As yet another Christmas rapidly approaches us,.. once again i,m left in that Tumble dryer of emotions, without so much as a dryer sheet to stop static anywhere….I had decided one morning upon waking to a freezing cold livingroom, legs uncovered and blue with the 4am chill ….that maybe I should embrace my love of all things Christmas this year(Tell me we all wake to thoughts like this right?)
I shuffled my stiff, sore aching body in the general direction of the kettle, I had spent yet Another night spent upon the sofa, that dips in the middle of its huge over filled red cushions, But if I want to sleep at all, there it seems for some reason is the place my over thinking mind finds at least a modicum of peace….plus Cinnamon my companion Rabbit actually settle,s down for the night, instead of his normal penchant for house rearrangement…..(by the way his box distruction services are still available for a one off price of bunny treats) ….
I clicked on the kettle, which takes on average roughly 15 minutes to boil…( Long enough for someone my age to forget what it was they had set out to do (this happens more often than I’m comfortable with these days)….or otherwise take a leisurely shower….in fact normally I can shower, dry , deodorise, dress and be halfway through my makeup before my bright red shiny little kettle,will finally make an exhibition of itself, by over loudly clicking off and coming to the boil….I’m never quite sure, then whether to ignore it in disgust, as I’ve gone off the whole idea of coffee by now or applaud it….Mainly I just give it the look! 😃.
I poured the eventually hot steaming water into my thermos cup…. Cold hands gratefully wrap about it for warmth and I go and sit upon the sofa, …thought,s begin straight away percolating more than the coffee to hand….You see Cinnamon has his huge 8ft beautifully finished piece of furniture of a bedroom, with its highly polished lacquered Rosewood top…, to me it was just crying out for a Christmas tree, fairy lights, fandles(fake battery operated candles) oh yes I could design a wonderful Christmas wonderland, just upon his bed chamber alone….But of course to do this, I would in effect have to move from my cosy place, situated under the nest of soft silver grey fleeces, And tackle the grining log burner it hates me, no it really does…it being a freezing morning outside….everywhere was a twinkling wonderland of white icing like frost…. I’m not quite sure though it had,nt snuck in through my unglazed windows and set up home in the livingroom, never quite so beautiful there….So first things first….I began by building up the log burner…
As a kid I never got that saying(you know the one, building up a fire) heard my mum say it in regard,s to the ancient cream kitchen boiler…..but now I know exactly…..you need paper, card, kindling, logs, and last but not least fire lighters…..many many fire lighters……I begin with scrunched balls of old letters, flyers that I find myself really appreciating more these days, (not for the information value afforded, but because indeed they burn!!!!, And burn well at that…..after the paper, I tear squares from my newly acquired Amazon boxes, then pattern a pyramid of kindling sticks , place a small log behind it, set flame to the gap between the wooden structure where some paper peaks through……this fire starting is a hit and miss affair, ….some days it bursts into a joyful cacophony of licking tongues,all orange and yellow flames….others it defies my every attempt of persuasion and a puff of grey smoke is all I get for my troubles…..(Today as I shake with the cold, is to be one of these…I sigh , curse it somewhat, as my arms are gradually becoming more and more covered in black soot…..so is my nose, cheeks, pjs and anything else I touch……
Eventually after I’ve refilled my lighter three times, used up my extensive collection of helpful flyers, Amazon boxes, card I save from around my food items, I resort to my tried and tested method…..praying on my knees to the ancient gods of fire and that age old caveman technique …. The Papa John’s pizza box😁, i kid ye not, it works every single time(plus it’s a great excuse to indulge in a pizza) …now I have a lovely blaze….I’m filthy, hot and bothered, exhausted, and have used all my vast dictionary of swear words in one half hour, than my fiance has heard me use in our years together, but at least i feel I have earned my scouts badge for fire lighting, in force ten gales and driving rain….I stand back give the log burner a smug look of satisfaction , ( there I nod my head, that,’ll show you!!!!!
It takes a while for the room to warm up…so I finish my coffee, shower and then begin removing everything I had just weeks before carefully placed upon Cinnamons bedroom top….putting away my thoughtfully positioned Niknaks and candles ….And as I do so, I decide, the tiny 18 inch already decorated tree from last year, (relegated at the moment to living in the garden shed, wasn’t going to be enough) This year I was going the whole hog, this year I was having a resplendent three foot tree….tahdah!!!!, I was going to do Christmas proud…..I would enjoy the season wether I liked it or not!!!!!……most likely not……
This required yet another cup of coffee and much thought, (Hell this requires a nip of Brandy in my hot Beveridge of choice to ward off the cold and help me in my page trawling of Amazon……After I fortified myself, I begin searching in earnest for that tree of my dreams…..
I closed my eyes a second…imagining this frothy, frosted confection, of green covered in white, silver and fluffy strands of glittering tinsel, delicate glass balls, flashing fairy lights, topped with a glittering silver star…..I saw it all…. but that was just my dream though right…. In reality hmmmmm… I spent over an hour, searching page upon page, the fire already dying out in the log burner , embers grew cold, my eyes running from turning page upon page on my tablet……
there were any number of tree,s, that were bright florescent pink (someone save me from such devilment.) , black trees, rainbow trees, even silver, but not one green, three foot, sighs……I began losing all hope, plus the feeling in my legs, …….when suddenly from out of the mists of the Amazon world of shopping shone,( choirs of angels sang) one lone, perfect white three foot tree, it was glorious, my dream was about to come true…………I clicked on it quickly before it could disappear,…. buy buy buy, ……not! not! not!…….as I go to my basket and pay place….there and then a blackness encroached my sittingroom, and not just from the huge gathering of a fresh batch of rain cloud either. ……..it seems that you only need three foot Christmas trees in January……(hang on what?????,) I mean seriously, am I missing something here?………And it’s not some discriminatory thing about Three foot green trees either,( hell no it’s not fussy)… I thought I might have to resort to some nasty pink thing, blue or sky blue orange …..but nope you can’t get a free for love nor money until mid January….I scratched my head, check my wall calender in my bedroom to see if maybe Boris Johnson had deemed fit to move Christmas to next year for some unknown reason……..but no there it was, Larger than life, black and white,but beautiful bold letters ……25th of December same as always……
I’m ready to call it a day, admit defeat, call off Christmas, …..when bing!!!!!! a germ of an idea is planted firmly in my brain……check the shops online…..And after another large coffee, slice of luke warm buttered toast, I put the plan into action……without too much ado….there amongst a woodland of other trees stands mine……it’s foil!, And I hadn’t in all honesty planned on foil……it’s not as bushy and perfect as my dream tree…..but do you know what? , it’s tiny, it’s pretty and perfectly ok with me…..I add it to my basket quickly, feeling at once relieved,…. I had gone to the forest, found my tree and chopped it down….ok added to my basket……but it was mine….and I would love it…..
I also carefully choose some silver balls, not the classy glass ones, but pretty and reasonably priced, polar bears followed, strands of frothy tinsel, and there before I knew it I had Christmas ….it was all arriving on that monday…..And i would be ready ……over the weekend I sat and worked upon decorating my tree, taking my time , to twine the copper wired lights around it’s naked branches, cursing once in a while as they tangled, but within the hour, my tree stood pride of place, a beacon of beauty, a ray of hope to lighten my otherwise sad lone Christmas, without my loved ones, without the lines of strung cards of yesteryear, or laughter….but it was mine and Cinnamons, little glow of magic amongst an otherwise cold sad reminder of how much I miss Jess and my children…..I know I’m lucky ,I’ve got the stubborn log burner to bring warmth, the saggy sofa to rest my tired bones on, roof over my head…..but …….well never mind, I have my tree, my bunny and my man in phone land to celebrate with….keep warm folks, hug those you love and stay safe 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🐰💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🐰💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛🐰x
My American Man In Purple Lace Corsets 