The journey journals,Dear diary!

Way Back in early February, when we had those dark cloud covered skies for weeks, people’s moods matching the short dark days, Spring seemed for all the world, like it had decided to pack it’s bags and sod off for warmer climes,  I for one didnt blame it😊,..It was at this moment for some sort of sadistic kicks, Masochistic pleasure or just plain punishing myself for who knows what, but I decide after months to venture forth and step on the Scales of doooooom!!!!, Hear that echo😮😁….yeah I know, craziness knows no level as far as I’m concerned….Anyway picture this, there I’m stood in as least as I could wear,(maybe don’t picture that on second thoughts😔) Without totally dispensing with all decency  im In my shorts and thinnest t shirt,breathing in, praying to the weight gods, please please at least be somewhat kind…. Hmmm maybe I should have shaved my legs first?….or not had that second coffee…oh Pray for me!!!, ….As I stood shivering that morning, after several false starts, I finally take a last long deep mournful breath in, then embracing my fate….. (Maybe that lungful of air was the XL heavy kind?, Or maybe I really should have shaved my shire horse hairy legs…it all adds up right!…but whatever the cause, the Scales screamed at me, in blinking huge red numbers, get off it bellowed,your squashing me!!! ….horrified I leapt off quivering!, Before slowly trying to creep up on the Scale …. Here a surprise attack was required  I was sure…..but no….there it was again, the awful truth, in full glare upon the cold morning light, it took no prisoners, gave no quarter….Hairs on my legs now bristling in the breeze….I had gained …. No not just bloody gained Treez, but I had put on 54lb for my sins….😮😮😮😮😮😮😮, oh hell no no no

Now just to reiterate, I like food, in fact it’s known by all who care to listen, I really really love food, …This said I do do 90% of all my weekly shop online not only for the convenience, or keeping down cost, but im also 90%  house bound,. Rarely will add any sweet treats if ever  infact, … I’m partial to the more savoury food, Here for total honesty purposes, im listing some of my real weaknesses ….First off skin on oven chips, (fries) these were a weekly downfall, oven cooked, golden brown covered in salt and vinegar, (damn their good!)….., as is anything cheese related, Also being a pretty good cook doesn’t help my cause any, By the time I served my evening meal i,m normally somewhat ravenous, attacking my food like a rabid raccoon in a restaurant dustbin…( I Opt to eat twice daily, this is my choice)….I do try to avoid keeping anything in the flat, I could readily graze upon, but bread despite being full of wheat flour also an allergy of mine, was something I struggled with, who can resist a thick slice of still warm bread straight from the bread machine, smothered in real butter and a hunk of sharp cheddar….I’m drooling now at the mere thought…im a weak willed woman folks, …

Being fair to myself I cannot abide fatty fried food of any variety, it’s being a real phobia of mine….(yes I know it’s one strange phobia, real none the less,  If you had grown up in my family household, with a mother who covered everything in cooking lard….gags at the thought… Then you would understand to readily believe me.😁, Ordered in food isn’t my thing either…I think last time has to be nearly three years ago now!, Your now staring at the screen in disbelief, you must be doing something Treez,!, Well here’s the low down of the matter….for over twenty years I ate one meal daily…food wasn’t a priority to me, I know but it’s true,. Even here though in truth, I was carrying extra weight,  having doctors call me a liar, when I stood before them, explaining my strange eating behaviour…my family also…but I’m nothing if not honest…why lie?, That is just cheating yourself…

But what I didn’t know all those years ago, was I was messing  around with my own metabolism big time, Here I was in effect fasting for over twenty hours daily, Eating far less than 1,500 calories, when I did deem fit to eat..Doing this the body goes into complete shut down, or starvation mode, Hanging on like grim death to every last particle I put in my mouth,. Now let’s move on, somewhere around the year 2000 after yet another disappointing doctors office visit… Sitting beseeching for some kind of help with my weight, .. The sighing GP, shoke his head almost unwillingly sending me off for a panel of blood tests finally,  … Even then I could sense he was in fact just humouring me😔, ….A week later though, the tests were back, As it turned out I had an under active thyroid.. Weight gain being one of the lovely symptoms….ugh!

Now I’m not laying all my weight issues at that door, or the big bone debate….remember that one?😁, it would be only too convenient to blame everything on that, on life, Depression or any other factors.. Neither will I go the whole genetic route…although most of my family do have weight problems😊…Some of it I know is lack of exercise …Having EDS, Ehlers Danlos syndrome, I’m in pain most days,…Walking has become difficult for me now, impossible mostly…so yes here lies one issue…another was my diet…although I didn’t over indulge, upon researching my food, I discovered much of it  was heavy in carbs, sugar and or over processed…or worse all three

Sickened to the stomach by the extra weight gain, pun very much intended,. Which also only added to the stress on my over worked loose joints, Quite literally weighing me down, I knew I had to use this wake up call…I had tried seeking help from many avenues over the years, but on that chilly February morning, the stark reality punched me square on the nose…this is your problem Treez, only you can work on you…if you want this bad enough you will put it into action….not procrastinate, put it off till the next monday, Now is key….it’s a good day to diet!!😁😁😁😁

And since that horrible sickening wake up call I have done just that, ….I walked about the flat, throwing out anything I wasn’t willing to include in my new food programme…..So why did I choose no Carbs, no wheat, no sugar option…? Well this had infact worked well for me before, I’m not meant to eat wheat products anyway, so giving this food group up although hard going, was in fact essential, Sugar has always played havoc with my digestion, as do any form of sweetners, Carbs well that’s self explanatory and covered also by the whole wheat and gluten thingy….

The first weeks were hard, winter still very much in evidence, long cold, dark days are begging for Carb laced starchy delicious unhealthful food stuffs, shut away in my flat boredom is another huge factor…I had to have some back up plans firmly in place to ward off the lure of the cake aisles…I’m not sure I ever did properly form a plan mind, I think like most things I winged it….and so far so good…I’ve lost in total a grand 26lb, I’ve worked hard for every last lb of that…my end goal is to lose at least another 60 over all 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮, yeah I know…but if I’m to have any form of life,…I need to reduce the pressure upon these already lax joints,fast!!!….I cannot rely on others help, if indeed I’m not willing to help myself…it’s a lonely road, but one I willing to walk down…My diet is now wholesome, natural and clean…after the initial first weeks, I found myself not so tired, my mood patterns stabilised, my skin clear and bright….better still sugar cravings were zero, a thing of the past,as are the longing for carbs, shocking I know 😁😁😁😁😁😁,

We are on week 12, and even now I know this is no quick fix, but I am willing to enter that arena daily, show up and commence battle every new day…what’s even more important is coming to terms with this is probably my life from now on in…but the alternative is a place I’m not willing to visit again…I live in a world where food is everywhere, I can’t avoid it, so I have to learn to make good choices for my own health…I’m in charge….this is my journey, I hold the coordinations, the life satnav….no navigation by the stars for me, I would only get lost anyhow 😁😁😁😁😁, if your on a similar journey, I wish you the strength to get through it, the vision to see your hard won outcome, you don’t need luck because it’s all you…you will with determination complete your own journey….remember though if you lose your way, it’s never to late to dive back on that wagon….thinking of you, all my love Treez 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛.