Author: Theresa Cole

I am a Brit who has travelled a long and arduous path to get to where I am. My adventures have been sometimes surreal, sometimes hilarious, sometimes heart-wrenching, but I am a survivor and a fighter. I will not let life keep me down. I have been lucky enough to have found love with the gentlest, kindest, most loving man I have ever known. After all I have been through we found each other, fell madly in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together with him making me laugh continually. We share a wicked sense of humour and this is what I hope to bring to my humble attempt at blogging. So sit back and follow the exploits of Cumzi, Jesse and myself as we navigate this manic thing called life and fight our addictions to Wendys, Tim Hortons and chicken parm at Buca di Beppo.

Art for Art sake…Dear Diary

Autumn is approaching us fast, with it appears the overwhelming need to enhance my nest(home),. I find myself doing this embellishing thing quite unconsciously😁, adding yet another candle to my shelves, which are in truth already over burdened, a bright coloured Afghan throw, newly laundered lays upon the chair or at the bottom of the bed, also my ever burgeoning house plant collection almost always acquire more planty friends around this time also, these just magically happen,😁, My last accidental plant now stands monster sized, one spectacular vision of Purple inch plant, My friend Debbie swore I didn’t need another plant!!!!…but what does she mean even?, I innocently ask? Who doesn’t need yet another house plant or three?, How can one go into the long cold hard winter months, devoid of green growing things?😮, those little signs of life popping up about you while your attempting a full fledged hibernation…

Then there’s my twig collection..ok not quite a collection as of yet!, but there’s two of em now😊….the first I came across quite by chance, I mean not that you ever set out on a stroll, with the intention of bringing home odd shaped twigs, like some over excited Labrador😁, But as I walked about our local park last year, I came across this wonderful gnarly, cream coloured piece of fallen branch, bleached by that summer sun, flecks of silver rough bark remained on odd sections, but it’s the way it twists in and about itself that caught my eye, before I knew what I was doing, I stooped down all surreptitiously like, looking around to see if I was being watched😁, before grabbing the piece of branch, the rest as they say is history, it now dwells upon my sideboard with an assortment of plants dotted around it, looking most natural there..

Permission to mess up….

For some weeks now I’ve been watching small videos on water colour painting, most of which I squirrel away into the saved section,hoping to attempt at some point in the dim and distant future, that almost never happens though😊 …, I’ve always wanted to learn in fairness, not being at all naturally gifted, like my talented father and Aunt.. I have though somewhat dabbled half heartedly in the past(im a confessed dabbler of old😁) but my sad attempts fail dismally, somewhat like my painting the walls, somehow I end up with more paint upon the table, myself or floor than where it’s intended for…(that paint gets just everywhere…including my underwear….no your best off not asking, because even I’m without a clue….or is that infact clueless? (shakes head)I never know….but it’s a talent in its own self…

This said, recently Ive found myself watching one very talented lady from the United States, who yes still irritatingly enough makes everything look so damned simple😊, but along with this simplicity comes a brand new strategy..one I can get behind 100%,, One that also gives even those under achievers like myself fresh hope… So what’s new?, Well she starts from the very beginning, encouraging not only experimentation with water colours, but to go back to drawing and painting from your early childhood … Remember those quaint Square houses, triangle bodied people and the sun peeping from one corner of your school pictures so cute😊, Painting back then was innocent, creative and from the heart, . Something as an adult we have sadly lost forever…I also fall into this category, I had stopped being happy with my work, creations, mainly because I sought others approval, Needing to conform, Paint like those artist I greatly admire, Produce work like Stubbs, Dali, Constable and Van Gogh, my own excellent father…in my need to reach that pinnacle, I had missed the point…. creation for creations sake.

Not only does she absolutely encourage you to have fun..but there was one sentence she uttered as she worked,it struck home, right to my heart…that is give yourself permission to mess up. In doing this all tension is off…simple isn’t it?😁😁😁, why oh why didn’t I think of this before?, In the giving of this huge gift, permission to well, fail if needs be…and all the while learning from that very failure, there’s no pressure…you don’t have to create an old master..a work of art…just simply enjoy and create…

This is spilling over into all sorts of other parts of my life , I find myself more willing to try those things I would never have dreamed of just weeks previous…Things I thought impossible for me to achieve, yes If I’m going to be entirely honest, i still make those once dreaded mistakes, Oh how I bungle and fluff my way through some projects 😊, but I no longer get frustrated, or call myself stupid…More importantly, is my new unwillingness to just down tools, Saying to myself “I just can’t do this”, this is because I’m finding I actually can…it’s so refreshing to find I had that lacking confidence all along…I just needed permission to do things my own way, and learn it’s ok to mess up also….

Whatever your doing these beautiful autumnal days, give yourself permission to just enjoy the process, you’ve no one more important to impress but yourself..take care of yourself and stay safe…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Dear Autumn diary…

As we headed toward mid August, I decided to try to take the odd walk around the local park once more…Winter is threatening to be long and cold, And I could already sense full hibernation is only a matter of weeks away😁, So it came with no great shock as made my way slowly across the sun scorched dry grass, that not far below the baked dry brittle grasses, mother nature and the soil were already making ready …

I could smell the rich deep, delicious loamy scent permeating the warm humid air, Leaves whether from the continued drought conditions or due infact to that early Autumn, were now dropping, spiralling in the breeze collecting in pools at the trees roots, just maybe they knew something i didnt..

It seemed everywhere I looked, trees were weighted down with fruits, On one walk alone, I spotted, pears, apples, blackberries, and two varieties of plum, I wasn’t adverse to a little foraging in amid the low lying branches, fending off the odd wasp or three to grab my breakfast, somehow always tastes better when it’s free doesn’t it?😁…

Even the local Hawthorne seem to be covered with sparkling scarlet berries, contrasting wonderfully with its leaves ever changing, Rose hips also seem plumper this year, ranging in colour from a deep crimson hue, to a dynamic eye catching orange, . I find myself stopping every few minutes relocating my cane from my hand, to the crook of my arm so I’m free to shoot pictures of any obliging twig, leaf or berry,. A tiny dewdrop of water clinging to rich black Elder berry sparkling in the sunlight enthrals and captures my imagination, these walks rarely fail to amuse me, even though I walk that same path each and every time..neither can I do them in any quicker time😁, there’s always a something to ooooh and arhhhh over…Jesse listens on with some amusement, as I rave over a dandelion clock, Berry or odd shaped twig…

There’s rarely a time, I hav,nt amused local dog walkers, often they come across me sat under a group of trees…No care that the ground may be damp from Dew or fresh rain, You just can’t beat sitting down directly upon the grass, amid fallen colourful leaves, buzzing bees, ants making their way up your legs or like yesterday a cabbage white butterfly coming to rest carefree upon my shoulder, neither of us care for others gaze as the dappled shade falls upon us, leaves rustling over ahead, in a sweet warm August breeze, sounding for all the world like the sea playing amid pebbles upon the beach…if I close my eyes a while, I could almost be anywhere..I’ve often drifted off in nature’s arms,

Rested, fortified, batteries charged once more, I regretfully put back on my shoes before finally making that final journey home, these trips always seem too brief these days, but each as tiring as they can be on the odd occasion do much to stave off boredom and help me sleep that bit easier at night…I’m off now to sort through the many many pictures I’ve collected on my poor phone😁….Whatever your up to this week, look after yourselves and maybe get out there and enjoy a wee walk of your own…💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Feeling fruity…Dear diary🌻🐛

Last night went by in such a blur, it had ended almost before it began, I hadn’t eaten that much during the day, contenting myself with an Apple and a few dates..So by 6pm, my belly now full of a rich meaty casserole, that had been slowly cooking for some hours, A good Anne Holt book to read, is it any real wonder, a couple of hours later my eyes drooped, thereafter I really don’t remember much else, that was until some hours later, this is always somewhat disconcerting..I wake up to darkness, silence, trying to get my bearings…it’s just all very strange,

I lay awake for about another hour before sleep caught up with me once more and I drifted in and out until around 4am, I woke with a start not quite sure what the time was, I lay there for about an hour before I could take the lure of a hot cup of coffee no longer, this I took back to bed, where I found Jesse awake in phone land, likewise coffee in hand, we chatted for some time putting the world to rights, before I decided to finally shower and get suitably attired for my day…I already knew before going to the living room window it had been raining much of the previous night…I had listen to it pattering gently against my bedroom window one or two of the many times I awoke…

I pulled the curtains back and was greeted by a deep grey stormy sky, I love these skies they make me want to instantly go outside be amongst nature, I staved off the feeling for at least an hour 😁, before I could honestly bear it no longer, I felt restless and Ill at ease, pacing the room nearly wearing a hole in the carpet by the window, the rain was soft, barely visible, the air thick, damp and claggy…but my feet itched to get outside, I had this insane need to be someplace green, a need I hadn’t the slightest intention of fighting a moment longer…

Before leaving I put my houseplants outside the flat to play, My thoughts here was, if it indeed rained again, they would get a nice soaking by un fluoride tainted water, my softer and better for them….while walking in and out I noted the soft fall of warm summer rain, even knowing this, the call of the wild would brook no refusal, without further ado or a jacket, I grabbed my trusty walking cane, keys and Jesse, closing the door behind me before I could change my mind…

The sky was heavy laden and bruised, steely greys, violets mixed with streaks of blue blending subtly, upon mother nature’s endless pallet…it never fails to grab hold of my imagination, leaving me filled with such deepest admiration and envy for those artists who can capture this very scene before me on canvass… The dense moist air carries sound clearly, it’s was at one point almost as if i could feel the vibration of local church bells, as the Clapper met the side of the hollow bell, ringing across the air….

I wasn’t a bit perturbed as the soft gentle rain began to intensify while I walked, I had by now reached my local park, the wet grass soaking through my trainers and soaks as I scuffed my way cheerfully across its surface, although I could hear the dull roar of traffic off in the distance, the Caw of crows, all around me was hushed, more sane souls shelter at home, apart from the odd brave dog walker I felt totally alone and at peace slowly walking in the by now slanting rain…and I didn’t even have a dog to walk as an excuse😁

The t shirt I wore did little to keep out the rain, like my shoes and trousers, pretty soon my clothes clung to me, from time to time I sheltered from the worse, under the umbrella of an obliging tree, but I really wasn’t bother, I was far more entranced my water droplets tapped upon silky strings of cobweb, like gems, light refracted through them as the sun put in a brief appearance, they sparkled and shimmered ….rain or no rain I stood in soggy clothes capturing endless pictures to bring home ..plump, dove grey wood pigeons sitting in the grass, wings aloft showering in the warm rain, glass like droplets hanging from the heavy bracks of black Elder berries, globules collected upon ruby red rose hips before giving way to gravity, falling with a patter on the sodden ground…

As I went about my walk, I note the leaves are already changing on some of the trees, whether from the recent draught conditions or the early onset of Autumn, I fancy the later though as I can already sense and smell the loamy soil readying itself for the change in weather…it’s at this time of year I feel an excitement grow not only within myself, but local wildlife…the birds flutter in huge flocks circling trees gathering berries, excited calls filling the air…I can help but wonder what winter will bring this year…mother nature has filled her larder readying her wee charges for the chill yet to come,

And not only the birds take advantage of this abundance of goodness, as I walk, I enjoy a free breakfast of tart juicy Greengages, Ripe purple jewel like wild plums, blackberries, and cherries all for the taking, a fitting repast for the hungry walker, nothing like stumbling across nature’s pantry, ….I found as I walked slowly back home, tummy full of beautiful fruit, my shoes squelched rudely, hair plastered to my scalp, I must have looked a rare old sight, but do you know what?, I didn’t care, my appearance could wait, mother nature’s magic on the other hand deserved my full attention and respect…..

whatever your up to in the week stay safe, stay well, and why not try to get out and do your own foraging, in these trying times none of us can afford to turn down free food….look after yourselves 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

Growth….Dear diary

Three days ago now, I woke up, to what felt like a very normal day, it started out that way, all signs, roads pointed to well, ” Average “…My coffee was hot, strong, dark and a delight for the senses, the water, cool and immensely refreshing upon my skin after a night baking slowly on gas mark 200 million degrees for 6 hours, Sun was up high in its sky, the Bees had done the utmost to chase me away from my own garden, upon I trying to water it….everything was in its place,….So i could not know just 30 minutes later, my world would turn on its axis, the light would slip away, fall into the shadows never to light up again…

My world falling into complete devastation, and as I sat there for the longest time in amongst that rubble, I was about to learn yet another valuable lesson, People and harsh moments are the best teachers,….to begin with, I didn’t know how to deal with this new situation, there was no one I could talk it through with, things spun out of control, off kilter, my mind awash with voices of old, full of spite, hate and criticism deployed their best missiles, one after the other, my walls tumbled and here I sat unable to deflect any of it….

Circle the Wagons…

After time had passed, I began settle though, this situation was no less painful, but the me I’m fast evolving into sat outside, coffee in hand, and allowed my poor exhausted mind time, time for calm, time to evaluate, process this new information and what to do with it.. If I rushed all in filled with anger, upset and emotion, I would surely make mistakes, as Indeed i have all too many times in the past…I needed to start with the very basic, there after to regroup…. Just breathe, calm the mind demons, sit quitely with the situation until you know what you want to do…as difficult as this was to prove it’s the path I decided upon, I holstered my emotions, circled the Wagons and sat there in the moment …

In times of old I would have reacted far far differently, allowing my head to take over, that’s when you know you’ve lost… In the time I sat outside by myself, (no that’s wrong, for I was with myself,…. I had realised though, even talking to a loved one wouldn’t have helped…just selfishly unloaded my cares onto them, I love them far too much for this, plus they have their own issues to deal with…neither did I resort to my old friend food, (binge eat), try to anaestheise pain with sugary treats, it was touch and go there momentarily I admit it😁, but what would this achieve?..nothing of course, only ruin months of gruelling work, plus sicken me both mentally and physically, plus add to my burden…no time was the essence here, time for logic, then after a while set healing in motion…

I’m not sure how long I sat in complete silence, Bees buzzing about my head, butterflies fluttering upon the breeze, worker ants crawling about my feet carrying things back to their nest, but whether I realised it or not, just being there had stilled my hammering heart, slowed down my breathing and allowed me to press the pause button on my world, unplug it so it would reset…yes the issue hadn’t resolved, but how I dealt with it now had…i realised it was 7pm and I hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, as much as the mere thought of eating made me feel queasy, I knew deep down my body needed fuel…something small healthy and nothing to complex, I made a piece of chicken and Some veggies…it was another act of kindness, but to myself, and there’s the thing..when you live alone, you need to become your own companion, treat yourself with kindness, nurture you, become a mother to your overwrought mind and body…it’s the beginning of healing…

I went to bed that night, my mind still spinning with unanswered thought, but I resolved to let them be, maybe they were ever meant to be answered, My dreams were disjointed and crazed as they tried make sense of the things I couldn’t, when I woke up, the pain lay heavy in my chest still, but by tapping into new found strength, i went about my routine, with its shadowy presence following along behind me, every once in a while it would jump out at me sending with it shockwaves of hurt…I saw it, listened in, but moved right along, grief I realise is very different for us all, but I’m proud of the person I’m slowly emerging into…I’m a far cry from the brow beaten, used up person I left behind some eight years nearly now…later that same morning while I stood in my tiny kitchen waiting patiently for the kettle to come to a boil, listening for the click, I went out and grabbed my scales from their box… Standing upon the cold surface I waited for the flashing numbers to stop spinning and say you’ve gained X amount of poundiage, you XL heifer😊…. Instead though I had lost another 7lb😲😮😊….it brings the grand total so far to a none too shabby 42 lb ….I celebrated this victory, as I celebrated my sadness, by myself, ever mindful that’s by myself…never alone…. And here’s to the next 42 lb….What ever your doing this weekend, please take care of you, remember your worth it…till next time 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Size really does matter…Dear Diary

Thursday

Around the beginning of February, (this year, two things happened…One involved a traumatic moment, early on a cold frosty morning, The other just kind of snuck up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder, bringing with it a germ of a new idea,. this went onto fully evolve over the next few weeks and months …First things first, After being ordered to rest up with a knee injury early on in the beginning of last year by my doctor, I spent almost 13 months prostrate upon the bed, anyone else in similar circumstances knows only too well of the utter mind numbing boredom., I have to admit though it did bring with it a chance to read more, which I did in vast quantities to begin with… Some 150 books to be precise, I enjoyed immersing myself fully, living most days in virtual realms, vicariously escaping through the Authors words, for which many will never know my gratitude, although that said, I did write reviews for one or two, the least I could do when they had kept my Sanity intact for a wee while longer😁 later on sadly, I hit the wall, becoming all read out, as you can imagine,. Tedium and myself are never good bed fellows as it turns out, it allows me far too much time for mischief, Plus “the eating”, although eating didnt quite do it justice😁,I would actually say it was more like grazing ,.. Normally not being a big eater, it didn’t take very long, before the extra lbs became evident…being immobile for long periods, plus extra calories, will of course do this of course😁.

Even at this point, I was still well and truly in denial, my flat being devoid of any kind of full length mirror, (this purposefully I may add, it only aided and abetted me in This new deception, twelve months down the line I awoke one morning after my usual fortification of several emotional support coffees, I decide it was indeed time to take the bull by the horns, or the scales from the lurking place, in the deep dark cupboard, with the cobwebs and over weight spiders!😊….Sucking in my breath as far as it would humanly go, I repeat several times., think slim thoughts Treez, think slim thoughts, I stood upon those scales for the first time in months….. Here’s where I find myself, too embarrassed to admit the final numbers involved, but along with said humiliation, came revulsion, disgust with the whole situation. I’ve always been prone to weight gain, but I hadn’t reached this size in many years…what hurt most was I had worked so hard just five years previous, losing a whopping five stone(70lb) ., now here I stood in my shorts and baggy t shirt, right back where I started…

After much procrastination, yet another coffee, and Some hours later I felt deeply depressed, What i did next fills me with utter repugnance,.. I sat and filled my face still further., My sausage fat swollen fingers, grabbing the first things to hand “The chunky kit kats”, Cadbury chocolate buttons, Mars bars, Snickers, every type and brand of crisp… Depression and sugar always did go hand in hand with me…😊, After I had laid waste to the very last of a four pack of chunky kit Kats, I sat alone upon the bed, surrounded by the screwed up evidence of my gluttony…I felt sick to my stomach, and it wasn’t just all that chocolate swirling around in there…what was I doing?, Why was I punishing myself and my body still further?, I looked down at my bloated body, a sensation of self loathing filled me….I actually hated myself., I and i alone had managed to do this…in my greed I had created a monster..a big bloated monster, the extra weight was not going to help this already stressed body with its weakened immune system…I needed to act and do it fast, tell tale signs were already beginning to show on my health, my BP for one was slowly creeping up with each doctors visit, My doctor was equally concerned in turn so of course was I ….

After this epiphany of a kind, As you may well or not know from early Diary pages, I lay siege to anything with sugar in it, then ultra processed, remotely processed actually…. Throwing it in the Bin before I could set about eating it,I know it was wasteful, but I had little choice by then, desperation set in….Step 1 fully completed, step 2 was to ditch carbs, eat only fresh veggies, lean meat and fish…the first weeks were hard, I won’t lie, but each time I wavered even a microbe I thought back, with a red face to those scales, and that deep loathing for my own body…this was back in February…since then slowly, but surely the lbs are dropping, it’s hard work, and much slower than previously, but determination, sheer stubbornness are my guides, I mean to bring this about, with whatever it takes, by any means fair or foul…

The happening…..

Also in March after what seemed like a lifetime of endless Grey sky’s, the sun finally began to put in an appearance, it was somewhat tentative at first, but those early glimmers were just enough, I began dodging the wintry showers, to shoot in and out hanging the laundry outside….I love seeing the wash blow upon the line….(yeah I know but it’s a me thing…little things and all that…it’s on one of these many trips out into the back garden, a little strip of Garden…(no bigger than a foot wide, by twelve long, caught my eye…I had had two wonderful young guys come in to clear that and the fence behind it of ivy over the previous summer….with the long winter months I had sadly neglected it again, and it was now reclaimed by nature, large unruly elder sprouted up everywhere, ivy, plus every variety of ground weed.,…One morning after hanging out the laundry, I found myself bending to pull a few weeds, this soon became a daily occurrence, only for ten minutes, but it soon amounted….I worked steadily not knowing the outcome but I felt good working outside, even for these short spells….

Before long, I had achieved what I thought the unachievable….ok it wasn’t perfect, nothing ever is, but it was better,much better, it’s as I stood to straighten my aching back, a plan slowing began to form in my head… Each day I worked to soften the soil, dig out some of the endless stone and rocks, the early spring sunshine warmed my sore back, as I worked, my ungloved hands caked in earth, finger nails split and full, but with this mess, also came a new calm, almost serenity, a oneness with my task, humming as I worked..from childhood I had loved to Garden,

One year my mother had given a small strip of Garden to my brother and sister, being “too young”, I was over looked…this upset me greatly…to the point where my mother finally relented, more I think to shut me up than anything else…I was three years old at this point….my mother could never have known what she had unlocked in her youngest..because even at that tender age I caught the gardening bug…it was to prove a life long addiction…a need if you will. Watching a garden come to life and reach fruition is akin to creating a painting, you take your basic blank canvas, prime it and with splashes of colour create….I was in the process of doing the same….

After weeks of work it became apparent that the local weed population were never going to make my life easy, as fast as pulled them from the ground, they just relocated, it became a vendetta…me against the mob, weed mafia, thuggery all about in my patch….apart from attacking it with my trusty strimmer, I realised there was no quick fix, Maybe a flame thrower hmmmm !!!!!!!, No Treez back away slowly😁….

It was while working out there one mild April afternoon, watched over by an impatient small tubby Robin friend who collected bugs for he’s lunch from the patches of freshly turned over soil, flicking his tail and tck tck tcking at me to go faster, there an idea grew…Just like my new found friend Robin, why was I working against nature?, Why not work with her?, All these plants originated from weeds at some point in time, before being cultivated, some if not most are infact beautiful in their own right, so why not just add to this insistent tapestry of life?, buy a packet of wild meadow seeds…

Later that same afternoon after first scrubbing my hands digging more soil from my broken nails than left in the garden…, I sat down finally in the warmth after the sun dipped low in the sky.. Curling up on the sofa with coffee under a fleece blanket, I began trawling “The Zon” (Amazon) for wild flower seeds…I read many reviews , researched, late into that evening before making my final choice…decision made, plan formed, I was really excited all at once to begin….

After just two days,that wait was finally over, The seeds had arrived, a tiny paper packet full of promise, as well as hundreds of black specks, (“the seeds”,) what they actually were(their names) would remain any bodies guess😁. Just said wild flowers…oh well I love a good surprise, A flower lucky dip if you will😁..

Now there was going to be two approaches to this here seed drilling malarkey, either I could make nice neat straight furrows in the soil, sow the seeds, then proceed to cover them over with the earth, almost like them bedding them down really(Normal approach)😁, nahhhhhh!, Or then theres my way, wait until, rain is forecast, rush out to scatter them asunder before running back in between showers…yup that’s it😁, if it’s good enough for mother nature, it’s good enough for me… And this being April I didn’t have long to wait….heavy rain was forecast for the very next day….I love it, this business with working with nature she’s so obliging😁….. In my humble wotsit I like to think I had scattered the seed evenly, real proper like, sort of the perfect gardener😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, but what I actually did was just shook the pack randomly…Chaos and mayhem being my favourite watchwords….later that day as if giving me her blessing, the heavens opened, now for the hard bit…..the wait😁😁😁😁.

Every day I checked for early signs of life, well there was to be fair, but mainly from those bloody weeds😃,. After just two weeks though, the first signs appeared..tiny seedlings braved the cool air, just like any good plant parent, I worried over frosts, winds blowing them over, not enough water, too much water!, I faffed endlessly over my wee charges, never once taking into account these are in fact wild flowers we are talking about here, Existing for hundreds of years, alongside busy roads, derelict land,hedge rows, farms, fields and Moorland without my care, thank you very much!😁, they infact didn’t need me at all….but it was me, I needed to fuss over them,pulling back the larger weeds that were bullying my precious seedlings, I willed them to grow strong, Watched over daily by Robin and my old friend, white feather the blackbird…who I think were more than a bit amused if not confused….

By the end of May my little border was filled to the brim with leggy plants of many variables, stubby ground huggers, lanky sun hoggers, hairy stemmed wind wavers and of course they were all UFOs, unidentified Flowering objects….what I did know though was I couldn’t have been more proud of my adoptees if I tried, ….even the strong winds that would follow that month, failed to flatten them,. As their development increased I was to learn yet another valuable lesson, I had stopped trying to weed my border, instead what were once common weeds to me, now stood side by side with my meadow flowers, their early blooms feeding any brave bees that sought out a source of pollen…common woodsorrel, creeping buttercup, Purslane, lesser trefoil, Dandelion, forget me not, tiny soft heart shaped leaved violets, lanky tufts of rich red valerian, I watched as insects flocked to them for shelter and sustenance…they had earnt their place in my Border as well as my heart…

After a time the first of the meadow plants began to bloom, it was quite fitting really, when the purple spikes of Bugle, were the first to herald in the coming of spring …next the stunning large fluffy heads of scarlet trefoil, corn poppies with their bold crimson petals screaming for attention, beside them the more sedate but no less pretty, sky blue corn flowers, Corn Cockle, the delicate lacy flowers of Love in the mist, Purple Scabius, pink and white clover, Red campion…. Each day something new to marvel over, I bored everyone with endless photos and talk of my wee border….but I was proud so there !😁

But as spectacular as this wild patch of meadow flowers are and will be for months to come, it’s what they bring alongside them…I sit out most afternoons for a while, there I share this small wilderness area with a myriad of tiny creatures, tiny striped glossy winged hover flies, flitting hither and thither even taking to hovering about me as If I were part of the fixtures😊, Other daily visitors include several varieties of floofy pollen pickers(Bees), Cabbage white, orange tipped, meadow brown, small copper, small tortoiseshell, Holly blue butterflies… Even the odd passing Dragon look in….oh ok Dragonfly 😁, then theres the humble, but never less welcome woodlice, all are welcome here….As I sit out there sun warming my face, a host of insect sounds lulls me into a quietness I’ve never experienced before, my eyes shut involuntarily, but I’m no less part of their minute world, we are just being together, living, breathing side by side, whether imagined, or factual I feel accepted…..Even the huge bumble bees as they buzz bomb my head in daily protest when I disturb them for the evening watering ritual, settle back down after ignoring me as fuss about….With the increase of insects, I have more daily visits from small birds, who have also become part and parcel of our world….who knew by just making a tiny patch of wild meadow flowers happen, my world would increase many fold…with it many lessons..it really is those little things that bring the most joy….enough of me for now, take care of you as always, and stay safe…🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞

Washing day blues….Dear diary

Thursday…..

So what’s been happening with everyone out there?, are you all ok, not all gone into survival mode, trying to make it through these heatwaves, once called ermmmm let me see, oh yeah summer😁?, Here has been pretty much uneventful, well as uneventful as life gets while leading the secret life of Calamity Jane, .To the world around me I go about my mousy staid little life. In Boringville,only we know the actuality of living within the madness of Treez world…I can and have out Calamitied, Calamity on a daily basis. No two days are every the alike ever!!!!!!…

Take last Monday for instance….

Here,s where I should really come back with “oh someone take it please” but that’s old hat so I wont, but I did, oh never mindddd! ..Back to the subject woman!!!!, Monday started out calm, (quite pleasant on the whole really), I had had my numerous large mugs of coffee, One of which was partaken while enjoying being outside in the early morning sun,, The cleaning section of the day had well and truly commenced most satisfactory, everything was well under way, After coffee, I finished off cleaning the kitchen, while out there William Mcwasher, (aka the washing machine) conveniently came to a shuddering halt,. time then to hang out the wash …and yes you read that correctly, all my gadgets have names, even surnames 😮😁

This particular morning I had been blasting my out poor lugholes (ears) with sounds from the 80s, Apart from the odd song it was really cringe worthy . More cheese in those there tracks than in a Cathedral City factory…(other brands of Cheese are of course available… But I must confess in a strange sad lonely woman’s way, I was in truth enjoying these here tracks to the past…I belted out numerous numbers in my own unique fashion, …Oh yeah we were talking about the washing…sorry distraction be Thy name Treez,😁

I bellow along with Aha,s take on me, while stooping to gather up various items of freshly washed lavender and chamomile scented laundry, the acoustic,s are really quite remarkable with your head stuck in the drum of a washer yah know… Putting the last bits in my basket, I check Jesse is still sleeping in phoneland, before traipsing out the back to the washing line….(I am almost certain though that my foghorn rendition of Heaven is a place on earth by Belinda Carlisle and myself has acted as a sweet lullabye…😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁…

It’s a beautiful soft breezy morning, perfect for the purpose of laundry hanging out😁….birds are singing…well I think they are,(music is still on full at this point) and white feather (the blackbirds) beak is quite moving fast… Sort of like an ancient episode of Top of the pops(for those of you still under a 100) that my dearies was a long ago music programme, where miming was en vogue, Tvs had only three channels, mostly in black and white….I know shocking 😮😮😮😮, but I digress.. Fluffy white clouds speeding like late 9 to 5 drivers in their cobalt sky distract me, but only for a second, as one of my favourite 80s groups follows Belinda….Hot Chocolate.

Who doesn’t love a bit of Errol? …(him of Hot chocolate fame), especially that time defying classic, You sexy thing… It’s wonderful hearing it again, and whatever came over me, for what ever reason, possibly caffeine over indulgence, joie de vivre, life in general, just in the moment, who knows, but I jiggling about like an over stimulated fruit Jelly, My wobbly bits causing imminent tremors and avalanches in New Zealand or Papua New guinea as they sway in the breeze, confident in alone I sing out …..”I believe in milkos where you from, you sexy thing”, I’m louder than an announcement at Tesco for half price sanitary products “, I’m singing loud, proud and I don’t care…it’s my moment…I’m on the stage of Britain’s got no talent wowing the judges, at the 02 Arena, Glastonbury amidst the crowds going wild….I’m waving a large pair of Maroon womans boyshorts about my head, gyrating with every last thing I’ve got…….it’s then something catches the corner of my eye….

To my horror just a little behind me, where I’m performing my little heart out, is a guy up a ladder loping a neighbours tree, doing he’s utmost to stay secure while wiping the tears from his eyes on the back of his sleeve, now either his feeling very sorry for the tree or something is surely a miss, as I turn slowly to fully face my audience of one, the horror hits me square in the face….shorts still held momentarily aloft, blowing like a wind sock in the breeze, my jiggly bits only now, slowly coming to a halt, moment’s after I have in fact stopped moving…. Mouth ajar the next verse primed to leave my readied larynx, it slams shut immediately catching my tongue….my heated face turning almost Puce, do I smile, do I try to hide belated behind the Hedera helix ivy covered fence……do I heck, I shout ewwww wasp waving my bloomers at the invisible flying insect….the guy now out and out laughing ,wobbles on his ladder only saving himself himself from a certain fall by clutching at the fence, the electric tree lopper device waving menacingly about in the air…

This is a true to life Treezism, and you will be pleased to hear, no gardeners, bloomers, or fake wasps were hurt in the telling of it….whatever your doing out there today folks, stay safe, keep a look out for stray Gardens up ladders and look after yourselves you sexy thangs you 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤🎙🎙🎙🎙🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎵🎧

Believe you can and your halfway there ..Theodore Roosevelt…Dear Diary

Monday…

I love the above quote, it’s so appropriate for me at this moment in time, well anytime really, As is also his Man in the Arena address, given on the 23rd of April 1910…I have this enlarged, framed above my bed…One constant and wonderful reminder that no matter how difficult life can seem for you at times, all the while your here, showing up each morning there’s a chance, a chance for things to improve…it’s a thought I cling to, But quite unlike Jack clinging to that huge lump of wood in the cold cold cruel sea( reference, the film Titanic) I’m hanging on bloody tightly to it…shoving Rose off if needs be 😮😁😁😁…. I can do ruthless😁.

Captains Log day Star date 138…

According to my phones Pedometer I’ve survived 138 days of healthy living…(shows you how well it knows me), Some days have been slightly more questionable, if not darn outright outrageous…On my birthday for example, way back in April for.. As that clock struck half passed Barn owl, which sounds absolutely more like a dementor or in fact a hallucinogenic Terradactyl, don’t ask it’s a clock I thought a good idea at one point in time, while alone scrolling unattended on the Zon… It has different bird sounds for every hour…(yeah I know what was I thinking?, this has yet to be determined though😁 but I digest….no not digest Treez stop ittt, digress thats it, I digress …Anyway it was late, my birthday, I was alone late into the night, a big Bar of Galaxy chocolate also sitting alone in the living room sideboard drawer…crying out pitifully with its seductive siren silky voice….I bellowed at it, although none too loudly in my mind like one does, (tell me this is even a real thing right?!!!!)…”stop, cease, quit, desist, please!!..but it wasn’t paying attention enough obviously…So I showed it who was Boss and ate it huh!!!!!!!, it was it’s own fault don’t feel sorry for it!!!!….But since that lone fateful cold night when that bar of chocolate and I shared a very brief special moment I’m proud to say I’ve been good….

As you also know I can’t abide the D word, no not Dentist (sighs😁..mumbles under breath, behind thebhand.. dxxt….You all know the one, denoting immediate deprivation, starvation, and never eating a single nice thing for EVER ever!!!!!!😮, But with my height not matching up to my ever expanding waistline, something had to be done, either that or buy more elastic waisted pants !….so back in February there I was, I stood bare foot in the cold, hail, fog and rain, pause for dramatic effect😁, Sacrificing everything last little thing with even slightest amount of yummyness at the alter of the Green Goddess,, aka the Bin, Yes after a brief prayer, chant, candle lighting and crossing myself, you have to cover all those bases don’t you?, I called upon the Gods old and new to make me slender, svelte,lissom and sylphlike overnight…..your not surprised it didn’t happen are you?😁…..nah me neither, guess there really is only one way then sighs?…we going in!!!

A lettuce leaf and half a cherry tomato 🍅,

Ok just a slight exaggeration, but I have been eating far more vegetation…vegetables, I joke about ditching, the cakes, sweets, and anything over processed as being a chore..but if I’m totally honest it was the right time for me..I had researched the subject thoroughly, not taking this on-board lightly or as a whim…after reading four books, listening to podcast after podcast on Spotify..everything fell with a loud thud into place…takes a while for me to catch up folks,😁, really does…the evidence was staring me in the face though..back about seven years ago I lost 60lbs in just over six months, no starvation, no endless trips to the torture chamber(Gym)… Just giving up Sugar, carbs and eating more lean meat, fish and veg…After the initial headaches from coming off sugar(that should tell you all you need right there), but something odd happened…I began to feel better, I had more energy, no brain fog, my pain levels became more manageable, even a long standing stomach issue cleared up…it was official I felt good!!! More importantly my blood pressure dropped, I went from six tablets daily to two, my weight slowly but surely began fall also…

I’m sorry to say though just after a year, I had slipped back into my old eating habits…along with the dreaded weight gain, my health nose dived..my pain levels doubled, last year, In fact i spent six months virtually bed bound…my knee swollen and agony, my doctors telling me to rest it up and all would be well…I bowed to their professional knowledge, because that’s what one does when given advice and your desperate… But the pain never decreased, the swelling became more apparent, as did the ever increasing weight gain from being immobile for months, it’s not im a constant eater, or even a picker, no matter how often I joke about it, no it’s not the amount of food I eat, but what I eat…the convenience food, the quick dinner because it hurts too much for me to stand, even small sweet treats spark inflammation around the body…

By February I had come to a conclusion something had to give, and it wasnt going to be me, not this time.., I posted how i ditched anything with sugar, ultra processed, or carb laden…Since then I’ve lost nearly 30lb…Yes watching everything you eat in the beginning is tedium to say the least…Eating out is difficult to almost impossible…but it’s about what you want most…what I want, crave, ney need…is normality, I want to wake ready to greet another dawn, I will never be pain free, because That’s my lot in life, Pain and I have become old friends, kind of strange I know, but acceptance is the key…what I can do something about though is improving things for myself…I’ve seen so many doctors now, specialist, and as kind as their intentions are, I’m no better…My illnesses are incurable, but there’s no harm in making the best of a bad situation…I feel better taking charge of my own health,it’s something I can do,… I will also keep researching, keep eating a healthy foods only, nutritious, fresh. Making wise choices…

As the months pass by, I find myself no longer craving the foodstuff I would eat previously, rather I’m enjoying the taste of fruit,not just enjoying actually, but really tasting it almost for the first time…peaches for instance have never tasted better, flavour intensified exponentially, I no longer need to over season food, it’s own clean earthy flavours, textures being far more preferential now…this way of eating isn’t for everyone, I get that …but if it improves my life even by a fraction I’m ready to work at it some more…the 30lb weight loss although a bonus is nothing to the clarity of thought, increased energy and decrease of meds…here’s to the next six months in the Arena…whatever your doing this beautiful summers day, enjoy, stay safe and look after yourself.x💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🌹

The journey journals,Dear diary!

Way Back in early February, when we had those dark cloud covered skies for weeks, people’s moods matching the short dark days, Spring seemed for all the world, like it had decided to pack it’s bags and sod off for warmer climes,  I for one didnt blame it😊,..It was at this moment for some sort of sadistic kicks, Masochistic pleasure or just plain punishing myself for who knows what, but I decide after months to venture forth and step on the Scales of doooooom!!!!, Hear that echo😮😁….yeah I know, craziness knows no level as far as I’m concerned….Anyway picture this, there I’m stood in as least as I could wear,(maybe don’t picture that on second thoughts😔) Without totally dispensing with all decency  im In my shorts and thinnest t shirt,breathing in, praying to the weight gods, please please at least be somewhat kind…. Hmmm maybe I should have shaved my legs first?….or not had that second coffee…oh Pray for me!!!, ….As I stood shivering that morning, after several false starts, I finally take a last long deep mournful breath in, then embracing my fate….. (Maybe that lungful of air was the XL heavy kind?, Or maybe I really should have shaved my shire horse hairy legs…it all adds up right!…but whatever the cause, the Scales screamed at me, in blinking huge red numbers, get off it bellowed,your squashing me!!! ….horrified I leapt off quivering!, Before slowly trying to creep up on the Scale …. Here a surprise attack was required  I was sure…..but no….there it was again, the awful truth, in full glare upon the cold morning light, it took no prisoners, gave no quarter….Hairs on my legs now bristling in the breeze….I had gained …. No not just bloody gained Treez, but I had put on 54lb for my sins….😮😮😮😮😮😮😮, oh hell no no no

Now just to reiterate, I like food, in fact it’s known by all who care to listen, I really really love food, …This said I do do 90% of all my weekly shop online not only for the convenience, or keeping down cost, but im also 90%  house bound,. Rarely will add any sweet treats if ever  infact, … I’m partial to the more savoury food, Here for total honesty purposes, im listing some of my real weaknesses ….First off skin on oven chips, (fries) these were a weekly downfall, oven cooked, golden brown covered in salt and vinegar, (damn their good!)….., as is anything cheese related, Also being a pretty good cook doesn’t help my cause any, By the time I served my evening meal i,m normally somewhat ravenous, attacking my food like a rabid raccoon in a restaurant dustbin…( I Opt to eat twice daily, this is my choice)….I do try to avoid keeping anything in the flat, I could readily graze upon, but bread despite being full of wheat flour also an allergy of mine, was something I struggled with, who can resist a thick slice of still warm bread straight from the bread machine, smothered in real butter and a hunk of sharp cheddar….I’m drooling now at the mere thought…im a weak willed woman folks, …

Being fair to myself I cannot abide fatty fried food of any variety, it’s being a real phobia of mine….(yes I know it’s one strange phobia, real none the less,  If you had grown up in my family household, with a mother who covered everything in cooking lard….gags at the thought… Then you would understand to readily believe me.😁, Ordered in food isn’t my thing either…I think last time has to be nearly three years ago now!, Your now staring at the screen in disbelief, you must be doing something Treez,!, Well here’s the low down of the matter….for over twenty years I ate one meal daily…food wasn’t a priority to me, I know but it’s true,. Even here though in truth, I was carrying extra weight,  having doctors call me a liar, when I stood before them, explaining my strange eating behaviour…my family also…but I’m nothing if not honest…why lie?, That is just cheating yourself…

But what I didn’t know all those years ago, was I was messing  around with my own metabolism big time, Here I was in effect fasting for over twenty hours daily, Eating far less than 1,500 calories, when I did deem fit to eat..Doing this the body goes into complete shut down, or starvation mode, Hanging on like grim death to every last particle I put in my mouth,. Now let’s move on, somewhere around the year 2000 after yet another disappointing doctors office visit… Sitting beseeching for some kind of help with my weight, .. The sighing GP, shoke his head almost unwillingly sending me off for a panel of blood tests finally,  … Even then I could sense he was in fact just humouring me😔, ….A week later though, the tests were back, As it turned out I had an under active thyroid.. Weight gain being one of the lovely symptoms….ugh!

Now I’m not laying all my weight issues at that door, or the big bone debate….remember that one?😁, it would be only too convenient to blame everything on that, on life, Depression or any other factors.. Neither will I go the whole genetic route…although most of my family do have weight problems😊…Some of it I know is lack of exercise …Having EDS, Ehlers Danlos syndrome, I’m in pain most days,…Walking has become difficult for me now, impossible mostly…so yes here lies one issue…another was my diet…although I didn’t over indulge, upon researching my food, I discovered much of it  was heavy in carbs, sugar and or over processed…or worse all three

Sickened to the stomach by the extra weight gain, pun very much intended,. Which also only added to the stress on my over worked loose joints, Quite literally weighing me down, I knew I had to use this wake up call…I had tried seeking help from many avenues over the years, but on that chilly February morning, the stark reality punched me square on the nose…this is your problem Treez, only you can work on you…if you want this bad enough you will put it into action….not procrastinate, put it off till the next monday, Now is key….it’s a good day to diet!!😁😁😁😁

And since that horrible sickening wake up call I have done just that, ….I walked about the flat, throwing out anything I wasn’t willing to include in my new food programme…..So why did I choose no Carbs, no wheat, no sugar option…? Well this had infact worked well for me before, I’m not meant to eat wheat products anyway, so giving this food group up although hard going, was in fact essential, Sugar has always played havoc with my digestion, as do any form of sweetners, Carbs well that’s self explanatory and covered also by the whole wheat and gluten thingy….

The first weeks were hard, winter still very much in evidence, long cold, dark days are begging for Carb laced starchy delicious unhealthful food stuffs, shut away in my flat boredom is another huge factor…I had to have some back up plans firmly in place to ward off the lure of the cake aisles…I’m not sure I ever did properly form a plan mind, I think like most things I winged it….and so far so good…I’ve lost in total a grand 26lb, I’ve worked hard for every last lb of that…my end goal is to lose at least another 60 over all 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮, yeah I know…but if I’m to have any form of life,…I need to reduce the pressure upon these already lax joints,fast!!!….I cannot rely on others help, if indeed I’m not willing to help myself…it’s a lonely road, but one I willing to walk down…My diet is now wholesome, natural and clean…after the initial first weeks, I found myself not so tired, my mood patterns stabilised, my skin clear and bright….better still sugar cravings were zero, a thing of the past,as are the longing for carbs, shocking I know 😁😁😁😁😁😁,

We are on week 12, and even now I know this is no quick fix, but I am willing to enter that arena daily, show up and commence battle every new day…what’s even more important is coming to terms with this is probably my life from now on in…but the alternative is a place I’m not willing to visit again…I live in a world where food is everywhere, I can’t avoid it, so I have to learn to make good choices for my own health…I’m in charge….this is my journey, I hold the coordinations, the life satnav….no navigation by the stars for me, I would only get lost anyhow 😁😁😁😁😁, if your on a similar journey, I wish you the strength to get through it, the vision to see your hard won outcome, you don’t need luck because it’s all you…you will with determination complete your own journey….remember though if you lose your way, it’s never to late to dive back on that wagon….thinking of you, all my love Treez 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛. Continue reading “The journey journals,Dear diary!” →

The Visit… Dearest Diary.

Back in the now far off chilly dull grey month of February, After a rare and somewhat impromptu visit to my Doctors surgery, Debbie and I sat in our favourite cafe sipping a well earned reviving cup of coffee. Catching up with each other, plus all our news since last meeting up, After which Debbie mentioned maybe we could schedule a wee trip out somewhere soon, Of course this was dependant on the weather improvement,. We really never do set anything in stone, both of us quite comfortable with “the whatever”!, just pencil something in hoping for the best., keep in mind, that we rarely know how i,m going to feel on any particular day, or if indeed something may crop up suddenly for Debbie, (a real social whirl is our Deb, tires me out just listening to her exploits😁…One of these spare of the moment plans included a trip to Mrs Smith’s Cottage… Now I had no idea who this Mrs Smith was, or indeed if she was expecting us, infact even where her cottage could be located, but I leave these things to Debbies more than capable hands, she’s the Navigator, on-board entertainment organiser, dare I say it captain of our ship, in our case her tiny Nissan car😁…

Over the weeks that would follow the weather remained much the same, the sky covered in a thick oppressive slate grey blanket, from early dawn to dusk,. As the days went by, if I’m honest it crossed my sleepy mind, more than once, that maybe Deb had perhaps forgotten about our impending trip out, (Nooooooo chance), Debbie rarely if ever forgets anything 😁,. That following week I received the awaited Text from our entertainment coordinator, informing me Friday morning at 11:30 was D day😁.. that Friday morning After a couple of mugs of extra strong, honey laced inspiration, I decide maybe I should make some sort of concerted effort with my appearance,(goodness knows it takes longer these days😁)for it’s not often i,m allowed to socialise with real live people,. But as tiring and confusing as it can be for moi, it’s equally vexatious for them🙄😁 ,….I didn’t want to let Debbie down though, she had been so excited to show me around the little cottage, it becomes rather infectious you know, So after a long shower, I dug out a still in the packet new t shirt for the special occasion, spritzed with my favourite perfume, ready! Or at least there about😁 …

…. Just a week prior to this i had “the annual” flat inspection🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄, as you may know by now I find this not only somewhat invasive, but it sets my anxiety level running free and rampant, (love that word rampant!!!!!😁…. hereafter begins hours upon hours of totally unnecessary, ney uncalled for deep cleansing, where upon I usually end up creating even more bloody mess than I began with…I do this to myself, every time🙄, it culminates in the inspector being in the flat, less than five minutes, making lots of approval sounds, before telling me how lovely and clean everything is,(you get it is). I feel somewhat like it that proverbial pat on the head, what a good girl Treez!, If I had any real energy remaining after these shenanigans, I would go and fetch them a ball and wag my tail😁, just as well I don’t though or I’m certain sure there would be an earthquake of epic proportions somewhere like Australia,🙄😁, No instead I belly flop upon my bed, not to stir for some hours… Even the lure of strong coffee cannot revive the slumbering blubbering wreck that remains, Jesse yells out cake!!!!!!! every couple of hours, if one of my eyes twitch I’m alive…🙄

So after this abhorrent six monthly invasion, I welcomed any escape,some distraction from a well planned outing, I had already made sure I had some cash in my wallet for said occasion, mostly for those sudden stops off at roadside plant stands, We say every time that we will avoid them at all costs, but we never quite fulfil this promise, Somewhat fortunate enough for the local plant sellers …I swear they hear in advance, (“Ethel Ethel go dig up some plants from the garden, i,’ll get the trestle table from the shed, they’re on the way” 😁, (I don’t know which of us is worse, but hey it’s all good for local economy right?, Just doing my bit.😁

Mrs Smith….

Friday dawned one of those most perfect of days, the sky a pale Periwinkle blue, cloudless, filled with that promise of early spring warmth, floating above in the air,. Showered, my make up done, coffee section of the day complete, I was ready for anything…..ok just a slight exaggeration there, but as ready as I get anyhow., I sat chatting to Jesse as we awaited Debbies imminent arrival, it was going to be fun, oh please let it be ok😁😁😁😁😁😁

…. The drive to the location was absolutely stunning, passing through some very pretty chocolate box picture villages along the way, neat yellow Lancashire stone bungalows, perfectly manicured lawns, bordered with spring flowers. ..Because of our rather late start, the first port of call was lunch, (we like to do things in order of importance) well it’s food, foods vital😁🙄, That was of coursw when we finally located the cafe, I’ve no sense of direction, Debbie knowing little of the villiage, just adds to the adventure though😁😁😁😁😁😁. Thank goodness Debbie had had the forethought to pre booked us a table, after exploring the wilds of Navenby we were both nearly emaciated and on our last legs,🤔, how does one have last legs I wonder? Hmmmm, that implies we have spare legs, neat idea😁… On arrival it was all very pleasant and civilised I must say, The cafe owner very welcoming to her immaculate premises, never batting an eyelid, when I explained my complicated restrictive diet requirements, no carbs, no sugar, or wheat, ..I was however served a lovely crisp fresh green salad with a tangy Balsamic dressing, (thoroughly delicious….it’s so refreshing to find somewhere that can meet my dietary weirdness needs😁😁😁😁, it took all the awkwardness out of what was to be a rare treat…

After lunch, it came about that the tiny stone cottage sat nestled within walking distance from our lunch venue, even for me !, Deb had planned it all to that last minute detail… On arrival, you walk through a tiny walled olde worlde cottage garden, filled to capacity with a vast array of colour and every hue, bright blue forget me nots, competed for space with orange, red, russet coloured sweet scented wall flowers, the tall spires of iridescent purple and blue Delphinium, Silene latifolia,(Campion) both the pink and white variety springing up where they could find a space, lupins,Borage standing shoulder to shoulder, with Lavender,… For a tiny front garden it was awash with colour, a tapestry of delight, wild yet incredibly beautiful, on walking in, I felt an Instant welcome, greeted even, I would be hard put to explain this experience, but I felt a reverence, a pause, hush, as if the garden was expecting us….at any moment it’s owner about to make her appearance….

The cottage itself doesn’t disappoint , A thick solid wood door thrown open wide, straight into a tiny gift shop, filled with any myriad of consumable items, jams, chutney, biscuits, sweets … Selves packed with notebooks, pens, pencils, tea towels, souvenirs, every inch accounted for…the thick walls held the warmth of the day bay, inside the light was dimmed, a stark contrast from the bright sunlight outside, After our eyes adjusted, you find yourself jettisoned into another time, era ………

The first room though somewhat cramped was complete, within it a heavy wooden table, set out for afternoon tea, upon the back wall a black leaded stove, highly polished and clean, you had the feeling this was Mrs Smith’s pride and joy, a kettle sat ready to boil at any given moment’s notice, From behind us one of the wonderful volunteers who cares for the cottage, Voices the patently already obvious, Mrs Smith’s tiny cottage had welcomed many many visitors through her door over the years, She had been the hub of her community…

If time travel existed, the most die-hard amongst believe, .. as you stood within those walls, it’s a strange sensation, kind of like visiting your grand parents house, Open fires, lead light windows, wing backed chairs which you sank into, an exquisite embroidered white table cloth, covered in pansies, silky roses, and tiny sprigs of colourful flowers, beneath the table sat a toy box, complete with spinning top, Kaleidoscope, a puzzle and wood blocks, just awaiting tiny hands to be amused within its contents,

Upon a coffee table, sat before the Marley tile surround fireplace was an open letter, Written to One of Mrs Smith’s many friends, this we were encouraged to pick up and read…it was the genuine article, handled not only by it’s original author but hundreds of curious interested hands, a beautifully descriptive missive relating to her 100th birthday celebrations, the telegram from her Majesty the queen, gifts and visitors….I felt a bit like I was invading her privacy, but not enough to want to sit in one of the comfy but slightly lumpy winged back chairs and read every line…you couldn’t help but not feel that connection with the past….everything was as it had been left, trapped forever in time…I hate to keep using it, but paused …. Only waiting for its owners imminent return.

On the same table, a small brown photo album lay open, filled with black and white pictures, capturing unique images of family, friends, the cottage, it’s garden and trips abroad, for we learned Mrs Smith was very well travelled, even venturing to London, Scotland alone…she was quite the Dame, far braver than i, she had lived in that small home right up until her 102 birthday, where after a fall meant she needed relocation to a care home, this amazing woman had cared for her home up until this point, climbing a steep ladder each night to go to bed, I wouldn’t even attempt the climb, but it left me filled with admiration for the amazing lady that did, we left with booklets, recipes for cookies, souvenirs from the gift shop, and smiles upon our faces, I found myself really liking Mrs Smith as we had learned had everyone who walked through the front door., Well enough from me for the day, have a good week folks and take care of yourselves💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛😊🌻

Don’t you just love a whopper?😉…Dear diary

Oh hell it’s Monday already!

The week previous myself and my Friend Debbie had taken a rain check on an arranged coffee, Every few weeks or so she takes delight in forcing me to step over my comfort zones, putting reluctant feet over the threshold and into the wilds, aka a cafe😁,or shop. This means which ever means fair or otherwise, normally a large handled cattle prod being her favourite to date,😊, I swear though she just wants to read the more and more outlandish elaborate excuses I have been known to come up with, on this subject I am eventually thinking of starting my own business, (Dial an excuse, for those days when you need that quickie reason for a sick day) not blowing my own kazoo here and all that, I’m pretty proficient at this for which My Children can freely attest, (Should I admit this, does it come under dodgy parenting I wonder,) But while they were at school if for any reason one or another of them needed an note for late homework ect.., including the occasion for my daughter’s very late history project, I came up with some excellent plausible excuses (like the puppy peed on it, it may actually have been more like one of the guys in the house missing the loo but we won’t go there😊 least in this case if I recall there was some truth in the matter though,,,,,,we had a puppy 😁.

I had already used up my allotted excuse allowance for this month, on or around February 2nd, probably for the coming year also , pleading was no longer an option either, So Monday morning was the offending day…As per the blooming always, Sleep for that night was all very last minute….yes it lurks in the corner of my bedroom, or under my bed, waiting patiently until that very last hour before I need to get up, to knock me into comatose mode, spark out, snoring fit to burst,. Waking again with a start at around 9am,. At this point, I would really so love to write I leap out of bed , huh some chance maybe 20 years or so ago!!!!, We must also take into account Debbies due to arrive about 10:30, and I hate rushing, it’s just so uncalled for, not civilised, Plus, well I need to ensure time for my coffee to permeate the remaining brain cell, this takes much more coffee of late… I,m the only person I know of for whom it requires at least one large bucket of coffee to go get coffee, is that slightly weird?, I like to think more in the range of unique perhaps😊.

After a run through the shower at carwash speed, I grudgingly proceeded to get ready…But first we must locate our shoes….Shoes happen on these feet but rarely, on average about five times per year, I hate them, (evil contraptions),unlike my sister’s shoe shopping is not my bag,,,I hate those too, bags not my sisters😁😁😁😁…from my very youngest years shoes felt confining, uncomfortable, later on I was to learn after some research that folks with Ehlers Danlos(could experience pain just wearing shoes, this explained an awful lot about my childhood😊. I can still hear my poor mother moaning at me, “Put those shoes back on Theresa”!, she did this right up until she left bless her…..Sorry mother I hate to say this, didn’t actually work😉. But I digress hugely, the shoes as it turns out had been banished into the darkened wasteland of the bedroom cupboard, closet, also known as, small chilled area in my room, for which Artic explorers use to train in, and in the summer doubles as another fridge….no it does..😁😁.

After two large coffees, several rather impressive attempts at remembering how to put on actual real people clothes, my left leg seemed was extra affeared at the added prospect of walking further than my miniscule flat floor space, trying it’s hardest to retreat into the same trouser leg as my right,, after the third failed attempt, I physically man handled it into submission, Finally clothed, shod, I went through the whole Keys, phones, wallet, tissues, phone charger routine six times, I like to do this to the head, shoulders, knees and toes music ….this will often take at least another twenty minutes…see why running late is not an option now?😁….. This is of course without the perfume caper…I’m never quite sure if I’ve done it, so I go back several times just to make sure….I think Debbie oft needs a hazardous materials suit and breathing apparatus on in her tiny car….

Talking of, Debbies soon stood smiling at my door, I growl out a perfunctory good morning, living by oneself you kind of lose the whole art of actual conversation, I mean I’m used to chatting to the inanimate objects about the flat, Sage the budgie, pigeons or the plants, things that don’t require a two way repertoire, knowing sentences any longer in Sages case than, ” you alright?”, This is good for at least a second, or “Damn”!!!!!, “Where are you”? Or his favourite “Pervert”,. And call me odd here but I’m not quite so sure Aunty Debbie would appreciate me shouting Pervert!!!!!!!! Across a crowded cafe…(although, no Treez behave…., It’s been some weeks since our last Coffee crusade, we have much to catch up, and after a few minutes it’s like the weeks between meeting up melts away with the icy weather and the car is filled with excited chatter…Jesse in phone land tries to get the odd word in, but listens in somewhat amused …

I never quite know our destination until we are well on the way, I think Debbie likes to find out different places each time, just in case I misbehave and then she doesn’t have to go back in a hurry, that or places she’s not known in😁, think it’s more the second on reflection. …. It turns out this new improved cafe in a remote little village is only about ten minutes away, which is good for Debbie in the circumstances as that’s about when her oxygen tank runs out and she would either have to resort to sticking her head out the drivers side window(no mean feat while attempting to drive😁anything to avoid the clouds of Eau de Cologne emanating from under my fleece jacket, slowly becoming visible from Venus….

Debbie always parks the tiny Nissan as near to the entrance as humanely possible, (again I’m never sure if this is for a quick getaway,, …After a quick drool over all the plants we long for, but cannot afford at this Juncture, the lure of coffee urges us both into a large airy very clean tea room, it’s Windows facing a very scenic prospect out into the fields of a local farm, ..inside is warm, filled with the aroma of coffee, chocolate and cake, senses over load for me…Even so Im hesitant to leave the safety of the doorway…Debbie who was directly behind me, ploughs into my back as I stop suddenly… “What?” She asks suddenly, without turning I whisper. .. ” there’s people” … ” yes Theresa it’s a cafe, that will happen” , … ” But what if they want to talk at me” …she smiles no I think your ok,

Debbie goes up to the smiling young lass behind the counter first to be served, This is the normal modus operandi for us, I think she feels this need to remind me how it’s normally done…(by all you normal people)…I can be normal people right?,. My eyes are immediately drawn to the large array of sugary sweet baked confectionery, trying hard not to get drool over the sparkling glass display case, I do eventually make that final decision, it was difficult there for a while folks, with shelf upon shelf of Fruit buns, sticky buns, cake of every creation, short cake, little tart cases filled with sensuous gem like strawberries covered in glaze upon beds of cream, Chocolate muffins, blueberry, raspberry and white chocolate, cherry ohhhhh my goodness I’m in cake Eden, my cake G spot has gone into the launch sequence and countdown commences …my final selection an XXXL cherry scone, with a tiny pot of fresh buttery thick cream and sweet tangy raspberry Compote….jam!, With this I have my usual trough of Americano coffee, And to my utter delight that coffee was surprisingly delicious, hot, strong with a nutty roasted after taste and plenty of it…

Chairs…..

Oh please indulge me for just a moment or six I beg of you, I know I’m a miserable beggar😁. But I feel compelled to tell you about these chairs I saw,. Now I’m not normally a soft furnishings kinda gal, but folks, when I saw these big bold beautiful over the top screaming bright coloured patchwork chairs, I thought my time had come up and I was in coffee shop heaven, with a halo-ed Craig David playing harp and singing hallelujah….. …or how I imagine it anyhow😁, …I stopped my breath caught in my throat, entranced at the wonder of a world of purple patchwork, all on this one single chair, I lovingly caressed the buttery soft fabric, oooohing and arrrhing under my breathe, then out of nowhere, harsh words ruin my revelry, lay waste to my mellow, explode my Zen to tiny pieces….Debbies voice crashed into my dreamworld, No!!!!!!!!!, “No what I ask innocently enough”?, “No it won’t fit in the car and it can’t come home!” replies Debbie quickly, leaving me without a doubt, …. ” but”?,,, again as if guessing my protestations she says “absolutely not”!!!!, “it’s not coming home with us now or ever “, I turn and sadly meet her eye, giving this beautiful thing a last loving pat….the voice said “just keep moving”…. And I do, for in all fairness to Debbie it would not have fit inside the tiny frame of her Nissan and even if it had, I’m not sure it would make that much of a getaway car….. I was sadly by now too bereft to eat my scone there at the Cafe, but later that same evening alone, i commiserated myself by consuming the all too delicious cherry scone, which even by my standards was a struggle to eat, it was a real whopper folks😉,!!!, When the very last crumb had been eaten, plate cleared away, later that evening I’m ashamed to say I spent close to two solid hours scrolling page after bloody page on “The Zon” (Amazon), for something resembling the chair of my dreams.. You,’ll never guess what though I’ve found it!!!!!!, …😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁. Anyhow my sweet fellow caffeine fiends I’ve immensely enjoyed our time together, but before I leave you please always take care while out there and look after you💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛.