Tag: love

How to never stick mirror tiles on yah chest….Dear diary….

I’m still into fully fledged autumnal hibernation mode, readying the flat for anything and everything that the winter months may care to fling at us, An extra blanket upon the bed, two small candle stoves dug out and dusted off, from the deepest darkest depths of the cave cupboard. (The candle stoves are something I had bought last year from Amazon, Genius little things, the appearance of something like a metal police helmet contraption, held aloft upon a long sprew with the aid of nuts😁, this hovers over a waiting dish below, Where upon you put upwards of half a dozen lighted t light candles..(my attempts at explaining are not the best you may have gathered by now😊), but surprisingly it actually does help, knocking up the temperature from somewhere near freezing, to just above…I’m more than happy with anything that prevents me from certain hypothermia or indeed frost bitten extremities, no one wants their extremes freezing😁… I joke ye not…last year my little thermometer, another Amazon special😁, read a balmy 3 degrees most mornings… wahoo!!!!!, My goosebumps had goosebumps, ….even my houseplants thought they were outside in the frosty tundra, dropping all their leaves before eventually dying a death…..😔.

So this year like a good girl guide, I’m preparing in advance, One trick up my sleeve(but Treez you don’t have any sleeves, stop talking to yourself woman😊) So anyhow, I took a pretty pale lemon shower curtain, folded it in half, tack stitched it along the very top, before hanging the now doubled up curtain across the bedroom window, this in the stead of the previous lacy net curtains, which of course are entirely useless at helping preventing force nine gales from blowing through the poorly glazed windows… On the plus side the lemon colour chosen deliberately to match the lined floral draw curtains (looks both pretty and practical… These were the same floral curtains that were up until yesterday in the living room😁,.

I’ve put full length curtains in the living room now, in the somewhat vain hopes of holding the winter weather outdoors where it belongs, this all sounds a faff I know, but needs must and all that, In front of this sits my round glass topped table, complete with two chairs, a pale lemon shawl ensemble, that is currently pretending to be a temporary table cloth ..This is also where I’ve set up my art supplies, Sketch books, water colour palettes, pencils, pens, sat there just waiting for me to locate my inspiration, now where did I last have that?, … But if nothing else it’s a lovely place to sit in the mornings with one of my many coffees to watch the clouds stretch out across the sky(a favourite pastime of mine…

Fiddling with ones Chest….😮😁😮

So way back last year, while browsing an online second hand shop, I happened to come across this pretty little wood effect chest..Now like everything else you impulse buy, mayhaps because of boredom, it’s raining, the coffee hasn’t quite kicked in as of yet or there’s an R in that month, the purchased item never does match up to your idea of it….But having asked someone to pick it up for me and drop it off here, i was now stuck with it, (sat there glaring at me), for here on in I had to make the best of a bad situation, well didn’t i? Sighs…what does one do with a flaking lacquer chest I ask😊?…

Well one thing you never do is add another impulse buy…yeah I did…look I know, maybe if I had just waited a while, that mind blowing idea might of popped into my coffee laced skull, but in my defence i didnt And wouldn’t😁… after wild thoughts of painting it, covering it up with tacky stick on flowers, making it look akin to great Aunt Doreens Sunday best church hat, I came across these rolls of stick on mirror tiles on Amazon…ok I hear yah!, Treez however is sticking on row upon row of tiny glass mirror tiles going to make anything of a bad job?…look I don’t know what I was thinking…I never do, maybe just covering up the worst paint peely bits,? …In my imagination it looked so fabulous and perfect…the tiles either reflecting the yellow from the curtains, or pictures upon the walls…but even as I clicked on the buy it now button, I felt this sinking doom laden feeling…oh Treez what have you done now.?, Oh well, time will indeed tell.

The tiles..

They came late one afternoon a week later, I had eagerly awaited the prime van all that day,…when handed this minute box, I really should of known then….But I opened the tiny box, still with a faint hope it would all be ok😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, yeah gullible or what?..the tiles in themselves were pretty enough, indeed to this self confessed Magpie they were shiny and flipping drop dead gorgeous…but even with two rolls, I doubted there was anywhere near enough ever!!!!!!😁, ….A sensible person would have stopped there and sent for more or even called it quits while ahead…not me!!!!uhuh nope….I was soon sat upon the carpet, elbow deep in razor sharp glass mirror tiles, Sticking them to the chest lid, strays sticking to the carpet, my clothes, and all the while ripping my hands to pieces…

Even the minutes I could tell this was never going to end well, despite the tiny tiles coming on rolls of sticky paper, I could not get them to line up straight on the lid, what’s worse is they seemed to have an almost magnetic attraction to the wood surface…but not in nice straight lines….oh hell no, why would they?, They stuck to each other, my hands, everywhere and to every blooming thing, Before long I expected to hear the ghostly voices of the Bee Gees about the flat, laser lights blinking and flickering, my hair slicked back, as my t shirt was soon resembling a glitter ball…I had to fight the urge to break into night fever….ok I didn’t alright but that goes no further….

I eventually have to admit defeat, my hands by now are covered in every last plaster I possessed, my t shirts blinding me with mirror tile reflections and the box has about a two dozen poorly stuck on tiles…not one in a straight line… Sage my budgie is yelling pretty boy each time he sees me, and this whole thing no longer seems like the wonderful idea it set out to be….I hate mirror tiles uhhhhh!😒.

A week later ….

And guess what?, I’m trying my hardest to remove said tiles from the chest lid…I’ve tried everything from paint scrapers, kitchen knives, screw drivers and even a hammer….no it’s safer not to ask…so far it’s Treez 2, Mirror tiles 22, I’m not so sure I’m winning🙄, I would throw the whole bloody thing in the bin, but that’s not me..I won’t admit defeat…now where did I put that sledge hammer😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, Anyhow folks whatever your up to today make sure no mirror tiles are involved😁, stay safe in storm Amy and take care of you…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Growth….Dear diary

Three days ago now, I woke up, to what felt like a very normal day, it started out that way, all signs, roads pointed to well, ” Average “…My coffee was hot, strong, dark and a delight for the senses, the water, cool and immensely refreshing upon my skin after a night baking slowly on gas mark 200 million degrees for 6 hours, Sun was up high in its sky, the Bees had done the utmost to chase me away from my own garden, upon I trying to water it….everything was in its place,….So i could not know just 30 minutes later, my world would turn on its axis, the light would slip away, fall into the shadows never to light up again…

My world falling into complete devastation, and as I sat there for the longest time in amongst that rubble, I was about to learn yet another valuable lesson, People and harsh moments are the best teachers,….to begin with, I didn’t know how to deal with this new situation, there was no one I could talk it through with, things spun out of control, off kilter, my mind awash with voices of old, full of spite, hate and criticism deployed their best missiles, one after the other, my walls tumbled and here I sat unable to deflect any of it….

Circle the Wagons…

After time had passed, I began settle though, this situation was no less painful, but the me I’m fast evolving into sat outside, coffee in hand, and allowed my poor exhausted mind time, time for calm, time to evaluate, process this new information and what to do with it.. If I rushed all in filled with anger, upset and emotion, I would surely make mistakes, as Indeed i have all too many times in the past…I needed to start with the very basic, there after to regroup…. Just breathe, calm the mind demons, sit quitely with the situation until you know what you want to do…as difficult as this was to prove it’s the path I decided upon, I holstered my emotions, circled the Wagons and sat there in the moment …

In times of old I would have reacted far far differently, allowing my head to take over, that’s when you know you’ve lost… In the time I sat outside by myself, (no that’s wrong, for I was with myself,…. I had realised though, even talking to a loved one wouldn’t have helped…just selfishly unloaded my cares onto them, I love them far too much for this, plus they have their own issues to deal with…neither did I resort to my old friend food, (binge eat), try to anaestheise pain with sugary treats, it was touch and go there momentarily I admit it😁, but what would this achieve?..nothing of course, only ruin months of gruelling work, plus sicken me both mentally and physically, plus add to my burden…no time was the essence here, time for logic, then after a while set healing in motion…

I’m not sure how long I sat in complete silence, Bees buzzing about my head, butterflies fluttering upon the breeze, worker ants crawling about my feet carrying things back to their nest, but whether I realised it or not, just being there had stilled my hammering heart, slowed down my breathing and allowed me to press the pause button on my world, unplug it so it would reset…yes the issue hadn’t resolved, but how I dealt with it now had…i realised it was 7pm and I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, as much as the mere thought of eating made me feel queasy, I knew deep down my body needed fuel…something small healthy and nothing to complex, I made a piece of chicken and Some veggies…it was another act of kindness, but to myself, and there’s the thing..when you live alone, you need to become your own companion, treat yourself with kindness, nurture you, become a mother to your overwrought mind and body…it’s the beginning of healing…

I went to bed that night, my mind still spinning with unanswered thought, but I resolved to let them be, maybe they were ever meant to be answered, My dreams were disjointed and crazed as they tried make sense of the things I couldn’t, when I woke up, the pain lay heavy in my chest still, but by tapping into new found strength, i went about my routine, with its shadowy presence following along behind me, every once in a while it would jump out at me sending with it shockwaves of hurt…I saw it, listened in, but moved right along, grief I realise is very different for us all, but I’m proud of the person I’m slowly emerging into…I’m a far cry from the brow beaten, used up person I left behind some eight years nearly now…later that same morning while I stood in my tiny kitchen waiting patiently for the kettle to come to a boil, listening for the click, I went out and grabbed my scales from their box… Standing upon the cold surface I waited for the flashing numbers to stop spinning and say you’ve gained X amount of poundiage, you XL heifer😊…. Instead though I had lost another 7lb😲😮😊….it brings the grand total so far to a none too shabby 42 lb ….I celebrated this victory, as I celebrated my sadness, by myself, ever mindful that’s by myself…never alone…. And here’s to the next 42 lb….What ever your doing this weekend, please take care of you, remember your worth it…till next time 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Believe you can and your halfway there ..Theodore Roosevelt…Dear Diary

Monday…

I love the above quote, it’s so appropriate for me at this moment in time, well anytime really, As is also his Man in the Arena address, given on the 23rd of April 1910…I have this enlarged, framed above my bed…One constant and wonderful reminder that no matter how difficult life can seem for you at times, all the while your here, showing up each morning there’s a chance, a chance for things to improve…it’s a thought I cling to, But quite unlike Jack clinging to that huge lump of wood in the cold cold cruel sea( reference, the film Titanic) I’m hanging on bloody tightly to it…shoving Rose off if needs be 😮😁😁😁…. I can do ruthless😁.

Captains Log day Star date 138…

According to my phones Pedometer I’ve survived 138 days of healthy living…(shows you how well it knows me), Some days have been slightly more questionable, if not darn outright outrageous…On my birthday for example, way back in April for.. As that clock struck half passed Barn owl, which sounds absolutely more like a dementor or in fact a hallucinogenic Terradactyl, don’t ask it’s a clock I thought a good idea at one point in time, while alone scrolling unattended on the Zon… It has different bird sounds for every hour…(yeah I know what was I thinking?, this has yet to be determined though😁 but I digest….no not digest Treez stop ittt, digress thats it, I digress …Anyway it was late, my birthday, I was alone late into the night, a big Bar of Galaxy chocolate also sitting alone in the living room sideboard drawer…crying out pitifully with its seductive siren silky voice….I bellowed at it, although none too loudly in my mind like one does, (tell me this is even a real thing right?!!!!)…”stop, cease, quit, desist, please!!..but it wasn’t paying attention enough obviously…So I showed it who was Boss and ate it huh!!!!!!!, it was it’s own fault don’t feel sorry for it!!!!….But since that lone fateful cold night when that bar of chocolate and I shared a very brief special moment I’m proud to say I’ve been good….

As you also know I can’t abide the D word, no not Dentist (sighs😁..mumbles under breath, behind thebhand.. dxxt….You all know the one, denoting immediate deprivation, starvation, and never eating a single nice thing for EVER ever!!!!!!😮, But with my height not matching up to my ever expanding waistline, something had to be done, either that or buy more elastic waisted pants !….so back in February there I was, I stood bare foot in the cold, hail, fog and rain, pause for dramatic effect😁, Sacrificing everything last little thing with even slightest amount of yummyness at the alter of the Green Goddess,, aka the Bin, Yes after a brief prayer, chant, candle lighting and crossing myself, you have to cover all those bases don’t you?, I called upon the Gods old and new to make me slender, svelte,lissom and sylphlike overnight…..your not surprised it didn’t happen are you?😁…..nah me neither, guess there really is only one way then sighs?…we going in!!!

A lettuce leaf and half a cherry tomato 🍅,

Ok just a slight exaggeration, but I have been eating far more vegetation…vegetables, I joke about ditching, the cakes, sweets, and anything over processed as being a chore..but if I’m totally honest it was the right time for me..I had researched the subject thoroughly, not taking this on-board lightly or as a whim…after reading four books, listening to podcast after podcast on Spotify..everything fell with a loud thud into place…takes a while for me to catch up folks,😁, really does…the evidence was staring me in the face though..back about seven years ago I lost 60lbs in just over six months, no starvation, no endless trips to the torture chamber(Gym)… Just giving up Sugar, carbs and eating more lean meat, fish and veg…After the initial headaches from coming off sugar(that should tell you all you need right there), but something odd happened…I began to feel better, I had more energy, no brain fog, my pain levels became more manageable, even a long standing stomach issue cleared up…it was official I felt good!!! More importantly my blood pressure dropped, I went from six tablets daily to two, my weight slowly but surely began fall also…

I’m sorry to say though just after a year, I had slipped back into my old eating habits…along with the dreaded weight gain, my health nose dived..my pain levels doubled, last year, In fact i spent six months virtually bed bound…my knee swollen and agony, my doctors telling me to rest it up and all would be well…I bowed to their professional knowledge, because that’s what one does when given advice and your desperate… But the pain never decreased, the swelling became more apparent, as did the ever increasing weight gain from being immobile for months, it’s not im a constant eater, or even a picker, no matter how often I joke about it, no it’s not the amount of food I eat, but what I eat…the convenience food, the quick dinner because it hurts too much for me to stand, even small sweet treats spark inflammation around the body…

By February I had come to a conclusion something had to give, and it wasnt going to be me, not this time.., I posted how i ditched anything with sugar, ultra processed, or carb laden…Since then I’ve lost nearly 30lb…Yes watching everything you eat in the beginning is tedium to say the least…Eating out is difficult to almost impossible…but it’s about what you want most…what I want, crave, ney need…is normality, I want to wake ready to greet another dawn, I will never be pain free, because That’s my lot in life, Pain and I have become old friends, kind of strange I know, but acceptance is the key…what I can do something about though is improving things for myself…I’ve seen so many doctors now, specialist, and as kind as their intentions are, I’m no better…My illnesses are incurable, but there’s no harm in making the best of a bad situation…I feel better taking charge of my own health,it’s something I can do,… I will also keep researching, keep eating a healthy foods only, nutritious, fresh. Making wise choices…

As the months pass by, I find myself no longer craving the foodstuff I would eat previously, rather I’m enjoying the taste of fruit,not just enjoying actually, but really tasting it almost for the first time…peaches for instance have never tasted better, flavour intensified exponentially, I no longer need to over season food, it’s own clean earthy flavours, textures being far more preferential now…this way of eating isn’t for everyone, I get that …but if it improves my life even by a fraction I’m ready to work at it some more…the 30lb weight loss although a bonus is nothing to the clarity of thought, increased energy and decrease of meds…here’s to the next six months in the Arena…whatever your doing this beautiful summers day, enjoy, stay safe and look after yourself.x💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌹

Don’t you just love a whopper?😉…Dear diary

Oh hell it’s Monday already!

The week previous myself and my Friend Debbie had taken a rain check on an arranged coffee, Every few weeks or so she takes delight in forcing me to step over my comfort zones, putting reluctant feet over the threshold and into the wilds, aka a cafe😁,or shop. This means which ever means fair or otherwise, normally a large handled cattle prod being her favourite to date,😊, I swear though she just wants to read the more and more outlandish elaborate excuses I have been known to come up with, on this subject I am eventually thinking of starting my own business, (Dial an excuse, for those days when you need that quickie reason for a sick day) not blowing my own kazoo here and all that, I’m pretty proficient at this for which My Children can freely attest, (Should I admit this, does it come under dodgy parenting I wonder,) But while they were at school if for any reason one or another of them needed an note for late homework ect.., including the occasion for my daughter’s very late history project, I came up with some excellent plausible excuses (like the puppy peed on it, it may actually have been more like one of the guys in the house missing the loo but we won’t go there😊 least in this case if I recall there was some truth in the matter though,,,,,,we had a puppy 😁.

I had already used up my allotted excuse allowance for this month, on or around February 2nd, probably for the coming year also , pleading was no longer an option either, So Monday morning was the offending day…As per the blooming always, Sleep for that night was all very last minute….yes it lurks in the corner of my bedroom, or under my bed, waiting patiently until that very last hour before I need to get up, to knock me into comatose mode, spark out, snoring fit to burst,. Waking again with a start at around 9am,. At this point, I would really so love to write I leap out of bed , huh some chance maybe 20 years or so ago!!!!, We must also take into account Debbies due to arrive about 10:30, and I hate rushing, it’s just so uncalled for, not civilised, Plus, well I need to ensure time for my coffee to permeate the remaining brain cell, this takes much more coffee of late… I,m the only person I know of for whom it requires at least one large bucket of coffee to go get coffee, is that slightly weird?, I like to think more in the range of unique perhaps😊.

After a run through the shower at carwash speed, I grudgingly proceeded to get ready…But first we must locate our shoes….Shoes happen on these feet but rarely, on average about five times per year, I hate them, (evil contraptions),unlike my sister’s shoe shopping is not my bag,,,I hate those too, bags not my sisters😁😁😁😁…from my very youngest years shoes felt confining, uncomfortable, later on I was to learn after some research that folks with Ehlers Danlos(could experience pain just wearing shoes, this explained an awful lot about my childhood😊. I can still hear my poor mother moaning at me, “Put those shoes back on Theresa”!, she did this right up until she left bless her…..Sorry mother I hate to say this, didn’t actually work😉. But I digress hugely, the shoes as it turns out had been banished into the darkened wasteland of the bedroom cupboard, closet, also known as, small chilled area in my room, for which Artic explorers use to train in, and in the summer doubles as another fridge….no it does..😁😁.

After two large coffees, several rather impressive attempts at remembering how to put on actual real people clothes, my left leg seemed was extra affeared at the added prospect of walking further than my miniscule flat floor space, trying it’s hardest to retreat into the same trouser leg as my right,, after the third failed attempt, I physically man handled it into submission, Finally clothed, shod, I went through the whole Keys, phones, wallet, tissues, phone charger routine six times, I like to do this to the head, shoulders, knees and toes music ….this will often take at least another twenty minutes…see why running late is not an option now?😁….. This is of course without the perfume caper…I’m never quite sure if I’ve done it, so I go back several times just to make sure….I think Debbie oft needs a hazardous materials suit and breathing apparatus on in her tiny car….

Talking of, Debbies soon stood smiling at my door, I growl out a perfunctory good morning, living by oneself you kind of lose the whole art of actual conversation, I mean I’m used to chatting to the inanimate objects about the flat, Sage the budgie, pigeons or the plants, things that don’t require a two way repertoire, knowing sentences any longer in Sages case than, ” you alright?”, This is good for at least a second, or “Damn”!!!!!, “Where are you”? Or his favourite “Pervert”,. And call me odd here but I’m not quite so sure Aunty Debbie would appreciate me shouting Pervert!!!!!!!! Across a crowded cafe…(although, no Treez behave…., It’s been some weeks since our last Coffee crusade, we have much to catch up, and after a few minutes it’s like the weeks between meeting up melts away with the icy weather and the car is filled with excited chatter…Jesse in phone land tries to get the odd word in, but listens in somewhat amused …

I never quite know our destination until we are well on the way, I think Debbie likes to find out different places each time, just in case I misbehave and then she doesn’t have to go back in a hurry, that or places she’s not known in😁, think it’s more the second on reflection. …. It turns out this new improved cafe in a remote little village is only about ten minutes away, which is good for Debbie in the circumstances as that’s about when her oxygen tank runs out and she would either have to resort to sticking her head out the drivers side window(no mean feat while attempting to drive😁anything to avoid the clouds of Eau de Cologne emanating from under my fleece jacket, slowly becoming visible from Venus….

Debbie always parks the tiny Nissan as near to the entrance as humanely possible, (again I’m never sure if this is for a quick getaway,, …After a quick drool over all the plants we long for, but cannot afford at this Juncture, the lure of coffee urges us both into a large airy very clean tea room, it’s Windows facing a very scenic prospect out into the fields of a local farm, ..inside is warm, filled with the aroma of coffee, chocolate and cake, senses over load for me…Even so Im hesitant to leave the safety of the doorway…Debbie who was directly behind me, ploughs into my back as I stop suddenly… “What?” She asks suddenly, without turning I whisper. .. ” there’s people” … ” yes Theresa it’s a cafe, that will happen” , … ” But what if they want to talk at me” …she smiles no I think your ok,

Debbie goes up to the smiling young lass behind the counter first to be served, This is the normal modus operandi for us, I think she feels this need to remind me how it’s normally done…(by all you normal people)…I can be normal people right?,. My eyes are immediately drawn to the large array of sugary sweet baked confectionery, trying hard not to get drool over the sparkling glass display case, I do eventually make that final decision, it was difficult there for a while folks, with shelf upon shelf of Fruit buns, sticky buns, cake of every creation, short cake, little tart cases filled with sensuous gem like strawberries covered in glaze upon beds of cream, Chocolate muffins, blueberry, raspberry and white chocolate, cherry ohhhhh my goodness I’m in cake Eden, my cake G spot has gone into the launch sequence and countdown commences …my final selection an XXXL cherry scone, with a tiny pot of fresh buttery thick cream and sweet tangy raspberry Compote….jam!, With this I have my usual trough of Americano coffee, And to my utter delight that coffee was surprisingly delicious, hot, strong with a nutty roasted after taste and plenty of it…

Chairs…..

Oh please indulge me for just a moment or six I beg of you, I know I’m a miserable beggar😁. But I feel compelled to tell you about these chairs I saw,. Now I’m not normally a soft furnishings kinda gal, but folks, when I saw these big bold beautiful over the top screaming bright coloured patchwork chairs, I thought my time had come up and I was in coffee shop heaven, with a halo-ed Craig David playing harp and singing hallelujah….. …or how I imagine it anyhow😁, …I stopped my breath caught in my throat, entranced at the wonder of a world of purple patchwork, all on this one single chair, I lovingly caressed the buttery soft fabric, oooohing and arrrhing under my breathe, then out of nowhere, harsh words ruin my revelry, lay waste to my mellow, explode my Zen to tiny pieces….Debbies voice crashed into my dreamworld, No!!!!!!!!!, “No what I ask innocently enough”?, “No it won’t fit in the car and it can’t come home!” replies Debbie quickly, leaving me without a doubt, …. ” but”?,,, again as if guessing my protestations she says “absolutely not”!!!!, “it’s not coming home with us now or ever “, I turn and sadly meet her eye, giving this beautiful thing a last loving pat….the voice said “just keep moving”…. And I do, for in all fairness to Debbie it would not have fit inside the tiny frame of her Nissan and even if it had, I’m not sure it would make that much of a getaway car….. I was sadly by now too bereft to eat my scone there at the Cafe, but later that same evening alone, i commiserated myself by consuming the all too delicious cherry scone, which even by my standards was a struggle to eat, it was a real whopper folks😉,!!!, When the very last crumb had been eaten, plate cleared away, later that evening I’m ashamed to say I spent close to two solid hours scrolling page after bloody page on “The Zon” (Amazon), for something resembling the chair of my dreams.. You,’ll never guess what though I’ve found it!!!!!!, …😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁. Anyhow my sweet fellow caffeine fiends I’ve immensely enjoyed our time together, but before I leave you please always take care while out there and look after you💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛.