My Journey Back….

Since 2020 B.C.(Before Covid), I had been on one long up hill battle to improve my health,. Which on the whole I had been Successfully achieving…Over several months, managing to drop not just one but four clothe sizes(won’t say dress sizes, because as we all know, dresses are of course the devils own creation) , I was by then leaner, trimmer and much more active….it had been one hell of a journey, one I had in truth began on half hearted, at the very start…

Throughout adult hood I have made more than one attempt at some diet after another(this is the understatement of all time😁, maybe losing a few lbs here or there, but never anything significant or indeed permanent come to that…unbeknownst to myself each of these new fangled diets came with not only massive lists of do,s and donts, but a high price to my health along with my metabolism….Especially the worst of these, the 500 calories a day diet…(yeah I know🙄

Funnily enough this though was the easiest of diets for me as I rarely ate more than once per day anyhow, and that was on a good day….I ran it past my then Doctor, who actually approved of it, stating he only ate once daily also, plus my weight at the time was spiralling rapidly out of control….I hated even looking at myself, being honest I was disgusted and appalled at what I was fast becoming, turning my head the other way in total denial when I passed by either a Mirror or reflection. Thinking back on this now, I doubt I was in fact actually getting enough food, my body therefore hanging onto anything I did eat…..

But in November of 2018, my transformation began I earnest, I ditched Carbs(pasta,bread,potatoes,even cake😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮), then sugar, just this altered my whole way of eating…no longer craving sugary snacks after dinner, in fact no longer any cravings😮,. Instead opting to eat only lean meats, fish and vegetables…always cooking from scratch, no preservatives or ready made meals, i found this was easy to maintain, even long term….

Then in March 2020, I contracted Covid, like most I actually didn’t feel that bad throughout the virus itself…..but that was just to fool you into a false sense of security., I soon learnt that was a mistake, Soon many symptoms began creeping out of the woodwork…some quite minor and quickly got over, others more serious and indeed long term….one was the sheer and utter exhaustion, most of 20/21 were spent in bed…my body bloated and filled with fluid, I was so breathless that even walking to the post box on the corner of my street, robbed me of all my energy for the next two days…I hated this thing I was reduced too, then I felt ungrateful because ill or not I had been lucky to survive where many hadnt…

Laying in bed day after day, wasn’t only mind numbing, the lbs piled on ever more, I wasn’t eating much again by now and anything I attempted played havoc with my stomach…I became increasingly more isolated and depressed. One day I stood on a new set of digital scales after my shower, I was to be shocked just how much I did weigh though …..17st or 238lb, I curled up in a ball on the sofa and sobbed…it seemed so unfair, I was barely eating, nearly always on the verge of dehydration and little to no energy to take exercise,…….

By the time I had showered daily, made a coffee, I lay back down trying to recover for the next few hours, …I forced myself into this small nonsensical routine, but it’s all I had control of, no matter the cost, the pain and lack of breath I wasn’t going to give it up., some days I had to sit on an icy shower cubical floor, letting the water pour over me, not even the strength to wash…getting dried and dressed depleted me for that day….by then I had learnt all about long hauling….the hair falling out, my lungs burning if I walked anywhere, even just into another room, severe headaches, high temperatures nightly, chills by day, my stomach increasingly rejecting food…I grew weaker by the day, mostly laying upon my side staring at the wall…. I didn’t know how to help myself or if in fact I was beyond it…..that was then…..

From March 2020 my recovery has been slow, the first victory was vacuuming a tiny patch of my livingroom, before sitting on the sofa caked in sweat…..at first I fell into a deep depression, this was stupid!!!!!, I felt useless….but I had one thing going for me….I’m extremely pig headed……(you don’t believe I know😁), But if my minds set i am going to succeed, at any cost….I learnt to vacuum a small patch, sit a while regain my breath, then do a little more, this went on for weeks, I grew angry, frustrated at the futility of it all, but I also became even more determined….imagine the excitement when I managed to vacuum the whole of the livingroom…..I know to you this was boring, a nothing job, to me it was the equivalent of running the London marathon, climbing mount Everest, to me it was a massive victory over an invisible foe…

Still I had to learn more lessons….small victories come at a cost, the next day I would be exhausted again….so stubborn or no I gave in to it, I rested, The next day starting again, it was a new day….I rarely went out, not driving meant I had to walk….there also I had minor victories, some days after many starts and stops I managed the five minute walk to a local shop….I celebrated each small improvement to the utmost, figuring I didn’t believe I would survive, let alone see any recovery…..

It’s now two years on…..

I’m still fighting the good fight, my head falsely believing we are ok now and should be able to live “a relatively normal life” ..on the other hand my bodies just not ready to cooperate in this venture….there is good news though, since March of this year Ive decided to retry the No carb/no sugar diet, And I’m happy to report it’s going slow but it is happening for me…I’ve lost 54lb, as I say it’s slow and of course I always want it to be more, but i,’ll take what I can get, including smaller pants😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁, . It’s going to be one heck of a journey, one i know I’m not on alone, I’ve Jesse and my daughter cheering me on, saluting even a small loss, (and this is believe it or not of great importance, you really need that support of loved ones), there’s still a long way to go as yet,And a life of no cake for one such as a me isn’t always easy, but my goal makes it worth the sacrifice….if your on this same journey, I hope you drop by and we share our experiences, pitfalls, and wins….anything except cake……stay well, warm, and enjoy much……just stay away from anything that tastes good😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💜💜💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛x