Turn about ….

Sleep Per Chance to Dream

It has one of the worst kept secrets in the world, that insomnia haunts me most nights, haunt I guess is actually too strong a terminology and I suppose laying awake throughout the night isn’t really that big an deal, Except perhaps where boredom is concerned. living so close a proximity to three other people, as I do in this apartment comes with its own limitations.(I try to keep everything down to a dull roar though😁, (You can hear everything and I mean everything, this i,’ll leave for your imagination folks). Friday night was another of those wakeful, restless nights, and again I wouldn’t have worried to much if it were not for the fact I was due to go out early the very next morning to meet up with my family,.And it’s a rare occasion when I get to see my daughter, it’s rarer still to have both my daughter and son in one room, I was excited to see them, I’ve been quietly looking forward to it for some weeks now…but on the downside it meant actually going outside, yes I know(sighs) people do do that from time to time😁, but I’m not ordinary people,stop itttttt!😁.

I moved about all Friday night restless, trying to find that sweet comfortable spot in the bed, reaching out for that warm safe fuzzy headed feeling, the world fading slowly into muted sound before total oblivion, eyes drifting down and nothingness ensues,. The more I sought its company, the further away it ran, by 6:30am neck sore and head aching, chilled through., Ive decided to give up on the whole idea, sighing, feet feeling about beneath the bed on cold floor until finally locating my fluffy slippers, once their encased I slop out to the bathroom, I’m already desperate for a coffee, my tongues coated and dryer than the Sahara, but with my nerves already twitching, last thing I want on that drive out to the hotel my daughters at, is the onset of a sudden game of Poolette😁, so my darling coffee which calls seductively from the kitchen, is for once ignored..

Saturday

First things first I swiftly take care of my responsibilities, Cinnie and Sages requirements(pets) before getting myself almost fit to be seen in public,.(takes so much longer these days😳) I just finish when my son arrives, We are being picked up from here by Gary (my son in law, in his Jaguar no less(I feel quite posh), 😁 But before his arrival myself and Andrew set about making a last minute birthday cake…(as one does), it’s not the first occasion we have achieved this either(but we are a good team)..thank goodness even with the rush job, it turns out far better than we could have hoped for,.. Making a googly eyed hedgehog at dawn is everyone’s idea of fun right?, Not made easy, when you can’t keep your hands of the chocolate buttons or frosting. Six packets had previously succumbed over the weeks before this cake became factual 😳😳😳, (wasn’t my fault I was just product testing, nothings too good for my daughter! 😁, it’s official folks im now sick of Cadbury buttons…

Gary arrived just shortly after we add those final finishing touches, One cross eyed hedgehog safely secured in his travelling case and we are on our way, The roads were good, plus their hotel was only roughly twenty minutes from my home, not long enough for me to really work myself into any decent panic mode, but I give it a go anyway.😁

My heart sinks as I realise upon arrival, their room is three floors up, and despite my hurried flustered search for a flight of stairs or three, I soon discover we are in fact going to have to make use of the tiny cramped box of an elevator, (my every worst nightmare since a traumatic experience in early childhood) being terribly claustrophobic isn’t helping much either. I chatter nervously as the metal doors clang shut and the box judders, before making its way upward,. I had already known, my phone was about to be disconnected from Jesse, this is not helping, and served only to increase my already fraught anxiety ..I stare hopelessly at the tiny blank black screen as if doing so, means I’m in some way still linked to Jesse, although I know I’m not, the silence is crippling, all I can hear is the pounding in my chest and shallow overly fast breathing, I long for the elevator to reach its destination, so I can press that call button on my phone….what is actually just two minutes, feels like hours, and unbearable…make it stop!

Finally we shudder to a halt, the doors pause for seconds, as does my heart, I want to claw at the thin gap between them, to release me, but of course I dont, as the doors shakily open finally and cool air rushes in, I take a deep breath, Ive made it… Becky and Gary’s hotel room is flooded by brilliant sunlight, the heat hits me immediately, (living in this flat I’ve grown quite unused to feeling warmth😁,. I don’t hang about taking off the thick fleece Jacket I had put on before leaving that morning or pulling the curtains shut before even saying hello 😁, .

Finally I can press the call button, now Jesse is back on his screen, I sigh, sit myself down and my world’s right there, I have two of my three children, Jesse and my favourite son in law there with me, it’s not just the actual physical warmth that radiates about the room, it’s the warmth of family, loved ones, . I’m so good at hiding these emotions, the fact that I really miss them, because in doing so it would only serve to tear at me greatly,not able withstand it, I box it away where it can cause the least pain possible.. But I have them for now, we are all talking at once, no one bothers about talking over the other, because we are excited, it’s been many months since we have all sat in the one room, politeness is parked outside the door, today we fill the tiny room with an over spill of chatter and laughter..I sit a while just silently watching their smiling faces, amazed as always I had any part in creating these wonderful people. And they are truly amazing, kind, generous, loving people. My people, a family, I at once feel humbled

I finally get to have that much needed coffee, which was just as well as the heats making my throat parched, lack of caffeine for over twelve hours has commenced a countdown, making my head pound mercilessly,, it’s a thing! I’m no longer used to coffee withdrawal 😳😁,. Gifts are being exchanged between us, one of which is a massive care package, filled with different foods,sweets, my favourite toiletries and even sparkling wine, So theres my Christmas taking care of without even leaving the comfort of home.😁, . After which I’m handed a large square box, I’m intrigued at once, I won’t lie, such a kid where surprises are concerned.

in the box as carefully open the tape tabs, is a suitcase turntable,(record player) 😁, I never would have guessed that was coming, I’ve not seen one either since the age of 12, . I’m already transported back in time, sat upon my bedroom floor, surrounded by my small but cherished collection of 45 records, each in their paper cover waiting to be played.

As early as I can recollect, Music had been a massive deal for me, I have this early memory of being four years old, hanging onto my mother’s hand, shivers travelling up my little spine, hair standing on end listening to the bagpipes play at a local parade,. Go forward a way to twelve year old, hearing the words for the first time to a song, I shall never forget, by John miles thinking to myself, at last someone else gets music’s import and an insightfulness into how I felt, (That song Music was my first love,.). Every emotional moment throughout my life has been connected with music, Every thought, feeling both the good and even the bad, I can go back and relay to you where I was, what the weather was like, how i felt, I’ve never just listened to music…I hear it, feel it, breath to its beat..

So the gift was one of such thoughtfulness, so apt, with the turntable came some singles I had thought lost forever, ones my daughter had remembered her mother playing and singing albeit somewhat badly along too, that crackle, the moment the needle meets vinyl, will always take me down memory lane as will the smell, . Until recently I thought myself content to listen to my collection via the medium of Spotify upon my tablet, now I will have fun for years to come finding out 45s and connecting music to memory once more…

Our Saturday afternoon was over way too soon, and knowing it will be at least another year before our family is together once more is always sas, but one way in which we will always have a connection is our shared love of all things music, ..Sunday morning I spent time setting up the turntable in my bedroom,seems time has gone full circle, although I’m no longer that teenager singing and dancing with my pretend hairbrush Mike, that’s a thing of the past, but one never truly knows 😳😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, The weather’s freezing out folks, but it’s with a full warm heart I tell you to be careful out there, wrap up warm ❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤.

Music was my first love and it will be my last, Music of the future and music of the past, to live without my music would be impossible to do, in this world of trouble my music pulls me through……. 🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶