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winter is coming….Dear diary

Monday…

Over this last week I’ve sensed a real change in my Garden, each time I pass what’s left of my struggling little wilderness, you can see the plants dying off for the winter months, colours fading, replaced with far darker pigments, browns, orange and greens, I know it’s the way of things, Gardeners know the season of colour is short lived but plentiful..that said though there’s still much to see, and there’s seldom a day when I won’t pause long enough to reflect, taking in something I’ve spotted…a dew soaked dandelion clock, a scarlet lady bird crawling upon a geranium plant,the myriad of colours in a singular fallen leaf., These days more often than not, it’s flocks of excited wild birds in the old Sycamore tree, it’s seeds attracting a wide variety of bird life, the likes of Chaffinch, Goldfinch, Blue tits all filling their hungry tummies before taking off into the breeze leaving with frenzied calls before disappearing into the sky, Im fascinated with these boisterous and colourful new neighbours I have to admit, standing out in the laundry area, half heartedly pretending to hang the wash, with a child like wonder, I hold the phone aloft for Jesse to see whats is causing the catch in my throat. He of course cant make out the tiny colourful creatures high up in the tree, it’s yet another moment of deep sadness, as I long to have someone to share such things with, (but not just any someone though, it’s always a him someone🙂..

Tuesday…

I wake up early to make my first coffee, while the sky is still a deep dark inky blue, the moon with its pale ghostly halo still evident, not quite ready to make way for sunrise as of yet. These mornings though still beautiful, have a chill about them, I pull on my oversized hoodie, as walk about the flat gathering about me the soft fleecy folds to protect me from the colds icy fingers.. I await the kettle while looking out the window, watching the pale light begin to appear from behind the houses, I can hear a Blackbirds rendition of the dawn chorus in full swing, it’s sweet, pure and a very fitting greeting for the new day. Even before that first hint of gorgeous caffeine takes hold of my brains Neuro pathway, that I have made a decision, whether good or otherwise to go outside and take a walk …what does come over me?, I never know😁.

I,ll admit I was somewhat on the hesitant side as I began my journey, into the deep dark depths of the local park, the sky was an endless sheet of grey way into the horizon, and although the rain was holding off for now, the dampness was almost palpable, filling the air with moisture, clinging to your clothes, hair and the endless silky cobwebs that clung to anything stationary for more than a moment…

I hadnt felt the best for some days now, not ill exactly,there was nothing I could really put my finger on either, just slightly sluggish, indifferent, So maybe some fresh air would indeed lift the mood clouds hanging about. The first few minutes out the door were the hardest, I kept feeling the overwhelming urge to turn back, for the warmth of home where Sage my budgie sat patiently awaiting my return, but I kept thinking just one foot in front of the other Treez, you,’ll feel better for it, any moment now, ok like now would be good!!..huh!..

While over the park, it soon became apparent that the grass had been freshly cut,. while the rows of neatly manicured lines looked professional and tidy, before too many steps into my walk, the wet grass began to cling to my shoes, like a hospital plaster on arm hair😮, I impatiently stomped my feet to divest myself of the worst, but apart from looking like a spoilt toddler throwing 9.5 shockwave tantrum in a toy shop, nothing would shift it..pretty soon though I was all too distracted to bother with trivials like grass clumps, soaking wet socks or frozen toes digits, for each and every BlackBerry bush, the Scarlet leaved Virginia creeper, Hawthorne were decked out like Hollywood horror extras, covered in white silken webbing, even spanning the wide divides between the shrubbery…Pearl like dewdrops glistening in the watery sunlight like strands of jewels…I took picture after picture, standing there causing comment by more than one passing dog walker,,.

Over payment plan…

When I finally returned home, changed out of my dripping wet shoes, socks and trousers, then settling down on my chair with a large mug of hot chocolate, I checked through the days e-mails, there was the usual suspects, Amazon had found something it was sure I might like😋, I’m not sure if their even taking note of my viewing history, because if they are I’d like to know when I last looked at a pink flowery dress with deep pockets, a Fuchsia tutu, or a princess bedroom set, …might be persuaded with the Dragon pendant light though…😁, then there was car insurance for the imaginary Purple VW Beetle out the front of my flat, a funeral plan or even a life insurance ermmmmmm…But the last Email was indeed the best….

My electric suppliers kindly sent me a missive, it’s the second of its kind in the last four months…I read it through quickly thinking it was just my usual monthly payment invoice….but as I read it the second time, it became apparent the reasoning behind their contacting me, my account was too far in credit….yes you read that right😁, I was to far in the black…I know !!!!, There’s such a thing..

Over the summer months I had infact rationed my usage, taking to watching the little monitor they had provided more than two years back, All the while my power use had gone down drastically, I kept paying the same amount each month, I wanted to be pro active, sitting in a freezing cold flat holds little to no attraction for me…so I amassed a goodly amount of credit for over winter..

It seems my providers were not used to this kind of outrageous behaviour…Why couldn’t I owe them money like a normal customer? What was I possibly thinking?….well mainly not waking up to 3 degrees in my Artic livingroom, or having to dress up like an Eskimo in order visit the bathroom, ..I don’t exactly want to shimmy round in shorts and t shirt all winter, but being warm in ones home is kind of nice don’t you find?…

So while sipping my fast cooling cool hot chocolate😁, I emailed and explained it to them all over again, I thought about adding the odd diagram, with an authentic match stick me swathed in furs sat shivering on the loo for visuals, but maybe they wouldn’t get the sentiment, so I added plenty of big words for their easy perusal…have you ever felt youve done something wrong when you haven’t..exactly what’s up with these people?. I just want to pay my bill…sighs…Anyhoo enough jabbering on for the day, let’s go and see if I can over pay my rent some more to confuse my landlord…😁😁😁😁, whatever your up to today, enjoy yourself, stay warm, stay well and look after you…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Survival of the freakiest dear diary…

Monday Monday

Today i woke up far later than my usual 5 am, I can’t begin to tell you just how much I dislike this, It almost throws the whole day from its very outset,. But after a brief moment or three of deep procrastination😁, I forced myself to get up, if for no other reason than somewhere in my tiny kitchen, coffee is a calling, While the kettle bubbles away to itself merrily, I quickly wash, After which I threw the laundry into the washer. Before getting down to the most important start to the day, making my cuppa😁,. I head back to bed, curling up under the still warm fleece blankets, to slowly enjoy my drink while listening to some music, this is one morning of my favourite morning rituals, one I’m not prepared to compromise on at any cost, a peaceful tranquil interlude to begin that new day, a wee gift to myself before the days routine begins in earnest, even if im running late, sighs😁🙄.

By 8am I’ve woken up just about enough to go hang out the laundry, it was a shock to the system to walk outside and find the most brilliant clear blue sky, especially after the blustery storms of the weekend, As I hang out the clothes, enjoying the unexpected warmth of the sun, upon my back, my eyes were suddenly drawn upward, there in a nearby large Sycamore tree, came a sudden burst of activity amid the rapidly changing leaf cover, air now filled with excitable chirrups, flitting between the camouflaged canopy high above, My eyes still adjusting, I began to make out small flashes of colour red,yellow and creamy beige,.. The washing all but forgotten, I stand motionless watching the drama unfold, amongst the autumnal leaves, flew a flock of tiny delightful Goldfinches, there had to be at least thirty, darting branch to branch, swirling upward suddenly for a mere second, before settling back to the task of tugging at the trees endless supply of seed,

The home team(my daily garden visitors) aka White feather(my friendly Blackbird) Robin, the name speaks for itself really😁, and Steve the starling were not quite so enamoured by our new garden dinner guests, I could hear, White feathers warning call piercing the air, as he chased the tiny birds about the tree relentlessly, if they did deem fit to leave, it was only for them to all to land upon the roof of the flats, wait a moment or two, then noisily flock back to the tree, even from my vantage point I could only begin to imagine the annoyance on Feathers face as he tried frantically to round up the frustrating finches, like some over worked Border collie, he had little chance of success mind, these tiny terrors were determined to eat their fill of seeds before moving on for the day, the poor home team didn’t stand a chance, watching them swirl about, confused me, let alone my poor buddy Feather…however eventually the din caught the attention of two local magpies, whose raucous cackles startled the finches off into a mass exodus skyward ..

Make do Monday…

Last month I exceeded my budget, it was my own fault, but one I needed to address and fast, Christmas now just some weeks away and I need to put money aside for presents ect…So I decide to do one of my freaky freezer frenzies…this is a great way of using up whatever lurks in the depths of the freezer, plus not spending any more money for added groceries, it’s fabulous if your on that tightest of tight budgets, plus I’ve also learnt some pretty good winter warmer recipes quite by accident doing just this, they are both super cheap and filling into the bargain.

The over all weekly budget is around £40, I do admittedly go slightly over this from time to time mainly just by a few pounds, really on the whole though I’m pretty good…Coming up with new and inventive recipe ideas I not only take on as a challenge but rather enjoyable, almost like beating the system😁, food prices rising ever increasingly..

It also helps to have a small well appointed store cupboard nothing elaborate you understand, its quite like the emergency, canned food box my mother always kept full at the bottom of the pantry(*pantry children is a teany tiny room, kept for storing food back in the olden days😁), consisting of several tinned staples…in my own there’s mainly plum tomatoes, Chick peas, butter beans, potatoes, tomato puree, a well appointed coffee hoard(goes without saying that one) and finally of course ketchup..I’ve survived quite happily for a week before now, coasting along on my store staples..I look back with thanks to my own mother’s forward thinking, a hangover in her case from the war, when a stash of tins was not only desirable but essential…

It’s a disaster darling…

So there I am happily playing, my version of Dessert island dishes, in the heart of an urban town😁 ….no I know it’s not infact spelt Dessert 😁, it’s desert one S, but when your a self confessed foodie like moi, with a humongous food obsession, (I’m calling it a Dessert, so there!!! (beat me with French fancy and call me happy….but after buying groceries enough for that whole week aheads need, this is when it happened, of course it did!…like it can and does only happen to me, daily!!!!!!!!…

I had just had the online food delivery arrive that thursday, Packing away the freezer food first as is my want to do, then i set about the food store, last but not least the cleaning products…I felt the nice warm and cozy, fuzzy feeling that night knowing I was set up for the oncoming week ahead, stores full, . My modern day version of a cauldron(Crockpot) blipping away, containing a healthy warming casserole, the smell filling my flat and making my stomach growl with anticipation, I was indeed content that night when I feel asleep….

Next morning I woke up, fumbled my way out into the kitchen to be greeted almost instantly with the sight of my freezer door wide open…I’ve no clue how it happened to this day, but all I do know, is all my lovely food at the front was slowly dripping water upon the floor, what’s worse was the knowledge there’s no way I could eat a weeks worth of food in a couple of days, being defrosted it was no longer safe to refreeze…half asleep and not having had any coffee I dealt with the situation as best I could at the time, but then I was in serious need of my emotional support coffee and fast…

Later on that day, I was infact more equipped to deal with the situation, after nursing a large mug of coffee, having a shower, I thought it out in my head, there was three ways I could go with this….1… I could go back to bed, bury my head and hope it went away…..preferable but not at all practical😁2…go shopping replace all the food I had just lost, probably comfort spend into the bargain😁🙄, (it’s a thing honest), which would undo every thing I’m working to achieve….then there’s the 3rd and most foolhardy approach….wing it😲😲😲😲😁, by which I mean come up with food from what I had left in the fridge, salvaged freezer items, that wouldn’t kill me slowly with botulism, using my dwindling store tins….arghhhhh, the 3rd it is then…😁

It’s been a somewhat strange week this one, Some more manic moments spent resisting the urge to just order in more groceries and say, I can’t do this😔😪, Then there was the call of the challenge at other times, knowing full well I’ve survived on far far less in my past life, plus where’s my fighting spirit, Searches under the bed, where is that again?… in the end though, maybe out of sheer desperation, who knows, I begin watching countless wild camping videos, pretending I was roughing it, living my best life, wild and free making camp food, beside roaring wood fires, ewwww fire🔥, sleeping under the stars, fighting off lions, Tigers and Bears oh my!, ….One week later…and I’m pleased to say im still here!😁, I made it…I’ve eaten more beans, lentils and chick peas than its surely wise to do and be around another living breathing human…but thankfully I do live alone, so no problem😁… I also now come with my own jet propulsion system, but hey every cloud as they say…Today is my last day on meagre rations, the freezer is once again cleaned and primed ready for food, it’s so empty right now, I go out there from time to time, bellow just to hear an echo echo echo!!!!!!!!😁 (I will be watching that door more closely from now on in though don’t worry, blooming thing!)😁, but on today’s menu is Pottage….basically left overs heated up….Pottage sounds posherer though don’t it 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁. Anyhoo I have to go stir the cauldron again, with its eye of chick peas and wind of dragon…..maybe I need stay away from naked flames for a week…stay safe, stay well, look after you and maybe avoid me at your peril…..😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥.

How to never stick mirror tiles on yah chest….Dear diary….

I’m still into fully fledged autumnal hibernation mode, readying the flat for anything and everything that the winter months may care to fling at us, An extra blanket upon the bed, two small candle stoves dug out and dusted off, from the deepest darkest depths of the cave cupboard. (The candle stoves are something I had bought last year from Amazon, Genius little things, the appearance of something like a metal police helmet contraption, held aloft upon a long sprew with the aid of nuts😁, this hovers over a waiting dish below, Where upon you put upwards of half a dozen lighted t light candles..(my attempts at explaining are not the best you may have gathered by now😊), but surprisingly it actually does help, knocking up the temperature from somewhere near freezing, to just above…I’m more than happy with anything that prevents me from certain hypothermia or indeed frost bitten extremities, no one wants their extremes freezing😁… I joke ye not…last year my little thermometer, another Amazon special😁, read a balmy 3 degrees most mornings… wahoo!!!!!, My goosebumps had goosebumps, ….even my houseplants thought they were outside in the frosty tundra, dropping all their leaves before eventually dying a death…..😔.

So this year like a good girl guide, I’m preparing in advance, One trick up my sleeve(but Treez you don’t have any sleeves, stop talking to yourself woman😊) So anyhow, I took a pretty pale lemon shower curtain, folded it in half, tack stitched it along the very top, before hanging the now doubled up curtain across the bedroom window, this in the stead of the previous lacy net curtains, which of course are entirely useless at helping preventing force nine gales from blowing through the poorly glazed windows… On the plus side the lemon colour chosen deliberately to match the lined floral draw curtains (looks both pretty and practical… These were the same floral curtains that were up until yesterday in the living room😁,.

I’ve put full length curtains in the living room now, in the somewhat vain hopes of holding the winter weather outdoors where it belongs, this all sounds a faff I know, but needs must and all that, In front of this sits my round glass topped table, complete with two chairs, a pale lemon shawl ensemble, that is currently pretending to be a temporary table cloth ..This is also where I’ve set up my art supplies, Sketch books, water colour palettes, pencils, pens, sat there just waiting for me to locate my inspiration, now where did I last have that?, … But if nothing else it’s a lovely place to sit in the mornings with one of my many coffees to watch the clouds stretch out across the sky(a favourite pastime of mine…

Fiddling with ones Chest….😮😁😮

So way back last year, while browsing an online second hand shop, I happened to come across this pretty little wood effect chest..Now like everything else you impulse buy, mayhaps because of boredom, it’s raining, the coffee hasn’t quite kicked in as of yet or there’s an R in that month, the purchased item never does match up to your idea of it….But having asked someone to pick it up for me and drop it off here, i was now stuck with it, (sat there glaring at me), for here on in I had to make the best of a bad situation, well didn’t i? Sighs…what does one do with a flaking lacquer chest I ask😊?…

Well one thing you never do is add another impulse buy…yeah I did…look I know, maybe if I had just waited a while, that mind blowing idea might of popped into my coffee laced skull, but in my defence i didnt And wouldn’t😁… after wild thoughts of painting it, covering it up with tacky stick on flowers, making it look akin to great Aunt Doreens Sunday best church hat, I came across these rolls of stick on mirror tiles on Amazon…ok I hear yah!, Treez however is sticking on row upon row of tiny glass mirror tiles going to make anything of a bad job?…look I don’t know what I was thinking…I never do, maybe just covering up the worst paint peely bits,? …In my imagination it looked so fabulous and perfect…the tiles either reflecting the yellow from the curtains, or pictures upon the walls…but even as I clicked on the buy it now button, I felt this sinking doom laden feeling…oh Treez what have you done now.?, Oh well, time will indeed tell.

The tiles..

They came late one afternoon a week later, I had eagerly awaited the prime van all that day,…when handed this minute box, I really should of known then….But I opened the tiny box, still with a faint hope it would all be ok😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, yeah gullible or what?..the tiles in themselves were pretty enough, indeed to this self confessed Magpie they were shiny and flipping drop dead gorgeous…but even with two rolls, I doubted there was anywhere near enough ever!!!!!!😁, ….A sensible person would have stopped there and sent for more or even called it quits while ahead…not me!!!!uhuh nope….I was soon sat upon the carpet, elbow deep in razor sharp glass mirror tiles, Sticking them to the chest lid, strays sticking to the carpet, my clothes, and all the while ripping my hands to pieces…

Even the minutes I could tell this was never going to end well, despite the tiny tiles coming on rolls of sticky paper, I could not get them to line up straight on the lid, what’s worse is they seemed to have an almost magnetic attraction to the wood surface…but not in nice straight lines….oh hell no, why would they?, They stuck to each other, my hands, everywhere and to every blooming thing, Before long I expected to hear the ghostly voices of the Bee Gees about the flat, laser lights blinking and flickering, my hair slicked back, as my t shirt was soon resembling a glitter ball…I had to fight the urge to break into night fever….ok I didn’t alright but that goes no further….

I eventually have to admit defeat, my hands by now are covered in every last plaster I possessed, my t shirts blinding me with mirror tile reflections and the box has about a two dozen poorly stuck on tiles…not one in a straight line… Sage my budgie is yelling pretty boy each time he sees me, and this whole thing no longer seems like the wonderful idea it set out to be….I hate mirror tiles uhhhhh!😒.

A week later ….

And guess what?, I’m trying my hardest to remove said tiles from the chest lid…I’ve tried everything from paint scrapers, kitchen knives, screw drivers and even a hammer….no it’s safer not to ask…so far it’s Treez 2, Mirror tiles 22, I’m not so sure I’m winning🙄, I would throw the whole bloody thing in the bin, but that’s not me..I won’t admit defeat…now where did I put that sledge hammer😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, Anyhow folks whatever your up to today make sure no mirror tiles are involved😁, stay safe in storm Amy and take care of you…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Art for Art sake…Dear Diary

Autumn is approaching us fast, with it appears the overwhelming need to enhance my nest(home),. I find myself doing this embellishing thing quite unconsciously😁, adding yet another candle to my shelves, which are in truth already over burdened, a bright coloured Afghan throw, newly laundered lays upon the chair or at the bottom of the bed, also my ever burgeoning house plant collection almost always acquire more planty friends around this time also, these just magically happen,😁, My last accidental plant now stands monster sized, one spectacular vision of Purple inch plant, My friend Debbie swore I didn’t need another plant!!!!…but what does she mean even?, I innocently ask? Who doesn’t need yet another house plant or three?, How can one go into the long cold hard winter months, devoid of green growing things?😮, those little signs of life popping up about you while your attempting a full fledged hibernation…

Then there’s my twig collection..ok not quite a collection as of yet!, but there’s two of em now😊….the first I came across quite by chance, I mean not that you ever set out on a stroll, with the intention of bringing home odd shaped twigs, like some over excited Labrador😁, But as I walked about our local park last year, I came across this wonderful gnarly, cream coloured piece of fallen branch, bleached by that summer sun, flecks of silver rough bark remained on odd sections, but it’s the way it twists in and about itself that caught my eye, before I knew what I was doing, I stooped down all surreptitiously like, looking around to see if I was being watched😁, before grabbing the piece of branch, the rest as they say is history, it now dwells upon my sideboard with an assortment of plants dotted around it, looking most natural there..

Permission to mess up….

For some weeks now I’ve been watching small videos on water colour painting, most of which I squirrel away into the saved section,hoping to attempt at some point in the dim and distant future, that almost never happens though😊 …, I’ve always wanted to learn in fairness, not being at all naturally gifted, like my talented father and Aunt.. I have though somewhat dabbled half heartedly in the past(im a confessed dabbler of old😁) but my sad attempts fail dismally, somewhat like my painting the walls, somehow I end up with more paint upon the table, myself or floor than where it’s intended for…(that paint gets just everywhere…including my underwear….no your best off not asking, because even I’m without a clue….or is that infact clueless? (shakes head)I never know….but it’s a talent in its own self…

This said, recently Ive found myself watching one very talented lady from the United States, who yes still irritatingly enough makes everything look so damned simple😊, but along with this simplicity comes a brand new strategy..one I can get behind 100%,, One that also gives even those under achievers like myself fresh hope… So what’s new?, Well she starts from the very beginning, encouraging not only experimentation with water colours, but to go back to drawing and painting from your early childhood … Remember those quaint Square houses, triangle bodied people and the sun peeping from one corner of your school pictures so cute😊, Painting back then was innocent, creative and from the heart, . Something as an adult we have sadly lost forever…I also fall into this category, I had stopped being happy with my work, creations, mainly because I sought others approval, Needing to conform, Paint like those artist I greatly admire, Produce work like Stubbs, Dali, Constable and Van Gogh, my own excellent father…in my need to reach that pinnacle, I had missed the point…. creation for creations sake.

Not only does she absolutely encourage you to have fun..but there was one sentence she uttered as she worked,it struck home, right to my heart…that is give yourself permission to mess up. In doing this all tension is off…simple isn’t it?😁😁😁, why oh why didn’t I think of this before?, In the giving of this huge gift, permission to well, fail if needs be…and all the while learning from that very failure, there’s no pressure…you don’t have to create an old master..a work of art…just simply enjoy and create…

This is spilling over into all sorts of other parts of my life , I find myself more willing to try those things I would never have dreamed of just weeks previous…Things I thought impossible for me to achieve, yes If I’m going to be entirely honest, i still make those once dreaded mistakes, Oh how I bungle and fluff my way through some projects 😊, but I no longer get frustrated, or call myself stupid…More importantly, is my new unwillingness to just down tools, Saying to myself “I just can’t do this”, this is because I’m finding I actually can…it’s so refreshing to find I had that lacking confidence all along…I just needed permission to do things my own way, and learn it’s ok to mess up also….

Whatever your doing these beautiful autumnal days, give yourself permission to just enjoy the process, you’ve no one more important to impress but yourself..take care of yourself and stay safe…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Dear Autumn diary…

As we headed toward mid August, I decided to try to take the odd walk around the local park once more…Winter is threatening to be long and cold, And I could already sense full hibernation is only a matter of weeks away😁, So it came with no great shock as made my way slowly across the sun scorched dry grass, that not far below the baked dry brittle grasses, mother nature and the soil were already making ready …

I could smell the rich deep, delicious loamy scent permeating the warm humid air, Leaves whether from the continued drought conditions or due infact to that early Autumn, were now dropping, spiralling in the breeze collecting in pools at the trees roots, just maybe they knew something i didnt..

It seemed everywhere I looked, trees were weighted down with fruits, On one walk alone, I spotted, pears, apples, blackberries, and two varieties of plum, I wasn’t adverse to a little foraging in amid the low lying branches, fending off the odd wasp or three to grab my breakfast, somehow always tastes better when it’s free doesn’t it?😁…

Even the local Hawthorne seem to be covered with sparkling scarlet berries, contrasting wonderfully with its leaves ever changing, Rose hips also seem plumper this year, ranging in colour from a deep crimson hue, to a dynamic eye catching orange, . I find myself stopping every few minutes relocating my cane from my hand, to the crook of my arm so I’m free to shoot pictures of any obliging twig, leaf or berry,. A tiny dewdrop of water clinging to rich black Elder berry sparkling in the sunlight enthrals and captures my imagination, these walks rarely fail to amuse me, even though I walk that same path each and every time..neither can I do them in any quicker time😁, there’s always a something to ooooh and arhhhh over…Jesse listens on with some amusement, as I rave over a dandelion clock, Berry or odd shaped twig…

There’s rarely a time, I hav,nt amused local dog walkers, often they come across me sat under a group of trees…No care that the ground may be damp from Dew or fresh rain, You just can’t beat sitting down directly upon the grass, amid fallen colourful leaves, buzzing bees, ants making their way up your legs or like yesterday a cabbage white butterfly coming to rest carefree upon my shoulder, neither of us care for others gaze as the dappled shade falls upon us, leaves rustling over ahead, in a sweet warm August breeze, sounding for all the world like the sea playing amid pebbles upon the beach…if I close my eyes a while, I could almost be anywhere..I’ve often drifted off in nature’s arms,

Rested, fortified, batteries charged once more, I regretfully put back on my shoes before finally making that final journey home, these trips always seem too brief these days, but each as tiring as they can be on the odd occasion do much to stave off boredom and help me sleep that bit easier at night…I’m off now to sort through the many many pictures I’ve collected on my poor phone😁….Whatever your up to this week, look after yourselves and maybe get out there and enjoy a wee walk of your own…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Feeling fruity…Dear diary🌻🐛

Last night went by in such a blur, it had ended almost before it began, I hadn’t eaten that much during the day, contenting myself with an Apple and a few dates..So by 6pm, my belly now full of a rich meaty casserole, that had been slowly cooking for some hours, A good Anne Holt book to read, is it any real wonder, a couple of hours later my eyes drooped, thereafter I really don’t remember much else, that was until some hours later, this is always somewhat disconcerting..I wake up to darkness, silence, trying to get my bearings…it’s just all very strange,

I lay awake for about another hour before sleep caught up with me once more and I drifted in and out until around 4am, I woke with a start not quite sure what the time was, I lay there for about an hour before I could take the lure of a hot cup of coffee no longer, this I took back to bed, where I found Jesse awake in phone land, likewise coffee in hand, we chatted for some time putting the world to rights, before I decided to finally shower and get suitably attired for my day…I already knew before going to the living room window it had been raining much of the previous night…I had listen to it pattering gently against my bedroom window one or two of the many times I awoke…

I pulled the curtains back and was greeted by a deep grey stormy sky, I love these skies they make me want to instantly go outside be amongst nature, I staved off the feeling for at least an hour 😁, before I could honestly bear it no longer, I felt restless and Ill at ease, pacing the room nearly wearing a hole in the carpet by the window, the rain was soft, barely visible, the air thick, damp and claggy…but my feet itched to get outside, I had this insane need to be someplace green, a need I hadn’t the slightest intention of fighting a moment longer…

Before leaving I put my houseplants outside the flat to play, My thoughts here was, if it indeed rained again, they would get a nice soaking by un fluoride tainted water, my softer and better for them….while walking in and out I noted the soft fall of warm summer rain, even knowing this, the call of the wild would brook no refusal, without further ado or a jacket, I grabbed my trusty walking cane, keys and Jesse, closing the door behind me before I could change my mind…

The sky was heavy laden and bruised, steely greys, violets mixed with streaks of blue blending subtly, upon mother nature’s endless pallet…it never fails to grab hold of my imagination, leaving me filled with such deepest admiration and envy for those artists who can capture this very scene before me on canvass… The dense moist air carries sound clearly, it’s was at one point almost as if i could feel the vibration of local church bells, as the Clapper met the side of the hollow bell, ringing across the air….

I wasn’t a bit perturbed as the soft gentle rain began to intensify while I walked, I had by now reached my local park, the wet grass soaking through my trainers and soaks as I scuffed my way cheerfully across its surface, although I could hear the dull roar of traffic off in the distance, the Caw of crows, all around me was hushed, more sane souls shelter at home, apart from the odd brave dog walker I felt totally alone and at peace slowly walking in the by now slanting rain…and I didn’t even have a dog to walk as an excuse😁

The t shirt I wore did little to keep out the rain, like my shoes and trousers, pretty soon my clothes clung to me, from time to time I sheltered from the worse, under the umbrella of an obliging tree, but I really wasn’t bother, I was far more entranced my water droplets tapped upon silky strings of cobweb, like gems, light refracted through them as the sun put in a brief appearance, they sparkled and shimmered ….rain or no rain I stood in soggy clothes capturing endless pictures to bring home ..plump, dove grey wood pigeons sitting in the grass, wings aloft showering in the warm rain, glass like droplets hanging from the heavy bracks of black Elder berries, globules collected upon ruby red rose hips before giving way to gravity, falling with a patter on the sodden ground…

As I went about my walk, I note the leaves are already changing on some of the trees, whether from the recent draught conditions or the early onset of Autumn, I fancy the later though as I can already sense and smell the loamy soil readying itself for the change in weather…it’s at this time of year I feel an excitement grow not only within myself, but local wildlife…the birds flutter in huge flocks circling trees gathering berries, excited calls filling the air…I can help but wonder what winter will bring this year…mother nature has filled her larder readying her wee charges for the chill yet to come,

And not only the birds take advantage of this abundance of goodness, as I walk, I enjoy a free breakfast of tart juicy Greengages, Ripe purple jewel like wild plums, blackberries, and cherries all for the taking, a fitting repast for the hungry walker, nothing like stumbling across nature’s pantry, ….I found as I walked slowly back home, tummy full of beautiful fruit, my shoes squelched rudely, hair plastered to my scalp, I must have looked a rare old sight, but do you know what?, I didn’t care, my appearance could wait, mother nature’s magic on the other hand deserved my full attention and respect…..

whatever your up to in the week stay safe, stay well, and why not try to get out and do your own foraging, in these trying times none of us can afford to turn down free food….look after yourselves 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Growth….Dear diary

Three days ago now, I woke up, to what felt like a very normal day, it started out that way, all signs, roads pointed to well, ” Average “…My coffee was hot, strong, dark and a delight for the senses, the water, cool and immensely refreshing upon my skin after a night baking slowly on gas mark 200 million degrees for 6 hours, Sun was up high in its sky, the Bees had done the utmost to chase me away from my own garden, upon I trying to water it….everything was in its place,….So i could not know just 30 minutes later, my world would turn on its axis, the light would slip away, fall into the shadows never to light up again…

My world falling into complete devastation, and as I sat there for the longest time in amongst that rubble, I was about to learn yet another valuable lesson, People and harsh moments are the best teachers,….to begin with, I didn’t know how to deal with this new situation, there was no one I could talk it through with, things spun out of control, off kilter, my mind awash with voices of old, full of spite, hate and criticism deployed their best missiles, one after the other, my walls tumbled and here I sat unable to deflect any of it….

Circle the Wagons…

After time had passed, I began settle though, this situation was no less painful, but the me I’m fast evolving into sat outside, coffee in hand, and allowed my poor exhausted mind time, time for calm, time to evaluate, process this new information and what to do with it.. If I rushed all in filled with anger, upset and emotion, I would surely make mistakes, as Indeed i have all too many times in the past…I needed to start with the very basic, there after to regroup…. Just breathe, calm the mind demons, sit quitely with the situation until you know what you want to do…as difficult as this was to prove it’s the path I decided upon, I holstered my emotions, circled the Wagons and sat there in the moment …

In times of old I would have reacted far far differently, allowing my head to take over, that’s when you know you’ve lost… In the time I sat outside by myself, (no that’s wrong, for I was with myself,…. I had realised though, even talking to a loved one wouldn’t have helped…just selfishly unloaded my cares onto them, I love them far too much for this, plus they have their own issues to deal with…neither did I resort to my old friend food, (binge eat), try to anaestheise pain with sugary treats, it was touch and go there momentarily I admit it😁, but what would this achieve?..nothing of course, only ruin months of gruelling work, plus sicken me both mentally and physically, plus add to my burden…no time was the essence here, time for logic, then after a while set healing in motion…

I’m not sure how long I sat in complete silence, Bees buzzing about my head, butterflies fluttering upon the breeze, worker ants crawling about my feet carrying things back to their nest, but whether I realised it or not, just being there had stilled my hammering heart, slowed down my breathing and allowed me to press the pause button on my world, unplug it so it would reset…yes the issue hadn’t resolved, but how I dealt with it now had…i realised it was 7pm and I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, as much as the mere thought of eating made me feel queasy, I knew deep down my body needed fuel…something small healthy and nothing to complex, I made a piece of chicken and Some veggies…it was another act of kindness, but to myself, and there’s the thing..when you live alone, you need to become your own companion, treat yourself with kindness, nurture you, become a mother to your overwrought mind and body…it’s the beginning of healing…

I went to bed that night, my mind still spinning with unanswered thought, but I resolved to let them be, maybe they were ever meant to be answered, My dreams were disjointed and crazed as they tried make sense of the things I couldn’t, when I woke up, the pain lay heavy in my chest still, but by tapping into new found strength, i went about my routine, with its shadowy presence following along behind me, every once in a while it would jump out at me sending with it shockwaves of hurt…I saw it, listened in, but moved right along, grief I realise is very different for us all, but I’m proud of the person I’m slowly emerging into…I’m a far cry from the brow beaten, used up person I left behind some eight years nearly now…later that same morning while I stood in my tiny kitchen waiting patiently for the kettle to come to a boil, listening for the click, I went out and grabbed my scales from their box… Standing upon the cold surface I waited for the flashing numbers to stop spinning and say you’ve gained X amount of poundiage, you XL heifer😊…. Instead though I had lost another 7lb😲😮😊….it brings the grand total so far to a none too shabby 42 lb ….I celebrated this victory, as I celebrated my sadness, by myself, ever mindful that’s by myself…never alone…. And here’s to the next 42 lb….What ever your doing this weekend, please take care of you, remember your worth it…till next time 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Size really does matter…Dear Diary

Thursday

Around the beginning of February, (this year, two things happened…One involved a traumatic moment, early on a cold frosty morning, The other just kind of snuck up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder, bringing with it a germ of a new idea,. this went onto fully evolve over the next few weeks and months …First things first, After being ordered to rest up with a knee injury early on in the beginning of last year by my doctor, I spent almost 13 months prostrate upon the bed, anyone else in similar circumstances knows only too well of the utter mind numbing boredom., I have to admit though it did bring with it a chance to read more, which I did in vast quantities to begin with… Some 150 books to be precise, I enjoyed immersing myself fully, living most days in virtual realms, vicariously escaping through the Authors words, for which many will never know my gratitude, although that said, I did write reviews for one or two, the least I could do when they had kept my Sanity intact for a wee while longer😁 later on sadly, I hit the wall, becoming all read out, as you can imagine,. Tedium and myself are never good bed fellows as it turns out, it allows me far too much time for mischief, Plus “the eating”, although eating didnt quite do it justice😁,I would actually say it was more like grazing ,.. Normally not being a big eater, it didn’t take very long, before the extra lbs became evident…being immobile for long periods, plus extra calories, will of course do this of course😁.

Even at this point, I was still well and truly in denial, my flat being devoid of any kind of full length mirror, (this purposefully I may add, it only aided and abetted me in This new deception, twelve months down the line I awoke one morning after my usual fortification of several emotional support coffees, I decide it was indeed time to take the bull by the horns, or the scales from the lurking place, in the deep dark cupboard, with the cobwebs and over weight spiders!😊….Sucking in my breath as far as it would humanly go, I repeat several times., think slim thoughts Treez, think slim thoughts, I stood upon those scales for the first time in months….. Here’s where I find myself, too embarrassed to admit the final numbers involved, but along with said humiliation, came revulsion, disgust with the whole situation. I’ve always been prone to weight gain, but I hadn’t reached this size in many years…what hurt most was I had worked so hard just five years previous, losing a whopping five stone(70lb) ., now here I stood in my shorts and baggy t shirt, right back where I started…

After much procrastination, yet another coffee, and Some hours later I felt deeply depressed, What i did next fills me with utter repugnance,.. I sat and filled my face still further., My sausage fat swollen fingers, grabbing the first things to hand “The chunky kit kats”, Cadbury chocolate buttons, Mars bars, Snickers, every type and brand of crisp… Depression and sugar always did go hand in hand with me…😊, After I had laid waste to the very last of a four pack of chunky kit Kats, I sat alone upon the bed, surrounded by the screwed up evidence of my gluttony…I felt sick to my stomach, and it wasn’t just all that chocolate swirling around in there…what was I doing?, Why was I punishing myself and my body still further?, I looked down at my bloated body, a sensation of self loathing filled me….I actually hated myself., I and i alone had managed to do this…in my greed I had created a monster..a big bloated monster, the extra weight was not going to help this already stressed body with its weakened immune system…I needed to act and do it fast, tell tale signs were already beginning to show on my health, my BP for one was slowly creeping up with each doctors visit, My doctor was equally concerned in turn so of course was I ….

After this epiphany of a kind, As you may well or not know from early Diary pages, I lay siege to anything with sugar in it, then ultra processed, remotely processed actually…. Throwing it in the Bin before I could set about eating it,I know it was wasteful, but I had little choice by then, desperation set in….Step 1 fully completed, step 2 was to ditch carbs, eat only fresh veggies, lean meat and fish…the first weeks were hard, I won’t lie, but each time I wavered even a microbe I thought back, with a red face to those scales, and that deep loathing for my own body…this was back in February…since then slowly, but surely the lbs are dropping, it’s hard work, and much slower than previously, but determination, sheer stubbornness are my guides, I mean to bring this about, with whatever it takes, by any means fair or foul…

The happening…..

Also in March after what seemed like a lifetime of endless Grey sky’s, the sun finally began to put in an appearance, it was somewhat tentative at first, but those early glimmers were just enough, I began dodging the wintry showers, to shoot in and out hanging the laundry outside….I love seeing the wash blow upon the line….(yeah I know but it’s a me thing…little things and all that…it’s on one of these many trips out into the back garden, a little strip of Garden…(no bigger than a foot wide, by twelve long, caught my eye…I had had two wonderful young guys come in to clear that and the fence behind it of ivy over the previous summer….with the long winter months I had sadly neglected it again, and it was now reclaimed by nature, large unruly elder sprouted up everywhere, ivy, plus every variety of ground weed.,…One morning after hanging out the laundry, I found myself bending to pull a few weeds, this soon became a daily occurrence, only for ten minutes, but it soon amounted….I worked steadily not knowing the outcome but I felt good working outside, even for these short spells….

Before long, I had achieved what I thought the unachievable….ok it wasn’t perfect, nothing ever is, but it was better,much better, it’s as I stood to straighten my aching back, a plan slowing began to form in my head… Each day I worked to soften the soil, dig out some of the endless stone and rocks, the early spring sunshine warmed my sore back, as I worked, my ungloved hands caked in earth, finger nails split and full, but with this mess, also came a new calm, almost serenity, a oneness with my task, humming as I worked..from childhood I had loved to Garden,

One year my mother had given a small strip of Garden to my brother and sister, being “too young”, I was over looked…this upset me greatly…to the point where my mother finally relented, more I think to shut me up than anything else…I was three years old at this point….my mother could never have known what she had unlocked in her youngest..because even at that tender age I caught the gardening bug…it was to prove a life long addiction…a need if you will. Watching a garden come to life and reach fruition is akin to creating a painting, you take your basic blank canvas, prime it and with splashes of colour create….I was in the process of doing the same….

After weeks of work it became apparent that the local weed population were never going to make my life easy, as fast as pulled them from the ground, they just relocated, it became a vendetta…me against the mob, weed mafia, thuggery all about in my patch….apart from attacking it with my trusty strimmer, I realised there was no quick fix, Maybe a flame thrower hmmmm !!!!!!!, No Treez back away slowly😁….

It was while working out there one mild April afternoon, watched over by an impatient small tubby Robin friend who collected bugs for he’s lunch from the patches of freshly turned over soil, flicking his tail and tck tck tcking at me to go faster, there an idea grew…Just like my new found friend Robin, why was I working against nature?, Why not work with her?, All these plants originated from weeds at some point in time, before being cultivated, some if not most are infact beautiful in their own right, so why not just add to this insistent tapestry of life?, buy a packet of wild meadow seeds…

Later that same afternoon after first scrubbing my hands digging more soil from my broken nails than left in the garden…, I sat down finally in the warmth after the sun dipped low in the sky.. Curling up on the sofa with coffee under a fleece blanket, I began trawling “The Zon” (Amazon) for wild flower seeds…I read many reviews , researched, late into that evening before making my final choice…decision made, plan formed, I was really excited all at once to begin….

After just two days,that wait was finally over, The seeds had arrived, a tiny paper packet full of promise, as well as hundreds of black specks, (“the seeds”,) what they actually were(their names) would remain any bodies guess😁. Just said wild flowers…oh well I love a good surprise, A flower lucky dip if you will😁..

Now there was going to be two approaches to this here seed drilling malarkey, either I could make nice neat straight furrows in the soil, sow the seeds, then proceed to cover them over with the earth, almost like them bedding them down really(Normal approach)😁, nahhhhhh!, Or then theres my way, wait until, rain is forecast, rush out to scatter them asunder before running back in between showers…yup that’s it😁, if it’s good enough for mother nature, it’s good enough for me… And this being April I didn’t have long to wait….heavy rain was forecast for the very next day….I love it, this business with working with nature she’s so obliging😁….. In my humble wotsit I like to think I had scattered the seed evenly, real proper like, sort of the perfect gardener😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, but what I actually did was just shook the pack randomly…Chaos and mayhem being my favourite watchwords….later that day as if giving me her blessing, the heavens opened, now for the hard bit…..the wait😁😁😁😁.

Every day I checked for early signs of life, well there was to be fair, but mainly from those bloody weeds😃,. After just two weeks though, the first signs appeared..tiny seedlings braved the cool air, just like any good plant parent, I worried over frosts, winds blowing them over, not enough water, too much water!, I faffed endlessly over my wee charges, never once taking into account these are in fact wild flowers we are talking about here, Existing for hundreds of years, alongside busy roads, derelict land,hedge rows, farms, fields and Moorland without my care, thank you very much!😁, they infact didn’t need me at all….but it was me, I needed to fuss over them,pulling back the larger weeds that were bullying my precious seedlings, I willed them to grow strong, Watched over daily by Robin and my old friend, white feather the blackbird…who I think were more than a bit amused if not confused….

By the end of May my little border was filled to the brim with leggy plants of many variables, stubby ground huggers, lanky sun hoggers, hairy stemmed wind wavers and of course they were all UFOs, unidentified Flowering objects….what I did know though was I couldn’t have been more proud of my adoptees if I tried, ….even the strong winds that would follow that month, failed to flatten them,. As their development increased I was to learn yet another valuable lesson, I had stopped trying to weed my border, instead what were once common weeds to me, now stood side by side with my meadow flowers, their early blooms feeding any brave bees that sought out a source of pollen…common woodsorrel, creeping buttercup, Purslane, lesser trefoil, Dandelion, forget me not, tiny soft heart shaped leaved violets, lanky tufts of rich red valerian, I watched as insects flocked to them for shelter and sustenance…they had earnt their place in my Border as well as my heart…

After a time the first of the meadow plants began to bloom, it was quite fitting really, when the purple spikes of Bugle, were the first to herald in the coming of spring …next the stunning large fluffy heads of scarlet trefoil, corn poppies with their bold crimson petals screaming for attention, beside them the more sedate but no less pretty, sky blue corn flowers, Corn Cockle, the delicate lacy flowers of Love in the mist, Purple Scabius, pink and white clover, Red campion…. Each day something new to marvel over, I bored everyone with endless photos and talk of my wee border….but I was proud so there !😁

But as spectacular as this wild patch of meadow flowers are and will be for months to come, it’s what they bring alongside them…I sit out most afternoons for a while, there I share this small wilderness area with a myriad of tiny creatures, tiny striped glossy winged hover flies, flitting hither and thither even taking to hovering about me as If I were part of the fixtures😊, Other daily visitors include several varieties of floofy pollen pickers(Bees), Cabbage white, orange tipped, meadow brown, small copper, small tortoiseshell, Holly blue butterflies… Even the odd passing Dragon look in….oh ok Dragonfly 😁, then theres the humble, but never less welcome woodlice, all are welcome here….As I sit out there sun warming my face, a host of insect sounds lulls me into a quietness I’ve never experienced before, my eyes shut involuntarily, but I’m no less part of their minute world, we are just being together, living, breathing side by side, whether imagined, or factual I feel accepted…..Even the huge bumble bees as they buzz bomb my head in daily protest when I disturb them for the evening watering ritual, settle back down after ignoring me as fuss about….With the increase of insects, I have more daily visits from small birds, who have also become part and parcel of our world….who knew by just making a tiny patch of wild meadow flowers happen, my world would increase many fold…with it many lessons..it really is those little things that bring the most joy….enough of me for now, take care of you as always, and stay safe…🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞

Washing day blues….Dear diary

Thursday…..

So what’s been happening with everyone out there?, are you all ok, not all gone into survival mode, trying to make it through these heatwaves, once called ermmmm let me see, oh yeah summer😁?, Here has been pretty much uneventful, well as uneventful as life gets while leading the secret life of Calamity Jane, .To the world around me I go about my mousy staid little life. In Boringville,only we know the actuality of living within the madness of Treez world…I can and have out Calamitied, Calamity on a daily basis. No two days are every the alike ever!!!!!!…

Take last Monday for instance….

Here,s where I should really come back with “oh someone take it please” but that’s old hat so I wont, but I did, oh never mindddd! ..Back to the subject woman!!!!, Monday started out calm, (quite pleasant on the whole really), I had had my numerous large mugs of coffee, One of which was partaken while enjoying being outside in the early morning sun,, The cleaning section of the day had well and truly commenced most satisfactory, everything was well under way, After coffee, I finished off cleaning the kitchen, while out there William Mcwasher, (aka the washing machine) conveniently came to a shuddering halt,. time then to hang out the wash …and yes you read that correctly, all my gadgets have names, even surnames 😮😁

This particular morning I had been blasting my out poor lugholes (ears) with sounds from the 80s, Apart from the odd song it was really cringe worthy . More cheese in those there tracks than in a Cathedral City factory…(other brands of Cheese are of course available… But I must confess in a strange sad lonely woman’s way, I was in truth enjoying these here tracks to the past…I belted out numerous numbers in my own unique fashion, …Oh yeah we were talking about the washing…sorry distraction be Thy name Treez,😁

I bellow along with Aha,s take on me, while stooping to gather up various items of freshly washed lavender and chamomile scented laundry, the acoustic,s are really quite remarkable with your head stuck in the drum of a washer yah know… Putting the last bits in my basket, I check Jesse is still sleeping in phoneland, before traipsing out the back to the washing line….(I am almost certain though that my foghorn rendition of Heaven is a place on earth by Belinda Carlisle and myself has acted as a sweet lullabye…😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁…

It’s a beautiful soft breezy morning, perfect for the purpose of laundry hanging out😁….birds are singing…well I think they are,(music is still on full at this point) and white feather (the blackbirds) beak is quite moving fast… Sort of like an ancient episode of Top of the pops(for those of you still under a 100) that my dearies was a long ago music programme, where miming was en vogue, Tvs had only three channels, mostly in black and white….I know shocking 😮😮😮😮, but I digress.. Fluffy white clouds speeding like late 9 to 5 drivers in their cobalt sky distract me, but only for a second, as one of my favourite 80s groups follows Belinda….Hot Chocolate.

Who doesn’t love a bit of Errol? …(him of Hot chocolate fame), especially that time defying classic, You sexy thing… It’s wonderful hearing it again, and whatever came over me, for what ever reason, possibly caffeine over indulgence, joie de vivre, life in general, just in the moment, who knows, but I jiggling about like an over stimulated fruit Jelly, My wobbly bits causing imminent tremors and avalanches in New Zealand or Papua New guinea as they sway in the breeze, confident in alone I sing out …..”I believe in milkos where you from, you sexy thing”, I’m louder than an announcement at Tesco for half price sanitary products “, I’m singing loud, proud and I don’t care…it’s my moment…I’m on the stage of Britain’s got no talent wowing the judges, at the 02 Arena, Glastonbury amidst the crowds going wild….I’m waving a large pair of Maroon womans boyshorts about my head, gyrating with every last thing I’ve got…….it’s then something catches the corner of my eye….

To my horror just a little behind me, where I’m performing my little heart out, is a guy up a ladder loping a neighbours tree, doing he’s utmost to stay secure while wiping the tears from his eyes on the back of his sleeve, now either his feeling very sorry for the tree or something is surely a miss, as I turn slowly to fully face my audience of one, the horror hits me square in the face….shorts still held momentarily aloft, blowing like a wind sock in the breeze, my jiggly bits only now, slowly coming to a halt, moment’s after I have in fact stopped moving…. Mouth ajar the next verse primed to leave my readied larynx, it slams shut immediately catching my tongue….my heated face turning almost Puce, do I smile, do I try to hide belated behind the Hedera helix ivy covered fence……do I heck, I shout ewwww wasp waving my bloomers at the invisible flying insect….the guy now out and out laughing ,wobbles on his ladder only saving himself himself from a certain fall by clutching at the fence, the electric tree lopper device waving menacingly about in the air…

This is a true to life Treezism, and you will be pleased to hear, no gardeners, bloomers, or fake wasps were hurt in the telling of it….whatever your doing out there today folks, stay safe, keep a look out for stray Gardens up ladders and look after yourselves you sexy thangs you 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎙🎙🎙🎙🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎵🎧

Believe you can and your halfway there ..Theodore Roosevelt…Dear Diary

Monday…

I love the above quote, it’s so appropriate for me at this moment in time, well anytime really, As is also his Man in the Arena address, given on the 23rd of April 1910…I have this enlarged, framed above my bed…One constant and wonderful reminder that no matter how difficult life can seem for you at times, all the while your here, showing up each morning there’s a chance, a chance for things to improve…it’s a thought I cling to, But quite unlike Jack clinging to that huge lump of wood in the cold cold cruel sea( reference, the film Titanic) I’m hanging on bloody tightly to it…shoving Rose off if needs be 😮😁😁😁…. I can do ruthless😁.

Captains Log day Star date 138…

According to my phones Pedometer I’ve survived 138 days of healthy living…(shows you how well it knows me), Some days have been slightly more questionable, if not darn outright outrageous…On my birthday for example, way back in April for.. As that clock struck half passed Barn owl, which sounds absolutely more like a dementor or in fact a hallucinogenic Terradactyl, don’t ask it’s a clock I thought a good idea at one point in time, while alone scrolling unattended on the Zon… It has different bird sounds for every hour…(yeah I know what was I thinking?, this has yet to be determined though😁 but I digest….no not digest Treez stop ittt, digress thats it, I digress …Anyway it was late, my birthday, I was alone late into the night, a big Bar of Galaxy chocolate also sitting alone in the living room sideboard drawer…crying out pitifully with its seductive siren silky voice….I bellowed at it, although none too loudly in my mind like one does, (tell me this is even a real thing right?!!!!)…”stop, cease, quit, desist, please!!..but it wasn’t paying attention enough obviously…So I showed it who was Boss and ate it huh!!!!!!!, it was it’s own fault don’t feel sorry for it!!!!….But since that lone fateful cold night when that bar of chocolate and I shared a very brief special moment I’m proud to say I’ve been good….

As you also know I can’t abide the D word, no not Dentist (sighs😁..mumbles under breath, behind thebhand.. dxxt….You all know the one, denoting immediate deprivation, starvation, and never eating a single nice thing for EVER ever!!!!!!😮, But with my height not matching up to my ever expanding waistline, something had to be done, either that or buy more elastic waisted pants !….so back in February there I was, I stood bare foot in the cold, hail, fog and rain, pause for dramatic effect😁, Sacrificing everything last little thing with even slightest amount of yummyness at the alter of the Green Goddess,, aka the Bin, Yes after a brief prayer, chant, candle lighting and crossing myself, you have to cover all those bases don’t you?, I called upon the Gods old and new to make me slender, svelte,lissom and sylphlike overnight…..your not surprised it didn’t happen are you?😁…..nah me neither, guess there really is only one way then sighs?…we going in!!!

A lettuce leaf and half a cherry tomato 🍅,

Ok just a slight exaggeration, but I have been eating far more vegetation…vegetables, I joke about ditching, the cakes, sweets, and anything over processed as being a chore..but if I’m totally honest it was the right time for me..I had researched the subject thoroughly, not taking this on-board lightly or as a whim…after reading four books, listening to podcast after podcast on Spotify..everything fell with a loud thud into place…takes a while for me to catch up folks,😁, really does…the evidence was staring me in the face though..back about seven years ago I lost 60lbs in just over six months, no starvation, no endless trips to the torture chamber(Gym)… Just giving up Sugar, carbs and eating more lean meat, fish and veg…After the initial headaches from coming off sugar(that should tell you all you need right there), but something odd happened…I began to feel better, I had more energy, no brain fog, my pain levels became more manageable, even a long standing stomach issue cleared up…it was official I felt good!!! More importantly my blood pressure dropped, I went from six tablets daily to two, my weight slowly but surely began fall also…

I’m sorry to say though just after a year, I had slipped back into my old eating habits…along with the dreaded weight gain, my health nose dived..my pain levels doubled, last year, In fact i spent six months virtually bed bound…my knee swollen and agony, my doctors telling me to rest it up and all would be well…I bowed to their professional knowledge, because that’s what one does when given advice and your desperate… But the pain never decreased, the swelling became more apparent, as did the ever increasing weight gain from being immobile for months, it’s not im a constant eater, or even a picker, no matter how often I joke about it, no it’s not the amount of food I eat, but what I eat…the convenience food, the quick dinner because it hurts too much for me to stand, even small sweet treats spark inflammation around the body…

By February I had come to a conclusion something had to give, and it wasnt going to be me, not this time.., I posted how i ditched anything with sugar, ultra processed, or carb laden…Since then I’ve lost nearly 30lb…Yes watching everything you eat in the beginning is tedium to say the least…Eating out is difficult to almost impossible…but it’s about what you want most…what I want, crave, ney need…is normality, I want to wake ready to greet another dawn, I will never be pain free, because That’s my lot in life, Pain and I have become old friends, kind of strange I know, but acceptance is the key…what I can do something about though is improving things for myself…I’ve seen so many doctors now, specialist, and as kind as their intentions are, I’m no better…My illnesses are incurable, but there’s no harm in making the best of a bad situation…I feel better taking charge of my own health,it’s something I can do,… I will also keep researching, keep eating a healthy foods only, nutritious, fresh. Making wise choices…

As the months pass by, I find myself no longer craving the foodstuff I would eat previously, rather I’m enjoying the taste of fruit,not just enjoying actually, but really tasting it almost for the first time…peaches for instance have never tasted better, flavour intensified exponentially, I no longer need to over season food, it’s own clean earthy flavours, textures being far more preferential now…this way of eating isn’t for everyone, I get that …but if it improves my life even by a fraction I’m ready to work at it some more…the 30lb weight loss although a bonus is nothing to the clarity of thought, increased energy and decrease of meds…here’s to the next six months in the Arena…whatever your doing this beautiful summers day, enjoy, stay safe and look after yourself.x💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌹