Thursday……
well I think it is, although I’m not quite sure to be absolutely honest, it started out that way anyhow, …It’s been over a week now since the issues I have been having with my neck are slowly driven me crazy person…the pain is one thing, (myself and pain are old enemies from way way back, having a deep unhealthy respect for one another) but not being able to turn my head to the left without the room spinning out of kilter, or the loud cracks that reverberate throughout my head is another, But the new issue that really worries me most now….. is this is the third morning in a row, for just a few minutes upon waking, I am unable to move my head at all, call me weird, or unusual but this is not optimal, going to the bathroom being something most of us need or want to do at some point, eventually, it does normally resume service at some point I know , but it’s deeply unnerving not being able to shift to get up even if somewhat briefly …..
at first I tried the wait and see approach, this being a favourite of mine, I do this with everything health related, much to loved ones chagrin. If it doesn’t kill me and I see even the slightest improvement, I win and have avoided the dreaded doctors office once more…..(Myself and doctors offices justttt…, well we don’t mix, ….Have you ever noticed how they always want to stick needles in you, …this is fine, but I have unfortunately flat veins, it normally takes some poor exacerbated over worked nurse several attempts, …they will Often ask me where my veins are located,?….I shrug look at them puzzled,” erm they’re in there somewhere I’m sure..(it’s almost like mining for oil really!!!) They try different approaches, getting me to make a fist, dangle my arm down beside the chair, look away as if that will coax the offending veins to appear, maybe they are shy !!!! , another thing is to drink pints of water before I leave, then keep me waiting out side till I’m fit to burst, or the water floods out the many pin cushion holes i,m filled with later…..I digress
Today I decided enough was indeed enough, after showering, I make up my mind today’s the day to take positive action ….( I’m phoning the surgery……, I really mean it, I am…..no honestly, .But I hate phones, I whine to myself, and it’s true I do, to me they are work of the devil himself, No good has ever comes from them., Right then If I could have grabbed some poor unsuspecting neighbour, in off the street to do this for me, then I surely would have, ( this though I think is akin to kidnap though isn’t it? And probably frowned upon in most states) ..so I search out my surgeries number, it’s been months since I last broke down and called…(I locate it eventually via the powers that be, (google), doesn’t everyone do this? I love Google lol…..
From long off experience, I know this is going to take some time….Coffee ,I’m going to need coffee at some point, …I ll make a thermos I think , grabbing an icy cold can of rhubarb and apple juice from the fridge, least I’m prepared….I make my bed, visit the bathroom and holding my breath I ring the number….An automated voice immediately tells me due to Covid 19 they are no longer taking prescriptions, by person, it’s all done via some electronic device kept hidden in a vault or something……..but it then goes on to inform me if this is a medical emergency hang up and dial 666 or is that 999, but I now have five options, (ohhhhhh goody)…..all I have to do is choose one…press one if you want to cancel an appointment(cancel one !!!!!!!cancel one! Noooo, I want one I say to the automatic voice recorder person, . Press two if you want some long list of services that were garbled in some foreign tongue or so fast I’ve no clue to this day what was said, Maybe it was rude!!!! (i,m just hoping I didn’t want one of those!, Or three for appointments. Yes, yes, yes !!!!, Three, I want three I shout hurriedly to the inhuman voice thing…..
Too late! , I’m put in a queue, And I’m number five…..I sigh, settle down with my coffee, this music that is a jingly, plinky-plonky thing…., the same five notes, over and over, plays on a loop, …..it takes ten minutes for me to move up to number four, And the only saving grace with this is, I’m not actually physically stood outside in the heat, attacked by marauding wasps, coughed over by fellow queuee’s or listening to Ethelred’s stories of bravery surviving his growing toe nail, (I am at least spared this) ….
I drink more coffee, write my shopping list, polish the furniture, hang out the wash, wash up, all the while accompanied by those same by- now-driving-me-absolutely-crazy five notes….. the phones flashing how little credit I have left by now to add insult to further injury. I bellow at it ‘I knowwwww!!!!!’ Jesse stirs in his sleep, jumps and settles back down again. (I’m at once filled with gratitude that I had the forethought to feed and clean out poor Cinnamon bun.) If not, he may well have chewed his way out his room. And just like a Monty Python sketch turned rabid vampire bunny and chewed my throat out…..I quickly shake this vision from my head and poured yet another coffee. By now it has been an hour. I have had at least three large coffees and a bathroom break is on code red, in other words: imminent, but a thought struck me, what if that minute I go, I get through to a real life person type human being!!!!!!
I decided waiting it out was infinitely more preferable than some poor horrified receptionist hearing me go to the loo, so I waited, and waited some more…… My domed clock’s thin red hand ticks away the seconds, then minutes. The four gold balls that spin around under its glass case, carry on spinning. Somewhere in the distance an ice cream truck chimes out it’s tune, children laugh, Cinnamon is happily throwing about his newly acquired colourful ball…. the world goes on… well, all except mine!!! (That is.) I’m stuck in limbo, in phone hell……
Eventually when I’ve reached the point of nodding off to sleep, a voice in the distance says hello my name’s Gertrude or whatever it was. My sleepy brain by now numb from the anesthetizing tune, that even though it’s stopped at long last, goes on and on, around and around my poor mind. She apologized for my wait, asks me to give a quick run down of why I’m calling. Before I get out half a sentence, she says “let me stop you there!!!!!” Gertrude informs me that my first call will go into a tree house or something, ….I will get to speak to a doctor on the phone, who will then decide if I need to speak to a doctor. “Great” I say. “Let’s do that”. ”Okay” says Gertie in her best officious voice. ”Call back tomorrow at eight”, and puts the phone down……..this, my lovelies, is why I hate phones. Oh well, tomorrow is another day and I will spend it waiting by the phone. Think of me !!!!!!!! Stay healthy out there folks. 💙💗💛💚💗💙💛💚💗💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛x
My American Man In Purple Lace Corsets 