The very impatient Patient….

Its been well over a week now since Cinnamon bun(my rabbit) went on before me, over that rainbow bridge into pet heaven.(I do hope that’s where I end up one day, Not only reunited with many a beloved passed companion, but embraced in amongst a huge fur pile of other critters too, That my friends is indeed my idea of heaven😁. The pain sniper bullets are still ambushing me out of nowhere daily, Some in the deep of night, when the silence is so strong I can almost touch it in the air, worse still in the quieter moments throughout my days, they seem somewhat longer than ever now….Ive taken to hobbling through into the livingroom much quicker these days, seeing his empty enclosure, will always be a ghostly reminder of his absence…Doesn’t help none My normal methods of dealing with grief is unfortunately not to be..

The pain in my left leg has been steadily increasing over the days and weeks, …By Wednesday last week I had finally had it with the whole thing…I’m extremely good with pain…don’t misunderstand me here, that doesn’t mean I have to like it in some weirdo M & M kind of way,(S&M) just means after a lifetime of it, it’s your normal. Following you about like a lost puppy…. the only time I can ever recall being without pain was while on Morphine after my hysterectomy or ex_directory as I affectionately call it, those who have survived this joy will understand 😁, only then I was too up in the clouds and stoned to enjoy it…

So Wednesday morning at Roughly around the 4am and BC…(before coffee) I lay awake trying my best not to lay back down and go to sleep…normally this isn’t even an issue but because I had decided to call my Doctor’s surgery early, every blooming last part of me wanted to sleep… knowing if I did full well I would miss that ungodly 8:30 am hour of the receptionist deadline….not easy staying awake without ones caffeine infusions….I put something on prime, only to feel myself drifting and my heavy eyelids involuntary shutting from time to time..Music even on ear splinteringly loud faired little better…I cleaned the kitchen, made a loaf of bread, put on the washing…Before deciding that maybe I had better shave my legs before getting them out at the doctors….sitting in a freezing livingroom, in ones pants and shirt soon waved goodbye to any residual tiredness… goosebumps rapidly sprouting up in between my shirehorse feathery length hair soon had their heads cropped off…my legs now sporting long gouged out furrows from knee to ankle..That razors evil I swear…least they were straight enough for a ploughman to be proud of mind…unsure that even if I did manage one of those few and far between precious doctors appointment thingys..ducking below the receptions radar first of course ….I by now wasn’t so sure he/she would be overly impressed by my smooth but scraped legs….but at least you could no longer feel the breeze playing in the hair….😁,

And actually on the plus side the slight burning sensation was now keeping me warm…. But it was no good, if I had any hope at all of staying awake I needed at least one caffeine hit!😁….as I waited for the kettle to boil, legs tingling I decided on another cunning plan…..yes it could just work though honest….I would put on my psychedelic brightly coloured pants, (underwear)…seriously if I stood in these beside a rainbow I would be in perfect camouflage…well my lower extremities would at least….this could act as a decoy…yes it was a brilliant plan…kettles boiled…coffee.

After which I felt distinctly more human, I’m ready for then next step….shower!, Please in future if I should ever decide mint shower Gel with tea tree is a viable idea upon freshly ground up legs, then slap me up the head with a rotting Eel fish….I just wanted to smell nice, well I did that alright, but now my legs were not just burning , those things were a blooming inferno, so here I am standing with bright red striped legs and psychedelic underwear nice!!!!…what could possibly go wrong…😁..

At precisely 8:30 am on the dot..I make myself comfortably, the past if nothing else teaching me that ringing the doctors is never a foregone conclusion..it takes uber amounts of patience, a tolerance of bad plinky plonky elevator music, and listening to someone telling you over and over your 209th in line of an invisible queue…but if you would prefer to make an appointment online go over to this email address and get no joy😁….so imagine my shock when while waiting I slurp back a huge gulp of scalding hot coffee listening to the ringing…only for a second later a voice says “good morning”!!!! …I swallow the molten coffee down and splutter out a reply…we go over my symptoms quickly all very efficient and so forth…I’m informed that the doctor will in due time call me back….

I hobble about the rest of my day, not expecting a call until that afternoon at the very least….half hour later, a shrill ringing sound shakes me out of my sleepy stuper…I answer the call to a doctor..mmmmmmmmm, mumbles incoherently….I decide then and there to just call him doctor…😁, We go over my symptoms again, I explain I can barely walk, the pain is excruciating and I’m bored now….as well as extremely painful the knee and ankle joints are unstable..collapsing under me at any moment..meaning walking is not only giving me hell but it’s unsafe….Doctor asks do I work????, I smother a sigh..because I know what’s coming now….because I don’t work, I can get on with it…he explains that he’s not particularly worried by anything I had mentioned..it didn’t sound sinister or worrying and I’m to rest my leg up for at least a week…but it is a worry to me as I live alone…one fall outside a slip in here and could I get up..Plus this pain, as I’ve explained I’ve experienced much pain throughout my life, but this feels very different…the only way to describe it is a burning gnawing sensation from my knee downward….it’s a pressure so strong, it feels like I want it to snap to release it…I’m tired of sitting under this…not being able to do anything..look after myself…but I can tell my plight fell on deaf biased ears, I don’t work, so just take pain killers and get on with it…so I do…I will… For what else is there…?

As the phone goes quiet, I sit in stunned angry silence…seems if you don’t work pain and suffering is ok, I go switch on the kettle again….this calls for more coffee, here I am, legs freshly tortured, bright decoy undies and for what…? Week two of leg resting and I’m bloody bored…I’ve read five books, slept away complete afternoons, watched trash tv and drove Jesse crazy…I’m not good at sitting about…I over think when my minds left to it’s own devices…and you don’t want someone like me over thinking….😁, upshot is I’m still doing the whole pain thing, my knee is massive and I’m bored of being bored …..I’m not a good patient…I get up and do stuff just to ward off insanity…not sure it’s working mind…but I did get one thing achieved and that’s revamping Cinnamons home….more about this anon…take care of yourselves folks, until next time. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜x