Thursday

Around the beginning of February, (this year, two things happened…One involved a traumatic moment, early on a cold frosty morning, The other just kind of snuck up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder, bringing with it a germ of a new idea,. this went onto fully evolve over the next few weeks and months …First things first, After being ordered to rest up with a knee injury early on in the beginning of last year by my doctor, I spent almost 13 months prostrate upon the bed, anyone else in similar circumstances knows only too well of the utter mind numbing boredom., I have to admit though it did bring with it a chance to read more, which I did in vast quantities to begin with… Some 150 books to be precise, I enjoyed immersing myself fully, living most days in virtual realms, vicariously escaping through the Authors words, for which many will never know my gratitude, although that said, I did write reviews for one or two, the least I could do when they had kept my Sanity intact for a wee while longer😁 later on sadly, I hit the wall, becoming all read out, as you can imagine,. Tedium and myself are never good bed fellows as it turns out, it allows me far too much time for mischief, Plus “the eating”, although eating didnt quite do it justice😁,I would actually say it was more like grazing ,.. Normally not being a big eater, it didn’t take very long, before the extra lbs became evident…being immobile for long periods, plus extra calories, will of course do this of course😁.

Even at this point, I was still well and truly in denial, my flat being devoid of any kind of full length mirror, (this purposefully I may add, it only aided and abetted me in This new deception, twelve months down the line I awoke one morning after my usual fortification of several emotional support coffees, I decide it was indeed time to take the bull by the horns, or the scales from the lurking place, in the deep dark cupboard, with the cobwebs and over weight spiders!😊….Sucking in my breath as far as it would humanly go, I repeat several times., think slim thoughts Treez, think slim thoughts, I stood upon those scales for the first time in months….. Here’s where I find myself, too embarrassed to admit the final numbers involved, but along with said humiliation, came revulsion, disgust with the whole situation. I’ve always been prone to weight gain, but I hadn’t reached this size in many years…what hurt most was I had worked so hard just five years previous, losing a whopping five stone(70lb) ., now here I stood in my shorts and baggy t shirt, right back where I started…

After much procrastination, yet another coffee, and Some hours later I felt deeply depressed, What i did next fills me with utter repugnance,.. I sat and filled my face still further., My sausage fat swollen fingers, grabbing the first things to hand “The chunky kit kats”, Cadbury chocolate buttons, Mars bars, Snickers, every type and brand of crisp… Depression and sugar always did go hand in hand with me…😊, After I had laid waste to the very last of a four pack of chunky kit Kats, I sat alone upon the bed, surrounded by the screwed up evidence of my gluttony…I felt sick to my stomach, and it wasn’t just all that chocolate swirling around in there…what was I doing?, Why was I punishing myself and my body still further?, I looked down at my bloated body, a sensation of self loathing filled me….I actually hated myself., I and i alone had managed to do this…in my greed I had created a monster..a big bloated monster, the extra weight was not going to help this already stressed body with its weakened immune system…I needed to act and do it fast, tell tale signs were already beginning to show on my health, my BP for one was slowly creeping up with each doctors visit, My doctor was equally concerned in turn so of course was I ….

After this epiphany of a kind, As you may well or not know from early Diary pages, I lay siege to anything with sugar in it, then ultra processed, remotely processed actually…. Throwing it in the Bin before I could set about eating it,I know it was wasteful, but I had little choice by then, desperation set in….Step 1 fully completed, step 2 was to ditch carbs, eat only fresh veggies, lean meat and fish…the first weeks were hard, I won’t lie, but each time I wavered even a microbe I thought back, with a red face to those scales, and that deep loathing for my own body…this was back in February…since then slowly, but surely the lbs are dropping, it’s hard work, and much slower than previously, but determination, sheer stubbornness are my guides, I mean to bring this about, with whatever it takes, by any means fair or foul…

The happening…..

Also in March after what seemed like a lifetime of endless Grey sky’s, the sun finally began to put in an appearance, it was somewhat tentative at first, but those early glimmers were just enough, I began dodging the wintry showers, to shoot in and out hanging the laundry outside….I love seeing the wash blow upon the line….(yeah I know but it’s a me thing…little things and all that…it’s on one of these many trips out into the back garden, a little strip of Garden…(no bigger than a foot wide, by twelve long, caught my eye…I had had two wonderful young guys come in to clear that and the fence behind it of ivy over the previous summer….with the long winter months I had sadly neglected it again, and it was now reclaimed by nature, large unruly elder sprouted up everywhere, ivy, plus every variety of ground weed.,…One morning after hanging out the laundry, I found myself bending to pull a few weeds, this soon became a daily occurrence, only for ten minutes, but it soon amounted….I worked steadily not knowing the outcome but I felt good working outside, even for these short spells….

Before long, I had achieved what I thought the unachievable….ok it wasn’t perfect, nothing ever is, but it was better,much better, it’s as I stood to straighten my aching back, a plan slowing began to form in my head… Each day I worked to soften the soil, dig out some of the endless stone and rocks, the early spring sunshine warmed my sore back, as I worked, my ungloved hands caked in earth, finger nails split and full, but with this mess, also came a new calm, almost serenity, a oneness with my task, humming as I worked..from childhood I had loved to Garden,

One year my mother had given a small strip of Garden to my brother and sister, being “too young”, I was over looked…this upset me greatly…to the point where my mother finally relented, more I think to shut me up than anything else…I was three years old at this point….my mother could never have known what she had unlocked in her youngest..because even at that tender age I caught the gardening bug…it was to prove a life long addiction…a need if you will. Watching a garden come to life and reach fruition is akin to creating a painting, you take your basic blank canvas, prime it and with splashes of colour create….I was in the process of doing the same….

After weeks of work it became apparent that the local weed population were never going to make my life easy, as fast as pulled them from the ground, they just relocated, it became a vendetta…me against the mob, weed mafia, thuggery all about in my patch….apart from attacking it with my trusty strimmer, I realised there was no quick fix, Maybe a flame thrower hmmmm !!!!!!!, No Treez back away slowly😁….

It was while working out there one mild April afternoon, watched over by an impatient small tubby Robin friend who collected bugs for he’s lunch from the patches of freshly turned over soil, flicking his tail and tck tck tcking at me to go faster, there an idea grew…Just like my new found friend Robin, why was I working against nature?, Why not work with her?, All these plants originated from weeds at some point in time, before being cultivated, some if not most are infact beautiful in their own right, so why not just add to this insistent tapestry of life?, buy a packet of wild meadow seeds…

Later that same afternoon after first scrubbing my hands digging more soil from my broken nails than left in the garden…, I sat down finally in the warmth after the sun dipped low in the sky.. Curling up on the sofa with coffee under a fleece blanket, I began trawling “The Zon” (Amazon) for wild flower seeds…I read many reviews , researched, late into that evening before making my final choice…decision made, plan formed, I was really excited all at once to begin….

After just two days,that wait was finally over, The seeds had arrived, a tiny paper packet full of promise, as well as hundreds of black specks, (“the seeds”,) what they actually were(their names) would remain any bodies guess😁. Just said wild flowers…oh well I love a good surprise, A flower lucky dip if you will😁..

Now there was going to be two approaches to this here seed drilling malarkey, either I could make nice neat straight furrows in the soil, sow the seeds, then proceed to cover them over with the earth, almost like them bedding them down really(Normal approach)😁, nahhhhhh!, Or then theres my way, wait until, rain is forecast, rush out to scatter them asunder before running back in between showers…yup that’s it😁, if it’s good enough for mother nature, it’s good enough for me… And this being April I didn’t have long to wait….heavy rain was forecast for the very next day….I love it, this business with working with nature she’s so obliging😁….. In my humble wotsit I like to think I had scattered the seed evenly, real proper like, sort of the perfect gardener😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, but what I actually did was just shook the pack randomly…Chaos and mayhem being my favourite watchwords….later that day as if giving me her blessing, the heavens opened, now for the hard bit…..the wait😁😁😁😁.

Every day I checked for early signs of life, well there was to be fair, but mainly from those bloody weeds😃,. After just two weeks though, the first signs appeared..tiny seedlings braved the cool air, just like any good plant parent, I worried over frosts, winds blowing them over, not enough water, too much water!, I faffed endlessly over my wee charges, never once taking into account these are in fact wild flowers we are talking about here, Existing for hundreds of years, alongside busy roads, derelict land,hedge rows, farms, fields and Moorland without my care, thank you very much!😁, they infact didn’t need me at all….but it was me, I needed to fuss over them,pulling back the larger weeds that were bullying my precious seedlings, I willed them to grow strong, Watched over daily by Robin and my old friend, white feather the blackbird…who I think were more than a bit amused if not confused….

By the end of May my little border was filled to the brim with leggy plants of many variables, stubby ground huggers, lanky sun hoggers, hairy stemmed wind wavers and of course they were all UFOs, unidentified Flowering objects….what I did know though was I couldn’t have been more proud of my adoptees if I tried, ….even the strong winds that would follow that month, failed to flatten them,. As their development increased I was to learn yet another valuable lesson, I had stopped trying to weed my border, instead what were once common weeds to me, now stood side by side with my meadow flowers, their early blooms feeding any brave bees that sought out a source of pollen…common woodsorrel, creeping buttercup, Purslane, lesser trefoil, Dandelion, forget me not, tiny soft heart shaped leaved violets, lanky tufts of rich red valerian, I watched as insects flocked to them for shelter and sustenance…they had earnt their place in my Border as well as my heart…

After a time the first of the meadow plants began to bloom, it was quite fitting really, when the purple spikes of Bugle, were the first to herald in the coming of spring …next the stunning large fluffy heads of scarlet trefoil, corn poppies with their bold crimson petals screaming for attention, beside them the more sedate but no less pretty, sky blue corn flowers, Corn Cockle, the delicate lacy flowers of Love in the mist, Purple Scabius, pink and white clover, Red campion…. Each day something new to marvel over, I bored everyone with endless photos and talk of my wee border….but I was proud so there !😁

But as spectacular as this wild patch of meadow flowers are and will be for months to come, it’s what they bring alongside them…I sit out most afternoons for a while, there I share this small wilderness area with a myriad of tiny creatures, tiny striped glossy winged hover flies, flitting hither and thither even taking to hovering about me as If I were part of the fixtures😊, Other daily visitors include several varieties of floofy pollen pickers(Bees), Cabbage white, orange tipped, meadow brown, small copper, small tortoiseshell, Holly blue butterflies… Even the odd passing Dragon look in….oh ok Dragonfly 😁, then theres the humble, but never less welcome woodlice, all are welcome here….As I sit out there sun warming my face, a host of insect sounds lulls me into a quietness I’ve never experienced before, my eyes shut involuntarily, but I’m no less part of their minute world, we are just being together, living, breathing side by side, whether imagined, or factual I feel accepted…..Even the huge bumble bees as they buzz bomb my head in daily protest when I disturb them for the evening watering ritual, settle back down after ignoring me as fuss about….With the increase of insects, I have more daily visits from small birds, who have also become part and parcel of our world….who knew by just making a tiny patch of wild meadow flowers happen, my world would increase many fold…with it many lessons..it really is those little things that bring the most joy….enough of me for now, take care of you as always, and stay safe…🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞