stuck on itttt!

i woke to what’ was the most beautiful Saturday morning, although it was still early,… after the three to four hours of somewhat fitful sleep I felt rested ..,But it’s at this exact moment ,though i had remembered something I had decided foolishly just that evening before, I needed to take a walk down to the local Lidl sighs ,. I was totally out of Rye bread ,plus I needed an anniversary card for a very special couple, ( My daughter and son in law…..I already know upon waking though ,my eyes still closed against the light, if it wasn’t for this card, or indeed the lure of a Rye sandwich later that day, I would stay put in the cozy confine,s of my home…..like a spoilt petulant child, I want to stomp my feet and say, “But I don’t wanna!!!!!” …..I don’t feel 100%,( but then do I ever,) i start the talk with myself…”there’s no such thing as a good day to do this”, tomorrow may not be any better or indeed could be far worse, you can do this, it.goes on until I admit defeat……shower, get ready, Keys, mask, wallet,phone… I force my sulky self out the front door.

it is indeed a glorious September day, warm, soft breeze , clouds a light fluffy grey no real threat of rain….as I walk, I look about me at the flowers in other people’s front gardens, mostly for distraction if I’m honest, And even though we are coming to the end of the gardening season, most front gardens are still in riotous colour….Bright red Geranium,s, massive heads of the blousy double begonia, the tall lofty column like golden sunflowers, heads bowed humbly and nodding in the breeze , roses past their best but still scented in the warm air, the last of the buddleia and the giant broad shiny leaves of the elephant ear plant, ground cover extraordinaire …..it saddens me that all this will very soon make way for the bare ground of winter, I’ve already made up my mind as I walk to bring in a couple of the pretty ivy leaved Geranium plants that have earnt their keep blooming all summer long, just to try to hold onto some of that outdoors feeling …

I reach the well hidden from view bench that sits in front of the local memorial, . plants surrounding it are looking decidedly shabby for some reason ,tired and wiltering, that is all except the pretty silver leaves of the Cineraria, which is holding it own ….I,m looking forward to getting my shopping done , crossing the extremely busy main road , before I head back , I sit a while on that very bench , it provides extremely important respite, to regain my composure and just breathe, there I watch cars from my hidden resting spot , people watching being hobby of mine, Each car pulls up to the traffic lights, stops, And without fail every couple sit either staring ahead or one normally has a phone in their hand, eyes glued….none are talking, … I have to admit i hate the way we have all become, relying heavily on a little screen for everything…..at this moment i feel a deep sadness wash over me,

, …..Will this happen to myself and Jesse eventually?, Will we lose our wonderful communication,? we talk about everything right now, we talk about talking for goodness sake lol, …I’ve watched couples shopping, or walking about , they barely make eye contact , grunting at one another is apparently the new English, few hold hands, less still even make eye contact…..

I reach the crossing before Lidl without much ado, already grateful my fellow waiting pedestrians, that had pressed the button to cross, so I didn’t wait around as long, I only needed a few bits of shopping , the bread, cards and a news paper….( Not for me you understand but my very fussy rabbit Cinnamon, who will not entertain anything other to line his room, ) he generously allows me the concession of doing the cross word first, he,s good like this……

I make my way down the bustling Saturday morning shoppers, over filled aisles, searching everywhere for my bread, it’s not to be found with the everyday wheat loaves of course, or in the exceptionally very limited wheatfree section ….I locate, the greeting cards straight away and although they are plain ,very simple in their appearance, not at all what i really would have liked for my loved one, I settle for two that I considered to be almost okish,,,, , found newspapers, managed to avoid the temptation of the vast, freshly baked cake section totally , the scents of its freshly cooked still warm pretzels, Cinnamon buns, and hot rolls alluring to say the least that hungry stomach,.I’m trying hard to convince myself that cake is evil , cake isn’t my friend …it was to be on my way out that I finally find that elusive Rye bread, ….I can now leave and make my way home.

I Do indeed stop off at the bench, spend a quiet spell sat in the warmth of autumnal sunshine, despite feeling worn , I’m glad I pushed myself, I’m also glad that I saw and passed the odd word with some of my fellow shoppers, ( it reminds me of that long lost art of socialising, I fear soon I will have to resort to Google if i,m not careful on the how to communicate lol) ….the sun warms my skin, I sit there in almost silent, meditative peace , the world goes on around me, I’m part of it , yet maybe not…..

On my way home, I nod to a couple, who are in the middle of cutting a large deep hole in their concrete drive, the sudden deafening noise brings me out of my stillness, ..I’m unsure quite what they are doing but my vivid imagination immediately kicks in and remind,s me of the Nordic noir from the night before, are they waiting till after dark to hide a carpeted filled object or three,?, No my mind chatter tells me, they don’t look the type, to suburban, settled, But then I ask myself what indeed is that type? ( I’ve decided I am watching far to much crime drama before bed, lol….I also smile and say good morning to the lady knelt before a large green glazed pot ,filling it deeply with bulbs ready for next spring…..as I walk on, a tiny flicker of a thought germinates in my fuzzy head. (talking of bulbs,that’s light bulbs though one goes on in my head) ….Maybe I can add a few embellishments to these otherwise plain and boring cards…….I try to remember, what I have in the way of Glue, pretty papers, cards and stick on gems, …..I conclude as I turn my corner and with that instant relief on seeing my cozy home I do indeed have enough………

I absent mindedly flick the kettle switch as I pass, I need coffee, lots of coffee , I need that caffeine kick if I’m going to create, I put away my meagre shop, talking to a now sleepy Jesse , Cinnamon bun whose ignoring me because he hates me going out , even for a few minutes or so, ( But he has no choice he will listen to me) And I will talk, as I’m won’t to do ….and very often….I take my coffee into my bedroom, it’s my room of preference see,there I pull back the heavy green check curtains and look out into my sun filled tiny corner garden, birds await feeding, butterflies flutter gently about the few left soft lilac coloured brack, s of musky scented buddleia , a huge bee rests contentedly in the sun, alls well, and I sigh I have coffee, I can see Jesse by now sleeping, and what’s more I’m home once more……

I find my headphones , And while the mood is upon me, I start to gather up all I will need to transform my two cards from their scruffy Cinderella form, to something fit for the ball, I pull open cupboards, draws, and boxes, find treasure like glitter, gems, papers of every pattern and colour, card I’ve saved, pens, dumping it all upon my earlier made bed, I sit in the middle of it all, with the melodic notes of Aretha Franklin ( A natural woman) playing through my headphones …..now where to begin.?..

ideas flood and pass through my head…why does this always seem a good idea in the planning mode, so simple……, My daughter makes beautiful cards, I’ve a friend Theo who also has this wonderful talent……I on the other hand am one of those who over guilds the lily at every opportunity . If something calls for a stick on gem, I cover every available inch, if you need to cut out a pattern , I go my own way and snip bits off your not really supposed to, I embellish with flourish, more is so much more …..if I had been Cinderella,s fairy godmother she would have looked somewhat akin, to a drag queen crossed with a hooker…I’m good at this….lol

But as I sip my coffee , sing along to the music , silence the ever growing need to shower my cards with glitter,.. ideas finally come……I sit crossed legged like a five year old at infant school, scissors flashing fast, cutting shapes ,ribbon, cards, I’m a card design demon, ……..things fly about in my ever eagerness to create, in my head i am seeing a wondrous make over , one my daughter will Coo over and extolling my creativeness to the whole world……..in truth this could get ugly……

And sure enough it soon does, the simple design I have chosen after much thought and deliberation , in order to complete this mission,…. seems not quite as easy as first planned……the shapes I try so hard to cut out following the drawn lines with care, just don’t want to Co operate, the glue is sticking everything but what it’s supposed too, I’ve clump,s of paper stuck to my bed, my leg, cup, and what is that fluttering out the corner of my eye!!!!!!?, it’s red and damned irritating, …….turns out to be a tiny piece of bright red ribbon that somehow I’ve managed to stick unwittingly to an eyelash, (I’ve no idea how though)it flutters each time I blink like some weird extended false eyelash thing, …….by the time I have finished this project, I hate the sight of the card, the glittery trapping,s that are now all over my once clean bedroom…..I shove the maybe still not dry card into its envelope, put back on my shoes , and post both the cards quickly before I can change my mind about the whole blooming thing…….just feel sorry for my poor daughter upon opening these offerings, she has no clue what awaits within, Happy anniversary Beck n Gary I do despite the cards love you both, take care out there all 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛x