Tag: diy

Marioooooo, Diary of utter Chaos….

So Monday arrives once again(oh Boy!!!!!) and there i was looking forward to my usual Caffeine induced morning high… As I traisped bare foot out into the darkened kitchen, where I keep the kettle, (think that’s where most kettles are to be found though😁), I was immediately hit square up the Snoot by some fresh new hell, that had taken up residence in my kitchen over night….There was no escaping its presence either right from the very outset,.There was this oppressive overbearing stench, circulating in the air, like a toxic nostril dissolving gas cloud……what was odd though?,why I hadn’t detected it anywhere else in the flat was beyond me, Now unless Ethel, Aragne or John the residential XXL common house spiders have developed chronic wind from over indulgence of fruit fly pie, I was going to have to go into sniffer dog mode😷😊,..either that or get my best sleuthing hat on and damn fast, failing that, soon I was going to be rendered unconscious …..Couldn’t have that as i didn’t have my best undies on at the time or worse still id had no coffee😮😮😮😮, So it was neither convenient or practical to swoon at this point, plus no one but the spiders were around to witness said swooniage😁,(but then when is falling in a heap on the floor ever a good thing, I’ve not practiced doing this lady like yet should the occasion arise,. then if I happened to fall they would experience tremors in Nepal😁) Plus that kitchen floor is too blooming cold😊. …..

As I fill up the kettle, getting my usual icy cold wake up call water bursting forth from the tap covering my face, t shirt and everything in the nearby vicinity,.. It’s as I,m mopping myself dry that the cause of all my problems soon became evident,. Water instead spiralling into a nice clockwise orderly funnel fashion, before draining away down yonder plughole, is annoyingly beginning to pool, smack bang in the middle of my shiny sink……. Uhhhh, and there it sits stagnating demonic like….Now I have had an issue with said Plugole on numerous occasions…in fact if I’m honest we are at full scale war waging point…this latest drama was one of many….I flicked on the kettle and tried to ignore the pooling water….but each time I moved about the room, My eyes were drawn back to it….you’ve heard of ear worms right? , well this was an eye worm of epic proportions, like a magnet focussing my every attention, burrowing into my normally over occupied mind…I knew without a shadow of doubt, I would be obsessed until I cleared the water and blockage there of……this meant all out war…..and I was ready …😊 well after coffee…

I went to the bathroom using the rest of the hot water from the kettle and my camping shower thingy…at least this morning’s ablutions would not consist of holding ones breath and washing high speed before turning into a lifesized popsicle…anybody that tells you cold showers are healthy, (ain’t never done it regularly) today was kind of luxury….a step up, (Tepid)….I was living it up now baby!!!!!!. Why do I shower in cold water?, Don’t ask!, It’s another battle waging on for years now with my energy provider….or as I fondly call them my fuel Highway men…..Anyhow back to the subject…I’m now scrubbed and shiny, caffeinated to the core….I’m ready to commence war on that infernal blockage….it was it or me….and I had a kitchen to clean so it wasn’t going to be me…..

Over the next hour the stale water finally drained away….so here was my chance, (insert menacing evil laughter) ….I would commit chemical warfare!!!! …..I pulled out every cleaning product from under the sink and lined them up like soldiers across the drainer….we would begin with my old favourites…. The Baking powder, white vinegar, and salt combo….I felt like the lead in Macbeth, swishing my black robes as i concoct bubbling brews for my sink cauldron… I added the white vinegar to baking powder, it begins bubbling impressively at once….like a mini inverted Vesuvius….I listened as it fizzled spectacularly for all of two seconds before, well just fizzling itself out like a cheap firework!…..hmmmmm, that was boring….maybe some hot water, yes let’s boil the kettle, I could always make another coffee, there’s always room for coffee, while in battle….surely they must of had coffee breaks during the second world war…didn’t they?…..I mean you would need to break for refreshments, tea, coffee, digestive biscuit anyone?😁…..after making another coffee, I poured the remaining boiling water directly down its Plugole….huh I would scald it into undeniable submission, Chase that blockage that into oblivion…..like hell! It gurgled back at me offensively, before spitting up a large jet of the mixture of scalding water, baking powder, vinegry, stencified water, hitting me square in the face….now this thing was mocking me…..I can’t have it!!!!!!!!….I threw the tea towel at it enraged!!….huh take that you foul feind….only now I had a stinky wet cloth as well as the white gunk dripping down it’s merry way my cheek……

Three days on……

Yes some three days later and the battle was still in full swing, I had tried every combination of cleaning products know to cleaning kind, I had tried plunging it without a plunger that’s not easy yah know…..(no don’t it’s such a shame it really is…. ). I was becoming increasingly more furious at my lack of plumbing know how…yes I knew it was something most likely loitering definitely in the depths of the U bend…it had likely dug trenches, set up an early warning system for my not so surprise midnight attacks, barracks, barricades, and anti Treez missiles launchers….Try as I might I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the ever increasing mess in my kitchen and the siege taking place in the sink Orifice….damn that thing…and it’s worsening toxic gas emissions, which was now slowly permeating throughout the rest of my flat….despite an abundance of scented candles, air freshener, essential oils, and burning Sage(no don’t panic not the Budgie😊)….I began awaiting a visitation from the FBI, Scotland yard, or the flying squad at any moment, (not for coffee) but digging up the floor boards looking for anything Sus like…..Even my old friend from the peanut gallery chimed in, talking of Sage…..all day he chirruped up with What!, What!, what!, Shxttttttttt!, Yes all the world and it’s budgie is a critic….but he wasn’t wrong.🙄

Jesse was by now either sick of me marching up and down, tapping my wall battle graph plan with my makeshift batton…either that or wanting a cease fire….asking out the blue one evening…Honey have you tried a plunger?????, I turn slowly, eyes flaring, emitting sparks and everything, glaring at the phone….Hon, I say finally after taking a deep calming breath, I’ve tried quite literally everything I know…some I don’t actually….(I’m ready to sacrifice a pink lady Apple to Mario the God of plumbing, Dance naked about a solar flame lamp in the front garden at full moon….I’ve read every plumbing advice text known to Google, watched so many YouTube videos on the subject I’m ready for that next phase in my life….plumbing….😁, Jesse goes quiet knowing eventually this latest rant will run out of steam….well hopefully anyhow….he places a protective tin hat on Cumzi(our dog) and goes and get provisions for the night…..it’s set to be a long one…..later..much much later….when the caffeine has lost its power, when my energy is spent….I lay down, (body drained….more than the blooming sink is) a little voice pipes up….”Honey I’ve ordered you a gadget to clear your blockage”….not something you expect to hear from ones Fiance😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, “it’s on its way to you sometime tomorrow”……I’m not so sure anything is ever going to clear this ever!!!!!, But bless him, the thoughts there …..I fall asleep that night wondering do Amazon deliver hand grenades, if so do they ask your age? 🤔.

The following day after some pacing and waiting , the Gadget arrives, I welcome the delivery guy, more like the Saviour of the free world than an Amazon delivery person…I’m desperate….my kitchen more so, I hate the stack of plates, the build up of cleaning …I don’t do untidy well., I try shutting the kitchen door and pretending it doesn’t exist….you all know how that went 🙄😏, …but now I have my new plunger gadget thing….I love a new toy….Jesse sits back to watch the proceedings indulgantly….there’s not many woman that get excited over a gift of the plumbing variety…well his does!!!!!., …I feverishly unpack the item, tape, paper, card flying through the air at speed….in the end I’m left holding what to me looks something like one of those old laser weapons from 70s sci fi days…..oh cool! I exclaim suddenly!!….”Honey you bought me a laser weapon”……, “No, no sweets I think I actually ordered you a plunger”!!!, Oh I say trying hard not to let the disappointment show in my voice….but this could still be fun….

Taking the phone, I tip toe off out into the kitchen, I want to sneak up on my nemesis…..your meant to surprise and concur I think, or is that divide???, I’m not sure but it’s gonna get it’s just deserts pretty soon…..the plunger works by putting a wide airtight rubber dishlike thing over the plug wotsit, up by the handle there’s a pumper upper dodah…..I pump that thing like something possessed…I’m giving it everything….then once you cannot push the pusher thing down any more you release a switch…..this gives off a sudden blast of air into the ubend and killing the blockage totally….huh take that…..well that’s what’s supposed to happen….it takes three attempts, and I can’t say I didn’t have fun…because secretly i did!!!!😃😃😃, On that very last bang of air, this fountain of stale water springs into the air, covering everything in its path…but then miracle of a miracle, the water in sink finally drains away, with a last defiant gurgle, the water is no more….I’ve won…..Jesse can’t help but laugh as I go on to use my plunger gadget again and again, not because it’s needed, I have to, but because it’s fun… doesn’t take much to amuse this poor deluded soul….Anyhow enough of my Gassing like I’ve nothing better to do…I’ve laundry to get in off the line and fold…all kinds of excitement…have a good weekend folks, stay well and safe out there ….💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

On the shelf….Dear DIY diary

It’s just after eight o’clock in the morning and I’ve already been awake three hours. Seems sleep wasn’t on the agenda once more, as I’ve mentioned previously this rarely if ever vex,s me, it may leave me tired at times but not anxious at all…Getting out of bed wasn’t my favourite thing either, Weather here that night it seemed bypassed Autumn altogether, slipping straight into winter mode way to easy for my liking(maybe a small taster of things to come)…..I shuffle into the kitchen, not bothering to switch on any lights, fearful it may over stimulate the back of my eyes, in my half sleep state, I was still living with some deluded illusion,. that after I had made my coffee,maybe inhaled the contents of my favourite thermo mug i could just sorta fall back into comatose sleep at some point or another…yeah I know gullible as ever😁 .

While being awake most of the night may have it’s downfalls, it gave me chance to check out the sky for the possible sightings of Aurora borealis, (the late night local news had mentioned it in amongst the latest disasters and dross), And the conditions were in fact perfect for it….Where I live there’s also no street lighting, leaving it pitch black here after midnight, there wasn’t one cloud in the sky, it was velvet black, studded with a myriad of bright diamond twinkling stars..in itself exceptionally beautiful but alas no swirling whisps of colour…

While deep in what is by now mid morning Procrastination(otherwise known as 9:30) and over yet another coffee fix, I make up my mind to build that set of book shelves, the same one, I had delayed many times over, as one does., In my mind i needed to achieve one thing that day, one at the very least….needing to achieve and doing it are though in fact two entirely different things you know, (do feel free to remind me of this fact at some point)…I sat on the sofa contemplating the sections of wood, oh where does one begin…well let’s start with the easy bit…put them in order!, I can do that much right🤔?….That done I then found out my favourite screw drivers…😁, I can tell your impressed already…yes I have favourite screwdrivers, I have gone from a woman who had never been allowed near anything resembling DIY, to now being the proud owner of a tool box….ok it’s not the biggest in the universe but as ladies know it ain’t the size of your tool box, it’s maximising whats in it….right ladies? Mmmmhmmm😁😁😁😁, .

After locating all the tools required, I slurped down my remaining coffee while looking at my laid out project…I must admit to a kindling of excitement building up in the pit of my stomach at the thought of making something for my home..(or was that the remaining effects of last nights red lentil, pea pasta, don’t ask? Wiser not😁), ..but while looking down at the now neatly stacked sections, I had this understanding finally of what people get out of building things themselves…there’s that pride isn’t there?, in the finished article….and I wanted me a piece of that. Wood glue, dowelling, wood screws, screw drivers, hammer, fully charged electric drill, coffee…I was finally ready….not only ready though, there was this something new…think I’m reflection it’s called determination…and not was I determined!!!!😁.

Section one…..

Screw the three shelves to one side panel🤔, …..Have you ever tried doing this folks?, Especially while trying not to let the full weight of each shelf droop, splitting the wood….(doing this single handed even for someone ambidextrous) is not as easy as it first seems. But necessity is the mother of all invention…I utilised my pouffe, I found resting the weight of the shelves against it allowed me to work on the next one, I busied myself with gluing, then onto screwing each section..I didn’t rush the job at hand, I took my time and considered each and every task…Ok something’s went on back to front momentarily 😊🙄 yes I found it is important especially for aesthetic purposes. I also had by now, glue in places you never want to find glue….😁, but with trousers gradually slipping down, (the pockets being full of screws, panel pins and other essentials work stuffs, I had that whole builders cleavage thing going on at the back there😁😁😁😁😁,. Whistling a non sensical tune to myself as I channelled the carpenters of old throughout the family, my ancestors, looking to my grandfather and father before me… Before long I had only gone and done it folks!!!, completed my mission,

Stood about me, amongst the residual mess was in fact a very solid and substantial piece of furniture, and yes it took some forethought, some rehashing after I messed up….but that was a mere twice folks😁..On the whole it hadn’t taken that much effort on my part..I could not get this huge grin off my face as busied myself about clearing up the mess, With my back by now protesting furiously,…but I no longer cared….in fact I didnt give a stuff..I had made something for my home, my nest…what’s more it looks really good, dare I say professional even,i think I dare😊😊😊😊…even as I leant my full weight upon it, it didn’t move Even the slightest…

I then began the thankless task of clearing up the debris, I couldn’t allow my brand new wonderful bookcase to live in amongst clutter, After hoovering throughout, clearing the dust, I had by now found the perfect spot for its location, …..Once placed I begin placing my books up the shelves…and no the they didn’t collapse, droop or now in the middle, this was the perfect home for my Bronte collection, classic fairy tales, who now live alongside my CJ Samson collection, game of thrones, and others…upon the top in pride of place sits my Case record player, ready and waiting to play my ever growing collection of Vinyl should I so choose, …

Each and every time I walk out into the living room, my eyes are met by the sturdy bookcase, the same one I put together, filled with trepidation and often doubt of my ability,…but it’s no longer just a bookcase, it’s a constant reminder to have faith in yourself, after all what’s the worst that can happen…you may fail but if you keep at it eventually you will succeed also, As my favourite speech by Theodore Roosevelt begins….It’s not the Critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the Arena….And now days the thing with living alone is I find myself more and more in that Arena…As my confidence and learning grow daily from this, I’m finding I grow alongside it….keep that faith alive inside yourself folks, Stay well and be careful out there…….💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌺