Running out of energy.

It’s Monday, and as soon as I open my Very unwilling sleep filled eyes, I’ve already got a sense of the kind of day that lies ahead for me…I know for instance there’s trouble circling over head, like some looming great bloody Buzzard,. I can smell it in air,(trouble that is not the Buzzard, I’m good but not that good) and it senses me also., I also know I don’t like it!.(whatever IT is!) I’m so so tempted to leave the curtains drawn shut fast, keep my cosy fleece comfort blanket pulled up right around my ears and block out the whole day even before Ive had that very first sip of coffee,(mmmmm Coffee! no matter how bad a day starts or ends, there will always be another coffee., And I’m getting myself some). As it turns out, it’s a three cup kinda day, and I don’t care who knows it.

After that first strong caffeine jolt,begins it’s slow journey about my brain pathways, widening the still sleepy arterys, shaking awake neurons, I decide to do something positive. Something I wouldn’t normally do on a Monday. And ok it wasn’t going to change the world, my neighbourhood or even me, but what it would do is start the day off gently, set me up for what lies ahead, and how I needed that right now!.

After washing myself awake in my usual freezing cold water, I put on shoes for only the third time this year, even as I the tie the laces I’m unsure that I actually want to leave my home😳😊,. But I’m soon dressed and before I can even change my mind again, I rush out that door, it may be a sky full of ominous grey clouds, over cast, but it’s still unusually warm for October, I’m immediately glad I didn’t put on a jacket, a mild breeze greets me playfully, feeling far more like summer than autumn, I tell myself October just doesn’t realised September has left us yet😊, whatever it is though, I at this point don’t care, it’s not raining, like it has been on so many days of late, it’s a perfect day for that leisurely stroll, I need to hand in my home Blood pressure chart, that’s been oh so carefully messed up, In true Treez style, i some how managed to fill in the AM readings into the PM box and vice versa as only I know how, my only defence is my mind is engaged, occupied, full, as it has been for some time now.

It’s been a while since I left the confines of my flat, a self enforced early summer hibernation saw me miss pretty much all of it. So I make the most of this pleasant moment, taking in the summer flowers still blooming brightly albeit late, the trees lush green canopies above my head,.. A very swollen painful knee has meant, I have to adjust my pace now, which is never easy for me, but a sudden sharp pain is a timely reminder, a jolt that soon has me back into reality. My local doctors surgery is just that though, very local and my brief jaunt outside was almost over before it ever began, and funny enough I begin to dread being back inside once more…why? Because the moment I had put off was looming up on me fast, I think about doing some long put off chores for a fleeting moment, maybe an hour’s reading my latest book , but this was all a delay tactics, deep down I knew, it’s now time to tackle the bull by the horns.🙄.

Since February I have been in talks with my energy supplier about exceptionally exortionately high bills,. No actually let’s get this right, Myself and Jesse have been sending Emails to them weekly, which they promptly ignore,(hello wall!!!) And i know they are receiving them as they send a reply,. So I contacted an ombudsmen to act as an intermediary, they promptly tell him I’m not replying to any notifications…but this is false, their reply isn’t just an electronic one it’s detailed, ..so I contact my Ombudsmen again, this has been the endless boring soul destroying pattern for these many months now.

I am scared already of this up coming winter, living using the bare basics of electrical goods, is fine for those warm heady summer months, but Ive already begun feeling the cold,. the evening temperatures are dropping down gradually,. I’m having to resort to going to bed earlier, just to keep myself warm..Having several illnesses, One of which means I have no control over my body temperature, And if it drops too far and I get overly cold, it takes hours to get it built back up again, I shiver and quake under my covers, hurting and feeling sick to my stomach, dreading even moving to go to the bathroom, because then I have to start over. . I’m not looking forward to these long dark months ahead, without any form of heating, I cannot afford to get sick, with no immune system this could prove serious if not fatal., but i know inside it’s just weeks away now. Just a manner of time.

Taking on a massive company when one is afeared of any form of authority was never going to prove easy, . After each communication, I’m exhausted, every single email relay, takes all I have…And this has been going on for nine long months, nine hellish months, trying to fill the endless bottomless pit of the open mouth of my energy company..this month they have increased my monthly payments from £240 throughout the summer, to £340 and here we are only in autumn., While all I use daily is a kettle and a fridge freezer.

I’ve asked many neighbours in my area, from every type of home about their consumption levels, none are in fact this high, even those with families, teens using computers, phones, taking endless hot showers, small children leaving on lights..then theres My own son in his large apartment he too isn’t paying a fraction of this…and here I sit day after day, month after long bloody month trying to make myself heard above the din of a large conglomerate, little old me against this giant company…David and Galiath, ..My voice as loud as it is, still goes unheard, ..how does one fight against something that large?..I have no clue how or where to begin…

Especially when their only argument is(which I’m sick of hearing by the way) but of course you do know the price has risen this year?…..yes of course I know this, how can I avoid knowing the information it is everywhere, but since when has a kettle and fridge freezer cost £340 per month to run…my over all bill is now thousands…and I’m terrified, I hate owing a few pounds never mind multiples , hundreds, thousands. And still it grows….

My apartment is one section of what was at one point a large old house now turned into four very small flats…my main fear is via a mistake someplace, one where I’m paying for the electric consumption of all four flats, this is the only way this makes any sense at all, I’ve explained my fears many times over, to be laughed at, ignored, silenced….today I try another tact, I’ve taken a photo of the latest reading on the meter…I flipped down the huge red switch on the fuse box at 10:09 am this morning, and my flat fell immediately silent, it will remain so until 10:09pm tonight, I will sit here without a hot drink, without hot food, and watch the clock tick, until it too runs out of power, waiting for the time to slowly drag passed, when I can finally flip that fuse box back on and take another photograph…

I know already In my heart of hearts this is all for nought,useless, they never listen, why should they?, I’m alone…just one voice against a crowd, against the many, but I feel I must do something, anything. But I’m fast running out of time and energy…and there’s the irony…energy!….take care folks be careful out there ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤.