Dearest Diary…

Saturday 9am…

It’s Saturday, I wake groggily from a somewhat fitting nights sleep, it’s a glorious morning already but I barely take it in, as I draw back the heavy lined red and grey Tartan curtains, I do however notice the chill upon my still partially sleep warmed skin, an involuntary shiver reminds me..it may look like a beautiful spring April morning, but it’s a trick ..

I move on swiftly onwards to the coffee section part of the morning, which starts as always by the turning on of the kettle, dropping a heaped teaspoon of my favourite blend in my thermo mug, then while it comes to the boil, I run along to the fridgetory of a bathroom, after performing a somewhat perfunctory wash and a promise I hurriedly dress,, I’ve already grabbed my clean clothes on the way through, there’s no way you can hang about in a state of undress in this cold flat, (certainly makes you move your butt that’s for sure, and I do😊.

After I pour the hot water into my mug, spiral whispers of steam twist and dance about each other like lovers., As they do the airs filled with a hit of smoky roasted coffee bean promise, I walk back into the relatively warm cocoon of a bedroom, coffee in one hand, newspaper in the other. It’s Saturday I fully intend to go back to bed enjoy my coffee slowly and relax into the weekend, that was fully my intention…😁

But it’s not what happened, what does however is filled with a sudden unexpected impatience, I feel the need to weigh myself…I don’t know why?, As I had promised myself and my diet buddy daughter Becky, I wouldn’t attempt this until at least Saturday the 17th… But there I cheated!,..Yeah I know I should have waited, a promise is after all a promise, but once this devilment crept into my mind, there it was, brooking no denial..even as I grabbed up the lightweight, blue and white glass scale, I’m thinking put it back in its hiding place at once!..leave it behind the sofa, propped up against the cold stark white wall where it belongs…it’s Saturday morning for goodness sake, you’ve not even had coffee yet!, read the paper…your really not even officially fully awake come to that!..but that’s the sensible side of me speaking.

It is Saturday, it is only the 10th, but now on auto pilot I lay the blue and white glass scale down on the very same dark blue marle patterned carpet square as I always do, it’s become a thing, (my thing), a tradition, known to all dieters across the land..we all know if you put it anyplace different you will have not only not lost weight, but worse yet gained…I tentatively put one foot onto the icy cold glass quickly..little red numbers flash up in the small clear window. Even now at this stage, I want to back off and hide the damn thing, before it can bring my whole weekend crashing downward about my ears. but I dont…holding my breath, crossing my fingers, gingerly I step fully on it now…part of me doesn’t want to open my tightly scrunched up eyes, I want to wait suddenly, I’ve spent three whole weeks, watching every last morsel of food I put into my mouth(and believe me it is mere Morsels), also being completely sugar free, keeping on the move..I’m scared to find out if all my hard work has amounted to nought.nothing nada,.I’m terrified of that instant blow of disappointment.

But I’m here now, I may as well do this, get it over, I look down at the red flashing numbers, they spin back and forth, not knowing today’s mood is totally dependent on where they halt, as they finally stop for the last time, I’m gobsmacked..the numbers are in..and I struggle to take in, comprehend what I’m seeing , I get off, get back on, letting the numbers settle, and there it is, and there I am, only now there’s less of me..not just that, but much less…16lb to be precise..

 I cannot begin to express my building excitement, I’m ecstatic, I long to run outside and grab someone and tell them my news, but there is no one!, like here, I’m alone in my joy, I have no one to share with…I drop texts to one or two people on messenger, but it feels empty, I know I should be happy, the weight loss itself should be reward enough in itself…but I hate the having no one to share my goals with, no one to be excited for me, it’s a sudden cold damper on my previous elation, joyful mood..but that’s just momentary…the hard work has paid off, I’m still over a stone lighter and I’m here sharing…sharing with you…can’t think of anyone one better…Thank you for letting me good folks, whatever your doing this weekend, enjoy and stay safe, look after you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤