Last week I took my life in my very hands and finally plucked up the courage to call through to my doctors surgery😊, (it has only taken me all of six weeks, this is in fact a new record yay me!😁, (good job it wasn’t life threatening is all I can say😊) I could barely walk, but after all walking is vastly over rated isn’t it?…I will never quite understand why I struggle on this for so long, before it gets to that last minute thing and I give in and call, I build it up in my mind until it feels insurmountable…. Then there’s the added fact that they are after all very nice really,, so it doesn’t quite make sense, but such is me, it’s over quickly and quite painless ….I then take a deep breath once again,while i wonder what all the fuss was over…This time was slightly different though, as a doctor would be calling me back😮…reception didn’t exactly know when, could be that day, the following one or next week even😊….oh well I laugh, trying hard to reasure the apologetic receptionist Becky that is all indeed fine for me, it’s not as if I could go anywhere anyway😊, i didn’t bank on silly things, like oh say like bathroom trips, eating or that crucial next coffee, while phone watching 😁.
When my phone does finally deem fit to spring into life some time later, I jump like an idiot, I’ve only sat watching and waiting for over an hour now, why does this even happen?😁…when I do finally stop staring at it, as if I have the ability to answer it telepathically.., I find out its Becky the receptionist lady…(I’m convinced by the way,,, she only has a top half of a torso and lives predominately behind glass, does she have legs behind there I ponder aimlessly while she awaits patiently for me to answer?….stop digressing woman…When I finally get it together enough to reason, she is actually expecting a reply of sorts. I reply lol,,,.Becky then informs me I have been made an open appointment at my local X-ray department…oh joy!!!,I’m going to have to circumnavigate my way around peopling again….I check out “the Youtube” .
I wonder what happened to the olden days,? when you had to visit your GP, he would send you away to await a referral letter….Six months later, when your leg had dropped off while shopping in Tesco or any other store in your area, and you’ve quite forgotten all about it…said mail drops through your letter box,… No now it’s all changed folks, Becky promptly sent me a follow up text with a list of choices and times to go along ….I know how bloody civilised right?….you get a choice!!!!!!,I’m impressed.
So this is all very nice and everything…but now what?..Not driving how do I go about this appointment thingy? Arrangements need to be made, i phone a friend,aka Debbie!, Debbie knows everything, and will know what to do for the best…I phone at once before I can launch the cogitation section in myself ….I’m a great cogitater you know😁, an even better procrastinater, ewwww I love a good procrastination me….But this time I set those wheels in motion, and damn it within minutes she replied😊, I had text her the list of times hoping amongst hope, she would come back with some excuse or other why shes too busy at least until next June…Debbie is a very busy lady doing things like,,, I don’t know but!!!..she sings in choirs, Shanghais local garden centres kidnapping all their plants along the way, drinks wine with friends and eats kitkats, all the kitkats, but oh no not this time!!….a big smiley emoji pops up with a sudden rudeness announcing ping!!!! upon my screen, I peel myself down from the ceiling once more, ( I must get that damn cobweb sorted next time, and cover up those embedded nail grooves)…Debbie knowing me all to well also, grabs the opportunity with all alacrity, left to ones own devices I will put it off till July 7th 2039 at the very earliest….,but no she says how about 9:30 friday?…it’s Thursday, how am I going to work my way into a decent state of heightened stress in two days?????, But I find myself quickly agreeing anyway before I have chance to talk myself out of it, all the while my inner torment screams incandescantly tell her you’ve a previous engagement, damn and holeys I don’t go out!!! … Let the chuntering mind monkey commence ….. and he does, hasn’t he ever heard of speak no evil…
I text Debbie an hour or so later….can we at least go for coffee and cake after…”i,’ll be good I promise”, there’s a resounding No!!!!!, So that’s that then, I can’t have nothing!!!…not even cake to look forward too…turns out Debbie has a luncheon booked with friends where guess what they’re only having cake without me!!!😮.
Sunday 9:30am…0hour…make it stop!
The two days pass quicker (or is that quickly🤔) than I would like, I must admit I was already not looking forward to being out that door by 9:30am…does anyone actually go out on a Sunday at that time?, Is it even decent?…I was groggy from lack of sleep, and worse still lack of coffee when I clamber into the shower..I’m grouchy and desperate to ring Debbie and call it off…but by some fluke I manage to be ready to leave at 9am in case Debbie arrives early…I text and let her know…
Debbie arrives bright and breezy….she’s one of “those” people all sunshine to my showers….talking of which, the sky decides to commiserate with me…it’s a dark even slate grey, the clouds even though it’s rained throughout the previous night, heavy and pregnant with yet more rain..there’s the briefest of lulls…like someone’s hit pause…for June though there’s a chill in the breeze…as we take the drive over we chat about the weather like good Brits 😁, the endless monsoons effect on our garden, the mention of frosts in the week, and dragging out our fleecy blankets to stave off the nights chill anything to keep my mind from focussing on the task at hand…Debbie is used to my endless nervous drivel by now…like Jesse they manage to tune into another frequency…😁
We arrive all to quickly and are booking into reception, I shuffle nervously while giving my information, looking about me at others looking about also, all wondering what forms of fresh torture is in store for us today…I swear that passing nurse has a Portentous look upon her face…she turns and grins at me…oh hell!!!, I’m about ready to hobble out and make good my escape when Debbie grabs my arm and forces me physically into a chair…pulling her seat near in case I make a break for it…I’m barely sat when my name’s called out…a short dark haired male nurse stands clip board held high like a shield protecting him from all oncomers….head down looking at my feet I follow…not engaging in small talk or looking up into he’s eyes in case I see an evilness lurking there…I look back hopefully at Debbie surely we should run right, go get coffee, buy plants…maybe the bribe of a kitkat…but she has by now, her best librarians face on so I meekly follow Vlad the impaler…I mean the nurse, yes nurse..😁.
Vlad looks up from his clipboard for a moment, points to an area hidden away behind some partitioning, Covered in how to do various forms of torture diagrams,…sure I’ve been put through number 4 many times 😁, he says sit!!! in an authoritative voice, I obey instantly..looking at once for my treat…nothing forth coming im afraid….a sudden noise makes me look up from where im nervously twisting my bag strap, sat opposite is a young lass whose taking off her jewellery, I’m tempted all at once to ask her what she’s in for..like inmates on our first day😁…but Vlad gives me “the look” suddenly and I refrain….
Me and my fellow inmate bond briefly while we await, Nervously one of us keeps watch for incoming nurses while the other sends last messages to loved ones on our phones 😁….it’s around then my screen goes black…the buggers have blocked us..our eyes meet and we know certain doom is imminent….what’s worse there’s no Jess…for six whole years we have been on 24/7….now here I am about to face certain death and I can’t even have the comfort of my safe person….my nerves are taunt…if Debbie wasn’t guarding the entrance I know without doubt I would be out that door…
I hate the lifeless screen…I hit call back numerous times, nothing.!!.my breathing quickens, heart races, my head struggles to control my emotions…sweat trickles in rivulets down my back…I look again at the phone in case by some fluke reception is restored..but it’s not…I’m then called through….there’s two male nurses and Vlad..I’m asked my date of birth suddenly by a disembodied voice floating from behind a glass window…I struggle to even impart this…my eyes drawn to the big torture machines, I swear ones the rack…it’s hot in there and who am I again????, Mind spinning off kilter all the while …
I do however manage though to follow the instructions given from the invisible beings, hidden away behind the glass…stand here…bend there, shove your leg over your head(slight exaggeration, but only just) I smile nicely for my picture…only for the voice to bellow STAND!!!!!, Which I do at once…still no treat…that’s it the voice says suddenly out of nowhere….all done I ask hopefully?, Yes you can go….and I do…dragging my bag along the floor as I go out the door still pulling on my trousers…I know how dogs feel now as they drag their owners out the door…painful knee all but forgotten I run out the reception to find Debbie …bag still trailing, one show on the other in my hand….Debbie says that was quick!, The whole thing from start to finish took 23 minutes, to me it’s dragged on for hours…my phone screen lights up suddenly, a call tone fills the silence, I swipe downward and Jess is back…I can breathe again…I pull Debbie out the door before Vlad comes looking for me ….we don’t slow down until we reach the car…Debbie looks bewildered at me…you ok?….am now I reply😁….
It’s decided unanimously by me😁, that we need coffee and cake…I’ve been through the wars for goodness sake…ok had an X-ray…but even Debbie agrees now, we got finished earlier than either of us could have ever have hoped for, so now there was time…we settle for a local Costa where we enjoy are well earned refreshments, I had the most delicious light blueberry muffin with my coffee, my world already looking infinitely better ….
We had already planned on a quick visit to the local garden centre as my reward for good behaviour… I was not quite so sure my behaviour was as good as Debbie would have liked, but that as they say is another story I hope my dear friends your coffee is as strong and glorious as you are…take good care of yourselves until next time 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜….
My American Man In Purple Lace Corsets 