So it’s come to this….

Its that time of year again, no not that one, the other one😁….I was thinking more along the lines when I have to renew my rental contract with my landlord, it’s not normally that much of an issue, (Note “the normally”), .Numerous Emails are involved, they cross back and forth between myself and the agent, There im asked complicated questions like, are you wishing to stay in situ?, Or Everything ok?,. Ok yes….. then sign here and don’t darken our doorstep ever again, I certainly wont, dont. Because We have this brilliant understanding between us, going way back,,, they don’t bother me and I’m certainly not going anywhere near them unless something demands it…, ugh it involves far too much peopling….

Changes that stay the same….

Anyhow that is the usual Modus operandi….But now because of these wondrous Brand new shiny renters rights acts, with its fabulous list of rules and regulations, things have infact altered, What’s worse is its to the detriment of tenants, (that will be me then), the very same people it was supposed to be protecting…(Oh Why do they insist on messing about with a working system?). So originally I would hop and skip along to sign a piece of paper along the dotted line, With it’s overload of small print , blurry words this is called a yearly contract, normally a long term contract.. I add my squiggle signature or cross whichever!… But not now folks…oh no.. Now apparently, I have all these fancy new things, called tenants rights sighs,…But this is the odd part…from now on in instead of yearly renting, we are doing monthly….Soooo you ask?, Well think on this for a mminute or three, at any point, any moment in time, I can become in effect homeless, there’s no longer any security…. Anddddd added joy of joys, on top of this, my Rent has gone up for the privilege, …lovely!!!!!!!, if you ask me this puts all the rights firmly into the owners corner🤔.

So Ive decided just in case, I’m going to be all pro wotsit, I’m going to do a preliminary investigation…. investigational hat on firmly on head…..I’m searching the intertubes daily for other rental properties, Ones that may still do long term letting, And to my surprise, ney delight!, yes there are some out there still available, not only this, some even offer more bang for my buck, or is that more buck for a bang….ewwww errr Mrs…😁….What does that all actually mean I wonder?, I dunno😁, …but.in my case it’s very simple, another bedroom😮😊, Yes instead of a less than a 40 square foot box, with one lilliputian sized bedroom with ensuite cave spider cupboard.. .., There’s these things called real sized homes out there😮, With kitchens and bathrooms inclusiveoh my who knew!?, . Not letting anything hold me back, I set about sending out emails, …Last Friday I viewed the first.

Friday………the 13th😮😱

Over the years I like to think, I have left this superstition quite firmly in the junk drawer, amid the myriad of phone cords, insulation tape, screws and other things that you think will come in handy at some point in your lifetime, but never actually use again…ever!…Viewing Friday the 13th, quite like walking under a ladder, a black cat crossing my path, saying good morning Mr magpie….oh hang on I still do that one….ok, well what can I say,, I like Magpies😁. Anyhow after an extremely short phone call, I find myself invited along to view a very pretty little cottage, that Friday coming,…I’m so thrilled, I didn’t note the actual date,… that came later, much later, it wasn’t in fact until I wrote the date upon my calendar, the day screamed at me in big bold capital shouty letters, this should have been a warning for what was to come..😁,. But I had so loved all the pictures upon the estate agents website, it looked bloody near perfect,,,, for me anyhow, …..For the next three days, I studied, drooled, revisited each and every last picture numerous times daily, imaging my furniture, curtains and rugs dotted about the place…rightly or wrongly in my head I had in effect moved in….yeah I know I was just asking for trouble. .

The big day arrives….

I hardly slept Thursday night, beset by a culmination of emotions, mainly excitement and nerves,…at precisely 5am I could take no more, by 6am I had already necked three large strong coffees, my nerves well and truly stoked, left eye twitching wildly, lets not mention the countless trips to the bathroom….plus there was actually still 7 hours to go before I had to leave….😁😁😁😁😁. I showered, sprayed, primped, until both myself and the tiny apartment had this shimmering toxic haze of Sandalwood body mist, deodorant and mint shower Gel..I was determined to knock them off their feet, create a lasting impression, that or Gas them out….I was hoping more for the first naturally,….I tried on numerous combinations of clothes, opting in the end for warmth and comfort….

My Ride there pulled up outside promptly at 1pm, (the appointment being 2:30pm, it left us with plenty of time for the journey over….or so we originally thought🙃🙄, ….while out we decided to stop off at boots to pick up my prescription, big bloody mistake, massive!, ….it all looked so positive in the planning. Huh😃😃😃😃.!, That’s what you know Treez, Firstly I had to wait in line at the chemist for over 15 years….ok slight exaggeration for effect there folks, but in fairness it was 15 minutes in the end.., just felt far longer….I get to the front finally, give my date of birth, address, colour of my underwear😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, The chemist walks off to check that it’s waiting for me…..comes back with the smallest box known to man, whether it was the stress, just miscalculation, I won’t ever know, (probably over indulgence of caffeine)..but I proceeded to walk away, leaving the premises….I’m about to walk over to the waiting car when it finally dawns on me, I really should check the meds are correct before leaving…. Which I did, wishing I hadn’t, but did…..don’t ask….sighs, by now it’s getting late, I need to keep this 2:30 appointment or die trying…..could very well go either way at this point…

I rush back to my patiently waiting driver, who is still sat in his vehicle, he has by now aged nearly 15 years, grown a fabulous ZZ top beard and is filling out forms for his state pension,😁.,…As we finally get the journey underway, every variety of vehicle throughout the decades, seems to want to appear upon the road at that precise moment…Every red light seem stuck on well screaming red!!!!, Sure it wasn’t but it seemed that way…queues form at every single set of traffic lights, we were going to be cutting it so so fine… Dark steel grey heavy clouds finally erupt with slanting rain, Tractors , lorries go a speedy ten mile an hour, pull out at every turning…I’m convinced ar one point, an old dear with her walker shoots passed us, leaving us sitting in her dust waving her oversized handbag…I feared we were not going to make our deadline., Or any other again!

Trust the process …..who said this clearly didnt….

The sarcastic voice on the Sat nav, who has also had enough by now, sneers as she informs us we might well want to turn left at the next turning, I swear I waited for an insult at the end there….😁, to top things off there’s absolutely no where to park outside the house, just a minute square of muddy quagmire….As I jump out to let them know we have finally arrived, I promptly land in the deepest mud puddle, coating My freshly cleaned boots…oh well!!!😁 .My poor driver by now is understandably in pieces, but goes off valiantly to try and find parking within a five miles radius…good luck!…..

The house….

The house in itself was to prove a delight, infact everything I could of and would have wished for in a prospective new home, Ok far smaller than the photos so cleverly depict…but I really did love it, … I could have easily moved in then and there….even though it was quirky as hell, The tiny back garden was actually at the front, so that left what I took to be front garden, being at the back, or was that the front…oh I don’t know anything anymore🙃…..Even the diminutive lass showing us around, looked equally as confused, I stayed until a now red faced and exhausted driver caught up with us…finally finding a corner to park in… the whole thing taking less than ten minutes in total….we left it to be decided ….thank goodness as it happens…

Pass the tin hats….

The car was neatly tucked away around the corner, so we didn’t have far to go to get out of the pouring rain, …As we approach, a rather large irate man walks toward us, he does not look happy, not at all…. and we don’t even get to the car before he makes his feelings well and truly known….more F bombs going off, than when I stub my toe, which I do frequently by the way🙄…His finger stabbing the air violently, pointing at a set of gates,… I look over at them, ” don’t think I help by saying ” oh yes dear their very nice I say, “, hoping to deflect.his masculiness…he then screams are you bloody blind?… , Im so so tempted to say yes actually😁, then ask my driver to aid me to the driving side….it was all I could do not too….the guy by now was a fetching shade of deep purple, Veruca Salt had nothing on him….I kept expecting band of tiny oopmah lompahs to appear at any moment, carting him off….but we were not to be that fortunate, he waved his arms around enough for me to almost break into a Venga boys song…,thought we had accidentally hit a rave… spitting out more fire and brimstone than the local vicar on a Sunday service, we waited patiently for a final break in the tempest….I apologised profusely, trying to explain the situation, but nothing could placate our own Mr angry…he steadily worked himself up to a full frenzy, spouting did we know how many times people had parked outside those gates, I wonder could we call a friend for the answer., He then rants on about how he needed to be somewhere and was now late…..I know it well I mumble unhelpful…, I wouldn’t mind but his car is parked in front of ours…nothing stopping him pulling away, .. If he would just shut up and get in his car we could all get to where we were going…….and out of this rain☔….

We do finally manage to escape though, leaving behind the man still waving his arms windmill fashion, I’m wondering just how much electricity he could generate with those flaying biceps of his?….🤔…., We decide to stop off before going home, there’s an Aldi nearby, I need just a few bits for over the weekend….it’s nearly 4pm at this point in time, so I’m in and out of that shop quicker than a quick thing…. it’s still raining….of course it is…the skies laden with more, People are rushing about, cars come at you from all directions, I realise it’s Friday night, of that I’m by now fully aware, but I’m wondering why the hurry, am I missing something here?😁,

It takes a full fifteen minutes to slowly make our way out of the carpark, the entrance being wonderfully located at a busy t junction, it’s also school pick up time….there’s cars flying about with angry impatient drivers, horns beeping, fists flaying and all we want is a wee pause in the endless stream of cars to get out.pleaseeeee!….no ones being that helpful….it took longer to exit the car park than for me to shop….let’s just get home!!!!!…….We drive the rest of the way back in exhaustive silence…rain smashing against the Windows, the wipers hypnotic in their bid to keep the vision clear…by the time I reach home, I never want to leave again…..I sit quietly still trying to process the day an hour later….Debbie texts how about we go out for coffee in the week…….oh hell!!!!!!😁, but I go…. …whatever your up to this weekend folks, stay warm, stay safe and look after yourself💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛.