Taking the rise ….

Back about two weeks or so ago, I had this mammoth craving for some hot buttered toast,(it happens to us all every once in a while, though nearly always when there’s not a slice of bread(mouldy or otherwise) in the house to be found, and of course always always either last thing at night or worse still in the middle of, .. Not driving means, I can’t just run out in my fluffy polar bear pjs, slippers with rampant bed hair, to the nearest garage either(this is somewhat lucky for them I might add😁,. So I invariably go without, but while scrolling through Amazon spring sales on a wet Saturday afternoon, (as one does), I came across a real Bargain priced Bread maker, at first I kept on scrolling, thinking it’s just another thing I have to try to find room for in my tiny doll house size kitchen,.

So i moved on rather swiftly to look at other things Amazon had most thoughtfully thought I was in desperate need of, The exciting glow in the dark bicycle pump or maybe Some super comfortable boxer shorts in lurid lemon, or vibrant vermilion, couldn’t imagine my love in either 😁(in all fairness though they did indeed look roomy and comfy, if you see what I mean…But try as I may that bread maker was stuck firmly in my cell like mind…I imagined waking up to fresh still warm just baked bread, it’s yeasty scent circulating about the flat,..butter sinking slowly and deliciously into it, I drooled at the prospect, …but I couldn’t get away from where would it live in my dwindling space..huffing I shoved it in my basket before I went to make coffee, this indeed needed some thought,

So much so I decided to sleep on such an in-depth decision😁, (I know people are out there right now making life and death decisions, and here am I unable to decide on a blooming bread maker….that night as I slept I swear, I dreamt of bread, every kind of bread, big beautiful farmhouse Cobs, French bread, soft aromatic Parmesan and Olive bread, Date and walnut with hunks of strong nutty cheddar cheese, a big bouncy bloomer..(no no that’s bloomer as it bread folks not drawers, knickers, pants😁😲).Invariably I woke up hungrier than a hungry thing, hours later, the craving for toast ever present, in fact not only present but growing to immense proportion,s, I was ready to send for a cab at one point to fetch some and hang the cost😁 ., instead I reached over for my tablet I was gonna order that bread machine come what may, this time it was happening, I was determined, never sure of anything more right!!!!!?, yes this was it😁…..well that was until my sleep blurred vision took note of the price …..it doubled😳, it was going to in fact cost too much dough(sorry just couldn’t resist…but doubling the price was crazy…I backed right out of Amazon fast and didn’t return ….

Moving on rapidly with my day, which I might add did not fair any better,. See us folk with EDs, (no we are not talking about a male erm ticklish issue here😁,. No instead Ehlers Danlos syndrome is the culprit, I was born with it. It comes with a wide range of various health issues..but one that’s little known about is the clumsiness side of things, as a wee child I was always falling over, dropping things or managing to cause mayhem somewhere much to my mother’s annoyance….but even now a fully fledged adult doesn’t mean I escape this….that morning alone while cleansing my face, I had inadvertently managed to get a huge glob of white cleanser in my eye, how you ask?no don’t ask it’s something I excel at…the more I dabbed at it, the worse it become, my eye stung, and watered continually, even after I had removed the very last residual of offending white gloop….

Reaching across to grab the box I store my meds in, I must have misjudged distance(another effect of EDs,) and the tablets went tumbling upon the floor, the whole lot, …this was just the beginning of a long list of mishaps…you ever tried putting make up on an eye that won’t stop watering…well let me assure you it’s damn near impossible. as I tried drying my eye delicately, I spread black mascara down my cheek,. I began at this point to wonder which God I had offended to earn such wrath, I lit a large lavender pillar candle at one point in vain hopes I might appease whatever Deity I had caused upset too, only for the too short match and the too long candle to burn my thumb nail, sending vile burnt nail scented whispers of smoke about the room and a nice red blistered thumb…I blew the candle out quickly before I set ablaze to my house….😁…

I decided the best course and maybe the safest was to lay on my bed and read until Jesse woke up, this being not only the cowards way out, but causing the least damage to myself and my surroundings,.I didn’t have long to wait however though, we were soon going about our usual routine, making coffee and chatting for an hour before starting the day in earnest…I swiftly gloss over any minor issues and we talk about the serious points at hand, like no bread for toast that morning or the doubled price of the bread maker,😁. Throughout my day there’s still odd glitches but i,m an old hat at these things by now…..

The next day though while taking in an Amazon delivery I was in fact expecting, I was handed another rather large cumbersome box, (well unless eye pallet make up had grown in statue over night, something was indeed a miss, ..checking the name and address, I confirm it is in fact for me.

Intrigued I start with the big box first,, paper cuts not with standing I manage to finally man handle my way through the layers of endless brown tape without to much injury, ..there sat amongst wrappings, the perfect bread machine, I swear I heard choral music, angels were singing, the sun parted the dark clouds and in that minute I’m visioning that first 2lb loaf of golden bread….my mouth waters…

I knew instantly the where’s and hows, because sat quietly for once pretending to work away, a huge grin on his cheeky face sits Jesse, ” oh yes I meant to tell you about that a voice breaks through,my dreams of bread goodness”. ” Happy birthday he adds. ” in fact it’s not my birthday for two more weeks, but once his minds set there’s no shifting Jesse., But of course I’m thrilled and can hardly wait to get started,im already imagining my kitchen filled floor to ceiling with beautiful loaves ….

But last minute nerves, see me in fact wait until Jesse sleeps later that night, much later😳, . Stealing out into the kitchen in the dead of night, recipe book clutched in my hot little hand, bare foot and cold I open the page to gluten free bread…as I read down the list of ingredients, I know i already have everything I need…Gluten free flour, olive oil, yeast, salt, sugar….sugar!!!!!!?, I had forgotten about that..it’s been years since I had made bread…I shuffle about at the back of my cupboards, tins, packets and boxes landing everywhere, but it’s all in vain there’s not a grain of sugar to be found anywhere…but there is honey…surely honey will work right!?

I weigh out the ingredients, follow the recipe to the letter(except for the sugar of course replacing this with honey), it only takes moments to get everything in the machine compartment, ohhhh plus flour on the kitchen counter, in the sink, up the wall and over my t shirt 😁, So I’ve covered the flour section of the recipe…good job it’s wheatfree😁, I set the machine to work, pushing the required buttons, holding my breath and saying a prayer to the yeast goddess that my dough will in fact rise…now to do the difficult part of bread making….clearing up!..

The machine whirls, it’s pulsing start stop mixes accompanying me while I work at putting my kitchen back together, a semblance of its original state…I for once don’t mind this, I kept always in mind the bread…wonderful warm buttered bread….however it doesn’t take long to establish that instead of the perfect round dough ball the recipe book assures me I can expect by now…there’s this white sticky oozing gloop in its place….it looks absolutely nothing like dough…in fact it’s much more akin to that wall filler you can buy in those convenient tubes…I’m tempted to take the still warm pulsing ooze and fill the large growing crack in my bathroom with it, but I add another spoon of flour in the hopes it will correct the consistency of the mix and flounce off to bed, maybe the bread fairies will visit in the night?…

Next morning however as I creep quietly back out to my kitchen and gingerly lift the lid of the machine..I’m greeted with instead of lovely bread!, it’s more like the creature from the black lagoon, it has not risen at all, it sits there almost looking back at me defiantly. I decide instantly we won’t mention this ever…,to anyone!!!!, what happens in my kitchen, stays in my kitchen. I make coffee and pretend it didn’t happen😁,

Later on that afternoon I spend time cleaning up the machine, dropping the now weighing a ton cold heavy mix wiith disgust into my bin., After which once again I begin to repeat the exercise this time with an added ingredients(stubbornness and determination), I set about weighing, measuring with the mind set maybe just maybe I did something wrong, I had though earlier that day watched numerous YouTube videos on using my machine in preparation, it’s recipes, type of ingredients.,I was now ready surely?, this time it was going to happen..in three short hours I would be buttering home made bread,.

I closed the lid, press the button and walk away in the knowledge it was now in the lap of the gods, I could do no more. I distract myself for the time it takes, tempted all the time to go and see how things are going, but I refrain whether from nerves or in the hopes if I don’t look, it would all work out. However three hours later I get my answer…😐the same thing had happened once again, instead of a beautiful loaf of bread, there almost grinning back at me is the self same gloop…I’m at once disheartened, and if it wasn’t for the fact it had a gift from Jesse, I can confess here and now I would have shoved the machine to the back of some cupboard or another never to see the light of day again, just gathering dust….

But it was a gift, a lovely thoughtful gift and therefore I won’t give up., I try twice more, and with each time I become more deflated than the bread I had hopes of, I feel a complete failure, hearing ghostly voices in my head laughing at me, hauntingly pointing out all my previous disasters., But unlike all those previous occasions, I carry on…I ordered different flour, yeast and in fact also sugar in the end, And when it arrives once again I sneak off out into the kitchen like a thief, I want to be alone with my failure, if indeed all goes wrong….

But in fact what actually happened was the opposite, there Sat in my machine later that day, was this beautifully formed wonderful first 2lb loaf of bread, I could not believe my eyes, it was glorious, and I and my bread machine had combined to do this..we had made bread…I stand back and admire our handy work, it is indeed perfect! And I for one can hardly wait to cut myself a slice…and believe me I dont!😁, …it was light, fluffy, filled with air pockets, a sight to behold, I enjoyed every glorious mouthful, I’m glad I didn’t listen to my inner demons, whether it was the wrong flour, yeast or just bad luck I no longer care, now I have cracked it…I can see many happy years ahead for me and my Amazon basics bread machine…whatever your doing this weekend have a Happy Easter folks and take care of you x💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞🍞