Tag: nature

Survival of the freakiest dear diary…

Monday Monday

Today i woke up far later than my usual 5 am, I can’t begin to tell you just how much I dislike this, It almost throws the whole day from its very outset,. But after a brief moment or three of deep procrastination😁, I forced myself to get up, if for no other reason than somewhere in my tiny kitchen, coffee is a calling, While the kettle bubbles away to itself merrily, I quickly wash, After which I threw the laundry into the washer. Before getting down to the most important start to the day, making my cuppa😁,. I head back to bed, curling up under the still warm fleece blankets, to slowly enjoy my drink while listening to some music, this is one morning of my favourite morning rituals, one I’m not prepared to compromise on at any cost, a peaceful tranquil interlude to begin that new day, a wee gift to myself before the days routine begins in earnest, even if im running late, sighs😁🙄.

By 8am I’ve woken up just about enough to go hang out the laundry, it was a shock to the system to walk outside and find the most brilliant clear blue sky, especially after the blustery storms of the weekend, As I hang out the clothes, enjoying the unexpected warmth of the sun, upon my back, my eyes were suddenly drawn upward, there in a nearby large Sycamore tree, came a sudden burst of activity amid the rapidly changing leaf cover, air now filled with excitable chirrups, flitting between the camouflaged canopy high above, My eyes still adjusting, I began to make out small flashes of colour red,yellow and creamy beige,.. The washing all but forgotten, I stand motionless watching the drama unfold, amongst the autumnal leaves, flew a flock of tiny delightful Goldfinches, there had to be at least thirty, darting branch to branch, swirling upward suddenly for a mere second, before settling back to the task of tugging at the trees endless supply of seed,

The home team(my daily garden visitors) aka White feather(my friendly Blackbird) Robin, the name speaks for itself really😁, and Steve the starling were not quite so enamoured by our new garden dinner guests, I could hear, White feathers warning call piercing the air, as he chased the tiny birds about the tree relentlessly, if they did deem fit to leave, it was only for them to all to land upon the roof of the flats, wait a moment or two, then noisily flock back to the tree, even from my vantage point I could only begin to imagine the annoyance on Feathers face as he tried frantically to round up the frustrating finches, like some over worked Border collie, he had little chance of success mind, these tiny terrors were determined to eat their fill of seeds before moving on for the day, the poor home team didn’t stand a chance, watching them swirl about, confused me, let alone my poor buddy Feather…however eventually the din caught the attention of two local magpies, whose raucous cackles startled the finches off into a mass exodus skyward ..

Make do Monday…

Last month I exceeded my budget, it was my own fault, but one I needed to address and fast, Christmas now just some weeks away and I need to put money aside for presents ect…So I decide to do one of my freaky freezer frenzies…this is a great way of using up whatever lurks in the depths of the freezer, plus not spending any more money for added groceries, it’s fabulous if your on that tightest of tight budgets, plus I’ve also learnt some pretty good winter warmer recipes quite by accident doing just this, they are both super cheap and filling into the bargain.

The over all weekly budget is around £40, I do admittedly go slightly over this from time to time mainly just by a few pounds, really on the whole though I’m pretty good…Coming up with new and inventive recipe ideas I not only take on as a challenge but rather enjoyable, almost like beating the system😁, food prices rising ever increasingly..

It also helps to have a small well appointed store cupboard nothing elaborate you understand, its quite like the emergency, canned food box my mother always kept full at the bottom of the pantry(*pantry children is a teany tiny room, kept for storing food back in the olden days😁), consisting of several tinned staples…in my own there’s mainly plum tomatoes, Chick peas, butter beans, potatoes, tomato puree, a well appointed coffee hoard(goes without saying that one) and finally of course ketchup..I’ve survived quite happily for a week before now, coasting along on my store staples..I look back with thanks to my own mother’s forward thinking, a hangover in her case from the war, when a stash of tins was not only desirable but essential…

It’s a disaster darling…

So there I am happily playing, my version of Dessert island dishes, in the heart of an urban town😁 ….no I know it’s not infact spelt Dessert 😁, it’s desert one S, but when your a self confessed foodie like moi, with a humongous food obsession, (I’m calling it a Dessert, so there!!! (beat me with French fancy and call me happy….but after buying groceries enough for that whole week aheads need, this is when it happened, of course it did!…like it can and does only happen to me, daily!!!!!!!!…

I had just had the online food delivery arrive that thursday, Packing away the freezer food first as is my want to do, then i set about the food store, last but not least the cleaning products…I felt the nice warm and cozy, fuzzy feeling that night knowing I was set up for the oncoming week ahead, stores full, . My modern day version of a cauldron(Crockpot) blipping away, containing a healthy warming casserole, the smell filling my flat and making my stomach growl with anticipation, I was indeed content that night when I feel asleep….

Next morning I woke up, fumbled my way out into the kitchen to be greeted almost instantly with the sight of my freezer door wide open…I’ve no clue how it happened to this day, but all I do know, is all my lovely food at the front was slowly dripping water upon the floor, what’s worse was the knowledge there’s no way I could eat a weeks worth of food in a couple of days, being defrosted it was no longer safe to refreeze…half asleep and not having had any coffee I dealt with the situation as best I could at the time, but then I was in serious need of my emotional support coffee and fast…

Later on that day, I was infact more equipped to deal with the situation, after nursing a large mug of coffee, having a shower, I thought it out in my head, there was three ways I could go with this….1… I could go back to bed, bury my head and hope it went away…..preferable but not at all practical😁2…go shopping replace all the food I had just lost, probably comfort spend into the bargain😁🙄, (it’s a thing honest), which would undo every thing I’m working to achieve….then there’s the 3rd and most foolhardy approach….wing it😲😲😲😲😁, by which I mean come up with food from what I had left in the fridge, salvaged freezer items, that wouldn’t kill me slowly with botulism, using my dwindling store tins….arghhhhh, the 3rd it is then…😁

It’s been a somewhat strange week this one, Some more manic moments spent resisting the urge to just order in more groceries and say, I can’t do this😔😪, Then there was the call of the challenge at other times, knowing full well I’ve survived on far far less in my past life, plus where’s my fighting spirit, Searches under the bed, where is that again?… in the end though, maybe out of sheer desperation, who knows, I begin watching countless wild camping videos, pretending I was roughing it, living my best life, wild and free making camp food, beside roaring wood fires, ewwww fire🔥, sleeping under the stars, fighting off lions, Tigers and Bears oh my!, ….One week later…and I’m pleased to say im still here!😁, I made it…I’ve eaten more beans, lentils and chick peas than its surely wise to do and be around another living breathing human…but thankfully I do live alone, so no problem😁… I also now come with my own jet propulsion system, but hey every cloud as they say…Today is my last day on meagre rations, the freezer is once again cleaned and primed ready for food, it’s so empty right now, I go out there from time to time, bellow just to hear an echo echo echo!!!!!!!!😁 (I will be watching that door more closely from now on in though don’t worry, blooming thing!)😁, but on today’s menu is Pottage….basically left overs heated up….Pottage sounds posherer though don’t it 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁. Anyhoo I have to go stir the cauldron again, with its eye of chick peas and wind of dragon…..maybe I need stay away from naked flames for a week…stay safe, stay well, look after you and maybe avoid me at your peril…..😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥.

Dear Autumn diary…

As we headed toward mid August, I decided to try to take the odd walk around the local park once more…Winter is threatening to be long and cold, And I could already sense full hibernation is only a matter of weeks away😁, So it came with no great shock as made my way slowly across the sun scorched dry grass, that not far below the baked dry brittle grasses, mother nature and the soil were already making ready …

I could smell the rich deep, delicious loamy scent permeating the warm humid air, Leaves whether from the continued drought conditions or due infact to that early Autumn, were now dropping, spiralling in the breeze collecting in pools at the trees roots, just maybe they knew something i didnt..

It seemed everywhere I looked, trees were weighted down with fruits, On one walk alone, I spotted, pears, apples, blackberries, and two varieties of plum, I wasn’t adverse to a little foraging in amid the low lying branches, fending off the odd wasp or three to grab my breakfast, somehow always tastes better when it’s free doesn’t it?😁…

Even the local Hawthorne seem to be covered with sparkling scarlet berries, contrasting wonderfully with its leaves ever changing, Rose hips also seem plumper this year, ranging in colour from a deep crimson hue, to a dynamic eye catching orange, . I find myself stopping every few minutes relocating my cane from my hand, to the crook of my arm so I’m free to shoot pictures of any obliging twig, leaf or berry,. A tiny dewdrop of water clinging to rich black Elder berry sparkling in the sunlight enthrals and captures my imagination, these walks rarely fail to amuse me, even though I walk that same path each and every time..neither can I do them in any quicker time😁, there’s always a something to ooooh and arhhhh over…Jesse listens on with some amusement, as I rave over a dandelion clock, Berry or odd shaped twig…

There’s rarely a time, I hav,nt amused local dog walkers, often they come across me sat under a group of trees…No care that the ground may be damp from Dew or fresh rain, You just can’t beat sitting down directly upon the grass, amid fallen colourful leaves, buzzing bees, ants making their way up your legs or like yesterday a cabbage white butterfly coming to rest carefree upon my shoulder, neither of us care for others gaze as the dappled shade falls upon us, leaves rustling over ahead, in a sweet warm August breeze, sounding for all the world like the sea playing amid pebbles upon the beach…if I close my eyes a while, I could almost be anywhere..I’ve often drifted off in nature’s arms,

Rested, fortified, batteries charged once more, I regretfully put back on my shoes before finally making that final journey home, these trips always seem too brief these days, but each as tiring as they can be on the odd occasion do much to stave off boredom and help me sleep that bit easier at night…I’m off now to sort through the many many pictures I’ve collected on my poor phone😁….Whatever your up to this week, look after yourselves and maybe get out there and enjoy a wee walk of your own…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Feeling fruity…Dear diary🌻🐛

Last night went by in such a blur, it had ended almost before it began, I hadn’t eaten that much during the day, contenting myself with an Apple and a few dates..So by 6pm, my belly now full of a rich meaty casserole, that had been slowly cooking for some hours, A good Anne Holt book to read, is it any real wonder, a couple of hours later my eyes drooped, thereafter I really don’t remember much else, that was until some hours later, this is always somewhat disconcerting..I wake up to darkness, silence, trying to get my bearings…it’s just all very strange,

I lay awake for about another hour before sleep caught up with me once more and I drifted in and out until around 4am, I woke with a start not quite sure what the time was, I lay there for about an hour before I could take the lure of a hot cup of coffee no longer, this I took back to bed, where I found Jesse awake in phone land, likewise coffee in hand, we chatted for some time putting the world to rights, before I decided to finally shower and get suitably attired for my day…I already knew before going to the living room window it had been raining much of the previous night…I had listen to it pattering gently against my bedroom window one or two of the many times I awoke…

I pulled the curtains back and was greeted by a deep grey stormy sky, I love these skies they make me want to instantly go outside be amongst nature, I staved off the feeling for at least an hour 😁, before I could honestly bear it no longer, I felt restless and Ill at ease, pacing the room nearly wearing a hole in the carpet by the window, the rain was soft, barely visible, the air thick, damp and claggy…but my feet itched to get outside, I had this insane need to be someplace green, a need I hadn’t the slightest intention of fighting a moment longer…

Before leaving I put my houseplants outside the flat to play, My thoughts here was, if it indeed rained again, they would get a nice soaking by un fluoride tainted water, my softer and better for them….while walking in and out I noted the soft fall of warm summer rain, even knowing this, the call of the wild would brook no refusal, without further ado or a jacket, I grabbed my trusty walking cane, keys and Jesse, closing the door behind me before I could change my mind…

The sky was heavy laden and bruised, steely greys, violets mixed with streaks of blue blending subtly, upon mother nature’s endless pallet…it never fails to grab hold of my imagination, leaving me filled with such deepest admiration and envy for those artists who can capture this very scene before me on canvass… The dense moist air carries sound clearly, it’s was at one point almost as if i could feel the vibration of local church bells, as the Clapper met the side of the hollow bell, ringing across the air….

I wasn’t a bit perturbed as the soft gentle rain began to intensify while I walked, I had by now reached my local park, the wet grass soaking through my trainers and soaks as I scuffed my way cheerfully across its surface, although I could hear the dull roar of traffic off in the distance, the Caw of crows, all around me was hushed, more sane souls shelter at home, apart from the odd brave dog walker I felt totally alone and at peace slowly walking in the by now slanting rain…and I didn’t even have a dog to walk as an excuse😁

The t shirt I wore did little to keep out the rain, like my shoes and trousers, pretty soon my clothes clung to me, from time to time I sheltered from the worse, under the umbrella of an obliging tree, but I really wasn’t bother, I was far more entranced my water droplets tapped upon silky strings of cobweb, like gems, light refracted through them as the sun put in a brief appearance, they sparkled and shimmered ….rain or no rain I stood in soggy clothes capturing endless pictures to bring home ..plump, dove grey wood pigeons sitting in the grass, wings aloft showering in the warm rain, glass like droplets hanging from the heavy bracks of black Elder berries, globules collected upon ruby red rose hips before giving way to gravity, falling with a patter on the sodden ground…

As I went about my walk, I note the leaves are already changing on some of the trees, whether from the recent draught conditions or the early onset of Autumn, I fancy the later though as I can already sense and smell the loamy soil readying itself for the change in weather…it’s at this time of year I feel an excitement grow not only within myself, but local wildlife…the birds flutter in huge flocks circling trees gathering berries, excited calls filling the air…I can help but wonder what winter will bring this year…mother nature has filled her larder readying her wee charges for the chill yet to come,

And not only the birds take advantage of this abundance of goodness, as I walk, I enjoy a free breakfast of tart juicy Greengages, Ripe purple jewel like wild plums, blackberries, and cherries all for the taking, a fitting repast for the hungry walker, nothing like stumbling across nature’s pantry, ….I found as I walked slowly back home, tummy full of beautiful fruit, my shoes squelched rudely, hair plastered to my scalp, I must have looked a rare old sight, but do you know what?, I didn’t care, my appearance could wait, mother nature’s magic on the other hand deserved my full attention and respect…..

whatever your up to in the week stay safe, stay well, and why not try to get out and do your own foraging, in these trying times none of us can afford to turn down free food….look after yourselves 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Size really does matter…Dear Diary

Thursday

Around the beginning of February, (this year, two things happened…One involved a traumatic moment, early on a cold frosty morning, The other just kind of snuck up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder, bringing with it a germ of a new idea,. this went onto fully evolve over the next few weeks and months …First things first, After being ordered to rest up with a knee injury early on in the beginning of last year by my doctor, I spent almost 13 months prostrate upon the bed, anyone else in similar circumstances knows only too well of the utter mind numbing boredom., I have to admit though it did bring with it a chance to read more, which I did in vast quantities to begin with… Some 150 books to be precise, I enjoyed immersing myself fully, living most days in virtual realms, vicariously escaping through the Authors words, for which many will never know my gratitude, although that said, I did write reviews for one or two, the least I could do when they had kept my Sanity intact for a wee while longer😁 later on sadly, I hit the wall, becoming all read out, as you can imagine,. Tedium and myself are never good bed fellows as it turns out, it allows me far too much time for mischief, Plus “the eating”, although eating didnt quite do it justice😁,I would actually say it was more like grazing ,.. Normally not being a big eater, it didn’t take very long, before the extra lbs became evident…being immobile for long periods, plus extra calories, will of course do this of course😁.

Even at this point, I was still well and truly in denial, my flat being devoid of any kind of full length mirror, (this purposefully I may add, it only aided and abetted me in This new deception, twelve months down the line I awoke one morning after my usual fortification of several emotional support coffees, I decide it was indeed time to take the bull by the horns, or the scales from the lurking place, in the deep dark cupboard, with the cobwebs and over weight spiders!😊….Sucking in my breath as far as it would humanly go, I repeat several times., think slim thoughts Treez, think slim thoughts, I stood upon those scales for the first time in months….. Here’s where I find myself, too embarrassed to admit the final numbers involved, but along with said humiliation, came revulsion, disgust with the whole situation. I’ve always been prone to weight gain, but I hadn’t reached this size in many years…what hurt most was I had worked so hard just five years previous, losing a whopping five stone(70lb) ., now here I stood in my shorts and baggy t shirt, right back where I started…

After much procrastination, yet another coffee, and Some hours later I felt deeply depressed, What i did next fills me with utter repugnance,.. I sat and filled my face still further., My sausage fat swollen fingers, grabbing the first things to hand “The chunky kit kats”, Cadbury chocolate buttons, Mars bars, Snickers, every type and brand of crisp… Depression and sugar always did go hand in hand with me…😊, After I had laid waste to the very last of a four pack of chunky kit Kats, I sat alone upon the bed, surrounded by the screwed up evidence of my gluttony…I felt sick to my stomach, and it wasn’t just all that chocolate swirling around in there…what was I doing?, Why was I punishing myself and my body still further?, I looked down at my bloated body, a sensation of self loathing filled me….I actually hated myself., I and i alone had managed to do this…in my greed I had created a monster..a big bloated monster, the extra weight was not going to help this already stressed body with its weakened immune system…I needed to act and do it fast, tell tale signs were already beginning to show on my health, my BP for one was slowly creeping up with each doctors visit, My doctor was equally concerned in turn so of course was I ….

After this epiphany of a kind, As you may well or not know from early Diary pages, I lay siege to anything with sugar in it, then ultra processed, remotely processed actually…. Throwing it in the Bin before I could set about eating it,I know it was wasteful, but I had little choice by then, desperation set in….Step 1 fully completed, step 2 was to ditch carbs, eat only fresh veggies, lean meat and fish…the first weeks were hard, I won’t lie, but each time I wavered even a microbe I thought back, with a red face to those scales, and that deep loathing for my own body…this was back in February…since then slowly, but surely the lbs are dropping, it’s hard work, and much slower than previously, but determination, sheer stubbornness are my guides, I mean to bring this about, with whatever it takes, by any means fair or foul…

The happening…..

Also in March after what seemed like a lifetime of endless Grey sky’s, the sun finally began to put in an appearance, it was somewhat tentative at first, but those early glimmers were just enough, I began dodging the wintry showers, to shoot in and out hanging the laundry outside….I love seeing the wash blow upon the line….(yeah I know but it’s a me thing…little things and all that…it’s on one of these many trips out into the back garden, a little strip of Garden…(no bigger than a foot wide, by twelve long, caught my eye…I had had two wonderful young guys come in to clear that and the fence behind it of ivy over the previous summer….with the long winter months I had sadly neglected it again, and it was now reclaimed by nature, large unruly elder sprouted up everywhere, ivy, plus every variety of ground weed.,…One morning after hanging out the laundry, I found myself bending to pull a few weeds, this soon became a daily occurrence, only for ten minutes, but it soon amounted….I worked steadily not knowing the outcome but I felt good working outside, even for these short spells….

Before long, I had achieved what I thought the unachievable….ok it wasn’t perfect, nothing ever is, but it was better,much better, it’s as I stood to straighten my aching back, a plan slowing began to form in my head… Each day I worked to soften the soil, dig out some of the endless stone and rocks, the early spring sunshine warmed my sore back, as I worked, my ungloved hands caked in earth, finger nails split and full, but with this mess, also came a new calm, almost serenity, a oneness with my task, humming as I worked..from childhood I had loved to Garden,

One year my mother had given a small strip of Garden to my brother and sister, being “too young”, I was over looked…this upset me greatly…to the point where my mother finally relented, more I think to shut me up than anything else…I was three years old at this point….my mother could never have known what she had unlocked in her youngest..because even at that tender age I caught the gardening bug…it was to prove a life long addiction…a need if you will. Watching a garden come to life and reach fruition is akin to creating a painting, you take your basic blank canvas, prime it and with splashes of colour create….I was in the process of doing the same….

After weeks of work it became apparent that the local weed population were never going to make my life easy, as fast as pulled them from the ground, they just relocated, it became a vendetta…me against the mob, weed mafia, thuggery all about in my patch….apart from attacking it with my trusty strimmer, I realised there was no quick fix, Maybe a flame thrower hmmmm !!!!!!!, No Treez back away slowly😁….

It was while working out there one mild April afternoon, watched over by an impatient small tubby Robin friend who collected bugs for he’s lunch from the patches of freshly turned over soil, flicking his tail and tck tck tcking at me to go faster, there an idea grew…Just like my new found friend Robin, why was I working against nature?, Why not work with her?, All these plants originated from weeds at some point in time, before being cultivated, some if not most are infact beautiful in their own right, so why not just add to this insistent tapestry of life?, buy a packet of wild meadow seeds…

Later that same afternoon after first scrubbing my hands digging more soil from my broken nails than left in the garden…, I sat down finally in the warmth after the sun dipped low in the sky.. Curling up on the sofa with coffee under a fleece blanket, I began trawling “The Zon” (Amazon) for wild flower seeds…I read many reviews , researched, late into that evening before making my final choice…decision made, plan formed, I was really excited all at once to begin….

After just two days,that wait was finally over, The seeds had arrived, a tiny paper packet full of promise, as well as hundreds of black specks, (“the seeds”,) what they actually were(their names) would remain any bodies guess😁. Just said wild flowers…oh well I love a good surprise, A flower lucky dip if you will😁..

Now there was going to be two approaches to this here seed drilling malarkey, either I could make nice neat straight furrows in the soil, sow the seeds, then proceed to cover them over with the earth, almost like them bedding them down really(Normal approach)😁, nahhhhhh!, Or then theres my way, wait until, rain is forecast, rush out to scatter them asunder before running back in between showers…yup that’s it😁, if it’s good enough for mother nature, it’s good enough for me… And this being April I didn’t have long to wait….heavy rain was forecast for the very next day….I love it, this business with working with nature she’s so obliging😁….. In my humble wotsit I like to think I had scattered the seed evenly, real proper like, sort of the perfect gardener😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, but what I actually did was just shook the pack randomly…Chaos and mayhem being my favourite watchwords….later that day as if giving me her blessing, the heavens opened, now for the hard bit…..the wait😁😁😁😁.

Every day I checked for early signs of life, well there was to be fair, but mainly from those bloody weeds😃,. After just two weeks though, the first signs appeared..tiny seedlings braved the cool air, just like any good plant parent, I worried over frosts, winds blowing them over, not enough water, too much water!, I faffed endlessly over my wee charges, never once taking into account these are in fact wild flowers we are talking about here, Existing for hundreds of years, alongside busy roads, derelict land,hedge rows, farms, fields and Moorland without my care, thank you very much!😁, they infact didn’t need me at all….but it was me, I needed to fuss over them,pulling back the larger weeds that were bullying my precious seedlings, I willed them to grow strong, Watched over daily by Robin and my old friend, white feather the blackbird…who I think were more than a bit amused if not confused….

By the end of May my little border was filled to the brim with leggy plants of many variables, stubby ground huggers, lanky sun hoggers, hairy stemmed wind wavers and of course they were all UFOs, unidentified Flowering objects….what I did know though was I couldn’t have been more proud of my adoptees if I tried, ….even the strong winds that would follow that month, failed to flatten them,. As their development increased I was to learn yet another valuable lesson, I had stopped trying to weed my border, instead what were once common weeds to me, now stood side by side with my meadow flowers, their early blooms feeding any brave bees that sought out a source of pollen…common woodsorrel, creeping buttercup, Purslane, lesser trefoil, Dandelion, forget me not, tiny soft heart shaped leaved violets, lanky tufts of rich red valerian, I watched as insects flocked to them for shelter and sustenance…they had earnt their place in my Border as well as my heart…

After a time the first of the meadow plants began to bloom, it was quite fitting really, when the purple spikes of Bugle, were the first to herald in the coming of spring …next the stunning large fluffy heads of scarlet trefoil, corn poppies with their bold crimson petals screaming for attention, beside them the more sedate but no less pretty, sky blue corn flowers, Corn Cockle, the delicate lacy flowers of Love in the mist, Purple Scabius, pink and white clover, Red campion…. Each day something new to marvel over, I bored everyone with endless photos and talk of my wee border….but I was proud so there !😁

But as spectacular as this wild patch of meadow flowers are and will be for months to come, it’s what they bring alongside them…I sit out most afternoons for a while, there I share this small wilderness area with a myriad of tiny creatures, tiny striped glossy winged hover flies, flitting hither and thither even taking to hovering about me as If I were part of the fixtures😊, Other daily visitors include several varieties of floofy pollen pickers(Bees), Cabbage white, orange tipped, meadow brown, small copper, small tortoiseshell, Holly blue butterflies… Even the odd passing Dragon look in….oh ok Dragonfly 😁, then theres the humble, but never less welcome woodlice, all are welcome here….As I sit out there sun warming my face, a host of insect sounds lulls me into a quietness I’ve never experienced before, my eyes shut involuntarily, but I’m no less part of their minute world, we are just being together, living, breathing side by side, whether imagined, or factual I feel accepted…..Even the huge bumble bees as they buzz bomb my head in daily protest when I disturb them for the evening watering ritual, settle back down after ignoring me as fuss about….With the increase of insects, I have more daily visits from small birds, who have also become part and parcel of our world….who knew by just making a tiny patch of wild meadow flowers happen, my world would increase many fold…with it many lessons..it really is those little things that bring the most joy….enough of me for now, take care of you as always, and stay safe…🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞

New year camping out in the Arctic tundra….Dear Diary 2025..

Firstly I would like to take a wee moment to wish you all the compliments of the season, hopes for your continued good health and happiness over the long dark dreary winter season. I fully appreciate how difficult it is to stay in good spirits this time of year, the days turning cold, grey and somewhat unforgiving. Though for myself I find im kind of drawn toward the dense dramatic bold dark grey skies… giving me permission to take refuge amongst my thick fleecy Sherpa blankets, burrowing myself ever deeper amongst their protective fluffy warmth like a bear in its cave, its only the prospect of a tantalising hot Beveridge of that roasted coffee persuasion or indeed the bathroom forces me to vacate my snuggly nest😁…even then, momentarily!!! ..

I also feel the need during winter months to fill both the bedroom and living room with twinkling fairy lights, candles and anything that gives off even a modicum of warm light, finding the harsh white ceiling light (aka the big light as we call it here😊) somewhat aggressive, almost too cold infact for my mood to take on board ….I’ve plants also dotted about my living space, i take some solace in their fresh young green growth, perhaps bringing with it, some fresh promise of spring and the outside in more importantly… It’s not easy keeping them alive right at this moment…temperatures in the flat plummet each night… Friday in the early hours, whilst bravely making a much delayed foray over to the bathroom, I could actually see my breath😨…this I might add although not totally unexpected .. Tis disconcerting never the less….I’ve lost two plants already this winter, they were thriving just weeks previous, until the weather turned its steely back on the milder days…I won’t buy any replacements this time though, I feel terribly guilty watching them wilt away to nothing then die before my eyes despite my best efforts., Sage the budgie had even lost some of his vim and vigour up until I fashioned his cage a clear plastic Mac on three sides and the top, protecting my little buddy from the worst of the chill and or any draft, all the while still allowing him to see me, he hates not being able to watch what I’m about, even while I sleep…if I leave the room for any reason now within minutes I hear a little voice “where are youuuuu?, It’s a cute reminder of the banter long years ago when myself and my daughter called back and forth from our bedrooms at night 😊….

I’m into the fourth month of crocheting Beany hats, I’ve topped the forty I set out to achieve, spurred ever onward by the thought of the heads they cover trying to find shelter from this unforgiving weather, it’s a small contribution, one I can take part in, though I’m left all the while frustrated once more, living with this infernal disability steals away my ability to do so much more..to say my Damn it doll has taken a real good beating over the weeks is putting it mildly…😊.

Only going outside to feed my feathered friends has been of small comfort, the ground most days now rock solid under foot, Covered completely with a white sparkling hoar frost, although incredibly beautiful when the sun makes one of its rare appearances, it’s not quite so much for the starving wild bird population…I’ve been scattering the ground outside with oats, seeds, dried fruit, meal worms and blackberries that I had stored in my freezer….My old friend white feather the blackbird is particularly partial to these pre defrosted treats, even taken to bring he’s mate along for brief lunch date, my small patch of front garden has always been part of his vast local territory…he bravely chases off any rival other males, including any odd brave Crows…he knows no fear which used to surprise me at one point…not for long though, after watching him swoop down inches away whilst screaming with fury at my neighbour’s black and white Tom cat, …it’s become a real battle between them, the cats tail swishing back n forth, eyes glaring, I feared so many times that I would go out and bear witness to feline fatality …the large cat finally putting an end to white feathers demented tormenting….you will never know the amount of times I’ve rushed outside after hearing the birds shrill warning call to rescue him…only to find him in hot pursuit of his rival😁….I’m not sure if in fact it’s bravery or foolishness but I can’t help but admire it whichever form it takes…, I know his alarm call so well now that even im on my guard😁 , who needs a dog….

While into the third week of this my frosty hibernation period, I’ve not totally stagnated😊, And whilst procrastination is indeed one of my all time favourite words, how I dearly love a deep n dirty procrastination me😁, especially over coffee, But I meander of subject again,,, No infact I’ve put this time to some use at least.., See I’m in full throttle pre- spring, spring clean…you know spring cleaning but well in the winter😊…what else does one do whilst in perpetual incarceration?,oh I still read, binge watch my Nordic noirs, infact I’ve fallen asleep to so many Danish, Swedish, Finnish dramas im more than a little concerned that one of these cold mornings I may well wake up, strip off my pjs and roll around in the snow, Elskling!!!!!!! …..or maybe that’s the frost here….don’t worry I won’t I like my neighbour’s to much to offend their sensibilities😁,…

But while I’m going all Nordic on you…Some Swedish folk, when reaching a certain time of life….not that I’m admitting to ever reaching there yet ahemmmm😉…though my Husky drawn sled is hurtling faster towards Valhalla these days than one would like to own…But yes the good Swedish folk do this thing called Swedish death cleaning, it was I think if memory serves me, started by a lady called Margareta Magnusson in her book titled “The Gentle Art of Swedish death cleaning”…although it is in a point of fact not quite so gentle…. it can be almost savage!….well that tends to be my approach, all or nothing..

Margareta wrote to maybe begin with ones wardrobe….not possessing one, I set about rifling through my drawers😁, In mere moment’s, t shirts, shirts, shorts and socks flew over my shoulders before floating to the bedroom floor in a heaped mountain…the idea here being we are less emotionally attached to our clothes…..You ever tried parting up with that oversized t shirt…it may be creased to hell, full of more holes than shirt, stained…but you and it are bonded in life…it’s seen you through those times when you just couldn’t be asked to put on real grown up clothes, or nothing else was clean😏… now you’ve sentenced it forever to the pile of shame….the death pile…it’s almost like deleting people off Facebook….well no I lie there deleting people has become far easier these days 😁😁😁😁😁, ….. But within half hour, just thirty little minutes, I had myself a clothes mount Everest stuck in the middle of my tiny bedroom floor….Sage watching on in some amusement…What!!!! Chirruped out, as another oversized pair of pants spiralled through the air like an XXXXL parachute, before landing clumsily upon the best fake chandelier… Their still there to this day…..😁😁😁😁😁, no it’s ok their not really, I donated them to a local farmer instead for a feed barn😁😁😁😁😋. I’m good like this…

After clothes she urges us to go through our books, magazines, music and games….books, music, games I draw the line at…uh uh, I’ve relatives I would sooner part with than a book!!!!!, Well I love my books😁, ….Since December though I’ve made it a rule to throw out a bag of clutter weekly…my outside bins are permanently crammed, my patience tried sorely by unreliable Freecyclers, but I’m trusting the process…now if we can just keep me off Amazon long enough to not fill the new found space I’ve made we may be winning…..I don’t need that electric blanket though…..Treez back off from the phone…..no leave ittttt!, Ewwww comes in blue!, ….look at those handy under the bed boxes….I’m a lost cause seriously….Anyway folks I feel the need for something hot and tasty inside me….no oooops sorry, so sorry, that’s not a metaphor thingy damn!!!!, It’s a good job they don’t allow me out amongst decent real folks ain’t it😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, Anyhow enough from me, before I get myself into real bother…. Stay warm, stay safe and look after yourselves out there.🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄ 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Beautiful Deadly …Dear diary

I moved to my present locale around the Spring of 2022, The first few weeks were far from ideal, I had felt somewhat unsettled, if not homesick for the small rental bungalow that had been my previous cozy home,. After those initial first few days, I began to do my utmost to turn the cold stark white walled apartment into a place of warmth and welcome..not always so easy when you just long to run out of the door and never look back.. But i was out of options, this was it, and I had in truth been lucky to find it, (the rental market here being horrendous,) Never being one for looking on the downside too long, I began making the best of a bad situation…

One way I achieved this was to take short strolls each afternoon about the neighbourhood, never very far at first, for I needed to find my bearings, explore. Having little to Zero sense of direction, I took to noticing small landmarks, The tall green larchwood fencing with spiky Lily leaves poking through, a patch of sulphur yellow winter Jasmine, budding purple lilac with its heart shape leaves, the unruly sprawling plum tree at the end of the alleyway, hanging Bowers trailing across the path., Random patches of furry leaved wild violets fighting to see daylight between blades of grass…Each walk bought these tiny gifts for me to exclaim over excitedly, making Jesse look up suddenly from hes work😁…not only were they welcome distractions, but real focal points in the map I drew in my head, to locate home eventually…

About the third week in, (because yes it takes me that long to increase what small confidence I have,. I decided now to venture forth, outside my comfort zone a little, This day changed things most dramatically for me … I hadn’t walked more than about five minutes or so before coming across a large field, still recovering from long haul Covid, I didn’t chance walking all around it, just followed the well trod path across, from one side to the other.. There directly In front of me was a large thick hedgerow of thugish Hawthorne, sloe bushes, at their base, tall frothy white flowering cow parsley,. Walking through a gap between them, to my infinite delight there was yet another field, equally as big if not larger, . Down along the right edge, standing like so many guarding sentries grew tall shady trees …this was about to become not only important to me,but essential ….

As the weather improved, I found myself drawn more and more to the fields, it took some weeks of breathless practice to cover both on the same day, but with some determination and a lot of encouragement from Jesse, I finally managed..On rare occasions all in one go, more often than not though I would find a sheltered unseen spot, sit upon the grass, my back leant against an obliging tree, there to release my sore aching feet from the confines of shoes and socks, Childishly wiggling my toes in the cool grasses, letting the sun rest upon my face..listening to birds chattering high up in the trees, the buzzing bees, shutting out everything around me for a time, eyes closed, Jesse calls this my recharging my depleted batteries time..and it’s so very true…

It was as I walked regretfully home, slowly on one of these occasions, that something new caught my eye, not much escapes me😊, there at the base of a rather grand old Sycamore tree, nestling safely amongst its gnarly roots sat an unusual plant, One I had not remembered coming across before, it’s leaves a deep green, similar but at the same time slightly differing to an ivy leaf…for some reason it caught my eye, and I began looking out for it daily, Sure in my mind, it was a garden escapee, a wildling, self set, watching it’s steady progress, while all the time waiting for someone some eagle eyed gardener to come by and dig it up for themselves…Around a month later though these long cylindrical buds appeared giving it a rather exotic tropical appearance, I looked forward eagerly for the buds to unfurl..which to my delight didn’t take very long…

The following week one cream waxy trumpet like flower making a rather bold statement amongst its dark olive coloured leaves, I was equally amazed how it thrived in such an odd place, we were having a particularly hot dry summer, so it was without water, but there it stood flourishing….I admired it for its fortitude, looking stunning surrounded with its more native weed cousins… I was admiring it daily, but all the while one name kept reoccurring in my head, over and over, I wasn’t sure why at the time, so ignored it….

A year on…..

On one of my last walks, I looked for the hardy little plant, hoping it would make another welcome appearance this year…but I was to be sadly out of luck unfortunately, I wasn’t surprised thinking it had died over the bitter winter months here. … That was until weeding a patch of garden earlier this year alongside of my apartment, there up against a neighbours fence in the shade, grew a rather weedy specimen of that self same plant…I pulled the mass of strangling bind weed, thrip, and grasses from about its roots, hoping in doing it would be free to grow stronger, which over time it in fact has, now standing an impressive bushy shrubby three feet, covered in a mass of musky scented cream trumpets…an exotic vision of loveliness in this cool damp grey summer, its vast contrast a beauty to behold one I’ve enjoyed seeing on my way to hang the laundry out..bringing me cheer to the dullest day, I talk to it in passing, Jesse has grown quite accustomed to this very British eccentricity 😊, I oft can be found talking to the local bees, the impressive gang of pigeons hanging about on the roof😁😁😁😁…Yesterday though I decided to introduce Jesse to my plant friend, holding the phone up close and personal so he could also admire it beauty for himself…

Before going about checking my own arrangement of planted up tubs for stray weeds, within a few minutes I began scratching at an area on my right arm, it didn’t take long for three inch long raised angry criss cross welts to appear, these not only irritated but felt sore simultaneously…I found myself scratching at the area unconsciously for the next hour or so…until the itch became increasingly unbearable… later on that afternoon my throat grew hot and scratchy, my nose feeling stuffy, thinking it was just the beginnings of a summer cold I carried about my days tasks, Making my bread, vacuuming throughout while it proved(it rose spectacularly by the way, pushing off the pots lid later😊) , Still having some time until I had to bake the lovely Artisan bread, I felt the almost sudden need to lie down.. gripped with an overwhelming tiredness, it’s was like someone had pulled my power cord😁, I was totally floored…My head now began aching, my chest growing tight, but still exhausted I dozed in and out of a restless sleep…when I woke up I scratched away at the by now even bigger angry welts,

In fact my whole arm felt hot, itching not only topical but the only way to describe it, is as if the flesh under my skin was crawling with bugs…and or eww Aliens ready to burst forth and zap my mind!!!, Calm down Theresa first they would have to locate it, where’s Sigourney weaver when yah need her…. 👽. Touching any area on the whole arm made it itch terribly, it was all I could do not to tear the skin from my arm..I slathered it hourly in cream, even this set off another bout of clawing at the arm..by nine o’clock that evening I locked the door, turned off the lights giving up all pretence of being active, I lay upon my bed feeling pretty darn miserable, I have to say, the cold and flu symptoms increasing by the hour, there were bouts of chills only to turn into fever the second I covered myself, I felt stiff, my heart raced intermittently…when I stood up my head swam like some guilty sixteen year old raiding the parents drinks cabinet😁 ….but thinking it was still a cold I settled in for a rather long drawn out night….

Around midnight I glooped up my arm again in the white gunky but cooling Sudacrem, there to note not only was my arm very stiff and hot, but the welts were now very impressive looking water blisters…Touching them even, however slightly induced another round of endless scratching, so I dragged myself still semi conscious into the sitting room, thats where I keep my medical drawer…filled with none other than,, torture devices aka, medical stuff😁, I’m nothing if not practical…you learn to be when your an accident prone, allergy sufferer, likely to wound ones self at any given moment…Any how I digress,.. stop it Theresa!!!!, No I’m the boss of it and I can ramble on if I want to…do I want to? Mostly yes 😁, … But after a spell of pulling the once neatly organised drawer apart, carelessly tossing things across the room as I went.., Until I came across a rather sticky odd lone Jakeman cough sweet, (a treasure indeed), plus a crepe bandage..logically in my sleep deprived mind, if I covered up my arm, cutting of its circulation…no no I mean the air flow😁, yes the air that’s it, this in turn would reduce the blooming insane amount of itching right? Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Only now I couldn’t scratch though oh well😊.

Sleep even as tired as I felt didn’t happen, first the chills, then cold sweats…I was drinking water like a woman walking through the Sahara desert…hell I felt like it too come to that., attempting to watch a series on Prime was no more successful, as I lay awake I tried somewhat in vain to remember the name, the same one that had gone on in my head for weeks previously, Only for it to mysteriously vanish..it was Latin sounding…what was that thing!!!…?…then finally I remembered, … And while it was still fresh in my mind, I googled the name…Datura!!!!….

Deadly darling Datura…😊

This is what information Google gave me…Datura is a genus of nine species of highly poisonous vespertine-flowering plants, belonging to the nightshade family(Solanaceae) …they are more commonly known as thornapples or Jimsonweeds, can also go by Devils trumpet or mad apples….other names are equally delightful like moonflower, devils weed, and hells bells…All species are extremely poisonous, can cause respiratory problems, arrhythmia, fevers, delirium, hallucinations, psychosis and or death…..oh good!!!!!!!😮

This is I might add normally if ingested though, so I was fine right?….but the post script went on to say in very small print at the end.., some more sensitive people can be allergic to its touch….oh the joy..that will be me then.sighs…That dear sweet Angelic looking plant had attacked me most viciously without rhyme or reason….not only is it stunningly beautiful, it left behind a forever impression on both skin and mind,…the water blisters now each have large red dots in them, also surrounded by round circular red rings…although I don’t feel as bad as I did Tuesday evening/night, I am however still feverish off and on…still fighting the cold and flu like symptoms…the itchiness has somewhat abated but the area is still hot and tender…as a warning folks these plants can and do grow anywhere, they are extremely beautiful, smell glorious…just don’t shove your nose too close uhuh!!!🙄😁, They can and are poisonous to animals, including the larger ones like cattle and horses…death follows within hours if eaten and there’s no known anti toxin, ….if your curious as to what it looks like Google the Datura plant for yourselves, theres plenty of interesting information available, plus YouTube videos ect…and please one more thing before I go scratch, please please please keep the little folks and dogs away from them if you can .you know how curious both are … What adds insult to injury here.., I now have the unenviable task of laying waste to the plant I had previously only ever admired, instead of talking softly to it as I once had, I now hurl insults freely it’s way, hoping it will take the hint wither and die, but alas it’s defiant to the last …Evil plant, !!!, Devils Doer!!!!, Devils strumpet, Thorny ball snitch!!!, Delilahs stink rash!!!😁😁😁😁, ..I heard my neighbour cough delicately from the other side of the fence earlier this plants got to go, it’s moving out, moving on…nothing but trouble….ok well enough from me folks have a good weekend all, stay safe, stay well and most of all steer clear of the Deadly Datura…🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛x