Knowing this years festivities were going to be somewhat more of a challenge to prepare for, I had in my infinite wisdom decide to get an early start on the upcoming preceding,s,(kind of like sneaking up on it only wearing size 9 hobnail boots in my case though) . the last week in November still managed to catch me unawares, in all fairness though I had begun putting a few things away,(Hunter gatherer extraordinaire im not ). I have to admit for me this can be slightly dangerous territory😳, as being shut away every night with anything even remotely sweet, lurking in a cupboard is fatal!, one has the added temptation to go on the prowl for partial hidden treats..I’m no exception to this rule ,(I’m just a weak willed woman folks😁). Worse time being waking up in the night, a chocolate bar anywhere in the vicinity is fair game, there’s not one invented I cannot sniff out, blood hounds have no patch on me got on the trail of a crumb of cake or chocolate(seriously ….
With the great Electricity debacle of the summer 2023 still fresh on my bank balance,(let alone mind) I knew I was going to have to shop slightly more canny(wiser) than I had the previous years,. Thinking this and following it through will never be the same thing where I’m concerned ever!, I had in all fairness at least bought the Christmas turkey in ready.., welllllll ok!!! Calling what I have a turkey is a false representation of turkeys everywhere in England,. What I actually have here folks, is something akin to the size of a small pitiful sparrow, all naked hiding in its ready to cook foil tray..ok technically it still qualifies as Turkey right?(only just though) although I will never be quite certain which part, (this maybe a blessing of course 😁), . Having seen the price of everyone’s favourite Christmas bird this year I nearly fell off my perch and resorted to the infamous nut roast(nut roast for me though was a bit of a worry, sounds like resorting to cannibalism if you know many of my relatives, they know who they are😊,. The price even more so, surely nuts can’t cost that much to grow?, although looking at some of my lot, back to family again😁 ) Think I will stick with my roast sparrow(Turkey) plus by the time I get my pig in blanket made, (yup just the one folks, let’s not get too carried away here), some roast potatoes, the odd green gut grenade, (aka sprout), and stuffing, should only need a spoonful of this what with the size of the Turkey 😁😁😁😁, not so sure where I’m going to stuff it though…..now now folks I know it’s tempting…😁.
I had also started looking at getting my Christmas gifts, even that though in truth seemed more daunting than I hoped, for some reason running right out of ideas for those nearest and dearest, I spent afternoons on “The Amazon”, flicking from one page to page to another, scrolling through every possible gift idea known to woman kind,, this brain normally full of gift ideas, blankly refused to cooperate, and it’s not that my family are difficult or fussy, it’s just what they need they buy for themselves throughout the year, Despite listening in during family conversations more acutely than a bugged FBI to phone, I hadn’t picked up one clue in months, they either held it closer to their chests this year or deliberately held off mentioning anything to challenge me, I’m going with the latter.😊.
Even after I had found something remotely suitable for them and that of my dwindling bank balance, the delivery dates ranged anyplace from January to late bloody August, I found myself often screaming obscenities at the screen,(bah blooming humbug) not very Christmas like Treez, . If we then got passed this hurdle in my over enthusiasm at finding a gift at long painstakingly last, I would have it sent here, instead of their address, which then of course meant cancellation and re ordering…(I’m now an expert in this quarter though.. After many days hold up here in a caffeine induced stupor, I finally achieved my Christmas list done….after my language though I think im relegated to Santa’s naughty list permanently.
Saturday was equally just as traumatic, I had left wrapping my son’s gifts right up until that day before seeing them, why do I do this to myself?, Leaving me with no time, it is indeed a crazy way to operate. And I do this every blooming year, never learning!!!! I hate Christmas wrapping if I’m honest,, I’m not one of those unnatural types😁, you can give them any type of paper they go away do some kind of secret magical thing, and arrive back seconds later, with something glorious, all shiny, perfect corners(even on a ball😳😁) bows, ribbons, coloured tape, and they’ve not even broken into a bloody sweat..Give Jesse a sheet of the Times news paper and before I can see how his achieved it, there under the tree sits a perfectly packaged gift..I just want to know how?, No seriously I do, are these folks naturally born Santa’s blooming little helpers or created over time…just seems so unfair!!!!🙄.
I have two bottles of wine in my fridge my daughter Becky bought me, somewhere back last month, I’m thinking of finding out a stray straw and cracking open both bottles at the prospect of wrapping the gifts, I swear they had began mocking me over a week ago now, leaving me in a cold sweat, I sit looking at the tape, scissors and the grinning Bloody Rudolph the bloody red snotter reindeer with utter contempt , I know without a shadow of a doubt it’s a conspiracy…it hates me. and come to that the feelings all too mutual🙄, ..But I bravely begin my task, Jesse sits there laughing already, as he hears the tell tale rip of paper, the airs bluer than any blue thing, the tape flies across the room, Sage the Tourettes budgie shouts Damn!!!, Right at that appropriate moment(good timing little buddy). But despite my protestations it must get done, it’s for your sons Treez, you love them, do this for the team…..
An hour later I have one present sort of wrapped, in truth the paper is just thrown somehow Hap hazardously about the gift, I’m covered head to toe in beads of sweat, teeth gritted I utter my gift wrapping mantra, it’s christmas, I love you son…..I LOVE YOU SON!!!!! I growl out to know one in particular!, .I’m now covered in more tape than the gift, ..Later, much much later!, I’m finally done, I can no longer find the scissors, tape or my sanity mind, my suspicion is it’s in one of the gifts, but it’s finally over right!?, Can I breathe again?, I’m done for another year…..hang on Sage is remarkable quiet! SAGE!!!!!!!!!!!😳,
That Sunday as we sit about, in my son’s apartment, my eyes drawn constantly to a large 6ft Christmas tree, its aglow with glittering twinkly fairy lights, striped candy canes and glass balls, he had been a somewhat reluctant tree erecterer, that was until his mother cajoled him into making the effort, and that’s what this is all about isn’t it in truth, making that extra effort for your loved ones, it’s not about the feasting, shiny well packaged gifts, or even getting together, it’s going the extra mile, we may moan, but deep down we love it!!!. I’m sat with these now two fully grown men, I can hardly believe I had a hand in creating, because they are such good folk, and that’s not just a mother talking proudly, but they genuinely have turned out two of the best, as has my daughter…I bask in this rare moment of togetherness, looking from one to the other, I love hearing their laughter filling the room, I’m content just to sit quietly for once taking it all in, I’m sat there with three of the nicest people I know, it’s so all bloody marvellous until my eyes stray once more to the tree, there sat underneath are a pile of perfectly wrapped presents🙄😁😁😁😁😁, Damn even my son’s can achieve the ultimate perfect wrap…blooming Nora !!!!!!….Anyhow Merry Christmas good folks, enjoy yourselves, your families, and until next year stay safe, stay well ❤❤❤❤❤❄❄❄❄❄❄⛄⛄⛄⛄⛄⛄⛄🌨🌨🌨🌨🌨🌨🌨🌨
My American Man In Purple Lace Corsets 