Sun-Worshiping Saturday

It’s been a bright lovely April spring day here, with wall to wall blue skies,sunshine and quite mild, I ( as is my wont these days) I slept through the most part of it, .But In my defence, I was as usual awake most of the night, we now have developed this very strange sleeping pattern, it has evolved into sleeping in two halves, we have three to four hours sleeping time, like some prolonged Nap,,, then awake for at least another four hours , light refreshments are at this stage required and indeed partaken of , ( Mainly of the Coffee persuasion, with some fruit based product snack , Apple ,banana etc ) we,’ll watch something binge worthy until one or other ( myself or Jesse ) drifts off back to sleep , the other invariably soon follows suit , we affectionately like to call this awake gap half time……this over months now, has become our normal sleep pattern,

On waking we have another coffee or two, breakfast is around British teatime 5pm , Dinner 10pm and so on it goes, it’s funny how we have adapted to this strange blend of two worlds, hundreds of miles apart yet blended, it’s almost like a compromise of the two different time zones, it’s not ideal but works for us and what we have to deal with to be in each other’s lives …

Today our second half of sleep went from around 12:30pm GB time until 4 , where I woke and went out into my little garden to feed the birds, and found myself sat a while, ….the afternoon sun was still although high up, warm , in my sheltered little nook of patio, the fenced off small garden being a wonderful suntrap, I remembered reading somewhere that we should all indulge in fifteen minutes of sun daily, ….Daily with my odd mixed time zones doesn’t always happen, ( many days i am indeed lucky if I actually see daylight)( i,m begining to search for my reflection in mirrors in case I’ve took on bat form) but in the case of this week , I have indeed actually managed three half hour sessions of sunworshipping,

While sat upon my wobbly garden chair , i,m struck by how odd I feel, i,m filled with the strangest torn sensation, of both needing to go back inside and hide in my warm cocoon of a room, and sit there for what’s supposed the good of my health, from minute to minute I have mixed feelings of staying there and letting things pass over me, or that of giving in and returning to my almost womb like enclosure, I opt for not giving in, and sit back , close my eyes and let the sun rest upon my face, …slowly one by one I shut down those anxious thoughts and just drift , as I do, I feel I can partially join the outside world, with it the swathes of blue tits swooping in excited groups , twittering among themselves, huge wild pigeon,s flap their wings wildly at each other , others cooing call,s across rooftops, I become aware of distant voices, children screaming and yelling , enjoying the late evening sun, all kinds of feelings bombard me in my quietness , a sad but sweet mixture of memories of my past and those Rosy hopes of a future …..

A huge bumble Bee buzzed lazily around the borders ( breaking my thought pattern) as she searched for early flowers to visit, or was it that new home to bring her colony , I watched her and marvelled, as the huge fluffy black and gold body took flight on those tiny gossamer round wings ,makes itself airborne, ( questioning the miracle how do those wings hold her up ? I will mostly likely never know the answer) Tiny black ants industriously go about working upon some projects on the warmed pathing and although we are a part of each other’s world for that moment , I can’t help but feel uneasy, this is all new, to me, as I’ve always felt apart of nature especially in the past, those times of deep trouble , Ive been known walk over local fields and woods for hours, Now here I am feeling at great odds with the very thing that bought about great healing and peace,

It’s also day 14 of my healthy diet plan, it’s not going brilliantly as despite feeling hungry I’ve just not the energy or inclination to actually get up and get food, I’ve had coffee, my meds , but food weirdly hold,s little to no pleasure for once, eventually knowing if this is to work I must in fact have something, anything!, I opt for the very easiest of solutions , (lazy answer I know), one of those Naked pot rices, ( they are supposed to be quite healthy) I suppose it’s better than a slice of cake, but hell I know at that very moment which I would prefer, . I eat it with little joy , it is what it is fuel , And something I know I must do along side my other routines, like showering or brushing of teeth, ……since doing this is about that bigger( or hopefully much smaller of pictures) I’m sticking to my guns, I knew by week two certain changes come into place,( I’ve not only hit the wall, I’ve blooming demolished it,

Headaches….. , these are persistent little cusses and pain meds help but basically your on your own, every time I’ve given up sugar and wheat , I go through this for at least a month( sighs), it’s hard, I hate it but I have put this into perspective, it will in the future bring about its own rewards, I’ve seen the proof work for me before, ( it’s just right now, it bloody hurts, she whines lol) ….I also suffer with bouts of tearfulness, depression, tiredness, exhaustion and the biggest dose of teenage acne you have ever see on a woman my age, ( I swear I have volcanic , glow in the dark , boils, and spots everywhere, ( and I mean everywhere) the worst ones are on and around my face and nose though, ( ones leading me to believe i,m blossoming into a unicorn or is that a Rhino) …

This too shall pass , it’s times like this in glad of the bumper cap Jesse bought me while In Anthony Thomas over there, that hides the grease ball my hairs become and the obligatory face mask we have to wear these days hides a multitude of sin( or spots ready to blow at any moment) i have to say it’s not all doom and gloom this week, in the half time section today , I had a text from my daughter Becky ( aka Chook) ( we try to text each day, every day really, to let each other know we are ok , that we love each other) but Becky knowing my odd sleep pattern normally texts in the afternoon,s, . This was quite early, first thought for an over anxious person, is what’s the matter? , Second thought is everyone there ok? , I dread this thought, …..But no it’s not a disaster about to strike , just a text, a normal everyday text , but to tell me I have a package due for my upcoming birthday, ( we live some distance apart, Amazon makes gift sending possible)

I text back , ….is this from Amazon Beck? , the ping comes back, where she confirmed it is indeed, …I text back ” oh dear!!!!!!!” ……she answers “what’s the matter ?”, I inform her I have several packages due that morning of my own , how am I going to tell my birthday package without opening it ?( This was not an excuse to peep) ( I’m very intuitive but seeing through, sealed boxes isn’t a super power of mine, yet!!!!!!) ( that’s just growing boils upon my body that pop upon contact) ….Beck trying to be helpful, then tell,s me it could be in either a large or Small box, I sit on my bed , head hurting and still someplace between sleep and wakefulness, knowing I am expecting vitamin tablets, cider vinegar, underwear, floor tiles, all of which Amazon decide to send in any and all sized boxes they have to hand, ( who hasn’t had that eyeliner wrapped in bubble wrap and in a box the size of my bungalow), I’m laughing now, Jesse looks up still groggy , thinking I’ve finally lost the plot….I explain , I have a package imminent( seven stops away) , in either a large or small box, it’s a birthday surprise to put away, despite being tired we laugh together ,mainly because we know exactly where my daughter gets this from, she’s just like her mother lol, Jesse often sits head shaking , listening to the pair of us, thing is we understand one another perfectly , Jesse just indulges us both with a look of pity , enjoy your Easter weekend, eat some chocolate for me and please be careful out there folks and take care of you xx