May day, may day, may day..dear diary

After what I can only call an epic nights sleep, which believe it or not began around the 7pmish mark that evening and finally finished somewhat reluctantly by myself, at an astonishing 8am this morning. I would love to say I awoke fully refreshed, full of the joys of spring and vim and vigour, flinging the covers back and diving out of bed ready for anything.. (Instead I was ready for nothing) being rudely awakened instead, the room ablaze with a golden yellow hue..it’s my new curtains folks, not an alien invasion…when I did finally managed to pry open my eyes halfway,(this only achieved manually) I glared up at the intrusion not amused…I’m grumpy before BC

Anyone else after nearly 10 hours sleep(allowing for the four half hour intervals) would surely feel well rested right?…instead here I am staring about myself in a almost stupified daze, Coffee! and much of it, after refamiliarising myself with the flats layout..(well it had been some hours, I finally felt my way out into the kitchen, (felt because the Sun was still flooding into every room and steadily doing its upmost to bore out the back of my eye sockets, so I keeping my eyes closed, in doing stubbing my little toe, falling through the kitchen door, after opening it of course (and smashing it into my already aching head)… I decide maybe I should risk the laser beam sun with my eyes after all…

I already know without any shadow of a doubt it’s going to a multiple coffee infusion kind of day..I can feel it in my veins, or is that the zinging of freshly squeezed caffeine berries trying desperately to awaken the undead, they fail miserably…Time to call out the big guns…a lovely cold water shower mmmmhmmm…(I just love my life), . Since the installation of this electricity use recorder gadget, I have been inflicted with a kind of paranoia…who wouldn’t though…I swear it records everything including my movements, marking it all down as energy used….well it is agreed, but just looking at those massive green numbers flashing away, their dire warnings of power used, especially when it informs me most gleefully I’ve gone over budget..this only serves to increase my anxiety level…but in fairness it works as I now watch over my use more intently…Hence no longer putting on the boiler to heat the water unless it’s an emergency, hot showers now being a luxury and only to be indulged in over the winter months….maybe I should invest in a tin bath by the mock coal fire…..could be a thought …only the thought of boiling endless kettles deters…..😁

After the almost drive through speedy body wash type shower, I am now somewhat awake…(least there’s early signs, which is hopeful) in my infinite wisdom or boredom could be either at this stage..I decide to tackle the kitchen…and not just a quicky😊….but a deep clean..(was I mad?, this of course is debatable..or is that non negotiable?I’m never sure .. My eye is drawn firstly to my kitchen utensil holder, it’s a shiny black earthen ware affair, says utensils on the front in big bold white writing, so it must be true…in Theresa logic(not to be trusted be anyone other than myself) it’s black right so how dirty can it get?😁, Plus I only put in washed up items…like my spatula…no reason for this information only I love the word Spatula….s p a t u l a!!!!! ….anyhow where was I again? Oh yes the black holder….I pull out all the kitchen accoutrements….sounds posh don’t it….oh don’t you believe it…as I look into the black hole of the top…I’m met with shock horror!!!😮…not Saturn’s rings, but more white limescale rings than I care to admit….for shame …if the rings on trees denote their age, then this blooming black shiny thing came from the ancient Greek Asda super store….I rapidly fill it full of a water and bleach mix, this is far too grosse to take in especially this early….I re_wash every blooming utensil plus scald them thoroughly with hot water from the still boiling kettle…. Ouch! Yes I touched them just to see if they were indeed hot enough, you,’ll be relieved to hear they are now fully sanitised, so is my fast blistering finger…..

After that debacle Im left feeling the intense need to check absolutely everything…ohhhhhh just look at the glass jar holding my measuring spoons…Damn!!! as Sage the budgie screams (all too often), could this really my kitchen?, has it really become a retirement home for a frap of bacteria?…But then I wash this jar every few days…even using white vinegar to be on the safe side…as I run water into the jar, the same jar that in a previous life held scrumptious amounts of black currant jam, now relegated to a mere utensil prison..water trickled out of the bottom….no that’s impossible!!, it can’t can it?, I mean it’s water proof….yes it is normally, until it’s not…until I must of at some point dropped the things in with over zealousness….literally smashing a tiny chip that I hadn’t noticed, up until now that is….sighs!….now what could I use….aha I have just finished a can of Azera coffee…yup let’s repurpose that, I love a good reinvent….being metal I can’t have a mishap with that surely …..Theresa hush thy blooming clanging mouth woman 😊.

My day did indeed go steadily from bad to worse, it’s already 10:30 by this time, and I’m thinking breakfast, I’ve earnt a good old fashioned bacon sandwich…I can taste it already…the crisp edge bacon…the still warm freshly made soft bread straight out the bread maker…this begins the drool reflex…like Pavlovas dog…will get your mind off food woman…(Pavlovs, it’s Pavlovs dog….I drag out the bread maker, place it on the kitchen counter top.. I know the recipe by heart…soon the whirling, bucking bronco bread machine gets down to work, I can hear it from the other room…thumping about as it stirs the flour mix into a dough….I’m already looking forward to bread in a couple of hours….

As I sit relaxed drinking my second coffee of the morning , I hear an almighty crash…id love to say I rushed out into the kitchen to see what it was, but with my gimpy leg…rushing is something of the past…but when I do finally reach the kitchen there’s carnage…the bread maker is now laying on its side upon the floor lid completely broken off its hinges , There’s flour everywhere like Christmas scene from a Hallmark movie, and all I can think is well guess there’s no bread for me today then….I begin clearing up the mess, it wasn’t the first time my bread machine worked it’s way off the counter, but unlike the other times I couldn’t rescue it….

After clearing up my kitchen for the second time that morning..I hit on a crazy notion..Treez make the bread by hand…..stop it!!!!😁, I can hand make bread if I want..course I can, it’s easy….Using the same recipe I do for a bread maker(one that doesn’t have a death wish that is) I set about mixing the ingredients.. As incorporate 300g of warm water, a table spoon of sea salt , tablespoon of sugar, 3 cups of strong flour, 1/2 a cup of spelt flour, two spoons of Pesto, grated Parmesan cheese … As the warm yeasty scent reaches my nostrils, like bakers, woman in warm kitchens gone on before me, I feel an instant connection to the past, providing food for hungry mouths… Just as I’m doing..for mine and Sages hungry mouth..he loves bread 😁…

Only thing that stumped me, is when it comes down to proving the bread(getting the dough to rise)…you need either a bakers oven or a warm spot…as everywhere in this flats cold I’m at a loss…until necessity proves the mother of all invention…light bulb moment inserted here…, Of course my bedroom window ledge…I rinse a tea towel in warm water laying it across my mixing bowl, walk into my bedroom and as if the sun was mocking me once again it promptly hides forever!, Sliding behind a group of fast growing big black threatening cloud…. I should have known it!!!!!!,

Not to be outdone though, I remembered suddenly from last night huddling under my blankets with my electric hand warmers….Now I’m in no way suggesting huddling with dough under blankets or indeed with hand warmers…but hey if needs must…😁, No I turned on said hand warmers and placed them under the plastic mixing bowl, not thinking I had a chance of it working… it only worked though ….the dough doubled in size not only once, but for the prove needed too..genius…what’s more I couldn’t believe my luck when later that same morning two perfect specimens of baked bread came out hot from my airfryer….not having an oven needs must and all that….I even had enough dough left for two bread rolls, which I filled with bacon for brunchfast …the taste was remarkable and well worth the hassle to get there…. Anyhow folks have a grand Mayday bank holiday or what’s left of it anyhow, take care of yourself whatever your doing….stay safe 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞x