tape didn’t end up taking me hostage either, I even had forethought enough to have the addresses to hand….Your impressed right?????, Please don’t be(shakes head), not yet, in fact not everrrrrrrr!?.

While doing all of the above, my other hand makes futile attempts at calling up the local cab company…After three failed tries, I think to check my credit balance, I know😊….Only to hear a wild sniggering….I swear it did, “Credit”, “Credit”, “woman are you serious”,?, So I ask Jesse who is by watching on with some mix of pity and amusement(he has though in the past said I’m somewhat entertaining, or was that I needed detaining I’m never quite sure🤔) anyway I asked him, if he could put some credit on my phone for me, so I could call for a cab….all the time this is going on, I’ve one eye on the window, waiting for big black clouds to swallow up the sun and it persistent down…Putting credit on my phone is easier for Jesse to do online, as I will somehow mess up, im never sure how.,… But Jesse sets about this while I finish off getting ready for my outting….believe me when I say polar expeditions run smoother…I have to check I have everything numerous times, only to put something down, panic!!!!, Then lose it permanently….it takes talent folks.

Two whole hours later, numerous curse words, the floppy fringe I love so very much about Jesse, now lying in a sad scattered pile upon the carpet, plus also on a somewhat bemused Cumzi dog laying at his feet..Cumzi now looking up somewhat confused, he didn’t remember having bangs like Paul McCartney seconds previous… But in fairness he totally rocked it though😁….After yet another further frustrating hour in chat with my provider, (in other words to a lovely AI chatbot called Mildred, Ethel or Tattanna something), Who tries her hardest to convince us she understood our problem….hell lady we don’t understand us, you with all your wonderous AI-ness have no chance😁, …We also were given numbers to call, along with some 600 digit codes to remember, in just ten seconds or less before they will disappear, dissolve or dismember us or something😁, …like that is going to happen…by this time I’m more than ready to call the whole thing off, Jesse has invited the Chatbot over for Christmas dinner😁, should one be concerned I wonder 😟?, And Sage my Budgie has learnt three whole new swear words for his lexicon …still it makes a change from Bxgger bell his latest favourite I suppose…😁,

In the end Jesse gave the Cab firm a wee thrill, calling from the USA to order a cab for me to be picked up here in the UK 😁😁😁😁😁, You really couldn’t make things like this up could you?…The Chatbot and Jesse are now on first name terms, sharing two hours of messaging back and forth will of course do this…it seems we learnt that, you can no longer top up my Pay as you go sim online…oh no!!, or phone them…🤔, no nowadays you need a thing called an APP….this you must download from Playstore, via Yucatan, Venezuela, Bangladesh or China, which im totally not willing to do…sighs

The day didn’t end there either oh no😔. The cab did arrive, just early😊,…At the post office there was a massive line of customers in front of me, also playing santas little helper elves, assorted bags and boxes flying everywhere across the globe, When I do finally reach one somewhat Harangued postal worker, she looks at my neatly wrapped up items and sighs, ” oh good America”????, “Of course she says shortly”, , with the day id had already even before 10am that morning, I’m in no mood to explain myself, …I just smile sweetly, even after I’m informed of the news there will be added Tariffs on top of the extortionate postal cost,. I wait patiently taking it in turns to rest my tired feet and ankles, while she adds numerous airmail stickers, fills out a barrage of forms, announcing the cost to all within ear shot….once again I grin and wish her a Merry Christmas before taking to my heels to find the nearest cafe…

After the restorative effects of an XXL hot chocolate,, I take a slow deliberate walk to find an unoccupied bench to sit upon, In what’s now left of the fading sun, there I await my cab, watching other people rush about, weighed down by bags, …I’m immediately glad my rush for that day is at an end, taking deep slow breaths, I feel the anxiety begin to leave my body, a smile finds its way across my face as I relive the whole days APP saga, What next will we be required to download an App for?, it seems to me there’s already Apps for just about everything, I even had to sign into an App to write this missive, will we soon need an App to access our Apps,?. Who knows folks, I just know for myself I will be holding out as long as possible….but even I a proud technophobe realises it’s just a matter of time before resistance becomes futile. I will not be assimilated😁😁😁😁😁…take care out there folks, look after you xx

Wintry Dear diary

Its 7:34 pm, I only know this because it says so in the corner of my tablet😁,Otherwise time holds little to no meaning in the wintery evenings…I’m laying in semi darkness, listening to the soft pattering of rain against my bedroom window, there’s a intermittent rhythmic drip drip drop upon an empty white gallon can, it lays there upon its side amongst the soggy grass outside, to some this may prove a real annoyance, I find it oddly comforting, a distraction from the otherwise endless silence, likewise the static buzz from my speakers humming away to themselves,….You would think after all th time I would have become somewhat immune to the deafening hush that fills the tiny rooms each and every night, but for me it’s anything but peaceful, it allows for those conversations playing over in your head, like the haunting three Christmas ghosts in Christmas carol,of the past, of the here and now, those yet to come, it’s an odd conundrum because although I’m not brilliant around others(I know hard to believe right?😃) I also don’t fair particularly within my own company either.

It’s one of the main reasons I venture outside on odd days, it can be hard going because every instinct from within screams at me to stay put, I’m unsure if this is the residual reactions from my past life with severe Agoraphobia or an inner need to listen to my closet recluse, I think if I’m honest I could so easily hide away from society altogether, it wouldn’t take much😊,. Leaving my small flat however takes more energy than I’m prepared to commit sometimes, I paint on a smile with that mornings make up, fill myself with a caffeine infusion and run out the door before I can talk myself out of it..

I cannot venture far however, mainly to the local park, shops or both. In the park i,’ll come across local dog walkers, some I’m actually beginning to recognise now😁, We pass odd pleasantries back and forth, have that topical moan about the weather, some though just nod, I find if honest I like this, it’s a nice remission from my own company, and it’s momentary, not over stressful or requiring me to be overly sociable, I cope, look forward to it even, it also helps they have dogs I get to fuss over, dogs I could quite easily socialise with 24/7, they seem to understand my strange aloofness, uninvolment with others. Dogs just get it😃😃😃😃😃😃😃.

Then there’s always something to pique ones interest, changing colours of trees for instance, although right now their dark skeletal branches are mainly devoid of much in the way of any leaf matter, Some however though have this glorious covering of dark olive green waxy ivy leaves, climbing up ever skyward, searching hairy roots clinging to the bark, there for hiding any embarrassment of the trees wintry nakedness…Small birds flit in amongst the leaf litter, their sometimes so fast, you could quite easily miss that flash of brilliant yellow from an aptly named goldfinch, or the chubby red chested Robin who sits up on the highest branches above little tail bobbing, his clear sweet voice replying to a neighbour off in the distance, I know they are only too aware of my presence amidst them, but whether it’s my slowness of gait, quietness or they just don’t find me any kind of threat, I’ve no idea, but they go about their day, inches from where I walk, I feel dozens of eyes observe this strange bi-ped with some degree of curiosity, almost as much as I watch them, it’s such a privilege …

The bench….

After a slow rather cumbersome stroll across the sodden grass, (it had rained over the previous day and night solid without a half time even😁) Anyway my feet are now making obnoxious squashing sqelching sounds, and im giggling away to myself like a possessed two year old, It around about then, i find myself drawn to an old wooden graffiti covered bench, the feet are truly frozen, aching so this is a welcome resting place, also a chance to observe families of Crows interacting, did you know they play?, Often finding a twig or pebble to throw and run after😁,. Huge soft Grey winged wood pigeons snuffling about the grass in search of their breakfast, Dog walkers greeting each other, while throwing balls off into the distance for their dogs to fetch, the dog runs off in some obedient pretension of locating their ball, only to get distracted in seconds by the thick undergrowth nearby, there they go off on their own sniffing adventures. Our equivalent of reading the paper, you can find out a mine of information when your nose is upon the ground…you,’ll have to take my word for this😁😁😁😁😁😁

I in turn watch from a safe distance🙂, part yet apart from their day, This said, every once in a while, As I sit quite immersed in my own thought, a peculiar thing happens.(nice though)..Someone will warily approach, sort of sidling across, before finally plucking up the courage to ask, somewhat timidly, “Can they share the bench”?😁, and I despite my lacking in any form of social togetherness,, well if im honest quite welcome this intrusion of introspection…it’s like that sad, dilapidated graffiti covered bench offers a momentary window of opportunity, a chance meeting of minds, whether alike or otherwise, a chance to share with another a section of their day, And for that brief time, in that no man’s land of companionship it’s like my awkwardness dissipates, I become fully relaxed into this stranger’s company, yet we are not strangers for now, not in the true sense anyway, because we fill those stolen few moments full of our lives, talk of our place of birth, families, dogs, issues of the day, the obligatory weather chat, absolutely anything goes, and it’s wonderful, in fact it’s more than wonderful those captured minutes are Golden and I for one love them…whatever happens upon that tired wooden bench is nothing short of miraculous, magical….

Well enough of my endless chatter, I’ve got hot chocolate to make, the garden birds to feed, their water to de ice, and washing to somehow get dry indoors🤔, oh the bloody joys…Anyhoo folks it’s snowing, cold enough to freeze the wotsits off a brass monkey, get icicles on your flute, so whatever your about today, wrap up warm, put on your fleecy undies and avoid black ice, there’s nowt dainty about landing on your butt, plus it’s embarrassing…..yeah I did😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, still I like purple😁. Take care all and look after you.💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Survival of the freakiest dear diary…

Monday Monday

Today i woke up far later than my usual 5 am, I can’t begin to tell you just how much I dislike this, It almost throws the whole day from its very outset,. But after a brief moment or three of deep procrastination😁, I forced myself to get up, if for no other reason than somewhere in my tiny kitchen, coffee is a calling, While the kettle bubbles away to itself merrily, I quickly wash, After which I threw the laundry into the washer. Before getting down to the most important start to the day, making my cuppa😁,. I head back to bed, curling up under the still warm fleece blankets, to slowly enjoy my drink while listening to some music, this is one morning of my favourite morning rituals, one I’m not prepared to compromise on at any cost, a peaceful tranquil interlude to begin that new day, a wee gift to myself before the days routine begins in earnest, even if im running late, sighs😁🙄.

By 8am I’ve woken up just about enough to go hang out the laundry, it was a shock to the system to walk outside and find the most brilliant clear blue sky, especially after the blustery storms of the weekend, As I hang out the clothes, enjoying the unexpected warmth of the sun, upon my back, my eyes were suddenly drawn upward, there in a nearby large Sycamore tree, came a sudden burst of activity amid the rapidly changing leaf cover, air now filled with excitable chirrups, flitting between the camouflaged canopy high above, My eyes still adjusting, I began to make out small flashes of colour red,yellow and creamy beige,.. The washing all but forgotten, I stand motionless watching the drama unfold, amongst the autumnal leaves, flew a flock of tiny delightful Goldfinches, there had to be at least thirty, darting branch to branch, swirling upward suddenly for a mere second, before settling back to the task of tugging at the trees endless supply of seed,

The home team(my daily garden visitors) aka White feather(my friendly Blackbird) Robin, the name speaks for itself really😁, and Steve the starling were not quite so enamoured by our new garden dinner guests, I could hear, White feathers warning call piercing the air, as he chased the tiny birds about the tree relentlessly, if they did deem fit to leave, it was only for them to all to land upon the roof of the flats, wait a moment or two, then noisily flock back to the tree, even from my vantage point I could only begin to imagine the annoyance on Feathers face as he tried frantically to round up the frustrating finches, like some over worked Border collie, he had little chance of success mind, these tiny terrors were determined to eat their fill of seeds before moving on for the day, the poor home team didn’t stand a chance, watching them swirl about, confused me, let alone my poor buddy Feather…however eventually the din caught the attention of two local magpies, whose raucous cackles startled the finches off into a mass exodus skyward ..

Make do Monday…

Last month I exceeded my budget, it was my own fault, but one I needed to address and fast, Christmas now just some weeks away and I need to put money aside for presents ect…So I decide to do one of my freaky freezer frenzies…this is a great way of using up whatever lurks in the depths of the freezer, plus not spending any more money for added groceries, it’s fabulous if your on that tightest of tight budgets, plus I’ve also learnt some pretty good winter warmer recipes quite by accident doing just this, they are both super cheap and filling into the bargain.

The over all weekly budget is around £40, I do admittedly go slightly over this from time to time mainly just by a few pounds, really on the whole though I’m pretty good…Coming up with new and inventive recipe ideas I not only take on as a challenge but rather enjoyable, almost like beating the system😁, food prices rising ever increasingly..

It also helps to have a small well appointed store cupboard nothing elaborate you understand, its quite like the emergency, canned food box my mother always kept full at the bottom of the pantry(*pantry children is a teany tiny room, kept for storing food back in the olden days😁), consisting of several tinned staples…in my own there’s mainly plum tomatoes, Chick peas, butter beans, potatoes, tomato puree, a well appointed coffee hoard(goes without saying that one) and finally of course ketchup..I’ve survived quite happily for a week before now, coasting along on my store staples..I look back with thanks to my own mother’s forward thinking, a hangover in her case from the war, when a stash of tins was not only desirable but essential…

It’s a disaster darling…

So there I am happily playing, my version of Dessert island dishes, in the heart of an urban town😁 ….no I know it’s not infact spelt Dessert 😁, it’s desert one S, but when your a self confessed foodie like moi, with a humongous food obsession, (I’m calling it a Dessert, so there!!! (beat me with French fancy and call me happy….but after buying groceries enough for that whole week aheads need, this is when it happened, of course it did!…like it can and does only happen to me, daily!!!!!!!!…

I had just had the online food delivery arrive that thursday, Packing away the freezer food first as is my want to do, then i set about the food store, last but not least the cleaning products…I felt the nice warm and cozy, fuzzy feeling that night knowing I was set up for the oncoming week ahead, stores full, . My modern day version of a cauldron(Crockpot) blipping away, containing a healthy warming casserole, the smell filling my flat and making my stomach growl with anticipation, I was indeed content that night when I feel asleep….

Next morning I woke up, fumbled my way out into the kitchen to be greeted almost instantly with the sight of my freezer door wide open…I’ve no clue how it happened to this day, but all I do know, is all my lovely food at the front was slowly dripping water upon the floor, what’s worse was the knowledge there’s no way I could eat a weeks worth of food in a couple of days, being defrosted it was no longer safe to refreeze…half asleep and not having had any coffee I dealt with the situation as best I could at the time, but then I was in serious need of my emotional support coffee and fast…

Later on that day, I was infact more equipped to deal with the situation, after nursing a large mug of coffee, having a shower, I thought it out in my head, there was three ways I could go with this….1… I could go back to bed, bury my head and hope it went away…..preferable but not at all practical😁2…go shopping replace all the food I had just lost, probably comfort spend into the bargain😁🙄, (it’s a thing honest), which would undo every thing I’m working to achieve….then there’s the 3rd and most foolhardy approach….wing it😲😲😲😲😁, by which I mean come up with food from what I had left in the fridge, salvaged freezer items, that wouldn’t kill me slowly with botulism, using my dwindling store tins….arghhhhh, the 3rd it is then…😁

It’s been a somewhat strange week this one, Some more manic moments spent resisting the urge to just order in more groceries and say, I can’t do this😔😪, Then there was the call of the challenge at other times, knowing full well I’ve survived on far far less in my past life, plus where’s my fighting spirit, Searches under the bed, where is that again?… in the end though, maybe out of sheer desperation, who knows, I begin watching countless wild camping videos, pretending I was roughing it, living my best life, wild and free making camp food, beside roaring wood fires, ewwww fire🔥, sleeping under the stars, fighting off lions, Tigers and Bears oh my!, ….One week later…and I’m pleased to say im still here!😁, I made it…I’ve eaten more beans, lentils and chick peas than its surely wise to do and be around another living breathing human…but thankfully I do live alone, so no problem😁… I also now come with my own jet propulsion system, but hey every cloud as they say…Today is my last day on meagre rations, the freezer is once again cleaned and primed ready for food, it’s so empty right now, I go out there from time to time, bellow just to hear an echo echo echo!!!!!!!!😁 (I will be watching that door more closely from now on in though don’t worry, blooming thing!)😁, but on today’s menu is Pottage….basically left overs heated up….Pottage sounds posherer though don’t it 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁. Anyhoo I have to go stir the cauldron again, with its eye of chick peas and wind of dragon…..maybe I need stay away from naked flames for a week…stay safe, stay well, look after you and maybe avoid me at your peril…..😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥.

How to never stick mirror tiles on yah chest….Dear diary….

I’m still into fully fledged autumnal hibernation mode, readying the flat for anything and everything that the winter months may care to fling at us, An extra blanket upon the bed, two small candle stoves dug out and dusted off, from the deepest darkest depths of the cave cupboard. (The candle stoves are something I had bought last year from Amazon, Genius little things, the appearance of something like a metal police helmet contraption, held aloft upon a long sprew with the aid of nuts😁, this hovers over a waiting dish below, Where upon you put upwards of half a dozen lighted t light candles..(my attempts at explaining are not the best you may have gathered by now😊), but surprisingly it actually does help, knocking up the temperature from somewhere near freezing, to just above…I’m more than happy with anything that prevents me from certain hypothermia or indeed frost bitten extremities, no one wants their extremes freezing😁… I joke ye not…last year my little thermometer, another Amazon special😁, read a balmy 3 degrees most mornings… wahoo!!!!!, My goosebumps had goosebumps, ….even my houseplants thought they were outside in the frosty tundra, dropping all their leaves before eventually dying a death…..😔.

So this year like a good girl guide, I’m preparing in advance, One trick up my sleeve(but Treez you don’t have any sleeves, stop talking to yourself woman😊) So anyhow, I took a pretty pale lemon shower curtain, folded it in half, tack stitched it along the very top, before hanging the now doubled up curtain across the bedroom window, this in the stead of the previous lacy net curtains, which of course are entirely useless at helping preventing force nine gales from blowing through the poorly glazed windows… On the plus side the lemon colour chosen deliberately to match the lined floral draw curtains (looks both pretty and practical… These were the same floral curtains that were up until yesterday in the living room😁,.

I’ve put full length curtains in the living room now, in the somewhat vain hopes of holding the winter weather outdoors where it belongs, this all sounds a faff I know, but needs must and all that, In front of this sits my round glass topped table, complete with two chairs, a pale lemon shawl ensemble, that is currently pretending to be a temporary table cloth ..This is also where I’ve set up my art supplies, Sketch books, water colour palettes, pencils, pens, sat there just waiting for me to locate my inspiration, now where did I last have that?, … But if nothing else it’s a lovely place to sit in the mornings with one of my many coffees to watch the clouds stretch out across the sky(a favourite pastime of mine…

Fiddling with ones Chest….😮😁😮

So way back last year, while browsing an online second hand shop, I happened to come across this pretty little wood effect chest..Now like everything else you impulse buy, mayhaps because of boredom, it’s raining, the coffee hasn’t quite kicked in as of yet or there’s an R in that month, the purchased item never does match up to your idea of it….But having asked someone to pick it up for me and drop it off here, i was now stuck with it, (sat there glaring at me), for here on in I had to make the best of a bad situation, well didn’t i? Sighs…what does one do with a flaking lacquer chest I ask😊?…

Well one thing you never do is add another impulse buy…yeah I did…look I know, maybe if I had just waited a while, that mind blowing idea might of popped into my coffee laced skull, but in my defence i didnt And wouldn’t😁… after wild thoughts of painting it, covering it up with tacky stick on flowers, making it look akin to great Aunt Doreens Sunday best church hat, I came across these rolls of stick on mirror tiles on Amazon…ok I hear yah!, Treez however is sticking on row upon row of tiny glass mirror tiles going to make anything of a bad job?…look I don’t know what I was thinking…I never do, maybe just covering up the worst paint peely bits,? …In my imagination it looked so fabulous and perfect…the tiles either reflecting the yellow from the curtains, or pictures upon the walls…but even as I clicked on the buy it now button, I felt this sinking doom laden feeling…oh Treez what have you done now.?, Oh well, time will indeed tell.

The tiles..

They came late one afternoon a week later, I had eagerly awaited the prime van all that day,…when handed this minute box, I really should of known then….But I opened the tiny box, still with a faint hope it would all be ok😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, yeah gullible or what?..the tiles in themselves were pretty enough, indeed to this self confessed Magpie they were shiny and flipping drop dead gorgeous…but even with two rolls, I doubted there was anywhere near enough ever!!!!!!😁, ….A sensible person would have stopped there and sent for more or even called it quits while ahead…not me!!!!uhuh nope….I was soon sat upon the carpet, elbow deep in razor sharp glass mirror tiles, Sticking them to the chest lid, strays sticking to the carpet, my clothes, and all the while ripping my hands to pieces…

Even the minutes I could tell this was never going to end well, despite the tiny tiles coming on rolls of sticky paper, I could not get them to line up straight on the lid, what’s worse is they seemed to have an almost magnetic attraction to the wood surface…but not in nice straight lines….oh hell no, why would they?, They stuck to each other, my hands, everywhere and to every blooming thing, Before long I expected to hear the ghostly voices of the Bee Gees about the flat, laser lights blinking and flickering, my hair slicked back, as my t shirt was soon resembling a glitter ball…I had to fight the urge to break into night fever….ok I didn’t alright but that goes no further….

I eventually have to admit defeat, my hands by now are covered in every last plaster I possessed, my t shirts blinding me with mirror tile reflections and the box has about a two dozen poorly stuck on tiles…not one in a straight line… Sage my budgie is yelling pretty boy each time he sees me, and this whole thing no longer seems like the wonderful idea it set out to be….I hate mirror tiles uhhhhh!😒.

A week later ….

And guess what?, I’m trying my hardest to remove said tiles from the chest lid…I’ve tried everything from paint scrapers, kitchen knives, screw drivers and even a hammer….no it’s safer not to ask…so far it’s Treez 2, Mirror tiles 22, I’m not so sure I’m winning🙄, I would throw the whole bloody thing in the bin, but that’s not me..I won’t admit defeat…now where did I put that sledge hammer😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, Anyhow folks whatever your up to today make sure no mirror tiles are involved😁, stay safe in storm Amy and take care of you…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Feeling fruity…Dear diary🌻🐛

Last night went by in such a blur, it had ended almost before it began, I hadn’t eaten that much during the day, contenting myself with an Apple and a few dates..So by 6pm, my belly now full of a rich meaty casserole, that had been slowly cooking for some hours, A good Anne Holt book to read, is it any real wonder, a couple of hours later my eyes drooped, thereafter I really don’t remember much else, that was until some hours later, this is always somewhat disconcerting..I wake up to darkness, silence, trying to get my bearings…it’s just all very strange,

I lay awake for about another hour before sleep caught up with me once more and I drifted in and out until around 4am, I woke with a start not quite sure what the time was, I lay there for about an hour before I could take the lure of a hot cup of coffee no longer, this I took back to bed, where I found Jesse awake in phone land, likewise coffee in hand, we chatted for some time putting the world to rights, before I decided to finally shower and get suitably attired for my day…I already knew before going to the living room window it had been raining much of the previous night…I had listen to it pattering gently against my bedroom window one or two of the many times I awoke…

I pulled the curtains back and was greeted by a deep grey stormy sky, I love these skies they make me want to instantly go outside be amongst nature, I staved off the feeling for at least an hour 😁, before I could honestly bear it no longer, I felt restless and Ill at ease, pacing the room nearly wearing a hole in the carpet by the window, the rain was soft, barely visible, the air thick, damp and claggy…but my feet itched to get outside, I had this insane need to be someplace green, a need I hadn’t the slightest intention of fighting a moment longer…

Before leaving I put my houseplants outside the flat to play, My thoughts here was, if it indeed rained again, they would get a nice soaking by un fluoride tainted water, my softer and better for them….while walking in and out I noted the soft fall of warm summer rain, even knowing this, the call of the wild would brook no refusal, without further ado or a jacket, I grabbed my trusty walking cane, keys and Jesse, closing the door behind me before I could change my mind…

The sky was heavy laden and bruised, steely greys, violets mixed with streaks of blue blending subtly, upon mother nature’s endless pallet…it never fails to grab hold of my imagination, leaving me filled with such deepest admiration and envy for those artists who can capture this very scene before me on canvass… The dense moist air carries sound clearly, it’s was at one point almost as if i could feel the vibration of local church bells, as the Clapper met the side of the hollow bell, ringing across the air….

I wasn’t a bit perturbed as the soft gentle rain began to intensify while I walked, I had by now reached my local park, the wet grass soaking through my trainers and soaks as I scuffed my way cheerfully across its surface, although I could hear the dull roar of traffic off in the distance, the Caw of crows, all around me was hushed, more sane souls shelter at home, apart from the odd brave dog walker I felt totally alone and at peace slowly walking in the by now slanting rain…and I didn’t even have a dog to walk as an excuse😁

The t shirt I wore did little to keep out the rain, like my shoes and trousers, pretty soon my clothes clung to me, from time to time I sheltered from the worse, under the umbrella of an obliging tree, but I really wasn’t bother, I was far more entranced my water droplets tapped upon silky strings of cobweb, like gems, light refracted through them as the sun put in a brief appearance, they sparkled and shimmered ….rain or no rain I stood in soggy clothes capturing endless pictures to bring home ..plump, dove grey wood pigeons sitting in the grass, wings aloft showering in the warm rain, glass like droplets hanging from the heavy bracks of black Elder berries, globules collected upon ruby red rose hips before giving way to gravity, falling with a patter on the sodden ground…

As I went about my walk, I note the leaves are already changing on some of the trees, whether from the recent draught conditions or the early onset of Autumn, I fancy the later though as I can already sense and smell the loamy soil readying itself for the change in weather…it’s at this time of year I feel an excitement grow not only within myself, but local wildlife…the birds flutter in huge flocks circling trees gathering berries, excited calls filling the air…I can help but wonder what winter will bring this year…mother nature has filled her larder readying her wee charges for the chill yet to come,

And not only the birds take advantage of this abundance of goodness, as I walk, I enjoy a free breakfast of tart juicy Greengages, Ripe purple jewel like wild plums, blackberries, and cherries all for the taking, a fitting repast for the hungry walker, nothing like stumbling across nature’s pantry, ….I found as I walked slowly back home, tummy full of beautiful fruit, my shoes squelched rudely, hair plastered to my scalp, I must have looked a rare old sight, but do you know what?, I didn’t care, my appearance could wait, mother nature’s magic on the other hand deserved my full attention and respect…..

whatever your up to in the week stay safe, stay well, and why not try to get out and do your own foraging, in these trying times none of us can afford to turn down free food….look after yourselves 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

The Visit… Dearest Diary.

Back in the now far off chilly dull grey month of February, After a rare and somewhat impromptu visit to my Doctors surgery, Debbie and I sat in our favourite cafe sipping a well earned reviving cup of coffee. Catching up with each other, plus all our news since last meeting up, After which Debbie mentioned maybe we could schedule a wee trip out somewhere soon, Of course this was dependant on the weather improvement,. We really never do set anything in stone, both of us quite comfortable with “the whatever”!, just pencil something in hoping for the best., keep in mind, that we rarely know how i,m going to feel on any particular day, or if indeed something may crop up suddenly for Debbie, (a real social whirl is our Deb, tires me out just listening to her exploits😁…One of these spare of the moment plans included a trip to Mrs Smith’s Cottage… Now I had no idea who this Mrs Smith was, or indeed if she was expecting us, infact even where her cottage could be located, but I leave these things to Debbies more than capable hands, she’s the Navigator, on-board entertainment organiser, dare I say it captain of our ship, in our case her tiny Nissan car😁…

Over the weeks that would follow the weather remained much the same, the sky covered in a thick oppressive slate grey blanket, from early dawn to dusk,. As the days went by, if I’m honest it crossed my sleepy mind, more than once, that maybe Deb had perhaps forgotten about our impending trip out, (Nooooooo chance), Debbie rarely if ever forgets anything 😁,. That following week I received the awaited Text from our entertainment coordinator, informing me Friday morning at 11:30 was D day😁.. that Friday morning After a couple of mugs of extra strong, honey laced inspiration, I decide maybe I should make some sort of concerted effort with my appearance,(goodness knows it takes longer these days😁)for it’s not often i,m allowed to socialise with real live people,. But as tiring and confusing as it can be for moi, it’s equally vexatious for them🙄😁 ,….I didn’t want to let Debbie down though, she had been so excited to show me around the little cottage, it becomes rather infectious you know, So after a long shower, I dug out a still in the packet new t shirt for the special occasion, spritzed with my favourite perfume, ready! Or at least there about😁 …

…. Just a week prior to this i had “the annual” flat inspection🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄, as you may know by now I find this not only somewhat invasive, but it sets my anxiety level running free and rampant, (love that word rampant!!!!!😁…. hereafter begins hours upon hours of totally unnecessary, ney uncalled for deep cleansing, where upon I usually end up creating even more bloody mess than I began with…I do this to myself, every time🙄, it culminates in the inspector being in the flat, less than five minutes, making lots of approval sounds, before telling me how lovely and clean everything is,(you get it is). I feel somewhat like it that proverbial pat on the head, what a good girl Treez!, If I had any real energy remaining after these shenanigans, I would go and fetch them a ball and wag my tail😁, just as well I don’t though or I’m certain sure there would be an earthquake of epic proportions somewhere like Australia,🙄😁, No instead I belly flop upon my bed, not to stir for some hours… Even the lure of strong coffee cannot revive the slumbering blubbering wreck that remains, Jesse yells out cake!!!!!!! every couple of hours, if one of my eyes twitch I’m alive…🙄

So after this abhorrent six monthly invasion, I welcomed any escape,some distraction from a well planned outing, I had already made sure I had some cash in my wallet for said occasion, mostly for those sudden stops off at roadside plant stands, We say every time that we will avoid them at all costs, but we never quite fulfil this promise, Somewhat fortunate enough for the local plant sellers …I swear they hear in advance, (“Ethel Ethel go dig up some plants from the garden, i,’ll get the trestle table from the shed, they’re on the way” 😁, (I don’t know which of us is worse, but hey it’s all good for local economy right?, Just doing my bit.😁

Mrs Smith….

Friday dawned one of those most perfect of days, the sky a pale Periwinkle blue, cloudless, filled with that promise of early spring warmth, floating above in the air,. Showered, my make up done, coffee section of the day complete, I was ready for anything…..ok just a slight exaggeration there, but as ready as I get anyhow., I sat chatting to Jesse as we awaited Debbies imminent arrival, it was going to be fun, oh please let it be ok😁😁😁😁😁😁

…. The drive to the location was absolutely stunning, passing through some very pretty chocolate box picture villages along the way, neat yellow Lancashire stone bungalows, perfectly manicured lawns, bordered with spring flowers. ..Because of our rather late start, the first port of call was lunch, (we like to do things in order of importance) well it’s food, foods vital😁🙄, That was of coursw when we finally located the cafe, I’ve no sense of direction, Debbie knowing little of the villiage, just adds to the adventure though😁😁😁😁😁😁. Thank goodness Debbie had had the forethought to pre booked us a table, after exploring the wilds of Navenby we were both nearly emaciated and on our last legs,🤔, how does one have last legs I wonder? Hmmmm, that implies we have spare legs, neat idea😁… On arrival it was all very pleasant and civilised I must say, The cafe owner very welcoming to her immaculate premises, never batting an eyelid, when I explained my complicated restrictive diet requirements, no carbs, no sugar, or wheat, ..I was however served a lovely crisp fresh green salad with a tangy Balsamic dressing, (thoroughly delicious….it’s so refreshing to find somewhere that can meet my dietary weirdness needs😁😁😁😁, it took all the awkwardness out of what was to be a rare treat…

After lunch, it came about that the tiny stone cottage sat nestled within walking distance from our lunch venue, even for me !, Deb had planned it all to that last minute detail… On arrival, you walk through a tiny walled olde worlde cottage garden, filled to capacity with a vast array of colour and every hue, bright blue forget me nots, competed for space with orange, red, russet coloured sweet scented wall flowers, the tall spires of iridescent purple and blue Delphinium, Silene latifolia,(Campion) both the pink and white variety springing up where they could find a space, lupins,Borage standing shoulder to shoulder, with Lavender,… For a tiny front garden it was awash with colour, a tapestry of delight, wild yet incredibly beautiful, on walking in, I felt an Instant welcome, greeted even, I would be hard put to explain this experience, but I felt a reverence, a pause, hush, as if the garden was expecting us….at any moment it’s owner about to make her appearance….

The cottage itself doesn’t disappoint , A thick solid wood door thrown open wide, straight into a tiny gift shop, filled with any myriad of consumable items, jams, chutney, biscuits, sweets … Selves packed with notebooks, pens, pencils, tea towels, souvenirs, every inch accounted for…the thick walls held the warmth of the day bay, inside the light was dimmed, a stark contrast from the bright sunlight outside, After our eyes adjusted, you find yourself jettisoned into another time, era ………

The first room though somewhat cramped was complete, within it a heavy wooden table, set out for afternoon tea, upon the back wall a black leaded stove, highly polished and clean, you had the feeling this was Mrs Smith’s pride and joy, a kettle sat ready to boil at any given moment’s notice, From behind us one of the wonderful volunteers who cares for the cottage, Voices the patently already obvious, Mrs Smith’s tiny cottage had welcomed many many visitors through her door over the years, She had been the hub of her community…

If time travel existed, the most die-hard amongst believe, .. as you stood within those walls, it’s a strange sensation, kind of like visiting your grand parents house, Open fires, lead light windows, wing backed chairs which you sank into, an exquisite embroidered white table cloth, covered in pansies, silky roses, and tiny sprigs of colourful flowers, beneath the table sat a toy box, complete with spinning top, Kaleidoscope, a puzzle and wood blocks, just awaiting tiny hands to be amused within its contents,

Upon a coffee table, sat before the Marley tile surround fireplace was an open letter, Written to One of Mrs Smith’s many friends, this we were encouraged to pick up and read…it was the genuine article, handled not only by it’s original author but hundreds of curious interested hands, a beautifully descriptive missive relating to her 100th birthday celebrations, the telegram from her Majesty the queen, gifts and visitors….I felt a bit like I was invading her privacy, but not enough to want to sit in one of the comfy but slightly lumpy winged back chairs and read every line…you couldn’t help but not feel that connection with the past….everything was as it had been left, trapped forever in time…I hate to keep using it, but paused …. Only waiting for its owners imminent return.

On the same table, a small brown photo album lay open, filled with black and white pictures, capturing unique images of family, friends, the cottage, it’s garden and trips abroad, for we learned Mrs Smith was very well travelled, even venturing to London, Scotland alone…she was quite the Dame, far braver than i, she had lived in that small home right up until her 102 birthday, where after a fall meant she needed relocation to a care home, this amazing woman had cared for her home up until this point, climbing a steep ladder each night to go to bed, I wouldn’t even attempt the climb, but it left me filled with admiration for the amazing lady that did, we left with booklets, recipes for cookies, souvenirs from the gift shop, and smiles upon our faces, I found myself really liking Mrs Smith as we had learned had everyone who walked through the front door., Well enough from me for the day, have a good week folks and take care of yourselves💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛😊🌻

Slow it down I wanna get off….Dear blooming Diary…

My week has alternated some place between the mixed up, darn right insanity and oh what fresh new hell is this?, More of the last though, if you believe pretext it’s alienated instead of alternated and quite honestly I’m inclined to believe that more… Jesse has been busy with work of late, doing end of the month magical planet aligning figuring bookkeeper stuff, I’m thinking it’s all witchcraft, because it sounds like some ancient language spoken in tongues, only understood by “The ancient guild of wizardry accountants”, I know this!!!!!!

I listen in without minute modicum of comprehension, there’s much talk of spread sheets, graphs, invoices, B52s and real big numbers….adding together anything that takes more than two zero,s almost always brings me out into a cold sweat, (it harks way back to the teacher making us stand up in classs to recite the times tables, I used to try to hide under the tables at this point😁, but maybe my bright red hair gave my location away, I swear to this day though Ive been left traumatised). Plus the only spread sheets I have the remotest knowledge of is upon my bed, Even these take a degree in science to master, each corner on those blooming fitted sheets ping off in gleeful defiance, Just when you think you’ve finally won after doing ten laps about the bed and have all four corners situated firmly… But I digress as per the norm…Without the companionship of my online phone hubby, I slowly but surely go into my head….this folks is not advisable, not at least without a full ruck sack of cake, torch/flashlight, Satnav, map and a rope tied firmly about your waist….You may also want to scatter bread crumbs about, just in case, let’s err on the on the side of caution here,

Silence for me, far from being golden, Only means the mind monkeys chatter more, correction they become more efficient at making themselves heard and understood, their words not only insistent, but like little thorns in the heart, (scoring 180 with their little barbs) it’s why I find it almost impossible to be silent and have this incessant need to talk, it’s how i drown out haunting conversation from long ago that go around endlessly in my mind, Music helps, as does reading….

Anxiety levels spike and I will do almost anything for some form of desensitization, driving myself into a cleaning frenzy of epic proportions often happens, Seriously if you ever need your house cleaning sit me in silence for half an hour and i,’ll have your house sparkling in no time… I’m like one of those old fashioned push back let go toy cars on speed😊,. After just a week of my own company I had become so Anx ridden at times I was peeling myself from the ceiling at the slightest sound, (ewww look thought I had got all those cobwebs😲😁,

Adrenalin now ramped up to max, means sleep is hit and miss at best,…. Wednesday night for example …Jesse being exhausted had fallen into a deep slumber almost immediately, I’m laying there attempting to watch something on prime, My mind still moving at speeds of 0 to 100 in mere seconds, even in neutral (sleep gear, it’s still revving away in the background, My dreams are senseless, disjointed when I’m lucky, Horrific ultra high definition, rehashed horrors of yesteryear if not …The flat is silent except the low thrum of the dehumidifier in the living room, I get up at one when it gets unbearable and re_ clean the clean kitchen,🙄, Move stuff about, sighing i go back to bed as I’m already slowly but surely turning into a treezical from my toes up, it’s freezing here at 3am, I lay trying to quieten my thoughts, breathing trying to slow my anxiety levels down to a dull roar while thawing out at the same time..just as i start to get the feeling back in my feet somewhat….there’s an almighty crash!

It came from somewhere within the livingroom, I’m instantly torn between getting out of bed to take on all intruders, well for a brief instant, My trusty perfume bottle clutched tightly in my fist…don’t ask in fairness it was the first thing to hand🙄… I could of course spray them to death with Eau de youth Dew 😊, or throw if needs be, my aim being what it is though it would like as not land somewhere at my feet😁,… I’m tempted to pull the covers up over my head and fain sleep…but eventually I give in to my first instinct, climb out from between my nice warm covers and go in search of the offender, who in thought now, if I left them there long enough they would have turned into a yeti or frozen to death…….

Walking into the dimly lit living room” there be monsters in all the shadows”😁, it’s as I hesitantly go over to check on the front door, for the tenth time that evening, I note a neat pile of soil on the carpet by the door..Now either the many wood louse families that trek through each night after watching Nordic noir with me are burying bodies about the place or something is surely amiss here somewhere..Doesn’t take long for me to see that the Amaryrllis plant I have nurtured from a mere bulb😐 is now lying on its side amongst the pile of dust and debris…what was worse for me though was I had managed to get the plant to nearly 3ft in length, my all time Amaryllis growing record , it then sadly nose dived from the sideboard broken upon the floor,. Snapping the large buds from its long main stem., thankfully though there was just enough left to put into a glass of water…after picking up the plant I left the rest until morning, I no longer had the heart or energy to clear it up…least the soil was dry, some consolation if any was to be had…

By the end of the week nerves fraught, I knew though that I had put off going out to the post office quite long enough thankyou!, it would be a quick trip anyhow, I would be having the cab wait for me while I shot in, threw the packages at the unsuspecting post office personnel, pay and exit….huh it all looked so straight forward in my minds eye!😔….Friday morning the cab turned up, I was ready, I had my keys, bag, wallet, tissues, packages ready, I was ready…I was organised to the bloody gilt folks!, I dive in the car, a brief pass of pleasantries with Wayne my driver, talk of the weather kind of thing….I nervously ask you know your to wait for me right?, Maybe picking up on the tension Wayne calmly reassured me yes he would remain outside….phew!!!! Ok this is going to be ok, I’m going to be ok!, There’s not going to be a massive traffic jam at the lights, the car is not going to break down, or be a third world war of epic proportion occuring just in the tiny hamlet where I live ….breathe Treez breathe, I can do this😊

We reach our destination in five minutes, disaster averted, Wayne kindly parks as near to the tiny post office as he can…bless… I look back at him as I reluctantly close the car door behind me, once again picking up some stray vibe or look of apprehension, he said quietly i,’ll be right here, like that parent waving off their child at the school gate on their first big day…..I memorize the cabs location in my mind for all time….before giving it one last look and crossing the road…

Luck remained forever at my side, there’s no one else but the post master and assistant in there, I can’t believe it…oh the absolute joy be upon me!!!!! Thank you to all the gods in the universe, I will light a small candle, sacrifice a large sacred slice of cake, and drink coffee upon my knees at your alter for a week maybe more….ok not so much that last bit I would never arise again 😁…I bid them good morrow, smile my best wavering smile…I act far more confident than I will ever feel…..don’t let them pick up on your fear Treez, that’s when they will get yah!!!!, ….my throat parched and scratchy, I utter just two Parcels to send today please…it’s gonna be just fine, I think to myself….oh Treez why did you think that right then and there?…too late it’s out there now floating freely about the cosmos, look there it goes….!!!! Now you’ve done it woman! Ugh..

The assistant steps up to the fake, well smeared plastic glass, looking somewhat worn out already, it’s only just 10 am, but I feel for her at once, weve all been there,…I place the lightest package on the waiting scale….she finally meets my eyes and asks politely “where is this going please”?…..I reply “that ones for the USA thankyou”….she taps away on a small keypad somewhat halfhearted, looks up again, “where please”?, I repeat “the USA” …”oh ok”, taps some more….erm “where is destination”?, “Yeah the USA, United States”, back to tapping now furiously, I’m wondering if maybe in my anxious state im infact mumbling, but I’m fairness it does say USA in big block capitals on the front….but she asks again?….I say it as slowly as I can without grinding to a halt or causing offence, this time though just for good measure I throw in its full glorious title, “The USA”, “United states of America” …. ” Oh America” !!!!! Mmmmhmmmm,..She then preceded to try the flat envelope shaped package through a cardboard letterbox cut out,,,,”oh it’s small”, she goes off somewhere into the wide blue yonder of ‘the back room’, package still in hand,. Only Two seconds later for a man to appear, carrying said item, now unless Ive dozed off with all the excitement, or the world had gone into fast forward, spinning of into a parallel universe, that my friends was the quickest sex change ever recorded, marvellously done too though, even the voice grew deeper, maybe there’s a time machine back there, I try to cran my head around the plastic to have a look?… This new face looks into mine expectantly, “where too please”? Oh please not this again, i,’ll be good, honest….but I repeat and it goes smoothly, he then pretends to poke it through the small cut out letterbox thingy Bob, “ohhhh small”!!!!, I’m by now looking down at my shuffling feet, colour filling my cheeks and apologising most profusely for the size of my package, that’s a new one on me!!!!😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 I can hardly wait now until I have to explain where the next ones going….sighs

Don’t ask how that went, no please dont for my sake!!!, After being asked what was in it, where it’s destination was for, I was then asked whether I wanted first or second class post, three times I replied first please….only for him to say “yes that’s £7 second class please”…. After that I just couldn’t be blooming bothered to explain any further, finally agreeing yes that’s fine, I would have agreed to anything…send it via pony express, pigeon class, or I know I could always walk it the 300 miles it would be quicker…, I paid and without so much of a backward glance, ran before my poor waiting cab driver faded with starvation…when he asked was everything ok….I just smiled and said “oh yes fine fine”! Clicking the seat belt we head off back for the sanctuary of my little home……it’s mad out there…😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, tomorrow children if your all good i tell you the story of the crazy lady who forgot to take her meds over the weekend…..it wasn’t anything pretty lol, anyhow enough from me, take care of you whatever you get into x 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛