My Garden reflections

The days fly fast, faster than I can possibly keep track.of, or for that matter want to, I’ve a couple of big events coming up in the next two weeks, ( life changing, but unusually for me I’m letting them happen without fretting overly ) as a born worrier this of course give me cause to worry,, I will always find something to fret about, ( if not I will make it up) ….I normally worry myself half to death about the slightest thing , half of which most let come and go….of late I’ve taken to sitting out in my little garden when things reach that point I find most distressing, a large mug of rich strong coffee, Sun on my face, company of large chubby wood pigeons, eating the food faster than I can distribute it,…. they amuse me greatly , wings flapping at each other, arguing over the same food pot , when I,ve clearly filled two, they never seem to worry about me sat in what I believe they think is their domain, ( Garden) I think they allow it for as long as I pay them in food, ..my blushes are not even spared when Mr pigeon brings Mrs pigeon down for a late evening Fairy light lit supper and thinks then his entitled to payment for bringing her to such a great dining place, he chases her relentlessly, little bodies waddling around the floor, …

she flaps her wings at him, almost like some prim and propper lady slapping a too forward Gent about the face, this goes on a while , then it’s full scale pigeon Porn , And by this point I Flee hastily the scene leaving the lovers to it and come back indoors, .. There,s also a large family of Blue tits , and the odd Magpie that call , Huge Bee,s, Hover flies and various other insects have made their home amongst the plants i,m gradually getting in the borders, Just being out there amid nature soothes, most things for me, I sit there and feel, well like nothings that important in the grand scheme is it?, nothing but that moment, that window of peace, when my usual shallow breathing becomes deep, even, …..I take in the sights, sounds, yet if it’s possible I’m ambivalent to everything ….I hear music, children’s laughter, parents shouts, but it’s way off in the distance , for a brief moment I give myself permission to just be, to coexist with all that surrounds me…..

I water the plants, feed them it’s my one job as caretaker of my corner iddle, my miniscule section of mother nature,s wonderful universe, And for that small task I get to share it with those that visit, Without this island of a tranquilty, that moment I swear sometimes I think I would question my frail sanity, my life’s this wild Hotpotch that I’m not in control of, nothing about me is stable, my health, homelife, life in general hangs upon a balance, and rest, sleep, peace happens, rarely, if at all…….the last few days my pain levels have reached a crescendo point, i,m finding it hard to cope with, my whole body is aching ,feels like every muscle ,joint ,sinew is aflame, and the night time fevers have returned with a vengeance, But even with my body screaming at me just to sit there in my wee oasis , I’m given enough of a break to enjoy a part of each day,

my favourite time to do this is in the middle of the night, where I share my space with just the odd spider looking for a late night snack at Treez,s garden 7/11, …my fairy lights twinkle in the dusky blackness, stars draw my eyes and the poet within knows that no matter how I tried words fail me when I try to describe the sense of wonderment that moment fills my heart with, A sense of belonging , peace enfolds me and that is indeed precious and calms my aching soul….pain is put on the back burner for these scant few minutes, anguish and heartache also give me a window to just breath and dwell in my tiny world, in a life where everything feels like it’s slipping away , falling through my fingers like tiny grains of white sand that I can do nothing at all to prevent , I’m most fortunate to have these moments……stay well and take care all xx